if your spouse cheated...

[Yaads 0]

Sometimes it's the "victim's" fault. I've seen it happen.

ummm…no the last time I checked no one was being forced to have one night stands or affairs. There is no one holding a gun to your head. Each person is responsible for their own actions and using the excuse “well the other person made me do it because _____” is the lamest thing ever. Take responsibility for your own actions and stop blaming others for your decisions. That’s what wrong with society today everyone feels entitled to do something wrong because of how they were treated by another person. In the end your decisions and actions are your own and you can’t justify or blame someone else for them. If your situation is so bad and your feel like you “need” to cheat be a man/woman and break off your current relationship and then move on to the next. Don’t play them both.

[ya falaha! 0]

Well I suppose one could just get a divorce instead of cheating but sometimes that's not an ideal solution. A brief fling or one night stand is not really "playing" as you say but a long term affair is.

Sometimes it's the "victim's" fault. I've seen it happen.

ummm…no the last time I checked no one was being forced to have one night stands or affairs. There is no one holding a gun to your head. Each person is responsible for their own actions and using the excuse “well the other person made me do it because _____” is the lamest thing ever. Take responsibility for your own actions and stop blaming others for your decisions. That’s what wrong with society today everyone feels entitled to do something wrong because of how they were treated by another person. In the end your decisions and actions are your own and you can’t justify or blame someone else for them. If your situation is so bad and your feel like you “need” to cheat be a man/woman and break off your current relationship and then move on to the next. Don’t play them both.

[*JG* 2]

Well I suppose one could just get a divorce instead of cheating but sometimes that's not an ideal solution. A brief fling or one night stand is not really "playing" as you say but a long term affair is.

Sometimes it's the "victim's" fault. I've seen it happen.

ummm…no the last time I checked no one was being forced to have one night stands or affairs. There is no one holding a gun to your head. Each person is responsible for their own actions and using the excuse “well the other person made me do it because _____” is the lamest thing ever. Take responsibility for your own actions and stop blaming others for your decisions. That’s what wrong with society today everyone feels entitled to do something wrong because of how they were treated by another person. In the end your decisions and actions are your own and you can’t justify or blame someone else for them. If your situation is so bad and your feel like you “need” to cheat be a man/woman and break off your current relationship and then move on to the next. Don’t play them both.

What??????????? "A brief fling or a one night stand is not really "playing" as you say but a long term affair is"????????? (Shakes head and just walks out of room speechless!)

If you are desperate enough to stay with someone who doesn't respect you in the least, then, hey, more power to you.

I have too much respect for myself. If he cheats, he's gone. If he feels the need to cheat, he better walk away from me first. No other scenarios are justifiable in my point of view and never will be.

[ya falaha! 0]

I'm not desperate and (in my knowledge) have never been cheated on. What I'm saying is that I know of couples who have had to deal with this before. It really depends on the situation and relationship. It's not as cut and dry as it seems. If my husband were blatanly cheating no way would I put up with it. If my husband was having numerous flings and I knew about it no way would I put up with it. I'm just trying to say that there are instances where ppl cheat and it's not a habitual thing.

If your husband cheats and you aren't aware of it then what?

[Alex+R 0]

IMO, if someone has a one-night stand, was incredibly drunk, and it wasn't the consummation of some longterm flirting, but just a totally random thing, I wouldn't throw out the whole relationship because of it. Unless I were already looking for an excuse to get out.

[*JG* 2]

I'm not desperate and (in my knowledge) have never been cheated on. What I'm saying is that I know of couples who have had to deal with this before. It really depends on the situation and relationship. It's not as cut and dry as it seems. If my husband were blatanly cheating no way would I put up with it. If my husband was having numerous flings and I knew about it no way would I put up with it. I'm just trying to say that there are instances where ppl cheat and it's not a habitual thing.

If your husband cheats and you aren't aware of it then what?

Then shame on him. But, if I were to find out, there would be no excuse he could come up with that would ever be good enough to save him from my fury....and it would be quadruple since I wouldn't have found out right away.

I don't care if he was so drunk he didn't even know his own name.......he is responsible for his actions at all times. And, no I wouldn't call it looking for a way out. I would call it having a responsible adult relationship.

When Andre and I were just in the flirting/early stages of our romance, we had long heart to heart talks about everything. I made it very clear then that I would never accept him cheating on me even once. It is my most unforgivable sin. He knew it then. When some friends of ours ended up splitting up for just that reason, we discussed it again.

Not only my own self-respect; but my very health is on the line if he were to cheat. One mistake from him could cost me my life. I don't think it is unreasonable to say I won't ever accept him cheating on me.

[sereia 0]

IMO, if someone has a one-night stand, was incredibly drunk, and it wasn't the consummation of some longterm flirting, but just a totally random thing, I wouldn't throw out the whole relationship because of it. Unless I were already looking for an excuse to get out.

this is just what i was going to say... If my husband were on a business trip, alone, drunk, and it "happened" of course i'd HATE the idea of it. but i would never want him to tell me. if he still loved me, and i still loved him, and it was just a mistake...why ruin everything? one could argue, why ruin everything by even putting themselves in the position to cheat, but i can see how an accident could happen.

[derekkj 0]

Count me in with the cheating = dealbreaker crowd. Already had to deal with the effects of one family member cheating on another and don't want to deal with that ever again. For me there is no excuse for cheating. Certainly not being alone or drunk. What's he going to say, "Oh, sorry, honey my winkey just "accidentally" fell into her vajayjay? Course if he is so drunk that he barely knows his own name, chances are not much is going to happen anway.

That being said, this is simply the way *I* (and fortunately Derek) feel. But I agree with Moody that everyones situation is different, and if other couples are able to work through the emotions that occur when one partner cheats, that is their decision.

[Kez/JWolf 6]

There is no excuss for any cheating.... if my husband cheated on me it would be a case of "YOUR DINNER IS IN THE DOG.... HAVE A NICE LIFE.... GOODBYE"

As for the excuss well I was on business and had to much to drink... it just happened... that is total ####### we all know that too much alcohol and "it" dont work... so if "it" was in work order then he was not too drunk to say NO...

Kez

[Fandango 1,439]

I dunno how I'd react tbh. I have never cheated on anyone, nor has anyone ever cheated on me. I also previously had a set of 'dealbreakers' before I met D and was very cut & dry over how I'd react...I'd say exactly what's said in this thread 'oh he'd be packin his bags, no ifs ands or buts!'

However, with D, I love him so much I can't see anything which would break us. I know categorically he'd never cheat on me...but he's taught me the meaning of commitment. Learning to love and accept someone fully, as he does you, all the while knowing we're all flawed individuals who make mistakes. Has he ever broken a dealbreaker? No he hasn't. But the level of commitment I feel towards him makes me know in my heart that I would fight tooth and nail to save my relationship with him through pretty much anything...even cheating...because I love him and he's my family. And I won't walk away from family.

Of course, he's earned this commitment and love being the wonderful & respectful partner he is. I suppose it's a double edged sword cos without him honoring our relationship, I wouldn't feel as I do.

[~Chad~ 0]

I would walk out. But, I know my wife wouldn't do that.

Ditto

[Lilith** 0]

I dunno how I'd react tbh. I have never cheated on anyone, nor has anyone ever cheated on me. I also previously had a set of 'dealbreakers' before I met D and was very cut & dry over how I'd react...I'd say exactly what's said in this thread 'oh he'd be packin his bags, no ifs ands or buts!'

However, with D, I love him so much I can't see anything which would break us. I know categorically he'd never cheat on me...but he's taught me the meaning of commitment. Learning to love and accept someone fully, as he does you, all the while knowing we're all flawed individuals who make mistakes. Has he ever broken a dealbreaker? No he hasn't. But the level of commitment I feel towards him makes me know in my heart that I would fight tooth and nail to save my relationship with him through pretty much anything...even cheating...because I love him and he's my family. And I won't walk away from family.

Of course, he's earned this commitment and love being the wonderful & respectful partner he is. I suppose it's a double edged sword cos without him honoring our relationship, I wouldn't feel as I do.

Excellent post

[Nessa 23]

We have a saying in portuguese ''O que os olhos não vêem o coração não sente'' something like "What the eyes don't see the heart doesn't feel'' so my answer for the first question is I would prefer not to know and for the second I'd want to know so I could leave him.

Charles was the first and only man I have ever considered marrying, and I have a real hard time trusting people, specially men.... We built a trust and I really appreciate the fact that I don't feel vulnerable, I can trust him not to ever cheat on me. Cheating is a big no no, he knows that. I would never forgive it.

As for having an entire relationship (romantic) with someone else, what the he!! do you have to keep being married with me, why don't just say ''hey I'm in love with someone else I'll be with this person'' there's no need to cheat, also there is no need to get close to anybody ever so close that you can start to have romantic feelings. I think if someone in a relationship (marriage, mostly) does that, they're asking for trouble, they're gambling their relationship (wich obviously they don't care about) and they don't deserve the person they're with. And I definitely wouldn't want to be married to someone who is ok being with or without me. I want someone who is only ok being with me.

[chri'stina 190]

I would want to know in both cases. I think it'd be more horrible not to know. Things can't always stay secret, and one day it may come out and you would feel like such a fool for not knowing. To me a one night stand is as bad as an ongoing affair. They are both acts of complete disrespect to the other person.

I kind of agree with Lisa's post though. I can't imagine how I'd feel if that happened. So I can't say 100% what I would do. I would want to know so that I could decide to stay or leave. I feel like I would leave.

[chri'stina 190]

IMO, if someone has a one-night stand, was incredibly drunk, and it wasn't the consummation of some longterm flirting, but just a totally random thing, I wouldn't throw out the whole relationship because of it. Unless I were already looking for an excuse to get out.

this is just what i was going to say... If my husband were on a business trip, alone, drunk, and it "happened" of course i'd HATE the idea of it. but i would never want him to tell me. if he still loved me, and i still loved him, and it was just a mistake...why ruin everything? one could argue, why ruin everything by even putting themselves in the position to cheat, but i can see how an accident could happen.

It'd be ruined the moment they cheated, even if you didn't know about it. I don't see how it could be simply an "accident".