Weddings, Food and Etiquette

[GrenadianCrix 1]

An additional suggestion. If you decide to go ahead and call the restaurant to order another dish you need to make sure you let the Bride know. If she sees random things coming to the table she may panic a bit. It ay not hurt to mention it to her before you call (I'm sure you would do this with the utmost tact and gentleness). Maybe she overlooked the issue of non-fish/tofu eaters and she would like the opportunity to correct it.

However, if you go ahead and organize it yourself through the restaurant, you should make payment arrangements before the dinner. That way there isn't an awkward bill being delivered to the table and the Bride/Groom are not embarrassed. Most parties like this are charged a 'per plate' rate and aren't paying for or getting what is normally on the menu. The bride will need to know if she is paying for your husband or not...it may save her a few dollars.

Cheers

Sue

[JenT 0]

I can understand a special request if a severe allergy is the problem, but for personal preference? No way. Not at a wedding. I don't care how good a friend she is... she's got enough details to worry about, even if it is a small wedding.

You might ask her upon what basis she made her decision, say, "Out of curiousity", so you'll have a sense of what other guests might do/say, but I would consider it rude to ask for special treatment, especially if it sparks a "hey, how come HE got steak and we're eating this #######?" sort of discussion during the reception. It's only one meal for crying out loud. He won't starve to death if he doesn't like the food. If he's that picky, he should be used to it.

Jen

Edited April 13, 2007 by JenT

[JoeMama 0]

I can understand a special request if a severe allergy is the problem, but for personal preference? No way. Not at a wedding.

You might ask her upon what basis she made her decision, say, "Out of curiousity", so you'll have a sense of what other guests might do/say, but I would consider it rude to ask for special treatment, especially if it sparks a "hey, how come HE got steak and we're eating this #######?" sort of discussion. It's only one meal for crying ot loud. He won't starve to death if he doesn't like the food. If he's that picky, he should be used to it.

Jen

Bingo! I've seen this before and the reaction is sometimes not pretty!

Her choices for dinner are quite bizarre. Let sleeping dogs lie...maybe they'll eat the food later!

[*JG* 2]

Personally, I would just go, eat what I liked, and have a good time. If I was still hungry, I would grab something after. It is her wedding. I could not imagine doing a single thing to upset anyone at all. I have been to plenty of weddings, parties, whatever, where I have not liked things on the menu. You eat what you like and skip what you don't.

[Jenn! 918]

I can understand a special request if a severe allergy is the problem, but for personal preference? No way. Not at a wedding. I don't care how good a friend she is... she's got enough details to worry about, even if it is a small wedding.

You might ask her upon what basis she made her decision, say, "Out of curiousity", so you'll have a sense of what other guests might do/say, but I would consider it rude to ask for special treatment, especially if it sparks a "hey, how come HE got steak and we're eating this #######?" sort of discussion during the reception. It's only one meal for crying out loud. He won't starve to death if he doesn't like the food. If he's that picky, he should be used to it.

Jen

Exactly, ITA. From the choices given, I can pretty much guarantee that there will be many people who are not particularly happy with their meals wondering how you got the special meal. It would be horrible to be the cause of conversations regarding the bad meal selection right at the wedding.

[JenT 0]

I can understand a special request if a severe allergy is the problem, but for personal preference? No way. Not at a wedding. I don't care how good a friend she is... she's got enough details to worry about, even if it is a small wedding.

You might ask her upon what basis she made her decision, say, "Out of curiousity", so you'll have a sense of what other guests might do/say, but I would consider it rude to ask for special treatment, especially if it sparks a "hey, how come HE got steak and we're eating this #######?" sort of discussion during the reception. It's only one meal for crying out loud. He won't starve to death if he doesn't like the food. If he's that picky, he should be used to it.

Jen

Exactly, ITA. From the choices given, I can pretty much guarantee that there will be many people who are not particularly happy with their meals wondering how you got the special meal. It would be horrible to be the cause of conversations regarding the bad meal selection right at the wedding.

Especially since he's not directly related to, nor does he even know, anybody there.....

[Caladan 19]

Mmm. I would plan to stock up on other food. The options at my wedding are beef and chicken, but I have a handful of vegetarian friends, so the caterer will prepare pasta primavera for them. But in those cases, it's a cheaper, easy option, not an 'upgrade' to chicken or beef. Unless you're very close, I'd order the fish and eat a couple extra rolls.

It seems that fish and tofu are a bad choice, but I suppose if the bride and none of her friends eat meat, it would be silly to put it on the menu.

[derekkj 0]

Exactly, ITA. From the choices given, I can pretty much guarantee that there will be many people who are not particularly happy with their meals wondering how you got the special meal. It would be horrible to be the cause of conversations regarding the bad meal selection right at the wedding.

Hmm, hadn't quite looked at it from that perspective, but you may be right. It's going to be a small wedding and I do know there are a few vegetarians that are going to be there, so hopefully there won't be too much griping about the food. But I wouldn't want Derek to be the source of any steak envy from anyone else who was looking at tofu and thinking ick.

I just remember from my wedding, we gave a lot of choices so that I wouldn't run into this situation. Only to forget about my maid of honors boyfriend who ironically was a vegetarian. I certainly didn't mind being asked for a special dinner and as it turned out we had a few people ask if there would be a vegetarian option. As well as my sister-in-law asking about a kid's plate. But I had a great caterer though who took care of it all with no fuss and no muss. Thank God for Jim.

I told Derek about the advice given here and his reaction was actually not to rock the boat and he indeed would not starve by missing one meal. He does know he can be pretty picky and this will not be the first time he has not enjoyed what was being served. I only wish I could get him to try seafood because I really like it and would love to eat it more at home!

And JenT, I am definitely curious enough to ask about how she chose her menu. It has to be one of the most, shall we say, unusual ones I have ever encountered at a wedding! I do know that they have eaten at this restaurant before and it may just be what they have liked before.

[JenT 0]

Good for Derek!!

If you do ask and get an answer, post and let us know!!

Jen

[~Chad~ 0]

Maybe those are her options because she wants to make sure the food won't run out

Sorry, couldn't resist, sounds like something my sister would do.

[homesick_american 1]

Fish or tofu? Gross.

It's not your place to complain about it tho; it's not your wedding and you're not paying for it. Just fill up on the other stuff, or eat a big meal before/after.

[NYGirl 0]

You should go to a russian wedding once ( or any other russian ocassion in a russian restaurant)

it's a sit down dinner where the food keeps coming and coming non stop for about 5-6 hours.

you name it and it's on the table

seafood, steaks, chicken, salads, smoked fish, cold cuts shish kebab, lamb chops and etc and etc and etc......and no one ever is hungry because there are OVER 100 dishes that are being served.

Of course by the time they bring steaks and shish kebabs and etc you are already so full that there is no room in your stomach and most of the time all that hot food is wasted.

Russians love to eat and don't forget to drink

Everytime there is someone attending a russian party ( who is not russian) they are usually shocked with how much food is being served and wasted because no one can eat that much........but what's more shocking to them is that you are not limited to only fish or chicken and your money are well spent!

Edited April 14, 2007 by NYGirl

[sereia 0]

am i invited to your wedding? i wanna eat that yummy food!!!!!!!!!!!!1 hahahaha

[JoeMama 0]

You should go to a russian wedding once ( or any other russian ocassion in a russian restaurant)

it's a sit down dinner where the food keeps coming and coming non stop for about 5-6 hours.

you name it and it's on the table

seafood, steaks, chicken, salads, smoked fish, cold cuts shish kebab, lamb chops and etc and etc and etc......and no one ever is hungry because there are OVER 100 dishes that are being served.

Of course by the time they bring steaks and shish kebabs and etc you are already so full that there is no room in your stomach and most of the time all that hot food is wasted.

Russians love to eat and don't forget to drink

Everytime there is someone attending a russian party ( who is not russian) they are usually shocked with how much food is being served and wasted because no one can eat that much........but what's more shocking to them is that you are not limited to only fish or chicken and your money are well spent!

I'll attest to this! It's true! My soon-to-be in-laws stuffed me with so much food, I actually gained 10 lbs. from my last trip to Ukraine! I usually end up losing that weight! I told them the next time I visit and don't want to eat, to please not force me. They even sent food with me for the trip home. It came in handy when I had a 14 hour layover in Frankfurt and nothing was open!

Edited April 14, 2007 by altimixdj

[ace13 0]

I say suck it up. It is one meal and no one will die if there isn't meat on the plate IMHO! The bride and groom have enough to worry about-leave them in peace.