Too harsh?

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Is a letter grade the only way you measure your child's scholastic effort?

[Nagishkaw 510]

Speak for yourself, purple hibiscus. I would never settle for mediocre for myself. I get a high for succeeding. When I encounter a difficult math problem and solved it correctly, I jump up and down and my heart beat fast. Then, my brain asks for more.

And rapture is always preceded by a massive outbreak of guilt and existential nausea.

[Ladylethal 12]

I see nothing wrong with your reprimand except for the no privileges for summer. For two reasons, you can encourage your kid to have straight A's, but you're punishing him for having B's. The one D he got you can ground him for it and make him pull it up.

Also, if he doesn't manage it, I'm almost sure you won't be able to follow through with the punishment for an entire summer, and your threats will be empty ones. You could take away one or two of his summer privileges but it's not even healthy to prevent him from enjoying his summer, unless he completely failed his school year due to slacking off.

And remember that at a certain age trying to do that to a kid makes them more rebel and less willing to try.

[Trumplestiltskin 5,791]

I know a couple of pretty successful people who dropped out of school with mediocre grades and chose not to pursue higher education. That's perhaps the exception rather than the rule - but I think generally speaking too much stock is placed in the grade system and it isn't a measure of someone's intelligence or desire to succeed in life. Of course - it certainly helps!

I got a "D" in art at GCSE level - a lot of that was just that I wasn't a very good artist, but it wasn't for lack of effort.

[Alex+R 0]

Speak for yourself, purple hibiscus. I would never settle for mediocre for myself. I get a high for succeeding. When I encounter a difficult math problem and solved it correctly, I jump up and down and my heart beat fast. Then, my brain asks for more.

Console, you are freaking crazy.

Anyway, some parents do not see school as the only worthwhile place for their kids to excel.

For example, my lil brother excels at music and pretty much only wants to do stuff related to music. He is not allowed to flunk out or anything, but my parents recognize that math is never going to be his passion. He is not required to get an A in math. Anything less than an A in band/jazz band/music theory/English is not acceptable, however.

[Ta Ta 1]

I would've done the same. People here would say I'm crazy or something, but that's the only way to get all A's. It will either break the kid, or make the kid smarter.

Breaking a child is ok with you ?????

I agree with having fair expectations of accomplishments, privileges and responsibilities.

I have raised 3 kids, all grown now and one just finished her masters in speech pathology,

the other is almost done with her bachelors in art education and my son has a trade profession.

I find the whole summer suspension unreasonable. I believe in consitency and follow

through of laid down rules but have another perspective in this case. Everyone needs

to recharge during the summer break and destress.

If you feel that the summer suspension is too tough then tell him that you reconsidered

your suspension and came to realize that it was too much. However he can 'trade'

summer school or a tutor for his privileges during the summer if he so chooses.

That gives him a certain kind of control at this delicate stage in age and he will feel

more in charge of his life rather than feel like a small child and may prevent the

almost sure to come rebellion. Monitor who his friends are...know them.

Know the places he goes.

[Caladan 19]

eau xplain: don't take this the wrong way, but is there a correlation between your son getting gaming console #1, gaming console #2, gaming console #3, the Internet, and his cell phone and his grades going down?

'Cause from this perspective, it's like you put your kid in the room with some broccoli and then covered the floor with candies and chocolates and then were surprised when he'd rather eat the candy.

I think he's just too distracted. He's not in an environment where he can succeed. It might be best, after this *punishment* plays itself out, to say new rule: no more than half an hour of gaming a day, and only if the homework's done. No cellphone between when he gets home from school and when he finishes his homework.

[lynny 0]

what about giving him some kind of reward for him to strive for, instead of punishing him for not getting good grades

He is getting B"s surely that doesnt deserve a punishment

only my thoughts

Lynny

[Welshcookie 17]

Regardless of what anyone else thinks, now you have said it, you have no way of going back on it, follow through is essential.

However, if you are using this grounding time to spend time with your son and helping him work out why he isn't reaching his full potential, it'll probably all work out for the best.

My husband dished out a punishment that I thought was too harsh last month and when he told me and he saw the face I pulled he said he would talk to my son and 'revise' the punishment....but I told him not to, it is important for my son to see us united so I told my son I supported the punishment. But, from this we now discuss punishments so that it is comfortable for both of us. My husband has far more 'knee jerk' reactions than I do.

[isleta521 5]

Its just too bad that kids didnt come with manuals. You get one for the new car, lawnmower and the computer but not the kid. Too bad.

It is tough raising kids. We have four, 2 girls me and 2 boys her. Every one of them is so completely different and we have to respond and award (or punish) differently for each one. What would work for one so easily will not work for the other three. I would say that consistency is the key, but I think you can and I have changed my mind after I have cooled down and though about that I just grounded my oldest for 5 years ( J/K).

Anyway Eau Xplain, I am just saying that its really tough sometimes being a good parent and you seem like a good parent that really cares that like most are always wondering, worrying and questioning if sometimes you (we) are not doing the right thing cause it sucks sometimes being the bad guy. Just a little insight anyway.

[Nikita2Charles 32]

You sound like mother, She was exactly like that. I used to be so upset back then when I was a kid, I thought she was too demanding, If i fall out of the top 5 in the class i get a warning, top 10 i get all the punishment you mentioned above, that whole period felt like hell on earth. Therefore the moral of the story is you better do good in schoo, it's in your own self interest. When others are fighting just to make the grade, i never thought it was fair to be grounded when others wish they could have my grade. but in the end it was all worth it, I always reach higher, her lesson was to establish self confidence, take up challenges knowing the SKY is the LIMIT.

[amwo 0]

"no internet, no cable TV, no internet and xbox/360/playstation games. no skateboarding buddies coming over and no cellphone use"

sorry if this offends you but.....he's got all that stuff? no wonder his grades aren't up to par.

[ChristinaM 0]

Perhaps confiscation of "fun machines" until consistent improvement is seen would work?

[KarenCee 3]

I would've done the same. People here would say I'm crazy or something, but that's the only way to get all A's. It will either break the kid, or make the kid smarter.

As a teacher, I've seen kids have nervous breakdowns because they got a high B instead of an A. I've seen kids freak out about missing one problem on a test and making a 95, which is a middle A...and this is at the elementary level. Sheesh! IMHO I think parents put way too much pressure on kids in regards to being straight A students. Aye, it will either make or break the kid...and someone please remind me why that would be a good thing? I am a firm believer in a student doing his or her personal best. I teach that everyday. Have either one of you tried to figure out WHY he has made such "poor" grades? Usually when there is a drop in grades, usually to the parents displeasure, there is underlying reasons for such a drop. *sigh* I guess I'm a wuss, but I personally think you were both a bit hard. Try to look at this from the educator's standpoint. Talk to your son's teacher. See what he or she has to say about his grades. The teacher can usually shed much more light on this than you know, rather than you trying to punish him to this extreme when you really don't know...unless he's talked to you and told you why...his grades are not to your satisfaction. Yeah, I know you posted about the intelligence of your son. I teach some very brilliant fifth graders too. Do I expect perfection every single day? No, that's not fair. Do I expect them to do their best? Yes, every single day. Do they have things in their personal life that might affect their grades over a long term period? I'm sure they do. All I'm saying is a lot of parents take their child's intelligence as an indication that they will ALWAYS be perfect. It isn't always the case.

Just my humble opinion seen through the eyes of my profession. If I offend you then I humbly apologise.

[Aymerlu 3]

Depends on the child and you know your child better than anyone. If you know he can do the work and has been just lazy in the class, then yes, I think the punishment is ok. If the child is seriously struggling in that class and made a D then the punishment may be a bit harsh. I know a lot of my sons classmates (he's in 6th grade) that will have basically the same punishment when their grades are low. When they don't have the extras to do....their grade automatically go back up. All kids are different and learn in different ways. You are the best judge on the disipline with your child.