Possible Breakup

[TimsDaisy 0]

Catholics are not "restricted" from marrying non-Catholics. The agreements to raise children according to the faith are accurate - but there's no prohibition.

[KarenCee 3]

CB, with all due respect for your devil's advocacy here....I don't get it. Why would you try to put the blame on the OP? For what possible reason could you even think that she is at fault here? Have you ever been the victim of mental and emotional abuse? I have....and the things she has described fits the criteria for that type of abuse perfectly. Yes, I am sure there are two sides to each story. I am sure you'd say there are two sides to MY story. If I still had the pictures of the bruises my ex left on me, would that satisfy your devil's advocate tendency? I suffered all three forms of abuse. The OP is also a victim. As for his humiliation at coming on here and telling his side, I can't see that someone as "perfect" as he appears to be would *need* to come on here and tell his side. According to him he's already suffered so much. BAH!

[CountryBoy 0]

Thank you so much for replying, now read that reply and tell me honestly that you want to spend your life with someone that doesn't like the way you act or the things you do.

BLOCK HIM .. WALK AWAY .. WITHDRAW THE PETITION

I highly suggest that you never talk to him again or he will convince you that you need him, and you don't .. you have your own mind .. just take the time to use it, many men out there would be lucky to have you.

CB

CB, with all due respect for your devil's advocacy here....I don't get it. Why would you try to put the blame on the OP? For what possible reason could you even think that she is at fault here? Have you ever been the victim of mental and emotional abuse? I have....and the things she has described fits the criteria for that type of abuse perfectly. Yes, I am sure there are two sides to each story. I am sure you'd say there are two sides to MY story. If I still had the pictures of the bruises my ex left on me, would that satisfy your devil's advocate tendency? I suffered all three forms of abuse. The OP is also a victim. As for his humiliation at coming on here and telling his side, I can't see that someone as "perfect" as he appears to be would *need* to come on here and tell his side. According to him he's already suffered so much. BAH!

Read the post above this one please ..

[elguevon 16]

Blah Blah...so us men are pr*cks...heard it all before.

In case of this particular clown, I think you are right!

This is what you do and end this thread:

1st - Cancel the interview

2nd - Screw this guy over like he screwed you by notifying the USCIS that this clown seems to just want the visa.

That way he is red-flagged in case he tries to do it again to some other woman....and hopefully gets caught early in the process rather than almost to the Interview.

3rd - Get over it. It sucks all that work you did to get this far and have it end like this. Get drunk, don't sleep with a bar patron, and move on. All that you can do....end of story.

Good Luck!

[billsafari 0]

I sent a break up email to my fiance a few days ago. You may think doing it in email is very cold, but in my case it has to do with my fiance continually ignoring me. As someone said above, "we women HATE being ignored." He has a habit of also hanging up on me on the phone, hanging up on me on MSN while I'm talking (not even fighting, just talking. He gets bored and turns it off.) He stopped sending me text messages, I'd asked him a week or so ago to send photos and things again like he used to because I missed seeing him and he said, "No, I won't do that." I have continually asked him to hear me, and he has refused to understand how this has been affecting me. I have cried many bitter tears over him, never letting myself actually get MAD at him or treat him in kind because I was so afraid he might leave me. I finally got to the point where I sent him an eCard on Easter Sunday, got the notice that he's seen it, and never heard from him. The next day he went on MSN, then Yahoo for a while, and never once even said hello to me.

You have to admit there's something wrong with continually ignoring your fiancee, especially when there's 5000 miles in between. He even told me on more than one occasion that he would be perfectly happy not seeing me or hearing from me til we got the visa (at that point about 3 months away.) WHAT?!

When you have a fiance who keeps saying they LOVE you but they find it difficult to stay in touch with you, it may warrant a break up email. And I took that route because I know how angry and defensive he gets, how he tries to always talk over me and interrupt me, and I needed to have my say.

He called all upset saying he didn't understand (he apparently never listened to me when I asked for his attention), that he loved me and would "do anything" for me, that I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him. We're still talking, but in the first phone conversation I laid it all on the line. And of course by the end of the conversation he was "it's not ALL ME, all MY fault." Still not hearing me.

The day before yesterday we spoke again and he said I was just attacking him, and that he has "suffered more than you ever have in your whole life" and went on about how he cared for his dying mother for years. He yelled at me and cussed.

That is the way someone treats you who WANTS to you stay with them?

Not to mention a few other choice tidbits I can't get over:

I'm Catholic, and when we met he said he was Christian and open to becoming Catholic (I never demanded him to be Catholic.) I told him that I was not allowed to marry an unbaptized person, and he said he was not baptized and so looked into the classes at a local church to become baptized. Classes run September to Easter. About halfway through these classes, he stopped going. He missed 3 or 4 until they told him he could not move on. He didn't even sit down with the priest and discuss his situation. He just took what they said and left, disgruntled. Then he came and demanded to know whether I'd be marrying him WITHOUT the baptism. I thought that was answered at the start, did I miss something? This shows that he didn't really WANT to be baptized. And I'd told him how important it was. He said, "The visa is my number one priority, the baptism can wait." He decided this all by himself and informed me of it, and that was that.

He has accused me of wanting to marry him "just to be married" and he has accused me of "using him" to "have kids." Apparently he has never heard of artificial insemination or adoption, or even just being sexually careless. I'm sure I could have had kids many times over if that were the case. I even had a guy who liked me enough 2 years ago to start talking about marriage being a possibility (but we're not the same religion at all, so that relationship wasn't pursued that way.) It's not like I was desperate and in need of just ANYONE. if that were the case why would I want someone in the UK? I am sure I could have someone a lot closer!

When I wanted him to call or chat with me, he said I was unrealistic to expect him to be online to chat with me every day. He said I am "feeble", "needy", "clingy", "trying to control him", "like his mother," "irrational." He said I have "no backbone." And then he says he loves me. ???

I have never figured out why wanting to hear from someone you love is considered trying to CONTROL him or being needy. We don't even talk every day. And he said what is the longest we've gone without contact and I said about 6 days. And he said, "and that's a crime?" and I said, "Yes." I explained that with friends there are no such expectations, that they come and go and you don't get on them over it. But if a fiance disappears without a word, or worse, comes online so you can see them and they don't talk to you, that's different. He said, "Oh so your friends are off the hook but not me?"

He doesn't get it. I figured when you are crazy about someone, you want to talk to them. Even if it's just to say hello, how are you, or send a text, "thinking of you." So we contact each other every few days now and everything else pretty much stopped. He always told me how he HATES to be online (funny, we met online and he bought a laptop just to talk to me more!). then he said, "I like going online, just not talking to YOU."

feel the love.

I am still open to talking to him, but there are so many factors involved. I keep trying to forgive and get past it all but I don't know if in this case I should be forgiving it. This is a lifetime commitment, after all. I don't see how these things can be overlooked. I just need someone different. I told him, we are so different. We want different things. And he said we could still be together and want different things.

So I don't know anymore. He has me second guessing myself all the time. But I am finally at my breaking point. So cold or not, I had to send that email, and it was not easy.

We have only known each other for a year and spent just 5 weeks together in person (where we did have arguments, though not as constant as online.)

The interview date is April 23. He wants to go, anyway.

He sounds like a real loser!!! He'll probably beat you when you are married!!! Don't look back, move on!!!!

[KarenCee 3]

Blah Blah...so us men are pr*cks...heard it all before.

In case of this particular clown, I think you are right!

This is what you do and end this thread:

1st - Cancel the interview

2nd - Screw this guy over like he screwed you by notifying the USCIS that this clown seems to just want the visa.

That way he is red-flagged in case he tries to do it again to some other woman....and hopefully gets caught early in the process rather than almost to the Interview.

3rd - Get over it. It sucks all that work you did to get this far and have it end like this. Get drunk, don't sleep with a bar patron, and move on. All that you can do....end of story.

Good Luck!

Geez....you are *such* a beacon in the night.

[mwinburn 0]

Gonna go ahead and throw my vote in here for withdrawing the petition ASAP as well. Definitely don't wanna let this guy even get into the States. He sounds unstable.

As for not wanting to talk, I'm a Very private person. Even though I have a roommate, I very rarely leave my room or go out. I'm well known as a hermit. However, I still like to at least send pleasantries to my GF daily. I may even tell her I'm just going to watch tv or read and don't want to talk. But I try to make sure she always knows I'm thinking about her, and I send her messages when she's out so that when she gets home she'll know I missed her.

My guess is this guy was just in it for the visa.

[TimsDaisy 0]

I know that by posting this, I'm just going against what I'm about to say but, OP, you know what to do. You've said you just wanted validation - understandable, we all need that sometimes - the trolls have come out to say not-so-nice things and have been dealt with accordingly - you have fought back and defended your position, so you really should realize that you know where you stand.

I hope this thread can sink down the list and you can make some affirmative choices to better your situation. Immediately withdrawing the petition is the first step. Cutting off communciation is the next, no matter how hard it seems.

But I think you've received all the help we can give you now.

Good luck.

[Ladylethal 12]

Can someone say "GC hunter"? From what I read this guy is just looking for a way to get a GC. I dunno why since it seems he's got a good life in England, but it definitly sounds like he could care less about you.

I'd call the consulate, withdraw the petition, and block him from MSN and Yahoo asap.

[homesick_american 1]

The interview date is April 23. He wants to go, anyway.

He sounds like a jerk. I'd put a stop to the process now, particularly since he no longer is entitled to a K-1 now that you've broken up with him. Run away...fast and hard.

[KarenCee 3]

Can someone say "GC hunter"? From what I read this guy is just looking for a way to get a GC. I dunno why since it seems he's got a good life in England, but it definitly sounds like he could care less about you.

I'd call the consulate, withdraw the petition, and block him from MSN and Yahoo asap.

I dunno....poor guy has suffered so much y'know...that might be inhumane (enter sarcasm here)

[Ladylethal 12]

Yeah poor thing, he only wants not to talk to his fiance, hear about his fiance, or do anything for his fiance until he gets a visa, and if he doesn't, of course it's her fault, that insensitive ####### (continued sarcasm).

To the OP, really, it's not even worth wasting your time thinking about it. The guy is a jerk.

[homesick_american 1]

Catholics are not "restricted" from marrying non-Catholics. The agreements to raise children according to the faith are accurate - but there's no prohibition.

Absolutely. My mother (a Catholic) married my dad (a Methodist) and nobody ever told her she'd burn in hell for it. She did raise my brother and I Catholic though; I never thought it was fair of her to punish us for her marrying outside the faith. ;) ;)

[Rings 10]

you can not live without him and you know that .

so let him go to the interview and give a chance to cum here . You treat him good and he will treat you better .

I feel sorry for the dude .

*points up*

Did that just really happen!?!?!!

[rebeccajo 14]

There's an awfully lot of talking going on here. Loads of places to read between the lines.

I've read your posts here before, Mairzy. You seem like an extremely high-strung kind of gal. Perhaps I'm wrong and it's just the 'intensity' of this relationship that has you wired up. All we can do here is sit and read, you know.

From what you've written, I really can't see what you and your fiance have in common. You're committed to a religion - he isn't. He likes to drink - you don't. You're a talker - he isn't. What drew you to him in the first place?

Maybe this?

Remember, all we can do is sit here and read.

He has accused me of wanting to marry him "just to be married" and he has accused me of "using him" to "have kids."

Edited April 13, 2007 by rebeccajo