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Filed: F-1 Visa Country:
Timeline
Posted
2 hours ago, amicablebride said:

Yes that is absolutely insane to be yelled at and humiliated at work. I have the summer off, but since I haven't been fitting in or been able to make meaningful conversations with people at work, I'm much happier not working. It can get a little lonely but I stay very busy with little projects, gardening, and getting things done around our little place. It's better than being stressed out and dreading the next day all the time. So bad for a new marriage. Trying out a new school at the end of August so I'm hoping to meet some nice people. I know they're out there! :) 

Yeah, I think that the hardest part of it. Being lonely...mind you i have kids so you would think that gives me enough company through out the day. But it feels like my life has completely changed. Its going from having a carrier and hanging out with friends to a long waiting period and not knowing what lies ahead. Last night my neighbors asked me to watch their kids for a couple hours and the fact that I could help someone else and maybe add something meaningful made me feel good. The mom was working and dad had to take a test. And I have done it for friends before plus I'm familiar with kids. But I got confronted with the cultural differences. I'm used that parents give me a little bit information about habits, food etc. And as a mother I give babysitters that information as well. I asked him a couple questions but he seemed grumpy and not happy that I was there. That could be my interpretation but it gave me a very uncomfortable feeling. When he got back i asked: how did the test go and he said: not well, where are their shoes, we have to leave. I was at their house, so I gave him information about how it went and I left.

 

I know the guy a little bit, we had drinks with him a couple times so I know it wasn't personal. But it was really awkward.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Filed: F-1 Visa Country:
Timeline
Posted (edited)
3 hours ago, amicablebride said:

Canada is just like the Netherlands when it comes to respecting your employees. Even if the employee is awful, you still treat them with dignity and respect. Pull them aside in private and calmly tell them their behaviour can't be tolerated. If you yell and scream at them you wouldn't seem professional and your behaviour wouldn't be tolerated. Your superiors would probably recommend anger management and most likely ask you to resign. In a polite way of course; it wouldn't be yelling and screaming that they're fired lol. 

Exactly!
I have a friend who was working for a company. She was always gone during the week and sometimes even weeks in a row. She doesn't have small kids and no partner so she didn't mind being from home for that long. At some point they would drag here all over the place and she got exhausted. For example she had to drive 9/10 hours to a certain place to be there on time on Monday, so she had to leave on Sunday. She also had an autoimmune illness but that didn't affect her abilities, she was good at her work. As a matter of fact, she was working for that company three years and had a great track record of successes.Due to several circumstances her auto immune illness start bothering her and she called out for work one day. She emailed her CEO and told him what the reason was and that she will get back to work the next day They laid her of within the same week....

Edited by Dutchie2016

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Canada
Timeline
Posted
3 hours ago, Dutchie2016 said:

Yeah, I think that the hardest part of it. Being lonely...mind you i have kids so you would think that gives me enough company through out the day. But it feels like my life has completely changed. Its going from having a carrier and hanging out with friends to a long waiting period and not knowing what lies ahead. Last night my neighbors asked me to watch their kids for a couple hours and the fact that I could help someone else and maybe add something meaningful made me feel good. The mom was working and dad had to take a test. And I have done it for friends before plus I'm familiar with kids. But I got confronted with the cultural differences. I'm used that parents give me a little bit information about habits, food etc. And as a mother I give babysitters that information as well. I asked him a couple questions but he seemed grumpy and not happy that I was there. That could be my interpretation but it gave me a very uncomfortable feeling. When he got back i asked: how did the test go and he said: not well, where are their shoes, we have to leave. I was at their house, so I gave him information about how it went and I left.

 

I know the guy a little bit, we had drinks with him a couple times so I know it wasn't personal. But it was really awkward.

That's awful. I would feel very awkward in that situation too. Where's the gratitude towards you for watching his kids? He sounds so grumpy! Lol. 

Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Canada
Timeline
Posted
3 hours ago, Dutchie2016 said:

Exactly!
I have a friend who was working for a company. She was always gone during the week and sometimes even weeks in a row. She doesn't have small kids and no partner so she didn't mind being from home for that long. At some point they would drag here all over the place and she got exhausted. For example she had to drive 9/10 hours to a certain place to be there on time on Monday, so she had to leave on Sunday. She also had an autoimmune illness but that didn't affect her abilities, she was good at her work. As a matter of fact, she was working for that company three years and had a great track record of successes.Due to several circumstances her auto immune illness start bothering her and she called out for work one day. She emailed her CEO and told him what the reason was and that she will get back to work the next day They laid her of within the same week....

They do things like that! I was also laid off from a job here and was told not to file unemployment or they would never even consider rehiring me. Very strange job culture around here....

Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, amicablebride said:

They do things like that! I was also laid off from a job here and was told not to file unemployment or they would never even consider rehiring me. Very strange job culture around here....

The worker is just a means to make money for the company. If you're not efficient enough, or inconvenient you can be traded for someone who is "better". That's how I feel it is. Back home I was valued for me. There was understanding for ppl's personal life which made ppl be happy at work and feel accomplished... wanting to do better.... I really do feel that such things actually benefit the company. 

I also understand why it's so common to be self-employed here! ;)

Edited by Suss&Camm

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Canada
Timeline
Posted

Hell, I've been here for 13 years and I still don't feel like I fit in.  In 13 years, the only people I've ever socialized with were coworkers, no one I'd call an actual "friend" or hang out with.  My social life is my husband and his family at events, weddings, etc.  A large part of that is my fault, since I was never the bubbly social type...in a new country it's even much harder.  Sometimes it bothers me, sometimes I relish in the isolation.

 

It was very very hard to adjust to being here the first few years because my father-in-law made constant comments about how I need to forget my country, the US is better than where I came from, blah blah blah.  Even went so far as to once tell me to my face "all Canadians are dirty dogs".  I was newly married, and out of respect for my husband said nothing in return (plus we Canadians are way too polite to say anything back, right?).   

 

To this day he constantly makes comments about his hatred for immigrants, how we're just foreigners, intruders coming in, etc.  I say nothing because....well, what can I really say?  At family dinners with my husband's relatives they all sit around the table afterwards and conversation eventually turns to politics,, which eventually turns to discussion about us evil foreigners.  If I say anything it would just put my husband in the middle.

 

Ironically, my father-in-law's own father entered America illegally.

 

When my daughter was a bit older and discovered that she was an automatic dual citizen, he took every opportunity to remind her that "the US is the only country that counts" and that Canada doesn't matter.  That gets me mad, depressed, feeling hurt---making every opportunity I have taken in the past to fit in kind of slapped in my face as a reminder from my own "family" that I'll never truly belong here.  Yeah, 13 years later it's difficult for me to FEEL like this is my home.  To FEEL like I truly belong here.  Maybe citizenship will finally give me that feeling.

 

Other times I could care less what he thinks.

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Filed: F-1 Visa Country:
Timeline
Posted

That's extremely difficult and hurtful going through, especially after that many years...wow. I wouldn't be able to deal with that.

 

What I have noticed is that my mother in law doesn't say certain things anymore, at least not that often. I have a very expressive face and even when I don't react verbally people can tell by the way my face looks how I'm thinking about things. However, she has never insulted me personally, it's just a different opinion about what she considers the two evils in this world: socialism and Islam. And sometimes she says things about both that are totally not true but based on prejudice and miss information. I have no desire changing her mind, sometimes you need to choose your battles wisely. I have learned to avoid those subjects: religion and politics. And she knows I'm proud of my identity and background but that I don't let that get in the way .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

image-2017-12-29 (1).jpg

Posted
3 hours ago, Going through said:

Hell, I've been here for 13 years and I still don't feel like I fit in.  In 13 years, the only people I've ever socialized with were coworkers, no one I'd call an actual "friend" or hang out with.  My social life is my husband and his family at events, weddings, etc.  A large part of that is my fault, since I was never the bubbly social type...in a new country it's even much harder.  Sometimes it bothers me, sometimes I relish in the isolation.

 

It was very very hard to adjust to being here the first few years because my father-in-law made constant comments about how I need to forget my country, the US is better than where I came from, blah blah blah.  Even went so far as to once tell me to my face "all Canadians are dirty dogs".  I was newly married, and out of respect for my husband said nothing in return (plus we Canadians are way too polite to say anything back, right?).   

 

To this day he constantly makes comments about his hatred for immigrants, how we're just foreigners, intruders coming in, etc.  I say nothing because....well, what can I really say?  At family dinners with my husband's relatives they all sit around the table afterwards and conversation eventually turns to politics,, which eventually turns to discussion about us evil foreigners.  If I say anything it would just put my husband in the middle.

 

Ironically, my father-in-law's own father entered America illegally.

 

When my daughter was a bit older and discovered that she was an automatic dual citizen, he took every opportunity to remind her that "the US is the only country that counts" and that Canada doesn't matter.  That gets me mad, depressed, feeling hurt---making every opportunity I have taken in the past to fit in kind of slapped in my face as a reminder from my own "family" that I'll never truly belong here.  Yeah, 13 years later it's difficult for me to FEEL like this is my home.  To FEEL like I truly belong here.  Maybe citizenship will finally give me that feeling.

 

Other times I could care less what he thinks.

Has your husband asked them to shut up? Seriously... If anyone treated me like your in-laws are, I would never voluntarily see them again. 

Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Canada
Timeline
Posted
33 minutes ago, Lemonslice said:

Has your husband asked them to shut up? Seriously... If anyone treated me like your in-laws are, I would never voluntarily see them again. 

I used to get upset and feel like he didn't defend me enough.  After years though?  You just kind of get used to it.

 

All he's ever said about it something along the lines of "he's from a different age" or "i know it hurts but (fill in whatever excuse here)".  

I can't really blame my husband, it puts him in a tight spot too.

 

Funny story, once he asked me "do they celebrate Labor Day in Canada?"  I said "yes"....he sneered "Copycat country".

 

I then politely (and albeit a bit smugly) informed him that, actually, Labour Day originated in Toronto, Canada.  So if anyone was the "copycat country" it's America."  Man, he seethed for a good day after that....  

 

First and only time I stood up for myself about the whole subject, and it did feel good!

Applied for Naturalization based on 5-year Residency - 96 Days To Complete Citizenship!

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Posted
On 7/12/2017 at 7:49 PM, amicablebride said:

They do things like that! I was also laid off from a job here and was told not to file unemployment or they would never even consider rehiring me. Very strange job culture around here....

 

 

Hey Amicable bride, I just moved near Hartford from the UK last week. If you ever need someone to complain about the Americans with just let me know!

Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Canada
Timeline
Posted (edited)
On 7/14/2017 at 5:41 PM, Going through said:

I used to get upset and feel like he didn't defend me enough.  After years though?  You just kind of get used to it.

 

All he's ever said about it something along the lines of "he's from a different age" or "i know it hurts but (fill in whatever excuse here)".  

I can't really blame my husband, it puts him in a tight spot too.

 

Funny story, once he asked me "do they celebrate Labor Day in Canada?"  I said "yes"....he sneered "Copycat country".

 

I then politely (and albeit a bit smugly) informed him that, actually, Labour Day originated in Toronto, Canada.  So if anyone was the "copycat country" it's America."  Man, he seethed for a good day after that....  

 

First and only time I stood up for myself about the whole subject, and it did feel good!

 

I once casually told a coworker I missed Canada and wished that I could get my husband to move there with me one day. She responded by saying that it's harder for Americans to leave because they're raised to believe the U.S. is the only country in the world that matters.

 

I've realized this is exactly how most Americans think! Your father-in-law sounds juts like most of the older American Men I've encountered while living here. Socialism, politics and immigrants... that's what they love to about.

 

Oh, and they like to ask, "how's the weather in Canada"? i like to respond by saying, "it's about the same temperature as the united states".  To which, they're usually too focused on their own state to even realize.. wait a minute, Phoenix, Miami and Seattle have different climates. Also, most Americans around here don't even have a hot clue where Alaska or North Dakota are. Even to my husband, those states are practically considered "Canada".

 

Some even have stories about a time they visited Canada. Around here, they think Canada is made up of Montreal, Toronto, and Ottawa. So when you tell them you're from Saskatchewan, Alberta or Manitoba.. they get the most puzzled look on their faces lol. 

 

What these kinds of Americans don't realize is.... they're sort of like North Korea in the sense that they live in a bubble and believe this country is the best / only country that matters.

Edited by amicablebride
spelling
Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Canada
Timeline
Posted
On 7/15/2017 at 6:53 PM, depressedgirl said:

 

 

Hey Amicable bride, I just moved near Hartford from the UK last week. If you ever need someone to complain about the Americans with just let me know!

Yay! It's nice to know I'm not the only immigrant living in CT :D lol. I'm closer to new Haven, but we should definitely get together for a tea / coffee sometime!! 

Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Canada
Timeline
Posted
Just now, amicablebride said:

Yay! It's nice to know I'm not the only immigrant living in CT :D lol. I'm closer to new Haven, but we should definitely get together for a tea / coffee sometime!! 

Also, welcome to the U.S.! I hope your move went well!

Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Canada
Timeline
Posted
3 hours ago, amicablebride said:

I once casually told a coworker I missed Canada and wished that I could get my husband to move there with me one day. She responded by saying that it's harder for Americans to leave because they're raised to believe the U.S. is the only country in the world that matters.

 

I've realized this is exactly how most Americans think! Your father-in-law sounds juts like most of the older American Men I've encountered while living here. Socialism, politics and immigrants... that's what they love to about.

I hear you on that one.

I love when people (at least I hear this all the time in NY) say "America is the greatest country in the world!!!" having never traveled to any other country before. Nothing wrong with patriotism, even loud patriotism...but I've come to notice that it's usually only natural-born Americans who say that.

 

That's why my husband saying "he's from a different age" seems an acceptable line of reasoning to me.  I mean, we're also talking about a guy who was around during segregation in schools...when you grow up and then live in a certain environment where certain things are the norm, it can be hard to see things from a different perspective. Plus I'm trying not to sweat the small stuff too much these days, many other things to worry about (like my N400!) instead of however someone may think of me, or where I come from.   

Applied for Naturalization based on 5-year Residency - 96 Days To Complete Citizenship!

July 14, 2017 (Day 00) -  Submitted N400 Application, filed online

July 21, 2017 (Day 07) -  NOA Receipt received in the mail

July 22, 2017 (Day 08) - Biometrics appointment scheduled online, letter mailed out

July 25, 2017 (Day 11) - Biometrics PDF posted online

July 28, 2017 (Day 14) - Biometrics letter received in the mail, appointment for 08/08/17

Aug 08, 2017 (Day 24) - Biometrics (fingerprinting) completed

Aug 14, 2017 (Day 30) - Online EGOV status shows "Interview Scheduled, will mail appointment letter"

Aug 16, 2017 (Day 32) - Online MYUSCIS status shows "Interview Scheduled, read the letter we mailed you..."

Aug 17, 2017 (Day 33) - Interview Appointment Letter PDF posted online---GOT AN INTERVIEW DATE!!!

Aug 21, 2017 (Day 37) - Interview Appointment Letter received in the mail, appointment for 09/27/17

Sep. 27, 2017 (Day 74) - Naturalization Interview--- read my experience here

Sep. 27, 2017 (Day 74) - Online MYUSCIS status shows "Oath Ceremony Notice mailed"

Sep. 28, 2017 (Day 75) - Oath Ceremony Letter PDF posted online--Ceremony for 10/19/17

Oct. 02, 2017 (Day 79) -  Oath Ceremony Letter received in the mail

Oct. 19, 2017 (Day 96) -  Oath Ceremony-- read my experience here

 

 

 

 
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