Broke apart

[ecwai 13]

4 minutes ago, Lemonslice said:

How do you think babies are made?  

 

I meant that when someone asked whether we are planning to have kids, she would say that I don't want kids. And I will listen to you and stop.

[Lemonslice 4,860]

8 minutes ago, ecwai said:

I meant that when someone asked whether we are planning to have kids, she would say that I don't want kids. And I will listen to you and stop.

Who's I and you - not sure who's who in your answer.

[ecwai 13]

Just now, Lemonslice said:

Who's I and you - not sure who's who in your answer.

ecwai listens to Lemonslice and stop talking about sex. 

[Unidentified 2,930]

7 hours ago, ecwai said:

I did not expect her to leave. When she left, I was sitting in a room waiting to see what she would say. Then she took the documents that we prepared for the interview and left with her backpack. She was not crying or anything.

 

When she left like that, I was afraid that she would harm stuff at home, or spend everything in the credit cards.

You broke the ring that symbolizes your union but you didn't think she'd leave? I'd be leaving too if my husband did that. 

 

1 hour ago, ecwai said:

Thank you everyone, I am convinced that I am immature, and the fact that both sides got advises from their trusted circle and the situation snowballed from the biases. 

 

For the part about "unprotected" sex, what happened was that at first she agree to have sex but with condoms, then when I clarified that I wanted unprotected sex, she did not bring up the fear of childbearing, because she had told me and others that she wanted a child, but I didn't. What she said in refusal was that her stomach hurt. At that point I didn't push any further. 

 

I am ashamed that I believed that the two of us could work things out by ourselves.  Our issues had been going on for too long. And the part of me that believed she was not sincere was larger than the part of me that believed that we just needed more and better help. 

 

A lawyer told me that if I wanted to stop the process, I need to send a notarized letter to cancel I-130. The lawyer also told me that even if we don't go to the interview, she could still get a green card by a petition method, that method didn't need me at all. The lawyer also advised that if I get a divorce, due to the length of marriage, I wouldn't even be splitting half of my earning during the marriage, but I will be paying alimony for a month or two. He also said stay away from trying to go to the interview to expose fraud or trying to sue based on fraud. 

 

I am too ashamed to fill out my profile. I hope to those replying or viewing is getting something out of this thread. I am sorry if it wasted your time.

 

If we ever become happily together I might consider filling my profile. If it breaks apart, I think that it is better for us now to disclose any further. I think I do need her consent to provide any details. 

Sounds to me that this is a strong self respecting woman who is not going to get herself stuck raising a child with a man who doesn't want it. 

[RO_AH 1,659]

1 hour ago, ecwai said:

I am ashamed that I believed that the two of us could work things out by ourselves.  Our issues had been going on for too long. And the part of me that believed she was not sincere was larger than the part of me that believed that we just needed more and better help.

If we ever become happily together I might consider filling my profile. If it breaks apart, I think that it is better for us now to disclose any further. I think I do need her consent to provide any details. 

Life is all about growing and learning. A new marriage is hard enough as it is and then you add in relocating one persons entire life on top of that? It's no wonder you see so many relationship problems in these forums.

 

You 2 came together for a reason, hopefully it was love and you may still have hope. You should ask her to forgive you and try to work things out. Maybe seek counseling and definitely learn to communicate. Get your mom OUT of your relationship and get her to distance herself from any negative friends. Start planning and doing things together. Most of all learn to walk away when you are angry. Nothing good ever comes for arguing. It becomes all about emotions and terrible things are said because of the emotions.

 

I wish you the best of luck. It seems like you see your mistake and that shows that you can grow.

[ecwai 13]

4 minutes ago, Unidentified said:

because she had told me and others that she wanted a child, but I didn't.

Sorry for the confusion. What I meant was that she had told others that "I want a child, but he doesn't" and told me that "I want a child, but you don't." 

[Unidentified 2,930]

1 minute ago, ecwai said:

Sorry for the confusion. What I meant was that she had told others that "I want a child, but he doesn't" and told me that "I want a child, but you don't." 

Did you guys ever talk about it? Communication is the most important thing in a relationship. 

[ecwai 13]

Just now, Unidentified said:

Did you guys ever talk about it? Communication is the most important thing in a relationship. 

Yes, but she would misrepresent what I said, or forget my reasons. 

She holds on to the reason she believes, she does not acknowledge my explanations, although sometimes she admitted that I told her. 

 

She does not say, "Well, you believe that the reason is this, but I believe that the reason is that."

She says, "The reason is this. You told me your reason but I don't remember what it was."

[Perfect two 💑 1,147]

1 minute ago, ecwai said:

Yes, but she would misrepresent what I said, or forget my reasons. 

She holds on to the reason she believes, she does not acknowledge my explanations, although sometimes she admitted that I told her. 

 

She does not say, "Well, you believe that the reason is this, but I believe that the reason is that."

She says, "The reason is this. You told me your reason but I don't remember what it was."

Are you communicate that right after the fight? 

[Unidentified 2,930]

1 minute ago, ecwai said:

Yes, but she would misrepresent what I said, or forget my reasons. 

She holds on to the reason she believes, she does not acknowledge my explanations, although sometimes she admitted that I told her. 

 

She does not say, "Well, you believe that the reason is this, but I believe that the reason is that."

She says, "The reason is this. You told me your reason but I don't remember what it was."

English is her second language right? Sometimes things need to be repeated. Even I, who see myself as quite proficient in English needs repetition sometimes. Sounds to me like your communication fell apart. 

 

But it is true that you did not want a child? I don't think the reason is relevant then. If you have said no to kids, it is no and she didn't want to risk getting pregnant. Correct me if I am wrong but you didn't deny not wanting children. 

[spim 21]

It really feels like you two are in the dating period of a relationship, not the marriage period.  The fact that you two rely on others to deal with each other, instead of relying on each other to deal with others says it quite clearly.  

 

May I ask how long you two knew and/or dated each other before the marriage?

 

It's not uncommon for people to date for years before they get married.  It's the best way to avoid a divorce.

[ecwai 13]

3 hours ago, Unidentified said:

English is her second language right? Sometimes things need to be repeated. Even I, who see myself as quite proficient in English needs repetition sometimes. Sounds to me like your communication fell apart. 

 

But it is true that you did not want a child? I don't think the reason is relevant then. If you have said no to kids, it is no and she didn't want to risk getting pregnant. Correct me if I am wrong but you didn't deny not wanting children. 

We talk in the same mother language. English is a second language for both of us.

We had a short dating period because we were getting older than the "good" age to conceive. We got into the marriage wanting to have a child as soon as possible (including settling down, having her learn enough English to get around, getting over the duration of certain immigration vaccines). So the reason was not that I didn't want a child, but some other factors. 

 

 

[ecwai 13]

3 hours ago, spim said:

It really feels like you two are in the dating period of a relationship, not the marriage period.  The fact that you two rely on others to deal with each other, instead of relying on each other to deal with others says it quite clearly.  

 

Our situation was that we both got along very well will others, but not between the two of us. 

We had both said to each others something to the effect that "Why do you treat the others so nicely but you treat me like this. I am your spouse, shouldn't you treat me better?"

 

We both tend to focus on the things that we did better to others than to focus on the things that we did specially for each other.

Edited July 26, 2017 by ecwai

[Redheadguy03 505]

1 hour ago, ecwai said:

We talk in the same mother language. English is a second language for both of us.

We had a short dating period because we were getting older than the "good" age to conceive. We got into the marriage wanting to have a child as soon as possible (including settling down, having her learn enough English to get around, getting over the duration of certain immigration vaccines). So the reason was not that I didn't want a child, but some other factors. 

 

 

You got married because you were getting older? That's just ridiculous! Half of the stuff you say seems to somewhat contradict the other stuff. 

 

You say you got married because of the age of conception, but then you say one or both (depending on if it's you or her telling the story apparently) don't want kids. 

 

So, it's a bit confusing and you obviously aren't ready for a serious relationship. A lot of what you did is very immature and a precursor to worse things as well. You both should definitely go to counseling at the very least. Because your communication is definitely lacking. 

[jakelake 222]

19 hours ago, Michael2017 said:

Well, you come to this forum and want help. We provide help, but you would not provide any information? Your profile is not filled out, you have not contributed to the community in any ways, but you want help. Great, don`t answer. Just take:) There is a logic difference if she comes, e.g. from Australia, Switzerland or Sweden or if she comes from Africa, MENA or Asia. The living standard in her country do play a role in this case.

If there is fraud involved, does it matter which country someone is from? People have different motivations for wanting to come to the US.

You seem to be implying that those who are from Europe are legit and those from elsewhere may have other motives for wanting to come to the US.