Have your husbands friends married American?

[sarah and hicham 3]

i understood you, sarah. my response is meant towards what the woman would think if she already knew in her heart they had red flags...then also this came up. i'd seriously begin to wonder at that point.

I know YOU did

It would make me wonder because it would seem unusual to me that somehow by chance Hicham and all of his best friends started dating American women online it would seem like they all had a plan to come to the US together.It would make me question his intentions and whether he was interested in me or interested in joining his friends in the US.

[~Jackie~ 30]

Even tho Mohammeds friends all came here, they really don't keep in touch much. They are spread from one coast to the other. Each has established lives with their wives and I don't think there was a master plan to all meet up here. They all did come for a better life than they had and that has been accomplished. What 'red flag'? Who would not want to better their living conditions and start a new life in America? I don't see that as a negative at all. Sounds like a common sense move.

Jackie

[Marry American 0]

Even tho Mohammeds friends all came here, they really don't keep in touch much. They are spread from one coast to the other. Each has established lives with their wives and I don't think there was a master plan to all meet up here. They all did come for a better life than they had and that has been accomplished. What 'red flag'? Who would not want to better their living conditions and start a new life in America? I don't see that as a negative at all. Sounds like a common sense move.

Jackie

It seems to be a good move but not at the expense of women-when clearly sometimes that is the only reason for getting the visa is to come to America, not for building a lasting relationship with their SO. There is no love in the picture. I am pissed because my fiance bumped int someone that was geting a visa and he was extremely disrespectful when speaking about his SO.

Edited April 14, 2007 by i adore you

[Caladan 19]

I don't think any one thing is a red flag in isolation. If your spouse had a lot of friends who had married Americans, but that was because they had all met a lot of American exchange students at university, that would seem to be a lot less red flaggy than someone whose friends type up his e-mails for him. Are his friends all happily married, or do they suddenly develop irreconcilable differences right at the two-year mark? Are there other red flags?

But a successful marriage can develop out of a lot of things, so it's hard to say. It's got to be the case that marrying someone because she (or he) is American has to be a large part of it in some of these relationships, but that doesn't mean the person's getting used or that the foreign spouse intends to leave.

[Nasturtium 500]

Sarah-- I think it could be. My husband's friend was always whining (as you can already see I didn't like him much LOL) about how he wanted to have something like my husband and I had. Next field season, he "fell in love" with one of my friends and despite my warning for her to be cautious (I didn't say I thought he was slimy! i just said for her to be careful!), they decided to become engaged. In about 3 months the magic wore off for him and he basically abandoned her.

point being, he wanted what his friend had but had no clue about the actual difficulty of hwo this worked, nor the patience or ability to actually deal with it.

This was kind of a red-flag-by-association for me Obviously not about my own husband, but about his (not now) friend. She mentioned later that he seemed kind of obsessed with me and our (my husband and my) relationship. It was apparantly a red-flag she had ignored

I KNOW this is not exactly what you were asking, but I am just saying, if it was me in that situation, i would wonder. It could be a red flag. Just depends on the circumstances of our relationship. if we met like my husband and I met now, I wouldn't wonder. But if it was through some random way.. then I would. i hope that made sense!!

[Visa4habibi! 0]

I've been wondering about this topic for a while... My husband came out of nowhere and started talking to me. Then later on when I was online, someone from Fes added me to his friends... I asked my husband, he said, he didn't know the guy. Yes, I chatted with him once, he asked my age, where I'm from and stuff. I asked the same and that made me wonder what's going on. Also, on the web-cam I saw lots of guys in cyber caffee; then I saw that in person, while checking my e-mail and stuff in Morocco. Just a few girls and lots of guys!

Yes, I asked myself that same question lots of times. His aunt said once that she wishes her son would find someone like me and get married with her. I think, she wasn't talking about me as me, but me as an American. They also have relatives in Canada, but none in U.S.

Last year when I read that article that someone posted here about Moroccan young guys looking for a foreign wife, I got a little upset - I just didn't know that it was up to that point. I did read in a book about Morocco, that young people in Morocco have no future!!! So, yes, they're trying to get out of there!

By now I think many of his friends are in U.S., but that doesn't tell me anything about MY HUSBAND! I believe him, only when I think about the future - I'm clueless! I asked him a few times, and he said, why do you think, I'd live that long? Well, we never know, right?

I actually wanted to ask women who have been married to Moroccan men for at least few years if anything's changed. Not because I'm curious, but because .... you never know. The only thing I can say in my deffence (about my doubting him) is that if I can't trust my husband, I guess, I can't trust anybody!

People are just people, nobody's perfect! I just wish I knew more ! I know it's not easy having doubts, even the slightest ones on this subject! I think, it's normal!!!

Girls, please give us some positive feedback!

[driss&allie 0]

i think what this is all boiling down to is this: if a lot of the SO's friends are meeting and marrying american's, should we be concerned that our SO has unlterior motives in the relationship? i'm sure we've all heard the green card line. but if we truly believed it, we wouldn't be here on VJ. it's a question that each person has to answer for themselves about their SO. does it concern me that my fiance has friends that have come here on a fiance visa? does it concern me that he has friends that are amidst online relationships with american women? for me, the answer is no, it doesn't. i know my fiance and i know his heart and i love him for it. when everything is said and done, chances are, those friends are not going to be around when everyday life in the marriage settles in. so who cares if two people meet because one of them was following the crowd? it's what happens after the meeting that counts. could it be that i'm a hopeless romantic?

[Visa4habibi! 0]

"it's what happens after the meeting that counts. could it be that i'm a hopeless romantic?"

No, you're not the only one!

[sarah and hicham 3]

I've been wondering about this topic for a while... My husband came out of nowhere and started talking to me. Then later on when I was online, someone from Fes added me to his friends... I asked my husband, he said, he didn't know the guy. Yes, I chatted with him once, he asked my age, where I'm from and stuff. I asked the same and that made me wonder what's going on. Also, on the web-cam I saw lots of guys in cyber caffee; then I saw that in person, while checking my e-mail and stuff in Morocco. Just a few girls and lots of guys!

Yes, I asked myself that same question lots of times. His aunt said once that she wishes her son would find someone like me and get married with her. I think, she wasn't talking about me as me, but me as an American. They also have relatives in Canada, but none in U.S.

Last year when I read that article that someone posted here about Moroccan young guys looking for a foreign wife, I got a little upset - I just didn't know that it was up to that point. I did read in a book about Morocco, that young people in Morocco have no future!!! So, yes, they're trying to get out of there!

By now I think many of his friends are in U.S., but that doesn't tell me anything about MY HUSBAND! I believe him, only when I think about the future - I'm clueless! I asked him a few times, and he said, why do you think, I'd live that long? Well, we never know, right?

I actually wanted to ask women who have been married to Moroccan men for at least few years if anything's changed. Not because I'm curious, but because .... you never know. The only thing I can say in my deffence (about my doubting him) is that if I can't trust my husband, I guess, I can't trust anybody!

People are just people, nobody's perfect! I just wish I knew more ! I know it's not easy having doubts, even the slightest ones on this subject! I think, it's normal!!!

Girls, please give us some positive feedback!

I think that everyone here is hopelessly in love with their fiance's and husbands. Unfortunately as they say love is blind and sometimes people become irrational when they're so in love that they don't think there might be any signs of problems or potential problems in their relationship. I guess you just never know what the man's intentions might be. I think red flags are called red flags for a reason and if I had several of them then I would personally be worried.

[chasnik 0]

Ok heres my opinion on this... you know what they say about opinions.... in todays society alot of people meet online, whether it be across the country or across the world. And having been in Morocco honestly there isnt a plethera of opportunity there, so it makes sense to me that the men there look elsewhere. When I was there Mohammed took me to the cyber his friend owned to introduce me. There were NO women there. Alot of that I think is that its ok for a muslim man to marry a christian woman but society wise not the other way around. What alot of people do I think though is rush in... you know meet, oh he loves, engaged, bring him here. No matter where it is you have to take time to get to know each other. The new does wear off. Mohammed and I have 2 years now... and as you all know it isnt easy to find something to talk about day in day out when your in the same house much less staring at each other on a screen. But we do it not so he can come to America, but so we can be together...here if he gets a visa, there if he doesnt. So red flag for friends that come here? No it doesnt do it for me... it doesnt matter what came before... it matters what is now and what you make of it in the future.

[driss&allie 0]

love may very well be blind. but when you think of all the other things in this world you could be blinded by( everthing from hate to your little brothers BB gun) i think love is the most worthwhile. and sarah is right, you can never know for a fact what a man's intentions might be, that goes for men everywhere, but isn't that where trust comes in? i'm the type that trusts until i have a reason not to, my best friend doesn't trust until she feels it's been earned. there's nothing to say who's right and who's wrong. i'm afraid of missing out on something wonderful by not trusting and she's afraid of getting hurt by trusting. it's the classical is the glass half full or half empty thing. am i getting too far off track here? if i am, humor me. it's 1 am and i'm in the middle of a 12 hour shift! oh, and chas, what do they say about opinions? LOL

[brnidokiegurl 0]

I can answer on opinions i just sent mr mckeever a letter and in there i mentioned opinions. I told him they formed the opinion to deny us based on only a few minutes and few questions, it would have been just as easy to form a good opinion based on evidence they never looked at, in other words its a opinion just as easy to make good as bad. When you base on CONCRETE facts and papers then it stops being just an opinion but a fact and this fact they should be able to state why the deny. (If indeed they have reason of fact and not just their opinion)

[sarah and hicham 3]

I can answer on opinions i just sent mr mckeever a letter and in there i mentioned opinions. I told him they formed the opinion to deny us based on only a few minutes and few questions, it would have been just as easy to form a good opinion based on evidence they never looked at, in other words its a opinion just as easy to make good as bad. When you base on CONCRETE facts and papers then it stops being just an opinion but a fact and this fact they should be able to state why the deny. (If indeed they have reason of fact and not just their opinion)

[sarah and hicham 3]

I don't understand this post. We already established that the CO reviews cases before the interview and since you already addressed your red flags in your original petition that means they must have seen that before the interview, right? Do you think that your red flags can't possibly constitute a denial?

[Jenn! 918]

I don't understand this post. We already established that the CO reviews cases before the interview and since you already addressed your red flags in your original petition that means they must have seen that before the interview, right? Do you think that your red flags can't possibly constitute a denial?

See, this is what I'm confused about. The whole Casa supposedly not being able to return a petition for reasons that were known when USCIS approved it thing. If Casa sees a large age difference, for example, as a red flag, then they can not use the age difference as a factor that helps them identify potential fraud? To me that doesn't make sense since, well the age difference is of course known by USCIS simply from the birthdates of the beneficiary and petitioner. Is that supposed to mean that Casa has to be "blind" towards any age difference in their assessment of the validity of the relationship?

I'm starting to think that the statement limiting the Consulate's ability to return petitions is being misinterpreted.