Wife Been Arrested

[Boiler 45,584]

Not enforceable. I 864 is the one that matters.

[Penguin_ie 5,994]

***** two abrasive, off topic posts and one quoting removed. Post with constructive advice for the Op, or do not post. *****

[Cyberfx1024 7,980]

On 4/17/2017 at 10:26 AM, Transborderwife said:

How long was she in for?

NC law states that someone who was charged with anything domestic violence wise has to be kept in the jail for minimum of 48 hours, then go in front of a magistrate to assess bond. 

[Cyberfx1024 7,980]

On 4/17/2017 at 10:33 AM, Transborderwife said:

Yeah what I meant was no initial bond.  She had a bond until her next hearing I'm guessing 

There is NO BOND or Magistrate Hearing until after the 48 hour time period is up. That is nonnegotiable in the state's eyes.

[Daisy.Chain 317]

You are in a difficult situation and have some very important decisions to make. PLEASE consider your children and the effects those decisions could have on their short- and long-term wellbeing. I see that you mentioned your pastor many times. In the meantime, I googled a few links and you may want to check out this article about marital abuse from a biblical perspective.

[verysadman 0]

I am in a similar situation, but in my case, my wife has not seen my daughter,

 

she has issues when I talk about my daughter.

[USC1961 251]

On 4/17/2017 at 7:54 AM, Lenchique said:

Who will be footing that bill? Remember that while you are married she is your financials liability.  The day you file is the day all liabilities get divided.

This is not a shared responsibility,  She went to jail it's 100% on her and the OP has no obligation to pay it.  Plus the OP didn't agree to bond her out.  Better for the OP if it doesn't get paid, that means she goes back to jail.  

 

In any case, the OP hasn't posted in a week now.  But if he is still lurking, the obvious thing to do is just buy a plane ticket and send her home.  Even if you have to borrow from someone to do it, you will be saving so much grief in the long run.

[Lenchique 48]

13 hours ago, Cruise77 said:

This is not a shared responsibility,  She went to jail it's 100% on her and the OP has no obligation to pay it.  Plus the OP didn't agree to bond her out.  Better for the OP if it doesn't get paid, that means she goes back to jail.  

 

In any case, the OP hasn't posted in a week now.  But if he is still lurking, the obvious thing to do is just buy a plane ticket and send her home.  Even if you have to borrow from someone to do it, you will be saving so much grief in the long run.

This is such a tough situation. On the one hand it would be financially a burden for him to buy a ticket and who is to say she will get in the plane? He can't force her. Someone as vile and attempting to be shrewd (as evidenced by her threatening statements to him "you will pay") is hardly the kind of person who can be talked into leaving the best country in the world. Plus isn't she needed to be present for a divorce proceeding ?

 

On the other hand if he doesn't buy her a ticket who is to say she won't be a menace to him and cause more grief? Plus, given how back logged deportation department in homeland security is, if doubt if they would get to her any time soon. Meanwhile she could be doing unpredictable things.

 

but either way keeping her in jail without bailing her is the best for her and him. 

[EmilyW 1,443]

I don't meant to be rude but nothing is going to change.  Every few weeks / months, the OP comes onto the board with another story of woe about his wife.  He gets good advice, ignores it, disappears.  Wash.  Rinse.  Repeat.

 

I'm glad the ex-wife has her wits about her and is prepared to protect the children.  Cos, while he initially thought of them first, his mind quickly turned back to the wife and her situation.

 

[TheResistance 6]

14 hours ago, EmilyW said:

I don't meant to be rude but nothing is going to change.  Every few weeks / months, the OP comes onto the board with another story of woe about his wife.  He gets good advice, ignores it, disappears.  Wash.  Rinse.  Repeat.

 

I'm glad the ex-wife has her wits about her and is prepared to protect the children.  Cos, while he initially thought of them first, his mind quickly turned back to the wife and her situation.

 

Harsh. I have only tried to make things work.

[TheResistance 6]

As it stands right now, she has been at her friends house. She has a court date next week. I do not know if I have to be there. I have not gotten a restraining order because it only lasts 10 days right now I think, and it be wasteful since she is not supposed to be contacting me, but she has (starts off with needing something here but then gets into a finger pointing argument). Still no car so I would need to taxi it over downtown (no, no one can drive me), if my manager allows me unpaid time off (I am only a temp so my job is unstable). She has called a couple of times, and tries to make me feel guilty for her situation. She wants me to still pay for her AOS so she can work and part ways with me. She refuses to get help because she has no mental or suicidal tendencies (yea, our Skype logs beg to differ) and says I am the one needing it. So she will not get help for this marriage, nor she will go back to her family in the Philippines (and I would never know where she will go from there if she goes with other family or friends in London or such) as she has claimed a thousand times before. Now she threatens me that because I told this government I would take care of her, that I am obligated. I will empty my 401k (as nothing is left in it) to get her a plane ticket, if she actually uses it. Not to get her a green card to stay here and who knows what to cause me distress in the future. She claims a man who loves her would never do what I did. Well, I would not if kids were not here.

As far as legal advice, I have call anything free I can, but no one is giving me anything useful but "divorce her now." Really? And these people do not even know their own laws of six months before can even file for separation.

I love her but I have to protect my children. So "some" of you can stop worrying about that part.

I will help her with things if she plans to go home. Fine. I want her to be happy and not stressed about her "evil stepchildren" anymore (who are 5, 8 [with Aspergers), and 11). I am tired of her threats. I just do not need her staying and causing me anymore grief. I do not want to pay so much money for someone to get her AOS, if we going to be separated. Not what I want. God hates divorce, but my children need to be safe. I need to feel safe. So I am still trying to not pay for her to stay. I fear in her voice she wants to hurt me so much because "me and my ex ruined her life." Whatever she does will financially affect the kids and I may not be able to afford this crappy apartment anymore as time goes on. I just can not find anyone to give me proper legal advice. I have called a few abuse hotlines (and I did one of the tests and I am so abused, ouch...).

Do not discount my feelings that I love my wife and hate what has happened. Yes I know what she did and what I did. I miss her. I worry about her. I care about her. So please, do not discount this and that I am going through a rough time.

However, I need to protect my future. I think her family can take care of her. I will miss her. I love her. But my children have to come first in this case and they need to always know Daddy's home is safe. I can not be with her as she is anymore. Just can not happen.

I just need proper legal advice and I can not find it. Do I tell the USCIS or someone she was kicked out? An immigration officer contacted me the night she was arrested. Had trouble finding her records (they kept spelling her name wrong). I just do not feel I need to work hard for her AOS if we not going to be together. I do not see why she even wants to stay here since she never thought about being in America in the first place.

[Transborderwife 4,666]

29 minutes ago, TheResistance said:

As it stands right now, she has been at her friends house. She has a court date next week. I do not know if I have to be there. I have not gotten a restraining order because it only lasts 10 days right now I think, and it be wasteful since she is not supposed to be contacting me, but she has (starts off with needing something here but then gets into a finger pointing argument). Still no car so I would need to taxi it over downtown (no, no one can drive me), if my manager allows me unpaid time off (I am only a temp so my job is unstable). She has called a couple of times, and tries to make me feel guilty for her situation. She wants me to still pay for her AOS so she can work and part ways with me. She refuses to get help because she has no mental or suicidal tendencies (yea, our Skype logs beg to differ) and says I am the one needing it. So she will not get help for this marriage, nor she will go back to her family in the Philippines (and I would never know where she will go from there if she goes with other family or friends in London or such) as she has claimed a thousand times before. Now she threatens me that because I told this government I would take care of her, that I am obligated. I will empty my 401k (as nothing is left in it) to get her a plane ticket, if she actually uses it. Not to get her a green card to stay here and who knows what to cause me distress in the future. She claims a man who loves her would never do what I did. Well, I would not if kids were not here.

As far as legal advice, I have call anything free I can, but no one is giving me anything useful but "divorce her now." Really? And these people do not even know their own laws of six months before can even file for separation.

I love her but I have to protect my children. So "some" of you can stop worrying about that part.

I will help her with things if she plans to go home. Fine. I want her to be happy and not stressed about her "evil stepchildren" anymore (who are 5, 8 [with Aspergers), and 11). I am tired of her threats. I just do not need her staying and causing me anymore grief. I do not want to pay so much money for someone to get her AOS, if we going to be separated. Not what I want. God hates divorce, but my children need to be safe. I need to feel safe. So I am still trying to not pay for her to stay. I fear in her voice she wants to hurt me so much because "me and my ex ruined her life." Whatever she does will financially affect the kids and I may not be able to afford this crappy apartment anymore as time goes on. I just can not find anyone to give me proper legal advice. I have called a few abuse hotlines (and I did one of the tests and I am so abused, ouch...).

Do not discount my feelings that I love my wife and hate what has happened. Yes I know what she did and what I did. I miss her. I worry about her. I care about her. So please, do not discount this and that I am going through a rough time.

However, I need to protect my future. I think her family can take care of her. I will miss her. I love her. But my children have to come first in this case and they need to always know Daddy's home is safe. I can not be with her as she is anymore. Just can not happen.

I just need proper legal advice and I can not find it. Do I tell the USCIS or someone she was kicked out? An immigration officer contacted me the night she was arrested. Had trouble finding her records (they kept spelling her name wrong). I just do not feel I need to work hard for her AOS if we not going to be together. I do not see why she even wants to stay here since she never thought about being in America in the first place.

DO NOT COMMUNICATE WITH HER!!!  If found out you too could go to jail for violating the no contact.  It works both ways.

 

she likely wants to stay as for some if they return home they've failed.  America is a big dream, heaven to many.

[jakelake 222]

55 minutes ago, TheResistance said:

As it stands right now, she has been at her friends house. She has a court date next week. I do not know if I have to be there. I have not gotten a restraining order because it only lasts 10 days right now I think, and it be wasteful since she is not supposed to be contacting me, but she has (starts off with needing something here but then gets into a finger pointing argument). Still no car so I would need to taxi it over downtown (no, no one can drive me), if my manager allows me unpaid time off (I am only a temp so my job is unstable). She has called a couple of times, and tries to make me feel guilty for her situation. She wants me to still pay for her AOS so she can work and part ways with me. She refuses to get help because she has no mental or suicidal tendencies (yea, our Skype logs beg to differ) and says I am the one needing it. So she will not get help for this marriage, nor she will go back to her family in the Philippines (and I would never know where she will go from there if she goes with other family or friends in London or such) as she has claimed a thousand times before. Now she threatens me that because I told this government I would take care of her, that I am obligated. I will empty my 401k (as nothing is left in it) to get her a plane ticket, if she actually uses it. Not to get her a green card to stay here and who knows what to cause me distress in the future. She claims a man who loves her would never do what I did. Well, I would not if kids were not here.

As far as legal advice, I have call anything free I can, but no one is giving me anything useful but "divorce her now." Really? And these people do not even know their own laws of six months before can even file for separation.

I love her but I have to protect my children. So "some" of you can stop worrying about that part.

I will help her with things if she plans to go home. Fine. I want her to be happy and not stressed about her "evil stepchildren" anymore (who are 5, 8 [with Aspergers), and 11). I am tired of her threats. I just do not need her staying and causing me anymore grief. I do not want to pay so much money for someone to get her AOS, if we going to be separated. Not what I want. God hates divorce, but my children need to be safe. I need to feel safe. So I am still trying to not pay for her to stay. I fear in her voice she wants to hurt me so much because "me and my ex ruined her life." Whatever she does will financially affect the kids and I may not be able to afford this crappy apartment anymore as time goes on. I just can not find anyone to give me proper legal advice. I have called a few abuse hotlines (and I did one of the tests and I am so abused, ouch...).

Do not discount my feelings that I love my wife and hate what has happened. Yes I know what she did and what I did. I miss her. I worry about her. I care about her. So please, do not discount this and that I am going through a rough time.

However, I need to protect my future. I think her family can take care of her. I will miss her. I love her. But my children have to come first in this case and they need to always know Daddy's home is safe. I can not be with her as she is anymore. Just can not happen.

I just need proper legal advice and I can not find it. Do I tell the USCIS or someone she was kicked out? An immigration officer contacted me the night she was arrested. Had trouble finding her records (they kept spelling her name wrong). I just do not feel I need to work hard for her AOS if we not going to be together. I do not see why she even wants to stay here since she never thought about being in America in the first place.

 

The woman must have a spell on you. You need to find a better woman or you will be crying for the rest of your life. There have been over 100 posts advising you to let her go and you are still saying that you love that woman?

LET HER GO AND MOVE ON!!!

[Lemonslice 4,860]

On 4/16/2017 at 1:46 PM, Lemonslice said:

You were/are in love with what she could have been.  Honestly, go and read back your old posts, it was doomed from the beginning because of your delusion that she would change and everything was amplified by your never ending lack of resources. Protect yourself and your family and cut your losses.

Repeating myself.

 

Seriously, do you have a social worker to talk to? You need help.

[Mary Lou 681]

9 hours ago, TheResistance said:

Harsh. I have only tried to make things work.

Well as much as you are trying, your wife isn't. Nothing will change with her. I know it's hard to read, but really you need to stop making excuses for her and move on. Love yourself and children more then you love the idea of her getting better and having a life with her.