Just could use a tad encouragement or something

[chri'stina 190]

I don't want to get into too many details, but many of you may remember me talking about stuff in the past with my in laws in India, and how it's not always been so smooth but has gotten better.

I know there must be others out there like me. (I know raspberryswirl's situation is even worse than ours). I still have not met my in laws. Sujeet just went to India but I could not go, for many reasons, and am sad to say that I am glad I did not go because it was a stressful family kind of trip for Sujeet and me being there would have been even worse.

I just feel part of my life is missing. I don't know what it's like to have in laws around or that you see on holidays. I never expected to marry a foreigner(neither did Suj!), and never expected that his culture would be so drastically from mine that there would be difficulty with my in laws for many cultural differences. I am so happy I married Sujeet of course, and he sacrificed a lot to be with me. I sometimes wonder if I am worth it. I know it sounds dramatic! But I'm serious. He caused a lot of turmoil to be with me. He still gets so much pressure and turmoil from his family for so many things. I feel guilty sometimes that he even met me, I only brought trouble into his life regarding his family. But we loved each other too much to not be together. We've been married 2 1/2 years already. Been in love for over 5 years.

I guess I feel this on and off all the time. But my in laws really expect me to be "Indian" and always say to look at Sonia Gandhi as my example. She became Indian practically, and speaks fluent Hindi, even though she was an Italian from Italy, and is a top politician there. It's not good enough that I am a nice girl with good morals, who has accepted much of the Indian culture into her life, who has sent so many letters to them, who takes care of their son. I can cook some Indian food, I do like some Indian music. When you marry someone from another culture, of course part of it is going to become a norm in your life. I love Indian food, that's why I wanted to cook it. I love sarees and Indian textiles. But all that is still not good enough. And I am not going to make myself anymore Indian than I am, but they don't accept it and always want more, which we cannot give and will not give. My father in law even wrote in a letter to my parents that since I chose to marry his son, I have to adapt to the Indian way of living as soon as possible and I have to learn Hindi as soon as possible.

I am supposed to forget all about being an American.

I feel like we live in two different worlds.

It's just frustrating! I would have posted this in the south asia forum, but I don't feel comfortable posting it there and I feel people in off topic will more understand my perspective on this as a westerner. And Sujeet doesn't just sit and let them say these things, he does defend me, but it causes so much strife sometimes between he and his parents. I wish it wasn't this way.

Anyone else going through this? I feel like I need a surrogate mother in law or something. Not an annoying one though. But one that says "you are a wonderful woman for my son...".

[LaL 418]

just sending some (((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))) to you.

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

You should tell them, Sonia was a white lady who settled in India, so she became Indian. Suj is an Indian guy who settled in the US, so he will try to be like Sanjaya.

(nitpickers, shut up already).

Christina, sorry I don't have anything helpful to say. Wish you the best, though!

[Otto 83]

Just Be You

[LaL 418]

You should tell them, Sonia was a white lady who settled in India, so she became Indian. Suj is an Indian guy who settled in the US, so he will try to be like Sanjaya.

[chri'stina 190]

You should tell them, Sonia was a white lady who settled in India, so she became Indian. Suj is an Indian guy who settled in the US, so he will try to be like Sanjaya.

I literally 'laughed out loud' when I read that.

[ILIKEALLCAPS 0]

You are a wonderful woman for Sujeet.

It's very true. You can see it from the joy in his face in all the pictures of you two. You can tell just by the way you write about him. He's lucky to have you, and your in-laws need to wake up and realize this, and soon. In the meantime, you keep being a wonderful wife, and they'll have to realize just how happy you make him.

So I say again, you are a wonderful woman for Sujeet. Just please, whatever you do, don't start calling me your surrogate mother-in-law.

[LaL 418]

You should tell them, Sonia was a white lady who settled in India, so she became Indian. Suj is an Indian guy who settled in the US, so he will try to be like Sanjaya.

I literally 'laughed out loud' when I read that.

so did i.. followed by a HUGE groan. LOL

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

You are a wonderful woman for Sujeet.

I agree that this is probably true.

You know, you've mentioned this thing about Sonia before. I've never heard any Indian people who like her attempts at assimilation, everyone I know sneers at it. I find this whole Sonia angle very strange. If you asked me, I'd suggest you (or anyone) try hard to be as un-Sonialike as possible!!

[chri'stina 190]

You are a wonderful woman for Sujeet.

It's very true. You can see it from the joy in his face in all the pictures of you two. You can tell just by the way you write about him. He's lucky to have you, and your in-laws need to wake up and realize this, and soon. In the meantime, you keep being a wonderful wife, and they'll have to realize just how happy you make him.

So I say again, you are a wonderful woman for Sujeet. Just please, whatever you do, don't start calling me your surrogate mother-in-law.

Thank you very much.

I will call you saas...not that it means mother in law in Hindi or anything...

I guess I should sleep now. Sujeet is having bad jet lag and falling asleep by 8:30 or so every night. Hopefully this weekend will help him get back on sleep schedule. He had to go back to work the day after getting back from India so he didn't have much time to get adjusted.

[JoeMama 0]

You should tell them, Sonia was a white lady who settled in India, so she became Indian. Suj is an Indian guy who settled in the US, so he will try to be like Sanjaya.

What a choice of person to tell the guy to become as an American! Sanjaya?

[chri'stina 190]

You are a wonderful woman for Sujeet.

I agree that this is probably true.

You know, you've mentioned this thing about Sonia before. I've never heard any Indian people who like her attempts at assimilation, everyone I know sneers at it. I find this whole Sonia angle very strange. If you asked me, I'd suggest you (or anyone) try hard to be as un-Sonialike as possible!!

probably true?

Maybe they secretly dislike Sonia but are just using it to try to change me? lol

[chri'stina 190]

Oh yeah...forgot to say that Sonia was mentioned in my letter from my FIL and in my parent's letter. It's the 2nd time she's been in a letter written to me though. Can you imagine my parent's reaction to the letter. The first letter they ever get just has expectations of me. And the letter my parents sent, just praised Sujeet and said happy things. lol

Edited April 13, 2007 by stina&suj

[KHURRAM SERAJ 0]

You are a wonderful woman for Sujeet.

I agree that this is probably true.

You know, you've mentioned this thing about Sonia before. I've never heard any Indian people who like her attempts at assimilation, everyone I know sneers at it. I find this whole Sonia angle very strange. If you asked me, I'd suggest you (or anyone) try hard to be as un-Sonialike as possible!!

probably true?

Maybe they secretly dislike Sonia but are just using it to try to change me? lol

I am sorry for what you are going through, thoug my situation wasn't the same but my wife is from a shiite family and my family an orthodox sunni and we have ran into our share of "family issues" and can understand you frustration, that being said I think you are doing an excellent job adopting some of Indian culture and all the while keeping your own as well. Just beleive in the fact that some people will never be happy no matter how much you change but hopefully your in-laws will realize soon how much you do for your husband and how much you have given up.

Wishing you good luck

[chri'stina 190]

You are a wonderful woman for Sujeet.

I agree that this is probably true.

You know, you've mentioned this thing about Sonia before. I've never heard any Indian people who like her attempts at assimilation, everyone I know sneers at it. I find this whole Sonia angle very strange. If you asked me, I'd suggest you (or anyone) try hard to be as un-Sonialike as possible!!

probably true?

Maybe they secretly dislike Sonia but are just using it to try to change me? lol

I am sorry for what you are going through, thoug my situation wasn't the same but my wife is from a shiite family and my family an orthodox sunni and we have ran into our share of "family issues" and can understand you frustration, that being said I think you are doing an excellent job adopting some of Indian culture and all the while keeping your own as well. Just beleive in the fact that some people will never be happy no matter how much you change but hopefully your in-laws will realize soon how much you do for your husband and how much you have given up.

Wishing you good luck

Thank you, same to you also. Sound's like your situation has been complicated too!