ROC after divorce

[Depressed247 1]

Hi good morning guys . Really depressed and looking for some advice.

got married 1 year ago but my husband is controlling and verbally and emotionally abusive.

He shove me a few times and pushed me down when I was walking up the stairs.

He uses profanities to me and call me names. A few months ago I told him I wanted to get certified as a Home Health Aide

he told me if I did that he would send me back home or call USCIS to tell lies on me. When I told him I don't like the profanities 

he said he is the man and I shouldn't tell him what to do, and that I am being disrespectful. He tell me everything that I should do, if I don't always do what he says he says it's because I am ungrateful. I love my Husband so I tried to tell him he need to exercise (he has underlying illness) he curses me. He will take away my phone, take away the key so I can't leave the house, I can't use his computer or his wifi, and he tell me I can get back the phone only if I behave myself. I have to hide and watch certain reality shows because he says he doesn't want certain shows to watch in his house. I ask him for us to go counseling but he refuses to go. Even though I can't use his things, I still have to wash, cook, clean, iron every thing as before, he told me he is still giving me food. I take care of him, everyone who knows him says it's the healthiest he have looked in years

because I keep him eating clean, he doesn't appreciate it and treats me more like a slave than his wife. He verbally abuses me constantly and threatened to call USCIS, even though he know we both married for love.

if I decide to try and stay would it be possible, I don't have much evidence. What I do have:

1. One year tax return 

2. Joint bank account 

3. Health Insurance 

4. Postcards from both Of us

5. Emails and text messages 

6. Photos of us.

7. Electricity bills

He had his home before we met.

i don't know if I should even try as I don't have much evidence. He told me if I don't behave myself and do certain things, ( 1 thing I couldn't do) he won't put my name on his bills so I don't have much. I got my 2 year green card 9 months ago so I know it look bad, but I have tried to make it work to seek counseling and he refuses. He told me Sunday it's not going to work because I told him it can't be okay to speak to his wife that way, he said it's disrespectful to say that to him. I don't know if he files for divorce yet. He refuses me to work but don't give me any allowance, I love and want to work when I tell him I want to work, he says it's because I don't appreciate what he is doing to support us.

I feel like I am going crazy can't believe he is treating me this way.

he says he will file for divorce, have not happen yet but just want to know what my choices and chances are.

sorry my writing is not cohesive 

 

Thanks in advance for your help it will be greatly appreciated.

 

[NikLR 13,227]

Imho you have enough to roc on your own.  Leave the jerk. 

[Dashinka 24,527]

I agree, you have a lot, so I would leave the situation.  If he hasn't filed for divorce, maybe you should take the initiative. 

 

Good Luck!

[bostonBruce 38]

4 hours ago, Depressed247 said:

Hi good morning guys . Really depressed and looking for some advice.

got married 1 year ago but my husband is controlling and verbally and emotionally abusive.

He shove me a few times and pushed me down when I was walking up the stairs.

He uses profanities to me and call me names. A few months ago I told him I wanted to get certified as a Home Health Aide

he told me if I did that he would send me back home or call USCIS to tell lies on me. When I told him I don't like the profanities 

he said he is the man and I shouldn't tell him what to do, and that I am being disrespectful. He tell me everything that I should do, if I don't always do what he says he says it's because I am ungrateful. I love my Husband so I tried to tell him he need to exercise (he has underlying illness) he curses me. He will take away my phone, take away the key so I can't leave the house, I can't use his computer or his wifi, and he tell me I can get back the phone only if I behave myself. I have to hide and watch certain reality shows because he says he doesn't want certain shows to watch in his house. I ask him for us to go counseling but he refuses to go. Even though I can't use his things, I still have to wash, cook, clean, iron every thing as before, he told me he is still giving me food. I take care of him, everyone who knows him says it's the healthiest he have looked in years

because I keep him eating clean, he doesn't appreciate it and treats me more like a slave than his wife. He verbally abuses me constantly and threatened to call USCIS, even though he know we both married for love.

if I decide to try and stay would it be possible, I don't have much evidence. What I do have:

1. One year tax return 

2. Joint bank account 

3. Health Insurance 

4. Postcards from both Of us

5. Emails and text messages 

6. Photos of us.

7. Electricity bills

He had his home before we met.

i don't know if I should even try as I don't have much evidence. He told me if I don't behave myself and do certain things, ( 1 thing I couldn't do) he won't put my name on his bills so I don't have much. I got my 2 year green card 9 months ago so I know it look bad, but I have tried to make it work to seek counseling and he refuses. He told me Sunday it's not going to work because I told him it can't be okay to speak to his wife that way, he said it's disrespectful to say that to him. I don't know if he files for divorce yet. He refuses me to work but don't give me any allowance, I love and want to work when I tell him I want to work, he says it's because I don't appreciate what he is doing to support us.

I feel like I am going crazy can't believe he is treating me this way.

he says he will file for divorce, have not happen yet but just want to know what my choices and chances are.

sorry my writing is not cohesive 

 

Thanks in advance for your help it will be greatly appreciated.

 

omg so sorry , this is everyones nightmare, after all the work u guys did to finally meet he is like that? what a shame ! is there family around to talk to? either yours or his? u can message me if u want, I have my jama fiancée coming in august n boston

[bostonBruce 38]

hopefully theres someone from here that's n NJ to help u out, this bothers me a lot !!!!

[Depressed247 1]

6 hours ago, Bill & Katya said:

I agree, you have a lot, so I would leave the situation.  If he hasn't filed for divorce, maybe you should take the initiative. 

 

Good Luck!

I was prevented from working so I don't have money to file. I do love him and just wish he would at least seek counseling, maybe if someone show him the error of his ways he would change.

[TBoneTX 45,365]

People like this don't change, or if they do change, it doesn't endure.  For your sanity and safety, leave him.

 

Edited to add:  Just look at your user name:  Depressed 24-7.

Edited June 14, 2017 by TBoneTX

[Depressed247 1]

4 hours ago, bostonBruce said:

omg so sorry , this is everyones nightmare, after all the work u guys did to finally meet he is like that? what a shame ! is there family around to talk to? either yours or his? u can message me if u want, I have my jama fiancée coming in august n boston

That's what I keep telling him, after all this work we should not give up without a fight. I believe people should fight for their relationship. I just wish he would talk to someone. We talk to his mom and his sister, After hearing both sides , they told him it's not right to talk to me like that, his response would he that he is the one who sacrificed the most and this is how he talk. His mom is amazing, she calls me at least two or three times per week to check up on me.

4 hours ago, bostonBruce said:

hopefully theres someone from here that's n NJ to help u out, this bothers me a lot !!!!

Thanks

[Depressed247 1]

2 minutes ago, TBoneTX said:

People like this don't change, or if they do change, it doesn't endure.  For your sanity and safety, leave him.

I wish he would though. I am a Christian and we go to church on Sundays, I believe that if he tries maybe he can. He treated me like a queen in the beginning, but things started changing when we started living together. He wants to decide everything for me, and without my input. I will feel guilty if I leave and anything happens to him health wise. Through the entire process we did all the filing and research together, but he keeps saying as soon as we get divorce I would have to go back home. I would hear him making appointments to see his Lawyer, so maybe he told him I won't have enough evidence to stay here.

[Depressed247 1]

9 hours ago, NikLR said:

Imho you have enough to roc on your own.  Leave the jerk. 

Don't know if it's enough but I might try. I treat him so well and he treats me so badly. Thanks to me his health have improved so much but he sees that as nothing. It's just so hard to let go when you love and invested so much

[Depressed247 1]

He always threatens to call and tell lies on me to USCIS, will they believe him without any proof?

[Depressed247 1]

He always threatens to call and tell lies on me to USCIS, will they believe him without any proof?

[Depressed247 1]

A month ago he said he was going to file for a divorce because I am not doing what he says and he is the man and his wife should do as he says. He went to his lawyer but when he got back he was no longer proposing divorce, instead he was saying I can leave if I want, would it make a difference? If I was to go and spend a few weeks with my family can he say I abondon the marriage? it seems his lawyer is telling him it have to look like it's my fault the marriage end, will this affects my ROC? If I took the initiative will that put me in a bad light? I just get the feeling his lawyer is telling him it would look bad on me. I got HHA certified and wants to work, ( he told me I can't) but I want and have to. He doesn't give me allowance and if I want something he will take me to buy it instead of giving me money to buy it myself, and I do mean everything. Besides the joint assets and the other big things that I don't havecan you guys suggest any thing else besides what I list that I could use as evidence? If I don't read your responses it means he took away my iPad or turn off the wifi.

So thanks for all responses in advance

[Seth And Quynh 77]

get a divorce and end it in good faith he's maybe trying to lead you on till the Removal of conditions and then he won't agree to it and he will send you back.

Edited June 14, 2017 by Seth And Quynh

[GarryAndMarie 147]

1 hour ago, Depressed247 said:

I wish he would though. I am a Christian and we go to church on Sundays, I believe that if he tries maybe he can. He treated me like a queen in the beginning, but things started changing when we started living together. He wants to decide everything for me, and without my input. I will feel guilty if I leave and anything happens to him health wise. Through the entire process we did all the filing and research together, but he keeps saying as soon as we get divorce I would have to go back home. I would hear him making appointments to see his Lawyer, so maybe he told him I won't have enough evidence to stay here.

Just a thought, but since you both go to church, have you considered speaking with your pastor, priest, or reverend? Many times people have disagreements on the How's and What's in life, but if they are still aligned in the big Why's (core beliefs and values), they can begin to overcome the other differences by rebuilding the foundation of the relationship & on the things that brought them together in the first place.