if your spouse cheated...

[sereia 0]

i never understood why a cheater feels the need to come clean when they cheat. for me, it would just ruin the relationship. i don't think i could trust my man anymore after he's admitted to cheating on me. if my man cheated on me once with a one-night-stand, and still loved me, and obviously planned on never doing it again.....i'd rather he keep it a secret. why ruin a relationship if you are truly sorry? its another example of selfish behavior (like the original cheating was).

however, if he had a whole other relationship i'd want to know so i could dump him and move on. when feelings, lots of time, and money are involved,...that i cannot accept. its over. for sure!

curious about what you all think!

[ya falaha! 0]

I agree with all your points, Jen.

[Alex+R 0]

I feel exactly as you do Jen, although I'd add that if he had a one-night stand he had better get some testing before coming home. Actually, hmmm since HIV tests aren't good for like 6 months or something, maybe I would want to know so I could protect myself if I decided to stay... when health comes into the picture things change. So let's say, if it weren't full on sex, I wouldn't want to know, but if it were, I'm not sure...

[*JG* 2]

Once a cheater always a cheater. If and when I ever found out, we would be over. If he doesn't have enough respect for me to be faithful, then we have nothing at all. End of story. I don't give a ####### if he says it was a one time thing, will never happen again, whatever. All I would hear was blah, blah, blah and he walked out the door and out of my life forever.

[Niels Bohr 72]

I would walk out. But, I know my wife wouldn't do that.

[Nagishkaw 510]

Dumped. I don't wanna hear some flimsy excuse, so go talk to the toaster .

[Alex+R 0]

Would you be more forgiving if you felt like you were a lot more physically attractive when you started the relationship than at the point of cheating? Or if you had spent 0 time with them in the past year or had been cruel in some way? I mean, do you consider their motivation before condemning them>

[Yaads 0]

Once a cheater always a cheater. If and when I ever found out, we would be over. If he doesn't have enough respect for me to be faithful, then we have nothing at all. End of story. I don't give a ####### if he says it was a one time thing, will never happen again, whatever. All I would hear was blah, blah, blah and he walked out the door and out of my life forever.

Couldn't agree more Don't let the door hit you on your way out! I will pack up your ####### and send it UPS.

[Yaads 0]

Would you be more forgiving if you felt like you were a lot more physically attractive when you started the relationship than at the point of cheating? Or if you had spent 0 time with them in the past year or had been cruel in some way? I mean, do you consider their motivation before condemning them>

Nope! There is no acceptable or justifiable reason for cheating. If you can't handle the ups and downs and good and bads of a relationship/marriage then you need not be in one.

[*JG* 2]

Would you be more forgiving if you felt like you were a lot more physically attractive when you started the relationship than at the point of cheating? Or if you had spent 0 time with them in the past year or had been cruel in some way? I mean, do you consider their motivation before condemning them>

Nope! There is no acceptable or justifiable reason for cheating. If you can't handle the ups and downs and good and bads of a relationship/marriage then you need not be in one.

You took those words right out of my mouth. No excuses whatsoever.

[MPGGPM 0]

Cheating is the coward's way out. If there is a problem in a marriage, you are supposed to talk it out and confront it head on. Not go sneaking around behind someone's back , like a weasel.

And if things still can not be fixed, then at least have the courage and the conviction to move on.

Reading the responses in this thread and in the other discussing the same topic, I can only come to the conclusion that cheating is so prevalent in our society, because there are just too many people who are willing to accept it and forgive it.

When is this behavior ever going to stop?

If I was ever anyone inclined to do such a thing to my wife.................reading some of the responses in this thread and the other , would only give me more encouragement to do so.

[doodlebug 3]

He'd be on a slow boat back to Cairo if he did either one of those things.

ZERO tolerance.

[ya falaha! 0]

If you don't know about the cheating and it was purely physical then it's not an issue. I, personally, would not want to know about a fling or one night stand but I would want to know about an affair. Emotionally cheating is usually more harmful than physical cheating.

[Nagishkaw 510]

Would you be more forgiving if you felt like you were a lot more physically attractive when you started the relationship than at the point of cheating? Or if you had spent 0 time with them in the past year or had been cruel in some way? I mean, do you consider their motivation before condemning them>

The idea that THEY were motivated condemns them. There is no grey areas. They cheated. Case closed.

[ya falaha! 0]

Sometimes it's the "victim's" fault. I've seen it happen.