Too harsh?

[eau_xplain 2]

A week or so ago my 8th grade son came home with his report card. He had B's for Algebra, Science, Social Studies and a D for Language Arts. Because of this he has been grounded for a whole week: no internet, no cable TV, no internet and xbox/360/playstation games. no skateboarding buddies coming over and no cellphone use (except to family members). He is also on probation and has to report his grade average on a weekly basis to us. If he is not able to pull his grades up to A's by end of the school year, then he loses his privileges for the entire summer. We know he can do it if he applies himself.

He thinks we're too hard on him as he has classmates who get C's but don't get grounded.

What do y'all think?

[sereia 0]

maybe you should get him a tutor in the subjects he's seriously lacking.... just a thought.

ps. i don't think you are too harsh. but then again, i'm not a parent yet. lol

Edited April 12, 2007 by abdounjen

[Alex+R 0]

I'm no parent, but I see this situation like this: those kids whose parents expect Cs only expect average things from their kids, for various reasons of their own. You know your kid can do better than average, so you expect him to. That's not unfair, that's believing in your kid, IMO.

[Marilyn. 340]

it does sound a little harsh.... at least the no privileges for the summer if he doesn't get A's part...

[Trumplestiltskin 5,791]

A "D" isn't terrible IMO, in light of the fact that the other subjects are "B".

I agree that a tutor might be a good way to go.

[Saddle Bronc 124]

A week or so ago my 8th grade son came home with his report card. He had B's for Algebra, Science, Social Studies and a D for Language Arts. Because of this he has been grounded for a whole week: no internet, no cable TV, no internet and xbox/360/playstation games. no skateboarding buddies coming over and no cellphone use (except to family members). He is also on probation and has to report his grade average on a weekly basis to us. If he is not able to pull his grades up to A's by end of the school year, then he loses his privileges for the entire summer. We know he can do it if he applies himself.

He thinks we're too hard on him as he has classmates who get C's but don't get grounded.

What do y'all think?

You can remind him that YOU (not his classmates' parents) are his parents, so YOUR rules (not theirs) apply.

[Alex+R 0]

it does sound a little harsh.... at least the no privileges for the summer if he doesn't get A's part...

oh yeah, I missed that. I think the worst part of too-harsh punishments is that they are hard to stick to, and your kid probably knows that ahead of time. Can you really tell your kid that he can have no fun all summer and mean it?

Maybe you should expect improvement, as in turning in homework, studying x amount for tests, etc., but not As. That's also not entirely in your son's control and too arbitrary.

LOL look at me, dispensing parenting advice. Out of my league, much?

[JoeMama 0]

You're doing the right thing. Everything is a "privilege". We only owe them food to eat, clothes on their backs, and a place to sleep. Kids don't want to understand that. They believe they are "owed" everything in life. I'm starting to deal with the same thing with my 16 year old. But only failing 1 class...so far. Her attitude has become seriously lazy. I've taken away the privilege of a driver's license, etc. I'm at the point of telling her that if she really wants to slack off, regardless of what I'm trying to do, she needs to start making plans for her to be on her own when she turns 18.

Edited April 12, 2007 by altimixdj

[brnidokiegurl 0]

Do you notice him trying or just not careing about the grades. THere sometimes is a difference in wanting to and just not being able to. Let him know you expect the grades up and work with him. THe week is fine to do without, the reporting and keeping in touch of the grades is good, but demanding to get A's...as a child what did you do when your parents demanded or mostly told you you couldnt do something. ..better to work along with them

[Peikko 1,575]

Regardless of what anyone else thinks, now you have said it, you have no way of going back on it, follow through is essential.

However, if you are using this grounding time to spend time with your son and helping him work out why he isn't reaching his full potential, it'll probably all work out for the best.

[Jenn! 918]

Depends. Seems to me that you know he's not doing his best. In that case, I don't think your punishment is too harsh at all.

I don't think every kid is cut out for straight A's. Kids shouldn't be punished for not getting A's, they should be punished for not doing their best.

Sometimes it seems parents have a hard time judging their kids' aptitude.

[mRx 16]

I got a little brother in high school, and I think going from D to A in the last semester of the school year is not going to be easy. What if he works hard and pulls up to a low B, you really gonna ground him all summer?

[Nagishkaw 510]

A week or so ago my 8th grade son came home with his report card. He had B's for Algebra, Science, Social Studies and a D for Language Arts. Because of this he has been grounded for a whole week: no internet, no cable TV, no internet and xbox/360/playstation games. no skateboarding buddies coming over and no cellphone use (except to family members). He is also on probation and has to report his grade average on a weekly basis to us. If he is not able to pull his grades up to A's by end of the school year, then he loses his privileges for the entire summer. We know he can do it if he applies himself.

He thinks we're too hard on him as he has classmates who get C's but don't get grounded.

What do y'all think?

You can remind him that YOU (not his classmates' parents) are his parents, so YOUR rules (not theirs) apply.

Simply put, that's PERFECT! :thumbs:

[maya62 7]

I'm a new mom (of 1.5 years now) to an 11 year old who is in 5th grade and has been on the A/B honor roll since he got here, despite the fact that English is his second language. I don't have the benefit of a lot of experience, but that doesn't stop me from expressing my opinion!

I think your measures for the immediate future are fine. Not too harsh.

The only reservation I have would be about the summer priviledges. I would be more inclined to give some priviledges for all A's and B's, and more priviledges (or something really cool he's been wanting) if he gets all A's.

If he can't do any of that stuff at all, what's he going to do all summer?

We do not allow our son to watch TV on school nights, period. He tells me regularly that other kids get C's and it's fine with their parents. I tell him we're not them and it doesn't really matter... this is how things are in our house. Which is what my mom told us when we complained about not even having a TV at all when I was growing up. He occasionally says I'm mean, and lately "mean and evil". I've asked other moms about this (I remember saying MUCH worse things to my mom), and they say "that's good... it means your doing your job!".

So... onward through the fog! Best wishes. Be strong. They'll thank you for it later. Like when they're in their 40's.

Best wishes,

Maya

[sereia 0]

Regardless of what anyone else thinks, now you have said it, you have no way of going back on it, follow through is essential.

excellent point. this is where so many parents go wrong (even my own) i always knew when they said something i could change their minds...

following through is essential. and being careful what you say "no" to is also essential. but now that you've said it, i recommend following through and also suggest a tutor in the subject your child needs help.

i'm no parent but i was a child who grew up with parents and i can see some areas in which they went wrong now...