Broke apart

[ecwai 13]

45 minutes ago, Coco8 said:

 

Anyone can refuse to have unprotected sex or not have sex at all, even someone who is married to the other person. Not accepting someone's refusal would be rape. 

 

Maybe she didn't want to get pregnant before having the paperwork in order.

 

 

Now this is the important part. I think the "sex" part is irrelevant to your story. 

 

Everyone else has given good advice so I am not going to repeat it.

 

 

 

What does "not accepting refusal" mean? 

 

After she refused, we just sat together for a long time. I point out her behaviors throughout the marriage and how she had many excuses, and broke promises. Then I asked her what she could do to convince me that she really loved me. She couldn't answer. Then I said I wanted to break my wedding band because I felt that I was the only one trying to fix our marriage while she was breaking promises and did nothing. At that point she started reacting. So I asked her calmly what the ring meant for her. She again couldn't answer. I asked why she cared about the ring more than caring about my daily life and how I felt. We would wait together, then I would move closer to get tool to break it. She would tell me to stop and I would stop, wait for her to say something to explain to me what the ring meant to her. 

 

At the end, while I was waiting, she text my mom saying that I was angry for no reason, and I was forcing her out of the house, and that if I couldn't help her get green card, she would sue me and such on the grounds of abuse. In the text message she was asking my mom to talk to me out of trying to get a divorce. 

 

Then my mom called me and told me I didn't need to feel sorry for my wife, because my mom also believed that my wife didn't love me. After that, I went back to the garage, put on safety goggles. My wife stood at the door way watching whether I would really break the ring. I broke it with a hammer, then she picked up her backpack and left without saying anything. 

[ecwai 13]

I did not expect her to leave. When she left, I was sitting in a room waiting to see what she would say. Then she took the documents that we prepared for the interview and left with her backpack. She was not crying or anything.

 

When she left like that, I was afraid that she would harm stuff at home, or spend everything in the credit cards.

[antoineD 36]

 

6 hours ago, NigeriaorBust said:

 pull the affidavit of support. 

how do you do that? I thought it's irreversible to sign an affidavit of support.

[RO_AH 1,659]

51 minutes ago, ecwai said:

What does "not accepting refusal" mean? 

 

After she refused, we just sat together for a long time. I point out her behaviors throughout the marriage and how she had many excuses, and broke promises. Then I asked her what she could do to convince me that she really loved me. She couldn't answer. Then I said I wanted to break my wedding band because I felt that I was the only one trying to fix our marriage while she was breaking promises and did nothing. At that point she started reacting. So I asked her calmly what the ring meant for her. She again couldn't answer. I asked why she cared about the ring more than caring about my daily life and how I felt. We would wait together, then I would move closer to get tool to break it. She would tell me to stop and I would stop, wait for her to say something to explain to me what the ring meant to her. 

 

At the end, while I was waiting, she text my mom saying that I was angry for no reason, and I was forcing her out of the house, and that if I couldn't help her get green card, she would sue me and such on the grounds of abuse. In the text message she was asking my mom to talk to me out of trying to get a divorce. 

 

Then my mom called me and told me I didn't need to feel sorry for my wife, because my mom also believed that my wife didn't love me. After that, I went back to the garage, put on safety goggles. My wife stood at the door way watching whether I would really break the ring. I broke it with a hammer, then she picked up her backpack and left without saying anything. 

You had me following you for quite a while before you said this. You sound like you were not even ready for marriage yet. I blame you just as much, if not more than her. You probably should have sought counseling before you got to this point.

 

Now was she refusing sex? Or just refusing unprotected sex? She has a right to refuse either but a spouse refusing sex is a reason for divorce. If the "unprotected" part is the issue, then you two have a serious communication problem. A couple has kids when BOTH people decided to have kids because it is a life changing commitment. If you got engaged and then married without discussing if and when you plan to have kids, you had no business getting married.

 

Think about this...What did you accomplish by destroying the ring? What did it prove? Was that an adult way of communicating your feelings?

 

Just file for divorce and be done with it. You have been given enough advice to do that. 

[Hopeful diva 99]

Got text evidence? Schedule an infopass, pull your affidavit of support, file for divorce and move on. You can double protect yourself by getting a restraining order against her that would stop her from threatening or contacting you. 

[f f 725]

text message evidence is meaningless. anyone can edit them to say what ever they want. texts can be extracted and uploaded to your phone by free apps from any of the app stores.

 

from reading this thread you painted her as pure evil in the beginning and as you said more it appears you both rushed into something you did not fully understand if possible mabye do trial seperation and counseling.  ill be honest you mention your mother way too much in some of these posts that it makes me think she may have been poisoning your relationship.

[HackyMoto 13]

7 hours ago, Beth & Achraf said:

Call me evil. I would go to that interview and let the officer know what is going on of her demands  and of her leaving home and etc. 

You naughty naughty person

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

2 hours ago, antoineD said:

 

how do you do that? I thought it's irreversible to sign an affidavit of support.

   It is irreversible once the attached petition is approved.  Before the moment of approval you can pull it.   So in theory he could go to the interview and say he no longer is willing to sponsor her.  If he sits on things , the petition may be approved without an interview and then he is stuck.  It sounds like she is being coached by either someone from back home or another person that she hopes to move on to.  Not a very good coaching job.

[Maria1989 403]

9 hours ago, cd37 said:

i dont think you can get away with spliting what you own in half. Once you are married, you are married, doesnt matter how long. when you divorce everything splits into half your debt, property, 401k or anything else. 

Absolutely wrong

[Perfect two 💑 1,147]

This is just my opinion. One thing that I learned from fiancé, is try to avoid discussing an issue(s) when you are mad. It will make things worse. When people are mad, they are more likely respond based on their emotion not their mind. They will not think rationally before response. When she refused to have “unprotected sex” you should stop discuss about it immediately. She already said that she don’t want that, by keep on questioning about why she doesn’t want to do that, whether or not she love you or point out how she behave, and even threatened to break the wedding ring, do you think everything will get better? Is unprotected sex is a must for you? Why you keep on wanting unprotected sex, you want a child? If yes, you should wait until she ready. For me you are so immature. To be a husband is not easy, and I don’t think you are not ready to be an husband yet. I think, if I having husband just like you, I will left the house too. You broke the wedding ring just because having small argument. What will happen if you having big argument? If I put myself in her position, I will questioning myself “What will happen if we having big argument? What will you break this time, what will you do this time, what will you threatened me this time, will we able to work that out, will you keep on pushing me doing something I’m not ready yet”.

Edited July 26, 2017 by MalaysiaUS

[Unshakable Faith 493]

4 hours ago, ecwai said:

What does "not accepting refusal" mean? 

 

After she refused, we just sat together for a long time. I point out her behaviors throughout the marriage and how she had many excuses, and broke promises. Then I asked her what she could do to convince me that she really loved me. She couldn't answer. Then I said I wanted to break my wedding band because I felt that I was the only one trying to fix our marriage while she was breaking promises and did nothing. At that point she started reacting. So I asked her calmly what the ring meant for her. She again couldn't answer. I asked why she cared about the ring more than caring about my daily life and how I felt. We would wait together, then I would move closer to get tool to break it. She would tell me to stop and I would stop, wait for her to say something to explain to me what the ring meant to her. 

 

At the end, while I was waiting, she text my mom saying that I was angry for no reason, and I was forcing her out of the house, and that if I couldn't help her get green card, she would sue me and such on the grounds of abuse. In the text message she was asking my mom to talk to me out of trying to get a divorce. 

 

Then my mom called me and told me I didn't need to feel sorry for my wife, because my mom also believed that my wife didn't love me. After that, I went back to the garage, put on safety goggles. My wife stood at the door way watching whether I would really break the ring. I broke it with a hammer, then she picked up her backpack and left without saying anything. 

This sounds very manipulative and childish on your part.  It sounds like you both have issues communicating and involving others into your marriage to solve issues that only the two of you can solve.

 

If I were her and you tried to manipulate me by breaking something that symbolized our union, I'd be pissed and walk away too, at least for the moment before I said something that I couldn't take back.  At that point what is left to say?  

 

If you'd both be willing to go to counseling, that may help your marriage if there's love there.

 

If not, you already have sufficient answers here.

[Randyandyuni 2,682]

I agree to a point with malaysia, they boyj sound immature, unready, and vindictive. Both are not ready for this relationship, neither is to blame, they both share this

[NovaDC 270]

10 hours ago, Michael2017 said:

Well, you come to this forum and want help. We provide help, but you would not provide any information? Your profile is not filled out, you have not contributed to the community in any ways, but you want help. Great, don`t answer. Just take:) There is a logic difference if she comes, e.g. from Australia, Switzerland or Sweden or if she comes from Africa, MENA or Asia. The living standard in her country do play a role in this case.

I agree with @Michael2017. 

[ecwai 13]

Thank you everyone, I am convinced that I am immature, and the fact that both sides got advises from their trusted circle and the situation snowballed from the biases. 

 

For the part about "unprotected" sex, what happened was that at first she agree to have sex but with condoms, then when I clarified that I wanted unprotected sex, she did not bring up the fear of childbearing, because she had told me and others that she wanted a child, but I didn't. What she said in refusal was that her stomach hurt. At that point I didn't push any further. 

 

I am ashamed that I believed that the two of us could work things out by ourselves.  Our issues had been going on for too long. And the part of me that believed she was not sincere was larger than the part of me that believed that we just needed more and better help. 

 

A lawyer told me that if I wanted to stop the process, I need to send a notarized letter to cancel I-130. The lawyer also told me that even if we don't go to the interview, she could still get a green card by a petition method, that method didn't need me at all. The lawyer also advised that if I get a divorce, due to the length of marriage, I wouldn't even be splitting half of my earning during the marriage, but I will be paying alimony for a month or two. He also said stay away from trying to go to the interview to expose fraud or trying to sue based on fraud. 

 

I am too ashamed to fill out my profile. I hope to those replying or viewing is getting something out of this thread. I am sorry if it wasted your time.

 

If we ever become happily together I might consider filling my profile. If it breaks apart, I think that it is better for us now to disclose any further. I think I do need her consent to provide any details. 

[Lemonslice 4,859]

8 minutes ago, ecwai said:

For the part about "unprotected" sex, what happened was that at first she agree to have sex but with condoms, then when I clarified that I wanted unprotected sex, she did not bring up the fear of childbearing, because she had told me and others that she wanted a child, but I didn't. What she said in refusal was that her stomach hurt. At that point I didn't push any further. 

 

I am ashamed that I believed that the two of us could work things out by ourselves.  Our issues had been going on for too long. And the part of me that believed she was not sincere was larger than the part of me that believed that we just needed more and better help. 

How do you think babies are made?  

 

Seriously, you should stop posting self-incriminating details about your sex life and read some more on affirmative consent.  You're surprisingly casual about serious matters (and I don't mean immigration). 

Edited July 26, 2017 by Lemonslice