Can cheaters change?

[Alex+R 0]

I'm not an advocate of "situational ethics" but I do think one should look at the reason for the cheating. I do realise there are some that cheat for the sheer thrill of it...that's not what I'm referring to here, but think, couldn't there be a reason one *would* cheat on their spouse? Problems in the marriage...one refusing to meet the needs of the other...neglect maybe, abuse maybe. I guess you could say I'm playing devil's advocate here, but personally I feel that if the cheating occurred due to some problems in the relationship, and those problems were worked out, I truly believe the cheating would not occur again. Just MHO.

I kind of think that even if your marriage is in the dumper, you can still keep your pants zipped or your knickers on.

If one person, say, one-sidedly declares that sex is no longer part of the marriage, I think after awhile the partner whose needs are not being met has the right to ask to cheat/find fulfillment elsewhere now and again, if the two decide that option is better than divorce. But only if they decide that together. I think that is one situation where cheating can be a workable solution.

eta: I know that situation is rare, as most couples would be too jealous for that, and usually one partner holding out ruins a relationship. Just talking about those who aren't.

Edited April 12, 2007 by Alex+R

[Fandango 1,439]

I'm surprised to see that most people consider emotional cheating and physical cheating to be equal to each other.

I voted emotional cheating is worse.

[sereia 0]

i voted emotional cheating is worse too. way worse!

[derekkj 0]

If one person, say, one-sidedly declares that sex is no longer part of the marriage, I think after awhile the partner whose needs are not being met has the right to ask to cheat/find fulfillment elsewhere now and again, if the two decide that option is better than divorce. But only if they decide that together. I think that is one situation where cheating can be a workable solution.

eta: I know that situation is rare, as most couples would be too jealous for that, and usually one partner holding out ruins a relationship. Just talking about those who aren't.

That sounds more like surrogacy than cheating to me.

Cheating is not acceptable to me for any reason, but I am sure there are couples out there who can work though it. It's their life and their decision, not mine.

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

If one person, say, one-sidedly declares that sex is no longer part of the marriage, I think after awhile the partner whose needs are not being met has the right to ask to cheat/find fulfillment elsewhere now and again, if the two decide that option is better than divorce. But only if they decide that together. I think that is one situation where cheating can be a workable solution.

eta: I know that situation is rare, as most couples would be too jealous for that, and usually one partner holding out ruins a relationship. Just talking about those who aren't.

Interesting.

[Alex+R 0]

If one person, say, one-sidedly declares that sex is no longer part of the marriage, I think after awhile the partner whose needs are not being met has the right to ask to cheat/find fulfillment elsewhere now and again, if the two decide that option is better than divorce. But only if they decide that together. I think that is one situation where cheating can be a workable solution.

eta: I know that situation is rare, as most couples would be too jealous for that, and usually one partner holding out ruins a relationship. Just talking about those who aren't.

Interesting.

Is that almost the same as the couples where one person realizes they are gay, but then they decide to stay together anyway as best friends (for the kids, the mortgage, the country club membership, whatever) or is it different? If you take the sex out (or at least the desire to have it with each other regularly), does it make it just a friendship?

[Fandango 1,439]

Well, it all depends really on 'What defines a marriage?' but then again, that's like asking 'how long is a piece of string?'

[Ta Ta 1]

Well, it all depends really on 'What defines a marriage?' but then again, that's like asking 'how long is a piece of string?'

I like that analogy

[Otto 83]

Most men cheat whether or not their home sex life is active. To them...it's about getting some 'strange.'

And don't kid yourselves...men don't cheat for 'emotional' companionship...

[Alex+R 0]

Most men cheat whether or not their home sex life is active. To them...it's about getting some 'strange.'

And don't kid yourselves...men don't cheat for 'emotional' companionship...

I think that is the kind of cheater who is a cheater for life, and probably won't change unless something happens to them to force them to actually grow up (hard for many men).

I do think some guys cheat to get what they're not getting at home. Some women certainly do too. Everybody has needs and it can be pretty hurtful in an emotional way if they aren't met.

[~Chad~ 0]

I was with a girl on and off for 6 years. Everytime I got on she told me to get off.

Her idea of a sex life was once every couple of months or so, but I'm proud to say I never cheated on her. I guess I'm not "most" men.

[Nessa 23]

If one person, say, one-sidedly declares that sex is no longer part of the marriage, I think after awhile the partner whose needs are not being met has the right to ask to cheat/find fulfillment elsewhere now and again, if the two decide that option is better than divorce. But only if they decide that together. I think that is one situation where cheating can be a workable solution.

eta: I know that situation is rare, as most couples would be too jealous for that, and usually one partner holding out ruins a relationship. Just talking about those who aren't.

I think if they're consenting then it's not cheating. It's like wanting to spice your relationship by having a 3some or another couple to join you and consider that cheating just because your partnet will be having sex with someone else doesn't necessarily means they're cheating. Not if you know about it, agree with it and in some case are even part of it.

[Nessa 23]

i voted emotional cheating is worse too. way worse!

I voted that too. There's no comparison. Maybe I see sex diferently, but if my partner allowed himself to have feelings for other person it would'nt be nowhere close to as hurtfull as if he just (sorry the language) fuc**d someone else. I wouldn't want to try to forgive him or work on our marriage. It would definitely be a deal breaker.

Nowaday I still can't forgive cheating, but I know that having kids change everything and even though I think it's best for some kids to have happy separated parents than having parents living together and fighting all the time, I still believe that depending on the case, some couples should try to work on their marriage after 1 sexual (not romantic) cheating episode.

[Robert and Tanya 0]

I almost got into that kind of situation. My husband almost kissed one of his friends. She came over to our place and invited both of us to go to the movies. When I went to the bathroom in the middle of the movie she tried to kiss him and touch his thing. He ignored her and didn't let her. So I think I can trust him so far.

I voted that cheater is always a cheater. I am sorry but that's how it works most of the time, unfortunately.

[TracyLuis 0]

I voted that a cheater can change, but I wouldn't even give them the chance.

As for the second voting option, I put "Other" because there was not an "All of the Above".