Help please!

[jmana 2]

I am in a really bad situation and need some advice on how to handle it.  Long story short, I married a woman that I fell in love with while in St. Petersburg.  She came here last year and we got married in August.  She just got her greencard less than a month ago.   2 days after our marriage my 14 year old son was diagnosed with a rare and terminal form of cancer.  He passed away in January.  During this time things were obviously rough for both of us, but I was giving her approximately $1,000 a month because she was taking care of her daughter by herself while I spent almost every day in the hospital.  Some of the money came from help from friends and relatives who knew we were going through a lot.  Anyway after he passed I had to cut down what I was giving her to $600 a month because I couldn't keep up with paying all the medical bills.  I always paid for all the household expenses, plus most of the groceries, and provided her with a car.  About a month ago she decided to go back to work, as a bartender as that's the only job she had done in Russia.  She then asked me for money and I told her she's working, why do I have to keep giving you money?  I realized I was wrong in saying this because she wasn't working many hours and did end up giving her $600 this month.  But here's the bad part, she up and decided she was going leave a week ago claiming she can't live like this, having to beg for money every month.  I told her she doesn't have to beg, just give me an amount that is needed and I will give it to her.  She then replies that she won't give me a number because she already knows I couldn't afford it!

 

Well then comes the not coming home till 5am part.  I got suspicious and decided to find out where she was going, and she was going to a guy's house, who lives in a one bedroom apartment.  One night she spent the whole night there.  I asked her where she was, and she says that she was going to a party, or to a female coworkers house.  I told her I knew the truth and how, which pissed her off, and so she moved out yesterday, into a different guy's house.  Well now I find out that she has been at the bar this whole time telling people how I abuse her.  How I hit her and keep money from her.  The hitting this is absolutely ridiculous, she had a small red mark at the corner of her eye for over a month from an allergy to my cat, I have messages proving this, and close friends that can verify that it was an allergy and that I've never hit her.  But she claims she showed this picture to the police already.  And now she's at an immigration attorney, so I'm thinking that she is trying to hold onto her green card by claiming abuse.  What would you guys do in this situation??

[Ben&Zian 4,398]

Well one, she already has the GC, so not much you can do about that.

 

As to her 'reporting' you to police supposedly, I think she is bluffing honestly. She has no evidence or proof of any incident as you say. All she has is word of mouth by telling probably drunken strangers at a bar she works at. That doesn't hold much weight, even any immigration attorney would tell her that. Plus you have evidence of it through messages, friends witnessing the 'allergy' and all, so I wouldn't stress that myself..

 

As to dealing with her, honestly, if she feels like she does and she won't work it out with you, or you don't see a light at the end of the road... just divorce her and let her go do what she wants to do... Again as to her immigration, she can just proceed by herself.

[jmana 2]

Do you think I should contact INS just to let them know what's going on?  It seems all too coincidental that she gets the card and all of a sudden is out the door messing with another man.

[DILAW 94]

Sorry to hear about what has happened to your son.  I hope things get better for you.  As for her, I would do a police report on her to protect yourself from her ever accusing you of domestic violence in the future.  I know she got her GC, but you can actually file a law suit and if you can prove she married you for the GC, then it can be stripped from her.  You need to provide good proof though.   Good luck

[DILAW 94]

1 minute ago, jmana said:

Do you think I should contact INS just to let them know what's going on?  It seems all too coincidental that she gets the card and all of a sudden is out the door messing with another man.

I would first focus on protecting yourself against her accusing you of domestic violence which can be used against you

[jmana 2]

File a police report?  Stating what? 

 

[Prystine 184]

if either she or you are unwilling to try to save the marriage then divorce and move on. If you are both willing to try to save it though, I would suggest starting with marriage counseling to open up communication and work on the issues that you may or may not be aware of.

[Russ&Caro 1,549]

First, I extend my deepest sympathies to you. I have dealt with some family deaths the last 2 years and still dealing with a family member who has serious cancer.

 

Second, take care of yourself. Seek out your very best friend or closest family member. Ask them for advice. No one on this forum is as trustworthy for advice as someone you know intimately in real life. You might also seek out a counselor if you don't already have one.

 

As for your immigration issue, you have already received some good advice, above. I would focus on yourself. Moving away from you so early after receiving a green card might make it very difficult for her to remove conditions on the green card over the next 2 years. I would simply divorce her and move on.

[jmana 2]

I've begged her to go to counseling, but she said we are too different and nothing can fix that.  Thing is we aren't that different.  We have a lot of the same interests and we get along great.  The only big difference is she's much more social than I am.

[Jojo92122 1,924]

File for divorce and move on.  She got her green card and there is nothing you can do about it.

 

File for divorce.  Have all communications go through your lawyer.  DO NOT CONTACT HER.   DO NOT BE ALONE WITH HER WITHOUT YOUR OWN WITNESSES.  AND RECORD EVERYTHING (except phone calls if 2 party consent is required in your state).

 

There is nothing the police or US immigration can do for you.   

[EmilyW 1,443]

If you've been cuckolded, you're not the first and you won't be the last.  Take it as a lesson learned.

 

In the meantime, make sure you are protected legally.  As others have said, do not be alone with her.  Always have a friend or family member with you.  And record everything in a notebook / diary.  

[Crazy Cat 41,922]

20 minutes ago, Jojo92122 said:

File for divorce and move on.  She got her green card and there is nothing you can do about it.

 

File for divorce.  Have all communications go through your lawyer.  DO NOT CONTACT HER.   DO NOT BE ALONE WITH HER WITHOUT YOUR OWN WITNESSES.  AND RECORD EVERYTHING (except phone calls if 2 party consent is required in your state).

 

There is nothing the police or US immigration can do for you.   

Would a restraining order be in order.....otherwise, she could just show up unannounced.

[jmana 2]

So I am curious, if she comes here what is the worst that could happen?

 

[Jojo92122 1,924]

1 minute ago, missileman said:

Would a restraining order be in order.....otherwise, she could just show up unannounced.

What would be the basis for the TRO?  How is she a danger to him?  What has she done?  Cheating and scamming for a green card are not reasons for granting a TRO.

 

Courts will not grant TRO without a current danger to the petitioner.  

[Crazy Cat 41,922]

Just now, Jojo92122 said:

What would be the basis for the TRO?  How is she a danger to him?  What has she done?  Cheating and scamming for a green card are not reasons for granting a TRO.

 

Courts will not grant TRO without a current danger to the petitioner.  

Ok...That makes sense.