Too harsh?

[chri'stina 190]

it does sound a little harsh.... at least the no privileges for the summer if he doesn't get A's part...

Ditto.

I think getting all A's is great but not every child is able to. Though you do know your child best, and if he was making all A's and suddenly isn't, that could be a concern. I think its harsh that if he doesn't get all A's then ALL summer he loses those privileges. A couple weeks maybe, but all summer? Losing the video games all summer could be fair IMO. I am not really into video games anyway though. I'd think it was harsh if he HAD to get all B's too or else lose privileges for the summer. Kids get C's(and lower), even after trying hard, when it's a subject they can't grasp.

Me and my sister made different grades in school, though we both tried to do the same. I enjoyed school and got mostly A's, my sister got mostly C's and B's, my parents never tried to make us be the same when it came to our grades, but just asked that we tried our best. I guess you know what your son's best is, so you have to decide.

Edited April 13, 2007 by stina&suj

[~Chad~ 0]

I remember giving high-fives when I got a D in Biology at the end of my junior year-- only because it meant no summer school. But I struggled in school, including high-school. I wasn't lazy, just kind of a dumb@$$. If i believed my kid could do better, i would push him/her the same way.

[Mags 112]

You're only a child once. We only have one childhood. However, I see more and more parents these days putting so much pressure on their kids it breaks my heart. Yes, good grades are great, but he is still a child in many ways. Childhood isn't just about getting straight As. It is about playing with friends, having fun and just enjoying life.

There is enough sh!t and pressure to contend with when we get to adulthood without us projecting it onto our kids.

So yes, you were WAY too harsh IMO.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

My late husband and I were "tough love" parents. Our house, our rules was the mantra. We lovingly raised 5 to happy adulthood, and only one gave us any serious trouble when it came to her education. We stuck to our rules and high expectations with her, no matter what. She, like the others, had appropriate household chores from the age of 4, and we added to their responsiblities as they grew older. By the time she was 19, she was tired of rebelling, as she had no support for doing so, and actually thanked us for keeping to our rules, giving her values and ethics, and expecting more than too many of her friends' parents who now have to deal with grandchildren out of wedlock with drop out parents (their kids) who still live at home. We told her that if she wanted to move back home, as requested, she had to make a plan to create a productive life and stick to it. She did.

This kid, who we never even saw pick up a book, is now in graduate school, Phi Beta Kappa, and Dean's list at a top level school. She has a responsible job that affords her a secure life, and calls home every day because she misses her mom and seeks my advice. Our kids' poor comparisons of us in contrast to other parents or their kids was never a concern of ours. Our duty was to raise our kids to be happy, healthy minded, independent and productive adults. With God's help, we were successful.

We were immigrant parents, and our children are those whom your children will be competing with. Their school systems do expect more of them, and if you want your children to succeed, you will set priorities for them that reflect the values you want to teach, and you will not regret it. No one will love your children more than you, but you must not only love them, but raise them well to go out into a world that will not coddle them and will make them earn what they get. Better to teach them that now, than have them suffer a wrong headed sense of entitlement later for their lack of discipline. Of course, there are more lenient ways to try that may get the results you want, but they are like gambling. Consistancy and high expectations work best. Be kind, but firm, think long term, remember who the parent is and why the child needs guidance. With that, you cannot go wrong. Best to you!

Edited April 13, 2007 by Green-eyed girl

[ILIKEALLCAPS 0]

Right, Ok then.

Statistically, a C is average. That means little when you look at the overall grading in the public school system, but it is definitely something to consider when you're looking at the big picture. 1 D, the rest higher than C. For a 13 year old (ish), likely going through puberty, and getting all kinds of uncomfortably distracted by his classmates, that's pretty dang above average. Do I think a D is acceptable? No. Do I think the threat of a summer of restriction if all grades aren't in the A range by the end of the year is too harsh? Yes. By all means have high expectations of your son, it sounds like he's quite gifted, and deserving of the extra support that entails, but don't set up a scenario that's likely to be viewed as no-win. Are you willing to make the sacrifices necessary to ensure his success? You want his grades up 30%, are you willing to devote 30% of your time to supporting him, helping with homework, research, etc.? (and yes, I mean an additional 30%. Above and beyond what you do now. Will you restrict yourself to an equal amount if you fail to support him reaching his goal?)

Decry the D, accept the C, praise the B, and heap reward upon the A. But don't start the summer of teenagedom with a firm foundation in sullenness.

[KHURRAM SERAJ 0]

Who could love him more then you? If you though the punishment was appropriate then it is but try to use his grounding to get him closer to you and make sure he doesn't start seeing his studies as his enemy.

Just an opinion

[doodlebug 3]

what's wrong with D's???

I mean SOMEONE's gotta flip the burgers right? If everyone got straight A's , fast food as we know and love it would be history!!!

:energetic:

Seriously though, I ran into a similar situation with my 5th grader, although it was just a couple of assignments with D's and F's, not a real grade, per se. I thought of grounding her but a friend of mine told me that she did that and later found out her daughter had dyslexia and she felt soooooooooo bad.

So, instead of punishing her I told her that I was going to sign her up for tutoring sessions. Her response was , "mom I can do it though!!", and I gave her a sincere "i'm so sorry that you have to go through this" look, and said, "it's ok honey, not everyone can get all A's and B's....some people just have problems so we're going to try to get you some help.

Since that day, about two months ago, she's brought home straight A's.

[boardashell_2000 0]

No way is that too harsh! The B's show he is capable of that type of work...I wouldn't except anything less..if he is really trying and still doesn't understand then get a tutor like you said...and kids don't need all that b/s anyway....Read a book!

[zeeofman 0]

A week or so ago my 8th grade son came home with his report card. He had B's for Algebra, Science, Social Studies and a D for Language Arts. Because of this he has been grounded for a whole week: no internet, no cable TV, no internet and xbox/360/playstation games. no skateboarding buddies coming over and no cellphone use (except to family members). He is also on probation and has to report his grade average on a weekly basis to us. If he is not able to pull his grades up to A's by end of the school year, then he loses his privileges for the entire summer. We know he can do it if he applies himself.

He thinks we're too hard on him as he has classmates who get C's but don't get grounded.

What do y'all think?

Good For You! Finally parents that take an interest in their kids. Should he have the ability for A's and neglects his abilities..it is not too harsh!

Peace and Luv

Alan

[homesick_american 1]

A "D" isn't terrible IMO, in light of the fact that the other subjects are "B".

You have to put a "D" into perspective of the incredibly low standards of American schools, however.

LOL...you ought to see what plops into my inbox every day from British colleagues with an armful of As on their GCSEs and A-levels. Illiterate does not even begin to describe it.

[homesick_american 1]

Just additional background information. My son is not a genius but we know that he has above average intelligence. He consistenly rates a level IV at the end of grade tests. In 7th grade he took the early SAT under the Duke TIP and scored well enough to be invited to the state level recognition. So, we know that he can get A's if he just stays focused.

Also, he started out with straight A's and at every point of the school year (interim reporting, quarterly reporting) we had called his attention to his dropping grades. But, he didn't heed our warnings and it has come to this.

I went through a period like that...straight As, then my grades dropped like a stone. My parents tried to punish me for it, but at a parent-teacher conference my teacher revealed that I was being bullied by my classmates and that she had noticed cuts on my arms. I was in a very bad place and all my parents wanted to do was punish me for being 'lazy'.

I would advise you to poke and prod around, see what the reason is for the decrease in performance. It may be something serious that he needs help with. Good luck.

[Ban Hammer 13,282]

A week or so ago my 8th grade son came home with his report card. He had B's for Algebra, Science, Social Studies and a D for Language Arts. Because of this he has been grounded for a whole week: no internet, no cable TV, no internet and xbox/360/playstation games. no skateboarding buddies coming over and no cellphone use (except to family members). He is also on probation and has to report his grade average on a weekly basis to us. If he is not able to pull his grades up to A's by end of the school year, then he loses his privileges for the entire summer. We know he can do it if he applies himself.

He thinks we're too hard on him as he has classmates who get C's but don't get grounded.

What do y'all think?

imo, no, not too harsh (the first part). for crying out loud, he's lost this for a week - it's not the end of the world. i do have reservations about all A's by the end of the year. that might be raising the bar too high. perhaps an idea to amend that to a mixture of more a's than b's and nothing lower than a b.

[babybunny 2]

maybe you should get him a tutor in the subjects he's seriously lacking.... just a thought.

ps. i don't think you are too harsh. but then again, i'm not a parent yet. lol

the idea of having a tuitor is great! the kid is lacking in school. now if he was running around town

doing some crazy chit like starting fires thats diffrent. if its an educational need then - help the brother out! I had a tuitor for my

studies I lack in the math department.

[eau_xplain 2]

I really appreciate everyone's insights on this issue. As isleta aptly said... too bad that kids don't come with a manual. From all the responses I've seen you all know how difficult it is to keep a balance between discipline and indulgence.

We are constantly rethinking how we can keep our son motivated in his academic performance. We have already talked about the distractions we have allowed to clutter his life and we will come up with an agreement with him about how we should deal with it. As parents we have expressed and will continue to stand firm on our expectations of him. He knows that he has our support and that we are always available whenever he gets stuck or needs help with anything. If anyone has other ways of assessing a child's academic performance aside from grades, then I'll be very glad to hear them. The system does not exactly lend itself to non-numeric measures of achievement.

As our son starts high school next year, he will be confronted with even more pressure to do well academically as he starts to prepare for a college education. And yes, he does want to go to college... this is not just something that mom and dad wants. If he is able to come away from this experience with an even deeper sense of responsibility for his own future, then it will be worth it.

BTW, I re-read the "agreement" that we came up with after this grade "fiasco" and saw that we said ... "No more internet connection, game consoles and cable TV in your room." So, it is not really that harsh. (Yes, Caladan, we probably did overdo the indulgence part and set our son up for failure. But, he said he can handle it and to trust him. A good lesson for parents and son. ).

And yes, we will give him credit for pulling his grades up. If he can't pull his D up to an A, his effort to pull it up will still be recognized.

Edited April 13, 2007 by eau_xplain

[Mags 112]

I really appreciate everyone's insights on this issue. As isleta aptly said... too bad that kids don't come with a manual. From all the responses I've seen you all know how difficult it is to keep a balance between discipline and indulgence.

We are constantly rethinking how we can keep our son motivated in his academic performance. We have already talked about the distractions we have allowed to clutter his life and we will come up with an agreement with him about how we should deal with it. As parents we have expressed and will continue to stand firm on our expectations of him. He knows that he has our support and that we are always available whenever he gets stuck or needs help with anything. If anyone has other ways of assessing a child's academic performance aside from grades, then I'll be very glad to hear them. The system does not exactly lend itself to non-numeric measures of achievement.

As our son starts high school next year, he will be confronted with even more pressure to do well academically as he starts to prepare for a college education. And yes, he does want to go to college... this is not just something that mom and dad wants. If he is able to come away from this experience with an even deeper sense of responsibility for his own future, then it will be worth it.

BTW, I re-read the "agreement" that we came up with after this grade "fiasco" and saw that we said ... "No more internet connection, game consoles and cable TV in your room." So, it is not really that harsh. (Yes, Caladan, we probably did overdo the indulgence part and set our son up for failure. But, he said he can handle it and to trust him. A good lesson for parents and son. ).

And yes, we will give him credit for pulling his grades up. If he can't pull his D up to an A, his effort to pull it up will still be recognized.

Just let him have some fun aswell though. Childhood is all about fun too y'know.

Edited April 13, 2007 by mags