Possible Breakup

[rebeccajo 14]

You two desperately need to get away from each other. You are feeding off of each others toxicity.

[Fuzzness 2]

just to play devils advocate....

why is it absolutely important for a catholic to marry a non catholic? and why would such a couple need permission from the church? why not marry at another church or place?

LOL, what my sweet husband *meant* to say was this: why is it absolutely important that a catholic only marry another catholic?

Now this is me....why can't a mixed faith couple marry anywhere they choose? The church is just a building...does being married in a church somehow sanctify the marriage more than others? If so then I guess our marriage is screwed...we were married outside in a lovely garden. I guess my thought process here is....what is more important....one's religion or their marriage to the one you are in love with.

Hmm. What is more important? I leave the answer up to the individual, it's a very personal question. I just don't think it is fair to put me in a position where I will be condemned for my personal choice. I am not condemning anyone's choice in this matter, I am simply asserting my own. If my fiance was not Christian or didn't think it was important, I would have appreciated that information early on instead of investing myself in someone whom I thought I had religion in common with.

Who is condemning you? We are just asking questions. No need to go on the defensive.

[Fuzzness 2]

I agree with everyone. Don't talk to him and start the healing process.

[Bill and Hayley 0]

Hes obviously a control freak, my friend when through 8 years of abuse, she used to come to me sayin he had thrown keys at her face, splitting her lip, dragging her down the road by her hair...it used to frustrate the hell out of me, every time i used to say well its about time you got out , and she used to say but hes really sorry he done it this time, he was crying and telling me he loved me this morning...yea until he knew she wasnt leaving..then it goes back to him having control again. This is what hes doing to you just not phyically...After sending that email you should have never let him contact you...of course he gave you all the sorry bit cos thats what control freaks do, he knows what hes doing, hes probably done it before in relationships. If you were REALLY serious with that email, then end his mind games now, other wise you are going to be playing then for the next XX amount of years,and it will get worse believe me.

Jay Jay- Your post brought tears to my eyes, so sorry you have been through all that, and im glad things are looking up for you.Best of luck.

[Dr. Obvious 49]

I think you just like drama. Otherwise, you would have dropped him already and started to move on instead of making long threads of turmoil about it.

More. Fish. In. The. Sea.

Edited April 16, 2007 by Wacken

[Alex+R 0]

I think you just like drama. Otherwise, you would have dropped him already and started to move on instead of making long threads of turmoil about it.

More. Fish. In. The. Sea.

Good point.

Mairzy, you feel bad because he bought you stuff? Now that's a load of bull. Move on. Let it go. It's never going to be good. THE END?

[homesick_american 1]

I think you just like drama. Otherwise, you would have dropped him already and started to move on instead of making long threads of turmoil about it.

More. Fish. In. The. Sea.

Thanks for having the guts to say what I was thinking!

[Lizzy 0]

Jay Jay your post also brought tears to my eyes..What a brave lady you are.. look after yourself.

[Ban Hammer 13,110]

(oh yeah I also rented a car when he was here and drove him everywhere since he doesn't drive.)

Self esteem issues, trust issues...yes, that's me. even though I didn't demand anything monetary or material from him I still feel terribly guilty because I guess I think I don't deserve to be given anything or treated well. I always seem to find men who are emotionally unavailable, and I thought how lovely it was to have this guy who was so open and generous with his heart and with letters and little things that mean so much.

how it turned into him constantly yelling at me and calling me a "prune" and a "stupid cow" I don't know.

Maybe one of the problems is that he is 9 years younger than I am. I never thought it would be a terrible problem because he always said age didn't matter but now I think it does. He is only 24, will be 25 in June. My father was 9 years younger than my mom, and oddly enough HIS mother was 9 years older than his father.

But here he is calling me a "prune" when I never (to my memory) ever used his age against him.

And yes i guess I AM too old for this carp.

Mairzy...you sound like you already know what needs to be done. From what you've written here, the guy is a right b@stard who does not deserve the time of day. Here is what you need to do:

* Cut off all contact with him. ALL.

* Withdraw the K-1 petition.

* If he makes any threats DO NOT BE INTIMIDATED.

add to the above - return the ring!

[EsOrEnNa 0]

I think you just like drama. Otherwise, you would have dropped him already and started to move on instead of making long threads of turmoil about it.

More. Fish. In. The. Sea.

Good point.

Mairzy, you feel bad because he bought you stuff? Now that's a load of bull. Move on. Let it go. It's never going to be good. THE END?

if u feel bad cuz he bought u stuff JUST SEND IT BACK to him!!

or put it on EBAY and send him the money..

[Ban Hammer 13,110]

Jay Jay your post also brought tears to my eyes..What a brave lady you are.. look after yourself.

ditto - i was like what!?!???!?!?!

[ivona 0]

I've been following this thread from the start and didn't feel the need to post as so many before me expressed what I was thinking.

The guy is a ####### and you need to BREAK UP with him for your own good (you still have not done that)...

My point is this, and I apologize if you think this is too blunt BUT:

While you are doing all this soul- searching online, the time for the interview is growing dangerously close and when he goes to that interview and gets the visa and shows up on your doorstep he will continue with his abuse in person and at that point you will have no one else to blame for his presence but yourself.

Yes, I understand this is hard and breaking up with someone whom you thought you will marry is not easy but instead of spilling your guts online you need to be talking to the USCIS and the London Embassy to withdraw your petition before he has a chance to go to the interview and show up in the States and on your doorstep, where you will also have a binding Affidavit hanging over your head....not to mention a psycho fiance

[MairzyDoats 0]

I think you just like drama. Otherwise, you would have dropped him already and started to move on instead of making long threads of turmoil about it.

More. Fish. In. The. Sea.

Not everyone handles these things in the same way. Read JayJay's post. It's not drama I want, it is the ability to gain enough self respect to not feel I somehow deserve to be treated like this. As for a long thread, people responded to what I posted. I didn't create the length of the thread. Elements of my situation hit home for some people and they wanted to share their experiences and advice. I appreciate them doing so. What difference does it make if a thread is long and tumultuous? YOu can easily avoid reading it. What I have is an inability to say no to anyone, and lots of boundary issues. the more I look into it, it may just be codependence, and like someone said the both of us are just reacting to each other.

The drama isn't what I want, at least not on a conscious level. I am still wondering why he didn't take me seriously to start with, though I was quite adamant about this the first time we talked. I realize I should not have taken that call, but I did because I remembered the times he wouldn't take my calls and I could not be like that. Maybe that's my problem!

My stomach's churning over it and I've felt sick for 3 days. I sure am doing a number on myself by not being able to just let go cleanly. I keep thinking, what if I am wrong, what if he's great and I am terrible? Yeah i guess after all this advice it can't be that easy. I need to detox. It doesn't matter who is even at fault anymore. It's clear we can't get through one conversation without fighting, anyway.

[ivona 0]

Are you going to cancel the petition or not?

Several people asked this question already and you didn't answer it yet. If your decision is to still go ahead with it all this talk is a moot point, really.

All of this has nothing to do with age difference (my husband is 8 years older than me) or long distance relationship (plenty of examples on VJ alone of success LDs), nor cultural differences for that matter.

You need to make a decision

[Fandango 1,439]

add to the above - return the ring!

Oh lookit...Charles made a funny