Can cheaters change?

[Ban Hammer 13,333]

There are examples of adulterers who turned faithful (after religious experience)--enough said.

or if one's wife is this gal

[MPGGPM 0]

Cheaters can change......................but as much as they can change............so can a relationship.

Were my spouse ever to do such a thing, it wouldn't matter to me whether she felt contrite about it or not, and what effect it had on her.

The most important thing, would be my feeling toward her..............and how it would never be the same...............knowing in my mind that she felt just as strongly about someone else, so much so...............that she was willing to risk our marriage for it.

Above all in my marriage...I want passion. And how I could EVER have that, knowing she just slept with someone else....................I really don't know or understand how others do it. But personally...............I never could.

As soon as I felt that passion for me was lost, so much so, that she was willing to give it all for someone else..................the relationship could never be the same.

I am not just out to "settle". I am out for unconditionally love...........so strongly............that neither of us could feel that way.....except for one another.

The moment that feeling has been lost...................................that is the moment in my mind, that the marriage has been as well.................

[Caladan 19]

I also expect that a lot of the 'I would leave' answers change once kids are born and finances are co-mingled. It's easy to say 'I'd leave' when you've just got yourself. But if you're a stay-at-home mom and you have a new baby and no income? You probably are more inclined to try to forgive.

[Aymerlu 3]

once a cheater....always one!

[sereia 0]

i voted cheaters can change... im a former cheater (mind you i was a teenager at the time. excuses, excuses. i know)

but i would NEVER cheat on my current fiance. and absolutely not when we're married. never.

cheaters can change.

[KarenCee 3]

I'm not an advocate of "situational ethics" but I do think one should look at the reason for the cheating. I do realise there are some that cheat for the sheer thrill of it...that's not what I'm referring to here, but think, couldn't there be a reason one *would* cheat on their spouse? Problems in the marriage...one refusing to meet the needs of the other...neglect maybe, abuse maybe. I guess you could say I'm playing devil's advocate here, but personally I feel that if the cheating occurred due to some problems in the relationship, and those problems were worked out, I truly believe the cheating would not occur again. Just MHO.

[Mary Lou 681]

once a cheater....always one!

Ditto!!!!!

[de_sjiem 0]

I am not just out to "settle". I am out for unconditionally love...........so strongly............that neither of us could feel that way.....except for one another.

I find it interesting that you say that you want unconditional love, and yet say that you couldnt accept a spouse cheating on you... the very definition of unconditional love is love no matter what... and that would include cheating. Like KarenCee said, there can be many many reasons for a spouse or SO to cheat.. unconditional love accepts everything of their partner, the good and the bad...

I say i have to agree with what KarenCee says.. cheaters can change, and sometimes there are reasons behind that behaviour

Edited April 12, 2007 by de_sjiem

[wherezdabearz 0]

I think that a cheater could change if he/she really wanted to. But I wouldn't want to risk a relationship with someone who had that kind of history. Let them test out how much they've changed on someone else.

[CarlaM 0]

I changed!!

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I'm not an advocate of "situational ethics" but I do think one should look at the reason for the cheating. I do realise there are some that cheat for the sheer thrill of it...that's not what I'm referring to here, but think, couldn't there be a reason one *would* cheat on their spouse? Problems in the marriage...one refusing to meet the needs of the other...neglect maybe, abuse maybe. I guess you could say I'm playing devil's advocate here, but personally I feel that if the cheating occurred due to some problems in the relationship, and those problems were worked out, I truly believe the cheating would not occur again. Just MHO.

Very insightful!

[MPGGPM 0]

I am not just out to "settle". I am out for unconditionally love...........so strongly............that neither of us could feel that way.....except for one another.

the very definition of unconditional love is love no matter what...

You have a pretty broad definition of that term.

Neverminding the fact that you ignored the rest of that statement, and the fact that 2 people who felt so strongly about each other.....................wouldn't be going around cheating on each other in the first place...........

But, aside from that fact.........

I think most people who read what I wrote would understand and have the common sense to know that it doesn't necessarily mean to accept EVERYTHING someone does.

I mean.......let's say for example............if my wife decided to rob a bank today, and maybe in the process happened to blow away 2-3 people with a shotgun.........

Well...........I would think if something that drastic were to happen in a relationship ..........it just might make a difference in how I would feel towards my wife later in the day when she came home.

So obviously, by use of that term...............it was not used so literally and broadly to accept "anything" a person does, and as I said before, I think most people understand that. Your definition of that term and my definition of it obviously vary.

But the whole point is.....................2 people who love each other so strongly would NOT be cheating in the first place...........so any argument over it is moot.

Because it would never happen..........to begin with.

[Niels Bohr 72]

CHEATING = LOVE ?

Weird.

[Nagishkaw 510]

Lying to other people always leads to self - deception. Sneaky plots engender stupidity in the sneaky plotters.

[rebeccajo 14]

I'm not an advocate of "situational ethics" but I do think one should look at the reason for the cheating. I do realise there are some that cheat for the sheer thrill of it...that's not what I'm referring to here, but think, couldn't there be a reason one *would* cheat on their spouse? Problems in the marriage...one refusing to meet the needs of the other...neglect maybe, abuse maybe. I guess you could say I'm playing devil's advocate here, but personally I feel that if the cheating occurred due to some problems in the relationship, and those problems were worked out, I truly believe the cheating would not occur again. Just MHO.

I kind of think that even if your marriage is in the dumper, you can still keep your pants zipped or your knickers on.