Can cheaters change?

[Nessa 23]

I voted that a cheater can change, but I wouldn't even give them the chance.

As for the second voting option, I put "Other" because there was not an "All of the Above".

The second option was multiple choice, so you could easily vote all of them

[KarenCee 3]

I'm not an advocate of "situational ethics" but I do think one should look at the reason for the cheating. I do realise there are some that cheat for the sheer thrill of it...that's not what I'm referring to here, but think, couldn't there be a reason one *would* cheat on their spouse? Problems in the marriage...one refusing to meet the needs of the other...neglect maybe, abuse maybe. I guess you could say I'm playing devil's advocate here, but personally I feel that if the cheating occurred due to some problems in the relationship, and those problems were worked out, I truly believe the cheating would not occur again. Just MHO.

I kind of think that even if your marriage is in the dumper, you can still keep your pants zipped or your knickers on.

That's true too, and in the case of my ex I kept my knickers on.

[Ban Hammer 13,641]

If one person, say, one-sidedly declares that sex is no longer part of the marriage, I think after awhile the partner whose needs are not being met has the right to ask to cheat/find fulfillment elsewhere now and again, if the two decide that option is better than divorce. But only if they decide that together. I think that is one situation where cheating can be a workable solution.

that's why they make vibrators and porn mags

[BrianElla 0]

A leopard never changes his/hers spots.

there's a big difference between a one-night-stand kind of cheating and a-whole-affair kind of cheating. i'd find the latter extremely hard to forgive, mental loyalty is too important. the first kind is easier to forgive, but it's more likely to repeat.i think it also matters (to whether or not it will happen again) how it happened - some men don't seek to cheat, but if a girl offers herself, they don't refuse.such variety, even in cheating! People can indeed change, BUT it takes something pretty bad to happen for that to occur. Something life altering, or heart wrenching.

Or there is the thought that if someone cheats, they aren't really in love. Maybe when they ARE completely in love, cheating would never be a possibility.

there's a distinction to be made, it seems, between staying faithful because it's a principle you have (thou shalt not cheat ) vs. staying faithful because you truly love your partner.

However, I would have an incredibly hard time trusting someone who has cheated

[Sinergy 3]

Cheating is cheating and once someone does it then they will do it again. kissing is cheating. holding hands is cheating, calling the opposite sex more than he/she calls you is cheating. yea, im ####### when it comes to the topic of cheating. never done it, had it done

[~*Maria*~ 1]

Once a cheater.....always a cheater!! Been down that road a few times by guys that said they had changed....all liars! Kissing someone other than your partner is cheating

Edited August 22, 2007 by MariaDane

[SteveLaura 0]

yea, im ####### when it comes to the topic of cheating.

Must. Avoid. Making. Obvious. Gag.

[lirachadsbaby 0]

if u've done it today, ur still gonna do it tomorrow. just it.

[panamania79 2]

We'd all like to think that people can make changes, learn to compromise, and make their relationship stronger. Unromantic men can learn to buy a card every once in a while; women who nag can learn to stop themselves at least a few times they see toothpaste in the sink, or whatever it is. But those are small changes. The big changes -- the changes that can make or break a relationship -- are the ones most of us are really concerned about. And perhaps the biggest question of all -- when you consider that 25 percent of men admit to cheating in relationships and about 15 percent of women do -- is this: Can cheaters change? Is cheating an inherent personality trait or a controllable behavioral one? Can a guy -- or gal -- who strays learn to be a house cat?

For these purposes, we'll consider cheating full-on sexual contact -- not only sex, but also its close relatives. (I fully know that 60 percent of men say that even having drinks with an old flame is cheating, 50 percent of men say visiting strip clubs is cheating, and virtually all women say emotional betrayal is worse than physical betrayal. So I know cheating is complicated, but here, we'll go with the traditional "Where did my underwear go?" definition.) The average woman says that the No. 1 reason for divorce is infidelity -- so that indicates to me that for women, their answer is no, cheaters can't change (or if they do, they don't believe he deserves a second chance). After I give you my take, I'd love to hear your thoughts about this very question, because I think your perception of this issue may very well depend, in some major way, on whether you've been burned -- or have done the burning.

Can Cheaters Change? Not a chance!

Once someone crosses the line in the relationship (again, that line being different things to different people, but for argument's sake, we're talking here about the horizontal hora), it's like a seal being broken on a pill bottle. Though some of it may depend on whether it was a drunken fling or an ongoing stealth hookup with someone at work, the fact is that once that trust is compromised, the offender will have a hard time resetting the relationship to its startup condition. Even if the victim accepts the offender back into the relationship, the offender will be likely to stray again -- because he knows he's already gotten away with it once. The bigger picture, really, is the fact that he (we'll assume the cheater is a he; sorry, guys) cheated for a reason -- that something in his current relationship -- for example, one study showed that couples with infidelity issues showed greater dishonesty, arguments about trust, narcissism, and time spent apart -- made him explore other options. And that's ultimately what makes him prone to do it again. But...

Can Cheaters Change? Absolutely!

Just because someone has cheated in one relationship doesn't mean that he's always a cheater in his next relationships -- for the very same reason. In the relationship where he cheated, he was willing to gamble it away. So if he enters a committed relationship where he feels there's much more to lose, there's a less likely chance he'll want to risk it. Does that mean he won't, or that he couldn't succumb to the temptations of the tight-topped bartender? Of course not. Cheating certainly can make some relationships impossible to continue, but some infidels can indeed change -- that is, if he hopes to make other relationships even remotely possible.

Link

So what's your opinion?

No,a leopard never changes his spots,sexual contact,and sexual contact.

[Desigal 1]

I'm surprised to see that most people consider emotional cheating and physical cheating to be equal to each other.

[Desigal 1]

I'm surprised to see that most people consider emotional cheating and physical cheating to be equal to each other.

i voted romantic & physical were equal because while it would sicken me to think of sexual relations between my husband and another person, it would crush me in a completely different way to think that he was *in love* or romantically involved with someone else. different but equally damaging.

Edited April 21, 2008 by DESIGAL

[Jack and Barbara 0]

How did 29 people vote that going to a strip club was cheating?

So long as you are not in the back room, it ain't cheating

[Toshtishtash 1]

Hard one this really...

I do think cheaters can change. I believe that if a person cheats then they are not 100% happy in the relationship anyway... If you are 100% happy then you really would have no reason to cheat. I cannot stand people who cheat. To me it shows a complete lack of respect. I would much rather someone just tell me that they didn't love me anymore, or even try and work out any problems. Or if you really feel the need to cheat, then end your relationship first!

I would class sexual contact (of any kind) cheating, along with Cyber sex, Kissing someone (not just a peck on the cheek...), and becoming close to someone on a mental level (In a more than friendly way.. I have a friend whos husband started discussing sexual fantastis and stuff with a female friend... That is not on in my book...)

Visiting strip clubs... I do not like this... But I still wouldn't consider it cheating. Talking to someone of the opposite sex online is not cheating either, obviously depending on the conversations though! Having drinks with a co-worker, definitely not cheating and watching porn isn't either. All the above things could be considered cheating though if you hide it from your partner.

[Alex & Rachel 78]

Hard one this really...

I do think cheaters can change. I believe that if a person cheats then they are not 100% happy in the relationship anyway... If you are 100% happy then you really would have no reason to cheat. I cannot stand people who cheat. To me it shows a complete lack of respect. I would much rather someone just tell me that they didn't love me anymore, or even try and work out any problems. Or if you really feel the need to cheat, then end your relationship first!

I would class sexual contact (of any kind) cheating, along with Cyber sex, Kissing someone (not just a peck on the cheek...), and becoming close to someone on a mental level (In a more than friendly way.. I have a friend whos husband started discussing sexual fantastis and stuff with a female friend... That is not on in my book...)

Visiting strip clubs... I do not like this... But I still wouldn't consider it cheating. Talking to someone of the opposite sex online is not cheating either, obviously depending on the conversations though! Having drinks with a co-worker, definitely not cheating and watching porn isn't either. All the above things could be considered cheating though if you hide it from your partner.

I think there are many factors to be taken into account. I see being married as being very different from casual dating, for a start. Also, I believe age plays a great part. I know many of my friends would end up making out with guys who weren't their boyfriends in their teens, but now they are in a long-term relationship or married they treat their significant others very differently.

For me, I'd consider sexual contact and cyber sex cheating, but none of the others. Porn and strip clubs don't bother me in the slightest and neither does the odd kiss.

[LoriLawless 0]

I agree that age and maturity have to do with SOME cases. I'd have to take it on a case by case basis.

However, if someone pretends that they are in a happy marriage, or ARE in a happy marriage, and cheats anyway? They won't change. People who have long time "on the side" relationships won't change.

Some teenager or young person who made a mistake and learned from it, can change.

As far as cheating goes, only sexual contact is physically cheating to ME.