Possible Breakup

[MairzyDoats 0]

He went to the visa interview and it was DENIED. (Money issue. I had provided 2 sponsors with all the paperwork and he only sent them one. And he brought the second one's stuff with him but didn't think to give it to them! *smacks self in forehead*)

Anyway, the end.

I gotta catch up on what y'all have posted in the last few days...

[CarolineM 0]

I'd say that's one big cosmic way of saying...DONT DO IT!

[Alex+R 0]

TG Someone (the CO) was there to make the right decision for ya.

[Fandango 1,439]

Can't you self-sponsor in england? I'm confused as to why he mucked this up when it's clear what his priorities are.

[LiszyandKenny 5]

I agree with you Caroline... really was not meant to be !! Believe.. somebody was watching over you

[almaty 19]

uk is easy...i guess, he did not see it as importnat

[Mrs.J06 4]

He went to the visa interview and it was DENIED. (Money issue. I had provided 2 sponsors with all the paperwork and he only sent them one. And he brought the second one's stuff with him but didn't think to give it to them! *smacks self in forehead*)

Anyway, the end.

I gotta catch up on what y'all have posted in the last few days...

I can't believe you really let him get that far! What if he had been approved? He would have shown up on your doorstep and then what? Are you really willing to share your life with such a person?

I don't get it...

good luck to you!

[MairzyDoats 0]

You're all right, you know that? I know that you're right, but I always second guess myself. I've had conversations with him this week and all I keep saying is we should stop this now. I don't know how on earth he mucked it up -- I told him that the second sponsor no longer wants to be a sponsor (which is TRUE as I talked to them today about it) as their circumstances have changed and they don't want to commit to being the sponsor. I don't blame them.

I told him this on the phone today and he still doesn't bleeping get it. I told him look, even IF you came here they would just send you back because we're not in any position to get married and we have NO WAY of adjusting your status, anyway. I told him this is just a disaster and we should let it go.

I think I have made it clear to him as I have not said really positive helpful stuff in the past couple of weeks. All I keep saying is let's stop this, let's stop this, this won't work.

And who said that bit about if he loves me he will wait for me and give me time? I think that's where it's "at." If it's LOVE it will endure. It will endure another 6 months another year. But this won't endure. I think he knows it and is in denial. Still, I hate hurting him. (WHY?)

Oh yeah here is a peach: he blames me for the abusive way he treats me. He tells me I am always attacking him and it puts him on the defensive. Funny as I rarely cuss and never directed toward him (i.e. You're a bleepity bleeper) and I don't call him names or pick on all his weakest points and laugh at him. He does it to me, though. So so stupid. (That I have put up with it.)

Can you imagine how furious I'd be if things had been going WELL? And believe me it was all i could do even under the circumstances to stop myself from just going off on him for not including the other paperwork. I kept thinking this is how it would be if I wanted to marry him, and I'd be heartbroken. Well he took care of the heartbreak, I can tell ya.

That's that, really. I don't see how he can continue on in denial now.

What I have learned:

It takes a LOT more than just "love" to make a relationship work.

Do NOT get engaged to someone within the first 6 months of knowing them.

Break up with him when he says "F you" to you THE FIRST TIME.

Work on my own issues before ever getting deeply involved or engaged again.

And thank you all for the words of support both sweet and harsh. I take everything posted very seriously so no one's post has been overlooked.

Should I leave my timeline in the system and all that?

[NYGirl 0]

What I have learned:

It takes a LOT more than just "love" to make a relationship work.

Do NOT get engaged to someone within the first 6 months of knowing them.

Break up with him when he says "F you" to you THE FIRST TIME.

Work on my own issues before ever getting deeply involved or engaged again.

And thank you all for the words of support both sweet and harsh. I take everything posted very seriously so no one's post has been overlooked.

Should I leave my timeline in the system and all that?

I agree with you: actions speak louder than words......the real love has to be proven and not just the "love" words, it's really easy to say that ( to some people) and they have no problems with it and will only say it to manipulate you because men know damn well that we women love everything with our ears.... so only actions can prove the real love and if love is even there.

About the 6 months period before getting engaged, i don't really agree. Everyone is different. I am sure there are plenty of VJ members that will back me up on it.

good luck!

Edited April 23, 2007 by NYGirl

[Fandango 1,439]

I think I have made it clear to him as I have not said really positive helpful stuff in the past couple of weeks. All I keep saying is let's stop this, let's stop this, this won't work.

You say one thing, but your actions don't support it.... why do you keep asking him for permission to end it? Enough is enough...

[homesick_american 1]

I think I have made it clear to him as I have not said really positive helpful stuff in the past couple of weeks. All I keep saying is let's stop this, let's stop this, this won't work.

You say one thing, but your actions don't support it.... why do you keep asking him for permission to end it? Enough is enough...

Agreed.

[isleta521 5]

Mairzydoats,

You will find that the sun will rise tomorrow and will inevitably be brighter for you with each passing day.

I wish you the very best that life has to offer!!

[broma25 2]

Thankfully someone made a decision for you which will be of great benefit to you in the long term.

The visa was denied...let that be the end of the relationship...time for you both to move on

[Alex+R 0]

Edit; not fair

Edited April 23, 2007 by Alex+R

[meauxna 15]

He went to the visa interview and it was DENIED.

Visas are not generally denied for lack of sufficient funds.

Not issued, yes, but that is not the same thing. You are not 'protected' from him not getting the visa and not coming to the US. If you sincerely do not want him to get a K visa and travel to YOUR HOME, you *must* contact the US Embassy and withdraw your petition and sponsorship. IN WRITING.