Family rejection

[JFH 12,191]

9 minutes ago, MalaysiaUS said:

Her parents know about our relationship from the beginning. They didn't reject me from the start. They can even send regards and wish me a happy birthday during my birthday. However, we are not sure why suddenly when she told her that she want to get marry with me, they are so offensive. She keeps asking her parents why, but, they didn't give any solid answer. 

Like I said, sounds more like a case of "mother hen" doesn't want her chicks to leave the nest. I wouldn't say it's rejection if they communicate with you (even in the very small amounts that you have mentioned). It's more an emotional bond that they are not yet prepared to sever. They will get over that eventually. 

 

My parents have never met or spoken to my husband. We have been married 2.5 years. My mother does not like him at all and thinks I've made a huge mistake. I'm 43! Many people in my family were very negative about my immigration to the USA. They have a belief that the U.K. is the best place on earth and think I'm crazy to live anywhere else. They might be correct. But this is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. They will just have to accept it. My siblings have not contacted me by phone, text, email or anything since I arrived here on December 19. Not even a birthday card. I have sent cards and letters to them but with no reply. It's sad that families fall apart over our life choices but in the end they will be sorry about it and regret the situation. Life's too short to be angry with one another. 

Edited May 9, 2017 by JFH

[Cyberfx1024 7,980]

19 minutes ago, MalaysiaUS said:

Hi Cyberfx1024,

 

I'm 36 and she's 27. Should her be honest about the family acceptance if the CO ask her about that?

Always be honest when speaking to any kinds of Consular Officer or Immigration Official. That's a difference in age but not a big one so I wouldn't worry about it. Also if the CO asks about it then answer truthfully and go into detail about it if they want to know more. But I wouldn't worry about it honestly. 

[Michelle & Jessie 51]

7 minutes ago, JFH said:

Like I said, sounds more like a case of "mother hen" doesn't want her chicks to leave the nest. I wouldn't say it's rejection if they communicate with you (even in the very small amounts that you have mentioned). It's more an emotional bond that they are not yet prepared to sever. They will get over that eventually. 

 

My parents have never met or spoken to my husband. We have been married 2.5 years. My mother does not like him at all and thinks I've made a huge mistake. I'm 43! Many people in my family were very negative about my immigration to the USA. They have a belief that the U.K. is the best place on earth and think I'm crazy to live anywhere else. They might be correct. But this is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. They will just have to accept it. My siblings have not contacted me by phone, text, email or anything since I arrived here on December 19. Not even a birthday card. I have sent cards and letters to them but with no reply. It's sad that families fall apart over our life choices but in the end they will be sorry about it and regret the situation. Life's too short to be angry with one another. 

You should talk to my fiancee about this. Her mother thinks it's not such a good idea to move to the US. They are well off so they don't think its worthwhile for their daughter to move there and work for a paycheck monthly. Don't get me wrong but they like me just fine. At least her siblings think it's fine.

[Michelle & Jessie 51]

28 minutes ago, MalaysiaUS said:

 She's not a single child and she is 27 ye. 

 

My fiancee put visit a friend as her purpose of her trip, so, during the interview, the CO asked her is it, friend or boyfriend. So, she did answer boyfriend. After that CO did ask about what she will do there, so, she explained and gave the itinerary. After that, CO gave back her passport and told her to apply for K1 instead of the tourist visa.

9 years is not big a difference. My fiancee is 26 and I'm gonna be 35 by the end of this year. I was in grad school when she started her bachelor degree.

 

Weird case.. The CO only reminded my fiancee not to get married on a travel visa and approved the 10 year travel visa on the spot.

[geowrian 22,338]

2 hours ago, MalaysiaUS said:

I'm 36 and she's 27. Should her be honest about the family acceptance if the CO ask her about that?

Yes, always be 100% honest.

1 hour ago, MalaysiaUS said:

My fiancee put visit a friend as her purpose of her trip, so, during the interview, the CO asked her is it, friend or boyfriend. So, she did answer boyfriend. After that CO did ask about what she will do there, so, she explained and gave the itinerary. After that, CO gave back her passport and told her to apply for K1 instead of the tourist visa.

1 hour ago, Jesus & Michelle said:

Weird case.. The CO only reminded my fiancee not to get married on a travel visa and approved the 10 year travel visa on the spot.

Not that weird. Not every CO is the same, and not every applicant has the same circumstances (the biggest one here being ties to return home - stable job, ability to support yourself in the US, family, property, etc.). It's pretty typical for a CO to followup the 'friend" answer by asking if it's a boyfriend/girlfriend.

 

The CO told her false info then...you can get married on a tourist visa perfectly fine. You can't intend to marry and stay in the US, but you can marry fine.

[Randyandyuni 2,682]

my situation is similar but reversed, it posed no problems for us, although we had similar religious backgrounds. I would not be overly concerned, best of luck to you both

[sparkles_ 456]

Let me give you some cultural insight. I've been Muslim for 15yr, since I was in high school. While it may not be right, most families draw a very deep line between marriage material and everyone else. They were probably ok thinking it would never pan out into you guys really marrying each other. 

[Jordan8768 107]

As long as you explain stuff and tell the truth you will be fine. Rule of thumb is to tell the truth and show you have nothing to hide. The relationship is about you guys and family rejection can be a part of life. However, as long as you can prove you have a real relationship then you're fine. 

[zilchfox 296]

Just tell them the truth, and you'll be fine.

 

My husband has never, ever met my parents, although there were plans for them to meet eventually, they unfortunately fell through. Both my parents and in-laws are very much in approval of our relationship.

[Mido&Emi 33]

In the end, it is you and her who make the decision of having a life together and giving it a shot. If you want to become Muslim, explore the religion first. Let her guide you as well. Ignore what parents feel about the relationship but be honest and stand your ground. This is for you AND her. You must both stand your ground. When I first spoke to my now husband, we had to be honest about our feelings and plans to our families. Our families haven't spoken to each other yet since they live countries away. At first we faced a lot of prejudice from both sides but mostly his. From mine because they believed the media in that all Muslims are terrorists. From his side because they have this idea that Americans sleep around, do drugs and are unstable and wild. We both fought hard. I can't say our families have an extremely positive light of us but they learned to accept our marriage for the sake of us. if that makes sense. Now we fight together for the visa process to go smoothly. He is in Egypt and I am trying to take him to the US. It will show his family that I was good for him. Not by getting to the US but realistically speaking, he can succeed more in the US than in Egypt. If God wills it and we can go to the US, he stabilizes then his family will see I was good for him and helped him improve. By traveling, my family gets to meet him and see not all Muslims are terrorists with an agenda to push their beliefs. That he is a good man that provides for me. So regardless of the circumstances, when you love someone, you stand strong together in the face of it all. Whether it's family rejection, standing for your beliefs or even the frustrating visa process that surely takes a toll. 

 

Be honest, explore the religion, stand strong together and hopefully God will guide you within your visa process. There's nothing better than honesty. Goodluck!  

[mrtravel 40]

5 hours ago, MalaysiaUS said:

Hi Cyberfx1024,

 

I'm 36 and she's 27. Should her be honest about the family acceptance if the CO ask her about that?

 

Sure, it doesn't matter to them if the family agrees to the relationship.  They might care whether or not you have told family about it, in order to recognize the legitimacy of the relationship. Non-acceptance of you as a fiance is proof they know about the relationship ... 
 

[Limey 551]

There is no requirement that parents approve the marriage in order for a k1 to be issued. You are marrying her, not her parents. She is an adult.

 

If the CO asks about her family, be honest and tell them the truth (as you should do with all their questions). You won't be denied because her parents don't approve, but you can be denied for lying about it.

[Perfect two 💑 1,147]

11 hours ago, JFH said:

Like I said, sounds more like a case of "mother hen" doesn't want her chicks to leave the nest. I wouldn't say it's rejection if they communicate with you (even in the very small amounts that you have mentioned). It's more an emotional bond that they are not yet prepared to sever. They will get over that eventually. 

 

My parents have never met or spoken to my husband. We have been married 2.5 years. My mother does not like him at all and thinks I've made a huge mistake. I'm 43! Many people in my family were very negative about my immigration to the USA. They have a belief that the U.K. is the best place on earth and think I'm crazy to live anywhere else. They might be correct. But this is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. They will just have to accept it. My siblings have not contacted me by phone, text, email or anything since I arrived here on December 19. Not even a birthday card. I have sent cards and letters to them but with no reply. It's sad that families fall apart over our life choices but in the end they will be sorry about it and regret the situation. Life's too short to be angry with one another. 

 

If you don't mind I ask, how you handle that? Since all of your family angry with you. Are you okay with that? Is there any moment you feel regret about it? - (Fiancee)

[Perfect two 💑 1,147]

11 hours ago, cyberfx1024 said:

Always be honest when speaking to any kinds of Consular Officer or Immigration Official. That's a difference in age but not a big one so I wouldn't worry about it. Also if the CO asks about it then answer truthfully and go into detail about it if they want to know more. But I wouldn't worry about it honestly. 

 

Thanks cyberfx1024! I will be honest with them if they ask me question about that later!  - (fiancee)

[NikLR 13,232]

11 hours ago, JFH said:

Like I said, sounds more like a case of "mother hen" doesn't want her chicks to leave the nest. I wouldn't say it's rejection if they communicate with you (even in the very small amounts that you have mentioned). It's more an emotional bond that they are not yet prepared to sever. They will get over that eventually. 

 

My parents have never met or spoken to my husband. We have been married 2.5 years. My mother does not like him at all and thinks I've made a huge mistake. I'm 43! Many people in my family were very negative about my immigration to the USA. They have a belief that the U.K. is the best place on earth and think I'm crazy to live anywhere else. They might be correct. But this is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. They will just have to accept it. My siblings have not contacted me by phone, text, email or anything since I arrived here on December 19. Not even a birthday card. I have sent cards and letters to them but with no reply. It's sad that families fall apart over our life choices but in the end they will be sorry about it and regret the situation. Life's too short to be angry with one another. 

I'm similar but not quite so bad. My brother quit talking to me when I decided to move to the USA.  It was because my child decided to live in Canada with my ex boyfriend (the father.)  He's a great dad, lives close to his family with a great job (a family based business that does very well.)  I let my child choose because when I was a child I wasn't given a choice.  I was forced to live with one parent or the other and hated it.  We are now at the stage where on facebook we will say "Merry Christmas" or "Happy birthday."  (generally I do and he says you too.)  I know it's very hard on my mother but it was his choice not to talk to me because of life choices and I'm not going to apologize.