Too harsh?

[Dr_LHA 3]

A "D" isn't terrible IMO, in light of the fact that the other subjects are "B".

You have to put a "D" into perspective of the incredibly low standards of American schools, however.

Edited April 12, 2007 by Dr_LHA

[rclouse 0]

I'm no parent, but I see this situation like this: those kids whose parents expect Cs only expect average things from their kids, for various reasons of their own. You know your kid can do better than average, so you expect him to. That's not unfair, that's believing in your kid, IMO.

Gotta remember that for the future, that's a good one.

/due Aug 12

[Trumplestiltskin 5,791]

A "D" isn't terrible IMO, in light of the fact that the other subjects are "B".

You have to put a "D" into perspective of the incredibly low standards of American schools, however.

Well I know my wife was surprised when I told her that at university the average grade for an assignment was between 50 and 60%. For my own perspective teachers were more critical at each level of education - college was a step up from highschool and university a step up from college. Still even at high school (I went to a middle of the road comprehensive) "As" were hard to get.

It would be interesting to know what percentage of kids generally get the top grades. If they're easy to get - it diminishing the usefulness of the grading system as you have no real way of knowing how well a kid is doing compared to his peers.

Language Arts - is that writing? I remember not so long ago there was a story in CA about the education authority making the english assessments more hands on - and have them do essay type exams rather than multiple choice after criticisms that the students were leaving school without adequate language skills.

[Otto 83]

A week or so ago my 8th grade son came home with his report card. He had B's for Algebra, Science, Social Studies and a D for Language Arts. Because of this he has been grounded for a whole week: no internet, no cable TV, no internet and xbox/360/playstation games. no skateboarding buddies coming over and no cellphone use (except to family members). He is also on probation and has to report his grade average on a weekly basis to us. If he is not able to pull his grades up to A's by end of the school year, then he loses his privileges for the entire summer. We know he can do it if he applies himself.

He thinks we're too hard on him as he has classmates who get C's but don't get grounded.

What do y'all think?

2cents worth...

First - the 'other' kid's family/parents... careful what you say as whatever you say will eventually get repeated to the other kid and then his/her parents... I think it's why most of our parents used to say "this is my house, these are my rules" instead of something derogatory about the other kid or his family...

Second - never make a rule you're going to break - so if you're going to follow through on the summer punishment, you have to do it.

Lastly - The grades - before I (if it were me) set any grade improvement requirements I'd first have a chat with the teachers so see if it's even possible to go to A's..and for my kid, if he/she applies themselves..what they feel he/she can realistically do.. and set your expectations from there - I mean can you actually go from a D to an A in the short time remaining?

As others have said - if they need help, of course they should get it - tutor, set study time, some encouragement along the way etc. And of course always let them know you love them.. =)

That'd be my perspective..

[eau_xplain 2]

Thank you all for your insights.

Just additional background information. My son is not a genius but we know that he has above average intelligence. He consistenly rates a level IV at the end of grade tests. In 7th grade he took the early SAT under the Duke TIP and scored well enough to be invited to the state level recognition. So, we know that he can get A's if he just stays focused.

Also, he started out with straight A's and at every point of the school year (interim reporting, quarterly reporting) we had called his attention to his dropping grades. But, he didn't heed our warnings and it has come to this.

Brnidokiegurl, I try not to be the demanding parent when it comes to my son's grades. Right now I am trying to find creative ways to get him to stay focused on taking care of his responsibilities in school.

Marilyn, Alex and Matt, you're right. We will give him credit for his hard work if he pulls his grade up. I've actually seen him pull up a "D" during an interim report to an "A" in a quarter report before but we'll see if he can still do it this time.

Through all these we emphasize to our son that even though we are upset with his performance in school, we still love him and believe in his ability to do better. He's really a good young man overall .... just need to learn a lot about responsibility.

[almaty 19]

never have the punishment be something that you do not reinforce

[Niels Bohr 72]

I would've done the same. People here would say I'm crazy or something, but that's the only way to get all A's. It will either break the kid, or make the kid smarter.

[JohnK 0]

He thinks we're too hard on him as he has classmates who get C's but don't get grounded.

Ask him if he'd settle for just being a mediocre skateboarder just because his friends might settle for being mediocre.

[Peikko 1,575]

Breaking the kid being an acceptable option here?

There is life beyond getting A's...

[Welshcookie 17]

I thought the grades looked good to me.....

I personally would turn it on it's head and say "hey, good job on the B's but we know you can do better, if you do you will be rewarded with blah blah blah...."

and maybe turn off the distractions you think are to blame for the lower grades this time.

But then my husband says I am soft so what do I know

[Jasman0717 9]

You are the parent so should understand the capabilities and limitations of your child. Children need to be held responsible for their actions, especially at this age so I support your decision. I am not sure if I would support suspension of privileges for the entire summer but again, you are the parent and understand what he is and isn't capable of. Good luck with your son, he is entering a very difficult age and really does need your support and guidance.

[Niels Bohr 72]

Speak for yourself, purple hibiscus. I would never settle for mediocre for myself. I get a high for succeeding. When I encounter a difficult math problem and solved it correctly, I jump up and down and my heart beat fast. Then, my brain asks for more.

[tom&tata 2]

never have the punishment be something that you do not reinforce

I am not a parent (yet), but I think this is so true. Additionally, yes, my parents were more strict than the neighbour or cousins when we were young. Sometimes we complained and they said "you are our kids, you follow our rules".

Looking back now, I am really grateful they did what they did.

[Caladan 19]

I'd follow through, but I do want to say that grades should not be taken as a measure of your child's worth, and when you focus on 'getting the grade' as the only way to measure how well he's doing in school, you run the risk of creating a child who either a) sees school as the enemy or b ) sees As as not worthwhile because he's gained knowledge but because he gets rewards.

I wouldn't punish a kid for doing poorly in school, but I would punish him or her for showing a lousy work ethic and not doing his best. In a lot of cases, an A is a good proxy for that, but be careful that you don't end up creating a kid who just copies his papers off the internet because it keeps Mom off his back as long as he gets As.

And in this case, I'd be tempted to say that the internet and the three game consoles and the cellphone should be strictly limited all the time. No consoles on school nights, no cellphones during study time, that sort of thing.

[eau_xplain 2]

Breaking the kid being an acceptable option here?

There is life beyond getting A's...

Believe it or not we do agree that life is more than just getting A's.

As we told our son during our series of talks with him, we don't want him to stop having fun with his friends but we also don't want him to lose sight of his future and what he needs to do to prepare for it. He just needs to keep a balance between fun and responsibility. After all, that's what he will have to do in order to survive (and hopefully prosper) when he becomes an adult.