I'm encountering domestic, need help

[Going through 5,671]

1 minute ago, J2j said:

Thank you! I've started doing it after I called the national domestic violence hotline earlier before. They told me I have to protect myself, take photos or very discreetly record him when he is abusive towards him..I keep a diary too, have ever since documented every incident for about 24 pages now. Thank you! 

Just be careful he doesn't find it---that's why I suggested an online diary of sorts with the email thing.  Plus he can't rip up/destroy an email account if he doesn't have the password  

[J2j 6]

6 minutes ago, Going through said:

Just be careful he doesn't find it---that's why I suggested an online diary of sorts with the email thing.  Plus he can't rip up/destroy an email account if he doesn't have the password  

I've changed all the passwords, he used to know them all, I upload everything on my email too!!! And yesterday another visajourney user messeged me through private messenger, he was in the same exact situation and his husband didn't allow him to work so he files I-360 based on VAWA. It's really helpful that I reached out to you guys! Now I have I can't say all but 95% understood the whole concept and my options as well as my legal rights. 

Edited July 20, 2017 by J2j

[amul 229]

12 hours ago, amishbaby said:

personality disorders of the cluster B spectrum are very difficult to treat. 
 

I second this!

 

Not to scare you, but cluster B disorders include borderline (BPD) histrionic, narcissistic personality disorders -- people diognosed with these disorders are highly charged, super emotional, overly dramatic (oh the sky is falling!) and seem to have a serious impulse control problem. They flare up over the smallest things or things that do not exist, they are very explosive people and become severely agitated and aggressive.

 

If you have proof of the abuse or can collect it, do that safely and plan your exit strategy. You are not meant to be someone's therapist, I would not try taking on someone suffering from a personality disorder. Often they blame everyone else and claim and truly believe there is nothing wrong with them.  It is a yoyo effect, one second they are like a dragon, the next minute a purring kitty.

 

My best to you...

 

 

[J2j 6]

14 minutes ago, amul said:

I second this!

 

Not to scare you, but cluster B disorders include borderline (BPD) histrionic, narcissistic personality disorders -- people diognosed with these disorders are highly charged, super emotional, overly dramatic (oh the sky is falling!) and seem to have a serious impulse control problem. They flare up over the smallest things or things that do not exist, they are very explosive people and become severely agitated and aggressive.

 

If you have proof of the abuse or can collect it, do that safely and plan your exit strategy. You are not meant to be someone's therapist, I would not try taking on someone suffering from a personality disorder. Often they blame everyone else and claim and truly believe there is nothing wrong with them.  It is a yoyo effect, one second they are like a dragon, the next minute a purring kitty.

 

My best to you...

 

 

This was what his mother told me yesterday, don't try to fix him, there is nothing I can do but get hurt myself. She has tried and my husband was even abusive towards his own mother, he picked up on his younger sister and beat her when they were younger, so his mother had no choice but to ask him to leave..he is just always so angry with people. He broke his sister's hands once. I can't  believe he is so close to 30 years old but still act like a tyrant as a growing up baby!! I'll keep you guys updated! And I also hope all of you have a wonderful life and best wishes to everyone who moved to America. I don't understand what American dream is but I genuinely hope that all of you are healthy, happy and living a good life!

Edited July 20, 2017 by J2j

[Going through 5,671]

@J2j your husband, I assume, is out of the house working during the day?

 

If so, this also gives you opportunity to try to locate documents you may need later and photocopy them.  When applying for VAWA they do need some documentation about your spouse and proof of marriage and living together (although USCIS also understands people in your situation may not have access to those things).   If you haven't already, for your own records, if you can photocopy his US passport, birth certificate, your marriage certificate, bill statements in both of your names, anything you can think of that may come in use later during your application process to help things along.  Or at least scan them onto your computer.

[J2j 6]

1 minute ago, Going through said:

@J2j your husband, I assume, is out of the house working during the day?

 

If so, this also gives you opportunity to try to locate documents you may need later and photocopy them.  When applying for VAWA they do need some documentation about your spouse and proof of marriage and living together (although USCIS also understands people in your situation may not have access to those things).   If you haven't already, for your own records, if you can photocopy his US passport, birth certificate, your marriage certificate, bill statements in both of your names, anything you can think of that may come in use later during your application process to help things along.  Or at least scan them onto your computer.

Thanks to the lawyer we hired earlier for my k1 case, I have his birth certificate, passport and all the documentations in one PDF file 

[amul 229]

Just now, J2j said:

This was what his mother told me yesterday, don't try to fix him, there is nothing I can do but get hurt myself. She has tried and my husband was even abusive towards his own mother, he picked up on his younger sister and beat her when they were younger, so his mother had no choice but to ask him to leave..he is just always so angry with people. He broke his sister's hands once. I can believe he is so close to 30 years old but still act like a tyrant as a growing up baby!!

That is the thing with personality disorders, it knows of no age -- it is not based on "maturity" as in, life lived. It is a mental disorder and until he admits, treatments won't work. 

 

He has gotten physical with his sibling and has gone far enough to injure her. This is the only red flag you need to step out of this toxic and caustic relationship. 

 

Be well...

[Sandra G. 5,048]

On 7/18/2017 at 9:07 PM, J2j said:

And most importantly, how do I prove that I'm actually being in an abusive relationship??

Join the VAWA thread Part 8. We have on the thread hundreds of victims of mental abuse and physical abuse.

[Sandra G. 5,048]

What you described here is that your husband is abusive, and clearly your spouse is addicted to alcohol and drugs as well.

 

 Many people make confusion between an abusive relationship with a  personality disorder. As an advocate for victims of domestic violence for 25 years I assure you that ABUSE IS A CHOICE. It's about power and control.  Not all toxic relationships are abusive but all abusive relationships are toxic. Many people say " Oh  he/ she is a narcissist, he/she is bipolar", and they excuse the abusive behavior because of some psychological disorder. A few disorders have an association with violence, such as being a sociopath, a psychopath or being schizophrenic.

 

The advice given by your attorney is not wise. A victim of abuse should never be advised to stay in an abusive relationship.

 

 

[J2j 6]

2 minutes ago, sandranj said:

What you described here is that your husband is abusive, and clearly your spouse is addicted to alcohol and drugs as well.

 

 Many people make confusion between an abusive relationship with a  personality disorder. As an advocate for victims of domestic violence for 25 years I assure you that ABUSE IS A CHOICE. It's about power and control.  Not all toxic relationships are abusive but all abusive relationships are toxic. Many people say " Oh  he/ she is a narcissist, he/she is bipolar", and they excuse the abusive behavior because of some psychological disorder. A few disorders have an association with violence, such as being a sociopath, a psychopath or being schizophrenic.

 

The advice given by your attorney is not wise. A victim of abuse should never be advised to stay in an abusive relationship.

 

 

Thank you for your response Sandra, I have already decided to leave him and I've been following the VAWA part eight as I can tell I can find a lot of answers to my questions! Thank you so much! You are very kind using your knowledge to help people who are in need! 

[Sandra G. 5,048]

 

You need to attend therapy (5/7 sessions) and have a psychological evaluation done by a psychologist or by a counselor specialized in domestic violence. If you have a  diagnose of depression and/or PTSD then you have a VAWA case. You need a police clearance from all places that you lived in the past 3 years.

 

Because of the Attorney's Code of Ethics your present attorney cannot file your VAWA petition. He is representing both of you and the code prohibits us from representing one party when we represented both parties before.

[J2j 6]

1 minute ago, sandranj said:

 

You need to attend therapy (5/7 sessions) and have a psychological evaluation done by a psychologist or by a counselor specialized in domestic violence. If you have a  diagnose of depression and/or PTSD then you have a VAWA case. You need a police clearance from all places that you lived in the past 3 years.

 

Because of the Attorney's Code of Ethics your present attorney cannot file your VAWA petition. He is representing both of you and the code prohibits us from representing one party when we represented both parties before.

Oh okay, thank you, I actually hired another lawyer. Tho the first lawyer I hired was for my k1 visa but she didn't do much to help...other than organising all the documents together for me because my background was very complicated I had to get a police vetting from New Zealand and only USCIS itself can ask for a police vetting, the police station in New Zealand won't hand information to individuals. My k1 process was delayed a lot because my previous lawyer didn't do much to help. 

[J2j 6]

5 minutes ago, sandranj said:

 

You need to attend therapy (5/7 sessions) and have a psychological evaluation done by a psychologist or by a counselor specialized in domestic violence. If you have a  diagnose of depression and/or PTSD then you have a VAWA case. You need a police clearance from all places that you lived in the past 3 years.

 

Because of the Attorney's Code of Ethics your present attorney cannot file your VAWA petition. He is representing both of you and the code prohibits us from representing one party when we represented both parties before.

Do you know any organisation in America provide low cost therapy or diagnosis? I made an appointment with a phycologist the week after but I think he charged over $100 per session. 

[Going through 5,671]

18 minutes ago, J2j said:

Do you know any organisation in America provide low cost therapy or diagnosis? I made an appointment with a phycologist the week after but I think he charged over $100 per session. 

what county do you live in?

[J2j 6]

3 minutes ago, Going through said:

what county do you live in?

Me? Sorry, I didn't get it. I currently live in America.