Fiancé left after 2 days in US

[Boiler 45,578]

My Granny used to say 'There is nowt so strange as folk' - loses a bit in translation.

[Russ&Caro 1,549]

My wife from Colombia had a very difficult time adjusting, even though, like your fiance, she had previously been to the US. New marriage + new home is a very stressful situation. After 30 days she was ready to return home, forever, with or without my blessing. Thankfully her brother and mother, back in Colombia, talked her out of it. We've now been together here for 2+ years and she's much happier.

 

I believe that many of us experience international relationships as a dance on the edge of a knife blade, where we can fall on one side or the other.

 

I wish you peace as you grieve your loss.

[Going through 5,671]

18 hours ago, Liz&Alfredo said:

I think he is trying to do the right thing, but the way he went about it was incredibly cowardly and hurtful. Opening the door to our apartment to find all of his things gone was such a sickening feeling.

I just wanted to say that I understand that sickening feeling.  The same thing happened to me with an ex (came home, opened the door, all of his belongings were gone and left a one-sentence letter, to this day never received an explanation as to why).  He wasn't a fiance, just a boyfriend I'd lived with a few years...but I do understand the feeling.  It is a shock to your system, you are left literally shaking, and the grief of how it ended will be with you for a while.  You will need time to get through it, and you have a strong support system in your family and friends which is amazing as they will help you get through it.  I promise you, you WILL get through it.

 

It won't feel this way right now, and it won't feel this way in the short-term...but...

 

Later on, you may realize (as I did) that he ended up doing you a huge favor.

[QueenComley 295]

He must of already been getting cold feet way before his 2 day stint. Maybe he felt pressured to go through with the process and did not want to hurt you, but when he got there it was just too much for him and he left. I agree with others, it does not sound like he was with you to commit fraud, he sounds human and scared (but went about it all in the wrong way). I hope that you guys can maybe work through this, and if not, I wish you all the best. It must of been an awful shock. 

[sparkles_ 456]

All I can say is that you should get some sort of real confirmation that he has left the USA on an official level versus taking his word (I know he can't AOS from anyone but you, but I would still want to know he left or didn't). I can't imagine how much that ticket would cost being bought with a day, 2 at best notice. I just can't imagine that this would happen after just 2 days; a week or so yes. He lived here for years before you say, so it shouldn't be a full blown culture shock compared to if he had never been here .

 

Something doesn't vibe right about this. Without sounding rude or harsh.....I don't think he went back. Not yet anyway. I can email someone and tell them I'm in Japan for example, and still be sitting right in my living room.

 

There have been a few of those horrible threads on VJ before. It wouldn't be the first time.

Edited August 3, 2017 by sparkles_

[Maria1989 403]

2 hours ago, sparkles_ said:

All I can say is that you should get some sort of real confirmation that he has left the USA on an official level versus taking his word (I know he can't AOS from anyone but you, but I would still want to know he left or didn't). I can't imagine how much that ticket would cost being bought with a day, 2 at best notice. I just can't imagine that this would happen after just 2 days; a week or so yes. He lived here for years before you say, so it shouldn't be a full blown culture shock compared to if he had never been here .

 

Something doesn't vibe right about this. Without sounding rude or harsh.....I don't think he went back. Not yet anyway. I can email someone and tell them I'm in Japan for example, and still be sitting right in my living room.

 

There have been a few of those horrible threads on VJ before. It wouldn't be the first time.

Maybe he hasnt went back, but more than likely he has... He has been here for years legally why would he all of a sudden want to be illegal. I definetly think he got cold feet, or has another relationship back home. I hope the latter isnt the case. What concerned me is that he started blocking her from having contact him with him. That, combined with two days seems very very odd. However, he did try to make good by not stiffing her financially and at this point if he is still here, it won't affect her. I glad she will be anle to pick up the pieces and move on. She seems really strong, wishing her all the best.  

[Dublindave 52]

I would check his i94 and see if he actually left the US. If you know his passport number you can check it. Should have a copy of all his info from K1 process. This Sounds kinda fishy to me. 

[geowrian 22,337]

1 minute ago, Dublindave said:

I would check his i94 and see if he actually left the US. If you know his passport number you can check it. Should have a copy of all his info from K1 process. This Sounds kinda fishy to me. 

Checking somebody else's I-94 without their permission is illegal. From the big modal window on CBP's website when checking the I-94:

"By accessing this website, you understand and acknowledge that:

• You are declaring under penalty of perjury pursuant to 28 U.S. Code § 1746 that you: (1) are only seeking records about yourself, (2) are seeking records about someone for whom you are the legal guardian, or (3) you have the consent of the person whose records you are seeking. You are not authorized to access this website to retrieve records of another person unless you are the person's legal guardian or you have the person's consent. "

 

[Dublindave 52]

2 minutes ago, geowrian said:

Checking somebody else's I-94 without their permission is illegal. From the big modal window on CBP's website when checking the I-94:

"By accessing this website, you understand and acknowledge that:

• You are declaring under penalty of perjury pursuant to 28 U.S. Code § 1746 that you: (1) are only seeking records about yourself, (2) are seeking records about someone for whom you are the legal guardian, or (3) you have the consent of the person whose records you are seeking. You are not authorized to access this website to retrieve records of another person unless you are the person's legal guardian or you have the person's consent. "

 

 

 

She may have consent to check as per part 3.

Edited August 5, 2017 by Dublindave

[geowrian 22,337]

Just now, Dublindave said:

She may have concent to check as per part 3.

I guess she could have asked for consent to check his I-94 in those 2 days...but I think that's a pretty big assumption.

[Dublindave 52]

3 minutes ago, geowrian said:

I guess she could have asked for consent to check his I-94 in those 2 days...but I think that's a pretty big assumption.

 

Apparently a lot happened in those two days so it wouldn’t be beyond the realm of possibility that she did 😊 lol

[ATX_Liz 10]

On 8/2/2017 at 9:51 AM, Russ&Caro said:

My wife from Colombia had a very difficult time adjusting, even though, like your fiance, she had previously been to the US. New marriage + new home is a very stressful situation. After 30 days she was ready to return home, forever, with or without my blessing. Thankfully her brother and mother, back in Colombia, talked her out of it. We've now been together here for 2+ years and she's much happier.

 

I believe that many of us experience international relationships as a dance on the edge of a knife blade, where we can fall on one side or the other.

 

I wish you peace as you grieve your loss.

Thanks so much. I'm glad things all worked out with your wife, and I'm glad her family talked her into staying. I think that was part of the problem with Alfredo--I don't think his family ever fully supported his move here. So, instead of talking him out of leaving the US, I have a sneaking suspicion they did more to talk him into leaving the US. 

[TBoneTX 45,363]

In South America, family = VERY important.

[ATX_Liz 10]

1 hour ago, Dublindave said:

I would check his i94 and see if he actually left the US. If you know his passport number you can check it. Should have a copy of all his info from K1 process. This Sounds kinda fishy to me. 

I don't know his passport number, and never got any sort of consent to check his i94...it never even would have occurred to me. He seemed homesick in the two days he was here, but we still had good times. I thought it would get better, but he didn't give it any time. 

 

I asked for proof that he really went back, and he pretty quickly sent me the boarding pass for his flight from Lima to his hometown of Trujillo. He was at the Lima airport when I asked for proof. 

 

I truly don't understand why he did this, and especially so soon, but in the 2 days he was here, he did display an extremely controlling side I never knew existed . We didn't fight about it, but I noticed it and I know he did me a huge favor by leaving. The more I think about how critical and controlling he was while he was here, the more I know our marriage would have been miserable. 

 

What I hate the most is the way he left. Leaving me without saying goodbye, without even giving me a clue that he was even thinking about leaving....blocking me from everything and leaving me to come home to an empty apartment...it is really just SO cruel. I wouldn't do that to my worst enemy, much less someone I ever claimed to love. 

 

And still, I miss him like crazy and wish he was here. I have gone through EVERY moment of the 2 days he was here over and over again to see what I could have done differently and it has been absolute torture. Still, I know that there is NOTHING I could have done. We just weren't meant to be. God was looking out for me and saved me from a miserable life where I would have ended up losing who I am and resenting my husband because of it. 

 

I still love Alfredo and probably will for a long time. I'm going to see a counselor next Friday to begin working through all of this and begin to heal. 

Edited August 5, 2017 by Liz&Alfredo
Grammatical error

[ATX_Liz 10]

23 minutes ago, TBoneTX said:

In South America, family = VERY important.

Very true! His mom pretty much rules his life.