Wife Been Arrested

[Ash.1101 1,756]

49 minutes ago, Mary Lou said:

Please re-read this statement. Really read it. 

Please take the advice of so many other posters

I agree with this so much.

Any time you have to say your daughter was fearful because of your wife, or your children were refusing to be with her, take that to heart. Your children fear your wife. There is no excuse for that, there is no justifying that. There is no "well this is why they fear", the fact they fear and they're still around the woman can easily be considered negligence. No child should have to fear, dread, or avoid being alone with a step-parent, someone who has came into their lives as what should be another guardian (not legally, but figuratively) and protector. 

[sparkles_ 456]

2 hours ago, cyberfx1024 said:

I can second this especially about Davidson County.

Yep! I'm in the county beside Davidson where the zoo is....the ones with smaller cities only and low populations have a militant CPS.

Edited April 16, 2017 by sparkles_

[Jawaree 718]

Is this a new situation or original post?

[Boiler 45,584]

There is quite a back story, see past threads.

[Cyberfx1024 7,980]

1 hour ago, sparkles_ said:

Yep! I'm in the county beside Davidson where the zoo is....the ones with smaller cities only and low populations have a militant CPS.

Randolph County I know that County very well. I am born and raised in SE Guilford County near Liberty. So I am familiar with the whole area. 

[sparkles_ 456]

1 minute ago, cyberfx1024 said:

Randolph County I know that County very well. I am born and raised in SE Guilford County near Liberty. So I am familiar with the whole area. 

All of central NC is a very 'unique' place on many levels to say the least when it comes to the cops/arrests/jail....basically all things legal on a state and county level.

[Cyberfx1024 7,980]

2 minutes ago, sparkles_ said:

All of central NC is a very 'unique' place on many levels to say the least when it comes to the cops/arrests/jail....basically all things legal on a state and county level.

So true. I have seen things happen there that wouldn't fly anywhere else. 

[deleted this acco 44]

I think its time to move on. Why would u stay with someone who doesn't treat your kids well? That's why u delayed AOS u know there's something wrong. How do u expect her to bring income when she has no EAD?

[TheResistance 6]

4 minutes ago, abbynak said:

I think its time to move on. Why would u stay with someone who doesn't treat your kids well? That's why u delayed AOS u know there's something wrong. How do u expect her to bring income when she has no EAD?

I did not purposely delay AOS. I never could come up with the funds since last summer.

I never expected her to bring in any income. I encouraged her with skills, I learned afterwards, that she could make things and sell. She made things, but gave them away instead. She did other things to help us save funds but it was not enough with car and medical expense pouring in. I never blamed her. I just kept working hard.

 

I am still working on finding her a friend to stay with, because if she comes back her, my ex will not let me see the kids anymore.

[Scandi 4,166]

2 minutes ago, TheResistance said:

 

I am still working on finding her a friend to stay with, because if she comes back her, my ex will not let me see the kids anymore.

If your wife is in your house when your children are there one more time, then not letting you see your children again is a very wise move by the ex. At least one of the children's parents is trying to keep them safe, big applause to her.

[neilsqueen 433]

58 minutes ago, Boiler said:

There is quite a back story, see past threads.

I for the life of me can't see why there is still an issue.  I read the other threads and nothing has changed.  You are spinning your wheels and not getting anywhere.  You have received some really good advice here and it still seems like you do not want to follow it.  I'm not understanding why you want to keep putting yourself through this torture.  You obviously love your children so you must do what you have to do to keep them safe and assure that you will still have them in your life. Love yourself enough to get out of this dysfunction. My heart goes out to you because it is a tough pill to swallow when your dreams of happiness have been shattered. However, no matter how grim things seem know, you will see how much happier everyone will be when the cause of strife is gone.  Keep your head up and move on!  She has made it very clear she is not worthy of your love.  It has been a one way street.  Best wishes to you!

[EmilyW 1,443]

OP, why would you let her back anyway?  She has threatened and abused your children and you're still prepared to have her come back into your home and play house?  Until what?  Until she hurts you or them physically?  At which point will you say 'enough' cos it seems this cat has infinite lives. 

 

[Ash.1101 1,756]

1 hour ago, neilsqueen said:

I for the life of me can't see why there is still an issue.  I read the other threads and nothing has changed.  You are spinning your wheels and not getting anywhere.  You have received some really good advice here and it still seems like you do not want to follow it.  I'm not understanding why you want to keep putting yourself through this torture.  You obviously love your children so you must do what you have to do to keep them safe and assure that you will still have them in your life. Love yourself enough to get out of this dysfunction. My heart goes out to you because it is a tough pill to swallow when your dreams of happiness have been shattered. However, no matter how grim things seem know, you will see how much happier everyone will be when the cause of strife is gone.  Keep your head up and move on!  She has made it very clear she is not worthy of your love.  It has been a one way street.  Best wishes to you!

It's a vicious cycle of someone dependent and not understanding their own worth and the worth of their children.

There are people out there that do believe anyone can be changed, either with love or medication or both. These people also usually believe that no matter how hard they've had it and everything that they've been through, that ending the relationship with a mentally ill person is giving up on that person and that it would cause more harm in the long run, even if they themselves have been physically and mentally abused by the mentally ill person.. There can be a line of guilt to it too, thinking that if they do give up on that person, that they're pretty much condemning them because the person IS unstable and who knows what they could be capable of if rejected or abandoned.

In this case, I feel the OP feels that he owes his wife something and that she truly can be helped, and that one day they can have that family he probably pictured in their head. But honestly that ship has most likely sailed. The children are old enough to understand how an adult is suppose to act, the 5 year old is learning that this is normal behavior. If he tells the 5 year old she's sick, he may not even grasp the concept because he's 5 and if he can't see anything physically wrong with her he may not understand why his father keeps saying step mom is sick. The children are being affected most by this.

If there weren't kids involved, I may be more supportive of the idea that he could stay with her, help her through her mental illnesses, and then one day make a life with the woman he may have seen years before as a bit more stable. But there are kids involved, and even from past posts, her dislike of the children isn't anything new and it's easily something she came into the relationship feeling. That can't be changed, that can't be taught. Some people just can NOT wrap their minds about loving some one else's child, there's a reason that some people straight up say they won't date a single mom or single dad, that they don't want to have to raise someone else's kid.

At the end of the day, when he realizes that his wife's mental illness is NOT his fault, that she was most likely always suffering all her life, and that his quality of life and, more importantly his childrens quality of life, is massively suffering because of this, then he'll stop with the ideas of, what if they get back together, maybe they can be together if they spend time apart and she gets help, etc. 

He needs to document EVERYTHING said to him, he needs to sit down and objectively look at this, he needs to ask himself, how would he feel if his son was dating a woman that hit him infront of his grandkids? What if he was dating a woman that said she would make sure his life was ruined and his children would starve? A person who is desperately clinging to any glamour of love would say "Well if he loves her, I'm sure they can figure it out", but a rational person thinking of the safety of their family and NOT about love would say "I wouldn't want my child with someone like that.".




When I left my ex-husband one of the things I asked him, was if our daughter wasn't disabled and would date in the future, would he want her relationship to be what ours was, and he said no. That's one of the things that lead into "Well then do you think we should really be together if we're teaching her that fighting and yelling and disrespect is the kind of life she deserves?" and that answer was again no. It took me five years to finally leave my ex, even knowing that from the get go we disliked each others existence but stayed for the kids and sometimes stayed for each other. But when we started seeing our daughter copying our fights and pretending like it was normal, something had to be done.


It may sound awful, but while the officer may think that the wake up call for her was getting arrested, maybe CPS coming to his home if he does get back with his wife will be the wake up call that he needs to finally remove that kind of toxicity out of their life and restart from anew.

 

Edited April 17, 2017 by Ash.1101

[QueenComley 295]

I am a step-mother. Even as a step-mother I have an obligation to keep my step-children safe, warm, fed, happy and content. It is inconceivable to me to scare, bully, scream or intimidate them. If I did? My husband would tell me to hit the high road. Quick smart. Cheerio marriage.

 

You stated in one post that your little girl dreads being alone with your wife... this is truly heartbreaking. Your children have not only suffered at the hands of your wife but they have bore witness to domestic violence taking place in their home. I hope this does not carve and shape out future relationships your children have when they are adults.

 

Protect your children at all costs. Have no contact with your wife at all, divorce, move on.

[f f 725]

there are fee wavers if you can not pay for it but being able to cover the i864 might be a problem then. I agree with the above post that child protective services will come after you if your children show signs of abuse at school. and again the kids should be your concern not your wife