what am I going to do with my infidelity?

[mcdull 474]

My husband and I met 9 years ago when he was a 21 year old and interning in Hong Kong, we met at a bar and soon became lovers, he was eventually able to find a job in Hong Kong and we lived a life together.

 

4 years ago, he decided it is time to move back to the States, I was ready to give up this relationship (I am also 13 years older than him) but his stubbornness convinced me to leave everything behind and moved to Boston.

 

I've traveled to the US numerous times before but starting a life here seemed like a completely different story. I had a difficult time adjusting my role from a banker to a housewife from a cosmopolitan dweller to middle-class suburban Bostonian and from exotic foods to healthy home cooking. I think I finally came to a realisation that my husband and I aren't likely to spend the rest of our lives together. 

 

Then I met Jack, an acquaintance I made at my husband company's event. I must confess that I fell in mad crazy love with him and that feeling was mutual. Jack and I went on dates, planned trips and did wonderful things which we shouldn't have, many times I must add. he at times seemed concerned to start a romantic relationship whilst I am married to my husband,.I had also lied to him and told him I would leave my husband in few months, just need a little bit of time (I in fact, never considered that). 

 

Now I am facing this choice between of leaving my husband for almost 10 years with whom my love already ran dry, or be brave enough to follow my heart and start a romantic relationship with Jack.  

 

Any suggestions?

[Georgia16 2,858]

I'm sorry but one of us in here can tell you want to do or "who to pick".

 

You just have to follow your heart also maybe give your husband the respect he deserve and not be with Jack again until you have made your choice.  Have you told your husband about all this? Maybe he will make the choice for you then! 

[Mollie09 1,543]

Is that an immigration question or a relationship one?

[Boiler 45,581]

I think you have done the right thing coming here on VJ to air it, bound to get a lot of good advice.

[yuna628 9,677]

Is there a specific immigration related question/answer here you're looking for? This is an immigration forum.. ya know.

[JB209 60]

Some thought I go by, " we don't sell our cars because we run out of gas, we shouldn't finish our marriages because we run out of love"

[audacieux89 256]

Why don't you try to communicate these feelings first to your husband and you might work things out? Don't give up so easily. Remember you made a commitment when you got married. It shouldn't be that easy to just give up because someone new comes along. A lot of relationships go through this stage. Do you really think those 10 years is worth throwing away?

 

That's my suggestion.

Edited July 5, 2017 by audacieux89

[mcdull 474]

11 minutes ago, Georgia16 said:

I'm sorry but one of us in here can tell you want to do or "who to pick".

 

You just have to follow your heart also maybe give your husband the respect he deserve and not be with Jack again until you have made your choice.  Have you told your husband about all this? Maybe he will make the choice for you then! 

no, I haven't told him. But I wouldn't be surprised that he already knows. I reckoned I must have some behavior change towards him.

12 minutes ago, Mollie09 said:

Is that an immigration question or a relationship one?

relationship.

[mcdull 474]

3 minutes ago, JB209 said:

Some thought I go by, " we don't sell our cars because we run out of gas, we shouldn't finish our marriages because we run out of love"

but you cannot compare a woman's love to gas.

 

 

[mcdull 474]

4 minutes ago, audacieux89 said:

Why don't you try to communicate these feelings first to your husband and you might work things out? Don't give up so easily. Remember you made a commitment when you got married. It shouldn't be that easy to just give up because someone new comes along. A lot of relationships go through this stage. Do you really think those 10 years is worth throwing away?

 

That's my suggestion.

I don't know how to talk to him. I am afraid that I may hurt his feelings.

 

And for the guy Jack, I've never loved anyone like him. 

[audacieux89 256]

7 minutes ago, mcdull said:

I don't know how to talk to him. I am afraid that I may hurt his feelings.

 

And for the guy Jack, I've never loved anyone like him. 

Just think about what you said. You're afraid to hurt his feelings but you are already cheating on him and thinking of leaving him? You owe it to him to give him a chance. Give him the respect he deserves.

 

Love/lust/infatuation is fleeting. It will not always there or in the amount or degree that you want in a relationship.

 

And that guy Jack is a ####### honestly. He does not respect relationships at all. Do you think he will respect your relationship after a couple of years? Do you think he will stay with you after the "love" runs dry? You do know he is willing to break a relationship. Some people find a thrill in breaking up marriages.

 

Think long term my dear. What you're doing right now is short term.

 

Anyway, communicate with your husband. He deserves that at least before you up and leave.

[Georgia16 2,858]

18 minutes ago, mcdull said:

I don't know how to talk to him. I am afraid that I may hurt his feelings.

 

And for the guy Jack, I've never loved anyone like him. 

I'm sure you already have hurt his feeling by sneaking around and being with another man. 

 

Show your husband of 10 years some respect and tell him the truth. 

[Randyandyuni 2,682]

your bored with your life, you describe that in detail. Tell him. leave him and do the "right" thing, do not screw him over because you changed your mind, walk away and let your new love pay your upkeep.

[Ontarkie 14,236]

~~Thread Locked to further discussion. All the advice members can give has been given. Do not restart this thread in any shape or form.~~