Weddings, Food and Etiquette

[derekkj 0]

A friend of mine getting married in June and having her reception at a very nice restaurant here in VA. She told me a few weeks ago that the menu choices were going to be fish and vegetarian. I thought this was a very limited selection, especially since Derek refuses to eat fish, but it's going to be a small wedding and I figured that she knows what mosts of her guests would want to eat and didn't need to provide more options. I also figured the veggie option would be something like roasted veggies, or veggie lasagna and Derek could deal with that.

Well, I got the invitation yesterday and it turns out the veggie option is, get ready for this, tofu. And I can guarantee that Derek will not go for that either. Can't blame him since I don't like tofu either and am just glad that I like halibut. Part of me is wondering what my friend was thinking, but another part is wondering if I can ask her to ask the restaurant if they can provide something else for Derek. I looked at their online menu and they serve a whole host of beef and chicken, as well as more palatable (for Derek anyway) vegetarian options. I know when we got married we offered beef, chicken and fish and I was a bit embarrassed when my maid of honor gently reminded me that her boyfriend is a vegetarian. Couldn't believe I had forgotton that, but I talked to the caterer and was told absolutely no problem.

Obviously this is not the end all and be all of problems, but what would you all do? Would you ask your friend for another option or should Derek just suck it up and fill up on the appetizers, salad and bread? I am just praying that she has an open bar and there is some beer or he might boycott the whole thing!

[broma25 2]

If she is a good friend then speak to her and offer to pay for the additional meal. If she is more of an aquaintance, make sure Derek eats a hearty breakfast.

[JoeMama 0]

I've been DJ'ing weddings now for over 10 years. Every weekend I get to see what people put into their weddings. I'll be honest and tell you that I've never seen or heard of tofu being served in any form for a guest's dinner! It's usually, always beef or chicken. You're gonna have to keep in mind, this is your friend's wedding. She's going to have it her way. You could mention something to her about the meal. But you may run the risk of her being offended by it. Best let the family members do that for you. The only thing I can think of, stash a bucket of KFC chicken in the car! Odds of an open bar are slim too. Stick a bottle of alcohol you prefer inside the car also. Your boyfriend will have a good time either way!

[Otto 83]

Eat before you go, be polite, don't make waves and you certainly don't ask for something else to eat.

[Jenn! 918]

If it were me, I would suck it up and eat what was offered, or as you said, fill up on other stuff. I wouldn't feel it was my place to request something else, but that's just me.

[ajames79 0]

I would totally ask her if something else could be ordered and offer to pay for it.

She would probably have no issues with it at all. If she were a normal person with some understanding.

I don't think it is rude on your part. I don't think there should be a problem with proper etiquette.

Surely there is something else on the menu similar in price for her to work with.

Hope it goes well! I am sure it will! I always confronting people in these type of situations but in the end she is getting a gift from you!

[sereia 0]

i would only ask her to offer something else for him if she was realllllllllllllllly a best friend. otherwise, eat a big lunch and fill up on hors d'oeuvres and cake

[Ladylethal 12]

That's a very odd selection indeed. Most weddings even if you keep it simple you usually serve a meat (beef or chicken), a pasta, and something vegetarian, even if it's just salad. And if you spend a little more you throw in some sort of seafood as well, but a wedding where the options are fish and tofu? That's very odd as fish is the most likely type of dish people won't eat.

[Robor007 0]

It's an odd and limited selection but in the end it's her wedding. I wouldn't ask for an alternative simply because she's probably got a lot of things going on with the wedding plans. Plus it's only 1 meal. Just eat before arriving or fill up on the side dishes or snacks.

[derekkj 0]

Well, she is a pretty good friend, albeit with wierd food preferences.

I totally agree that it's her wedding and she gets to choose what gets served. And as I mentioned earlier, it's a small wedding so hopefully we'll be the only ones the go "#######, fish and tofu???" I also don't think that she'd be too offended if we ask for another option. Especially since she knows how picky Derek can be about his food. But I try to avoid confrontation whenever possible and if it were *me* that didn't like the food options, I would probably just suck it up, carry a candy bar in my purse and wait impatiently for the cake to be cut. I just feel guilty that I am dragging Derek to a wedding where he won't know too many people, will hate the food and probably won't even be able to drown his sorrows with beer. I have a feeling I am going to owe him for this!

Thanks for the suggestion about offering to pay for a different option. If I pair that with the fact that Derek can be difficult about what he eats, I think she will understand.

[ajames79 0]

First of all...

it is a small wedding and she is your friend. Ask her if she would be offended if you called the resturant and got your own meal for your husband. Take it into your hands.

I mean tofu or fish...comeon. I like fish...but tofu? There is a limit to what you can expect that everyone will eat.

I am having a nice large wedding...but I know all the guests very well. Plenty of picky eaters and my very best friend doesn't eat meat. There is something for everyone though.

It is not like it is a buffet and there is NOTHING that your husband will eat and you are complaining. She is making a choice for people who don't eat meat which is very thoughtful of her, but what about people who don't eat fish or soy products??

As I said I think it would be different if this were a big wedding with tons of people.

Edited April 13, 2007 by ajames79

[broma25 2]

Great Idea ajames of getting the OP to call the resaurant. Takes pressure off the bride who is probably already up to her neck in organizing one thing and another.

[Dr_LHA 3]

Honestly if you serve Fish or Tofu at your wedding, you're very likely to have a lot of people who won't want either option. Asking for trouble IMHO.

[Queen Jenn 0]

Wow. Fish and Tofu? I'd be screwed because I'm allergic to fish and I can't stand soy products. If it were me, I'd eat a big lunch and fill up on the other stuff. But if my man were a picky eater and I was worried, I'd do as suggested above and offer to call the restaurant myself and pay for the difference.

Whatever you decide to do - Good Luck and have fun.

[kari lina 0]

I think it depends on the bride, but my wedding is June 8th and if anybody asked me to try to get a special meal for somebody I would have no problem with that. I can't imagine being offended by the request, but I know that some brides do get a bit crazy Good luck!