advice... PLEASE!

[sereia 0]

i'm a california girl who moved to nyc to live her dream. i'm a risk taker. i moved here because i always wanted to and i would have hated myself someday if i never did it ...always wondering what would have happened.... so i came. i had a good time. i've made memories. i MADE IT. (you know that saying, if you can make it in ny, you can make it anywhere) but i'm not happy here. why? because all my family... ALL... are in california. if they would all come here, i'd be perfectly fine. but what good is a place when you're all alone. even my new friends can't fill the place my family and older friends have in my heart. and waiting for my fiance to come has made it all the more lonely and difficult! so i've decided it would be better for me to move back to california to be with my family/friends.

here's where i need advice:

my fiance's interview is may 2nd. he could likely get his visa that day or within a week of that time. but he won't come here until july or early august because of school. so i have a few months to prepare for his arrival anyway....

here in NY i have a good job. well paid. easy job. anyone in my field would be lucky to have what i do. but i can't pick them up and move them to ca. i have to leave here and risk waiting a long time to find something even remotely similar to what i have now. jobs in my field aren't that easy to come by. do i risk this and go to CA NOW to try and find a job/apartment for before he gets here? what if i don't have a job by the time he comes? how does this affect the affidavit of support i must fill out for AOS (for morocco we didn't need to fill out the i-134 ahead of time) ???

or do you think its better i stay here in NY with this good job and wait for him here. let him get settled in ny while i have this job. take ESL classes. find ANY job here for him to keep him busy while he practices his english. (it needs some work) then when we've settled in a bit together, move to california together. both jobless. this is what i'm afraid of. my fiance and i go to ca and stay with my family until we find jobs and an apartment for god knows how long. is this a stupid idea? or is it the better idea because i HAVE the job now?!

please. i welcome all advice here. i really feel lost on whats the more mature, intelligent, sensible decision that would make it better for our future (especially in the beginning with his arrival)

thanks so much for reading!

[Nikita2Charles 32]

Growing up in Brooklyn I would say the big apple is more immigrant friendly than California, 24hrs subway, Bus services, easier for for newcomer to move around compare to California you have to drive almost everything, the transportation system is not as efficient an NYC. You also have a whole mixed of people, culture all blended into One big city. Lot of ESL classes at the local high school FREE+easier to mingle, not too many stuck up as in California. no punt indented to Californians, but Yorkers are more Blunt

Edited April 11, 2007 by Nikita2Charles

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I'd stay put until at least he has his green card. That gives the two of you some time to adjust to your new life together without family around. He's leaving everything behind (family included) to be with you. Focus on the two of you without the stress of changing jobs and location for now. Your family in the meantime can always come out to NY to visit.

[Hilarious Clinton 452]

Growing up in Brooklyn I would say the big apple is more immigrant friendly than California, 24hrs subway, Bus services, easier for for newcomer to move around compare to California you have to drive almost everything, the transportation system is not as efficient an NYC. You also have a whole mixed of people, culture all blended into One big city. Lot of ESL classes at the local high school FREE+easier to mingle, not too many stuck up as in California. no punt indented to Californians, but Yorkers are more Blunt

I agree. Bring him into a more stable situation and branch out together if you want to. You will have him to keep you company and hopefully this will lessen the ache you have for your family in Cali.

[JODO 2]

I think one would be best advised to not leave a job, before having another one lined up. Too, in your situation, I would stay in NY and work atleast until your fiance has his EAD,not the temporary one, so even if you did move to CA, one of you atleast could work if the other was having trouble finding work. You can always get on a plane and go to CA to visit family. I think you will have enough going on when he arrives without adding unemployment and a cross-country move. Try to hold out a little longer and once things settle down, GO FOR IT!

[Nessa 23]

I wouldn't risk. Just my humble opinion, what I would do. Your family ain't going anywhere, you can move back to California later, when you don't have to worry about affidavit of support, which can be a problem, you know.

[Robor007 0]

It sounds like whether you leave NY for CA sooner or later you're going to go through the issue of finding work. Since you're a K-1 that would mean you must marry within 90 days. Is it important for you to get married in front of your friends & family in CA?

Edit: Lots of other good points posted while I was writing.

Edited April 11, 2007 by Robor007

[MPGGPM 0]

I there is one rule in life you must always try to follow...............

It's to NEVER give up a job................without having one to go to. You are looking for trouble when you do that.

[sereia 0]

i'm from the same town as you steven!!! know anyone who needs a private chef? hehe.

[boo boo 1]

Hello

I agree w/ everyone.....stay put for alittle while longer. You sound like you have accomplished so much and once your fiancee gets there, it sounds like it will have the resources that could benefit him in making his life easier until he gets situated.

[mawilson 2,133]

Don't leave, California girl. Persevere and ye shall be rewarded.

[Alex+R 0]

We had the same dilemma, more or less, although the goal was to move away from family to NYC. We ultimately decided to wait, which was really hard for me to take because I don't have almost any friends left in my hometown (at least half are in NYC) and I was mentally prepared to be living in NYC. So kind of a backwards/similar situation. Now, I'm glad we did wait because things were much easier without all the added stress moving brings. Leading a kind of isolated social life has ultimately worked out fine. We bought a wii; we adopted cats. We're saving a lot of money, and that security makes a HUGE difference.

I could tell Rey was getting freaked out at the prospect of moving to NYC and living in an unstable situation right off the bat. I know we are both happier taking the steps to move to NY muuuch slower, and we're doing it in August. I don't see why you need to move to California both jobless. Why don't you wait for the right opportunity and then move? Fly out and set up an apartment before moving? It doesn't have to be the way you describe it.

In your situation, I think having that NYC location at your fingertips is a really great thing for an immigrant who needs to fill his days and get around while you're off breadwinning. The Rest Of America dose not have a lot of stuff in walking distance, which is a bummer when they make it so hard to get a fricking license in this country. Consider the level of independence your fiance can have in each location. Just a thought...

[Caladan 19]

Having your fiancé move here is a big life change. Changing jobs and moving across the country is also a big life change.

Try to minimize the number of big life changes you do at once. Stay in NYC, get married, get the green card, start a job search. You're lonely now, and that sucks, but I think it might be more stressful to add a move on top of everything else.

[Alex+R 0]

Having your fiancé move here is a big life change. Changing jobs and moving across the country is also a big life change.

Try to minimize the number of big life changes you do at once. Stay in NYC, get married, get the green card, start a job search. You're lonely now, and that sucks, but I think it might be more stressful to add a move on top of everything else.

Heheh yeaaahh, that's what I was trying to say, inbetween all that talking about myself.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

i'm from the same town as you steven!!! know anyone who needs a private chef? hehe.

I wish I did...sorry.