Possible Breakup

[eric&gen 0]

Diss the little ####### block him out he just wants visa.

[Angelica 0]

I'm sorry you're going through all this Waaaay too many red flags here I think. Ultimately, this guy has done you a favour, he's revealed his true colours before you got married. Things are bad now, but they could be alot worse. Wave bye bye and thank God.

Kim

[Moonie 0]

This thread is a hit!

[raphael7546 0]

Never make anyone your priority, when you are only their option

[JVKn'CVO 11]

I am sorry to say...it does look like you'd be better off taking a step back...at least for the moment.

I can't tell you how many times I've freaked out about being in a long distance relationship (I have those moments around once a week!), and Justin has been there to calm me down being understanding and supportive every time...and when I'm not the freaking out one, I try to do the same for him. Being apart is really tough, and it looks to me that the only way to get through it is really caring and looking out for the other...but it has to be a 2 way street.

Now, about the religion difference...have you talked to your priest about this?

I am a catholic too, and my fiance is atheist, but I am not worrying about this for the moment. Remember the bible says that the non believer spouse is santified by the faith of the other spouse. I recently read in the vatican's web site about mixed marriages, here's the link http://www.vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/arch...s2c3a7.htm#1633

(you need to scroll down to the section that says "Mixed marriages and disparity of cult")

I hope everything works out for the best,

Edited April 15, 2007 by JVKn'CVO

[Fuzzness 2]

just to play devils advocate....

why is it absolutely important for a catholic to marry a non catholic? and why would such a couple need permission from the church? why not marry at another church or place?

[KarenCee 3]

just to play devils advocate....

why is it absolutely important for a catholic to marry a non catholic? and why would such a couple need permission from the church? why not marry at another church or place?

LOL, what my sweet husband *meant* to say was this: why is it absolutely important that a catholic only marry another catholic?

Now this is me....why can't a mixed faith couple marry anywhere they choose? The church is just a building...does being married in a church somehow sanctify the marriage more than others? If so then I guess our marriage is screwed...we were married outside in a lovely garden. I guess my thought process here is....what is more important....one's religion or their marriage to the one you are in love with.

[MichelleandCraig 1]

Well (and this is not "aimed" at you Karen or Joel ) just responding to what *I* would think....not answering for the OP at all. I think if people are *deeply* rooted in their religions...then that often *does* come before love/marriage...because if they truly believe in it and think they are going to heaven/hell..they are not going to risk that, even for love...know what I mean? Take our own Christina (hope you don't mind girlie! ) on the baord...if Sujeet had not been compatible with her, religiously, I doubt she would have continued to pursue that relationship whether she liked/loved him or not. At least I don't *think* she would have....I shouldn't speak for her on that.

As far as the Catholic thing with the OP, she *has* stated numerous times that it doesn't matter necessarily that he's Catholic...but it's very important to her that he's baptised. Doesn't sound as much (even though that may be part of it) of a church requirement to me, but what she wants in a mate personally...which she has a right to, of course.

We all know it will be her decision in the end, but I don't think most of us think she should even give this guy another second of her time...so it's a moot point really...just my 2cents. M.

[Donna A 4]

it just seams stupid she dont care what religion just as long as he is baptized? what if he was athiest and he just goes to get baptized...will that be enough? of course not...the next step getting him to believe in god. im sure this baptizism thing is just a start for her..then she will want him to convert next.

Edited April 16, 2007 by donnaal

[Alex+R 0]

it just seams stupid she dont care what religion just as long as he is baptized? what if he was athiest and he just goes to get baptized...will that be enough? of course not...the next step getting him to believe in god. im sure this baptizism thing is just a start for her..then she will want him to convert next.

While I think that kind of misses the point, and certainly the OP has a right to restrict her choice of partner in whatever ways she wants, I have to add that I am an atheist Jew who was baptized. (My mom was really close with my Christian great-grandmother and she did it for her.) I don't really get what the big deal is about whether or not someone had their head sprinkled with water when they were a baby or not...

[MairzyDoats 0]

On a side note - your spouse does not have to be baptized Catholic for you two to be married in the Church. My grandfather was not Catholic and my grandparents lived a long and happy marriage (he was Protestant, my grandmother was Catholic). Perhaps in this case he felt pressured into doing something that a person should really be freely doing for themselves and not for another?

I know. I didn't ask him to be Catholic; he must be baptized and Christian, that's all.

He said he was Christian and wanted to be baptized. I wasn't pressuring him, he simply lied to me about who he was.

[MairzyDoats 0]

Donaal, he was a professed Christian. That's not a separate religion from mine, as I am Christian too. I'm not sure what you read into my post, but you have it wrong. If he was not Christian, he should have just said so. What we're talking about is denominations, and that doesn't really matter because we're CHRISTIAN -- whether Lutheran, Catholic, Methodist, Baptist and so on.

Some people do not understand that I have a right to want parity on religious matters in my marriage. And of course if he's not the right man for me, then better we don't invest in each other, right?

[MairzyDoats 0]

I am sorry to say...it does look like you'd be better off taking a step back...at least for the moment.

I can't tell you how many times I've freaked out about being in a long distance relationship (I have those moments around once a week!), and Justin has been there to calm me down being understanding and supportive every time...and when I'm not the freaking out one, I try to do the same for him. Being apart is really tough, and it looks to me that the only way to get through it is really caring and looking out for the other...but it has to be a 2 way street.

Now, about the religion difference...have you talked to your priest about this?

I am a catholic too, and my fiance is atheist, but I am not worrying about this for the moment. Remember the bible says that the non believer spouse is santified by the faith of the other spouse. I recently read in the vatican's web site about mixed marriages, here's the link http://www.vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/arch...s2c3a7.htm#1633

(you need to scroll down to the section that says "Mixed marriages and disparity of cult")

I hope everything works out for the best,

Wow, thank you this is really helpful. I will definitely check out that link. I was thinking of the "do not be yoked with unbelievers" as is oft quoted. Good to see another perspective on this issue!

[MairzyDoats 0]

just to play devils advocate....

why is it absolutely important for a catholic to marry a non catholic? and why would such a couple need permission from the church? why not marry at another church or place?

LOL, what my sweet husband *meant* to say was this: why is it absolutely important that a catholic only marry another catholic?

Now this is me....why can't a mixed faith couple marry anywhere they choose? The church is just a building...does being married in a church somehow sanctify the marriage more than others? If so then I guess our marriage is screwed...we were married outside in a lovely garden. I guess my thought process here is....what is more important....one's religion or their marriage to the one you are in love with.

Hmm. What is more important? I leave the answer up to the individual, it's a very personal question. I just don't think it is fair to put me in a position where I will be condemned for my personal choice. I am not condemning anyone's choice in this matter, I am simply asserting my own. If my fiance was not Christian or didn't think it was important, I would have appreciated that information early on instead of investing myself in someone whom I thought I had religion in common with.

[Dora 0]

Run away from this one.

You should be marrying your best friend...the man who is dying to just talk to you at the end of the day. Like someone else said, Stewart's NOT a phone person, but we spend so much time talking just to be close to eachother. This guys sounds like a total *****.

Run.

I totally agree with CarolineM. David (my husband) and I talked on the phone three times a day even before we were engaged. We met through the internet almost four years ago. Not only we talked on the phone but he sent emails too. I am now residing happily with him in Texas. Next Tuesday is our third wedding anniversary. He still calls me at least once a day at work just to ask how my day's going and of course to tell me he loves me. Yep, my man never fails to communicate.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do...

~Dora

Edited April 16, 2007 by Dora