Possible Breakup

[JayJay 4]

Well, good luck to you then consolemaster - I wish you nothing but the best. I hope that your life turns out the simple way you want it to, and that you are able to accept deviations from it and sustain a happy marriage along the way.

My life hasn't been that simple - but I am very happy as well, now, for different reasons! I hope everyone on this forum finds happiness and are able to eventually have nothing but little troubles to worry about. I do feel however, that big troubles are always around the corner, be it the death of a loved one, a nervous breakdown or cancer. I don't wish them on anyone, however - let's all hope for a brighter future for the OP and all respondents

[Nancy2015 2]

- he has asked me, "What will life be like without me?" Veiled threats abound.

Life without him will be awesome, wonderful and it will make a lot more sense.

I scanned through the thread, couldn't read it all, but I can tell that this guy is an insecure, immature manipulative jerk. Getting out of it will be your best choice.

[MichelleandCraig 1]

JayJay, I just luv you and I always really appreciate your posts.

I won't share my thoughts or give any advice, because all angles have been covered time and time again. I do wish you though, OP, all the very best with whatever you decide... M.

E: spelling

Edited April 17, 2007 by MichelleandCraig

[MairzyDoats 0]

I just spent 7 and a half hours in the ER because for the past couple of weeks I've been having some physical issues that didn't resolve themselves. Weird thing is, at the ER they did an EKG, chest X ray, cardiac enzyme test and bloodworkups and found nothing wrong. I saw my primary this morning and she even did an EKG. But I feel short of breath and my heart pounds in my chest even just getting up and going to another room. BP is fine, resting heart rate fine. But I am in a real pickle with acid reflux and digestive problems.

I internalize every emotion, and eat myself up with the grief. I guess it seems easier than hurting someone else...somehow I feel responsible for HIS happiness. I have had on again off again counselling because I have some boundary issues in not being able to say no to anyone. He and I even went to see her when he visited last, and he thought it was a helpful experience. But I am a believer in therapy and he generally isn't open to it.

So I will continue to seek help for my mental/emotional and physical problems. These go far beyond and far deeper than just any one man in my life.

JayJay, I think you mentioned stuff about fathers? Mine wasn't good, was very negligent and pushed me away often and liked to punish us for perceived sins, I'll leave it at that!

I gotta go to sleep, it's almost 5am.

[Peikko 1,575]

Sounds like you are suffering from anxiety/panic disorder of some kind. You are really in the wars with all this. I just hope you get some resolution soon and things start to look up for you.

[George and Jenny 0]

GET WELL SOON!!!

[homesick_american 1]

I just spent 7 and a half hours in the ER because for the past couple of weeks I've been having some physical issues that didn't resolve themselves. Weird thing is, at the ER they did an EKG, chest X ray, cardiac enzyme test and bloodworkups and found nothing wrong. I saw my primary this morning and she even did an EKG. But I feel short of breath and my heart pounds in my chest even just getting up and going to another room. BP is fine, resting heart rate fine. But I am in a real pickle with acid reflux and digestive problems.

Sounds like stress...I get like that when I'm really stressed too. I have a murmur that gets worse when I'm stressed out; it's not life-threatening but it feels like it's about to fly out of my chest sometimes! I take ranitidine sometimes for reflux/heartburn and it works wonders...one tablet and I'm set for the day. You can get it on prescription and probably over the counter too, and maybe avoid foods that are hard to digest or that cause indigestion and/or wind.

Mairzy...you need to shut out the BF and take care of you for a while, and look after your health. Panic attacks aren't life-threatening but continued stress can cause health problems that are more serious, i.e. high blood pressure, stomach ulcers, etc. If you have some really close friends or family members you're close to, just lean on them for a little while to help you get through this. Rent some vids, pop some popcorn or order a pizza, eat some ice cream, paint your nails, read a nice smutty novel...just relax and enjoy yourself for a little while, and don't think about all this. I know it's hard, but you have to try.

[ChristinaM 0]

This may be a dumb question, but is there anyone in Texas who is willing to take this girl for a drink or a coffee or something, and reassure her that she is perfectly OK just the way she is - and can do better than this a-hole?

I'd go myself, but I'm not exactly what you'd call local.

[homesick_american 1]

This may be a dumb question, but is there anyone in Texas who is willing to take this girl for a drink or a coffee or something, and reassure her that she is perfectly OK just the way she is - and can do better than this a-hole?

I'd go myself, but I'm not exactly what you'd call local.

We'll be in TX in a few weeks; Mairzy, you want to hit La Madeleine?

[rebeccajo 14]

This may be a dumb question, but is there anyone in Texas who is willing to take this girl for a drink or a coffee or something, and reassure her that she is perfectly OK just the way she is - and can do better than this a-hole?

I'd go myself, but I'm not exactly what you'd call local.

That's not a dumb question at all. It's actually quite thoughtful of you and a really good idea.

[JohnK 0]

How about cutting off the boyfriend and joining a BDSM group instead? At least with those people you can have a passphrase that tells them you've had enough abuse for awhile.

[Fandango 1,439]

Mairzy, did you call to cancel the interview yet?

[Sinergy 3]

I spent half my work morning reading this bc thats just me, id rather read vj stuff than work

my words for the OP, cancel the interview asap. Im not telling you not to be with him, hes your fiance, you love him, but for NOW cancel the interview, everything can be done again, another interview can be set, you need to take time to yourself, you need to stand up for yourself and show him you will not take this abuse. Telling him your breaking up with him in an email is a laughing matter for him, canceling the interview will let him know you mean business and not a woman to be pushed around. if he TRUELY loves you, he will give you time, and he will understand (not at first but if he really loves you he will) and he will change, not just his aggressivness, but in learning to work with you, and not be against you all of the time.

good luck to you, and cancel that interview if you really believe hes being abusive and you need more time.

[MairzyDoats 0]

I haven't canceled it yet. At first I was very angry and very hurt and I needed someone to tell me that our relationship just was the mess I thought it had become. And I'm not saying it's all HIM, obviously I have boundary issues and can't say NO to people or stand up for myself. Someone here said that he and I are "reacting to each other." When I wrote the email to him initially, I said we just want different things and we JUST DON'T GET ALONG. I still love him (that's really hard for me to stop, I mean I love my insane abusive sister, too) but I see that us together is toxic. I wanted him to somehow agree with me (hence the "breakthrough" -- I thought he was saying yeah he wasn't ready either and I thought it had been decided until he kept talking about the visa. I was like, but if we don't want to do this, we can't do the visa!)

I'm waiting for his "permission," even though I don't need it. And I can't wait much longer, anyway. I have the letter done I just need it notarized, but the first step is making the call. I saved the numbers and info from you all then yesterday I was freaking out so bad about my heart (seeing a cardio on Thursday and now I'm on Xanax. Lovely.)

Anyway I am not trying to be an ungrateful "B" or anything or create drama. I am just feeling somehow responsible for how HE feels and I don't feel I can hurt him. (Yes yes stupid, and I need therapy and probably heavy drugs or maybe just a vacation to the Bahamas to get my "groove back" or something.)

I know I'm messed up. The clock is ticking and the "pot" is pretty much the one Danny Glover was sitting on in Lethal Weapon.

[Alex+R 0]

Because someone's gotta say it: you're not responsible for his feelings. You're responsible for yours. Obviously he's done enough literal and figurative damage to your heart already. It's hard to put an end to something. Nobody says you have to stop loving him today or tomorrow or even in 2007. But if you marry him, sigh...you know what we all think. You can do it. Knowing you're messed up is not even a tenth of the battle to becoming not messed up. You have to take action to live the life a not-messed-up person would choose.