Wife Been Arrested

[TheResistance 6]

Do I have to worry about anyone wanting to take my computer away, which has all my personal documents and kids albums, etc. Should I get it all backed up externally freshly and taken offsite before the two court dates in fear they could destroy all my data? I do not know why. If she claims I did things to her, they may want to investigate things, right?

Is this stupid thinking? Too much TV watching?

[Villanelle 4,122]

3 minutes ago, TheResistance said:

Do I have to worry about anyone wanting to take my computer away, which has all my personal documents and kids albums, etc. 

No

[Villanelle 4,122]

19 hours ago, TheResistance said:

I see some harshness towards me. I see some people trying to help. At least I have no been alone...

 

I went to InterAct of Raleigh. The person I spoke to was compassionate and, obviously heard so much of this, allowed me to take the time to talk. She said that a protective order would hold more weight, if needed, than the no contact. The second most difficult thing I had to do after getting her arrested, was signing the papers for the 10 day order. Now, along with her court date this Thursday that the DA said I should go (and when I see her I will fall apart), there is a date the following Monday (I am going to lose a lot of unpaid time off and will possible jeopardize my contract) to whether or not I want it extended a year.

 

After all this done to her, to the person she claims to have loved and trusted (although she never really did).

 

The courts may not allow her to go back with her family. She may now be stuck here.

 

Thursday will determine that.

 

Kids are happier now coming back over to my place.

 

For anyone saying that I will find someone better if this ends in divorce... trust me, even if she is out there she will not be with me. Not even going to try. Got other things to focus on now... like cleanup duty.

You seem to be a bit lost about what is going on. 

 

The court day Thursday is for her DV arrest right? You need to go to that. When you go they will most likely ask you (repeatedly) if you want to continue prosecuting the case or not. I say most likely because every jurisdiction is different. In some, they dont need the cooperation of the victim. In others they must have the cooperation of the victim to proceed or the case gets dropped. Be prepared to tell your story about what happened that night. Remember its not up to you to decide "punishment". Your only responsibility is to tell the truth. Let the chips fall where they may...

 

You seem to have gotten a temp order of protection for 10 days. These are given on an emergency basis. Basically that means a Judge can issue you one with out hearing the other side. This is a temp order ONLY until both people are able to appear in court. Your court date is Monday. On Monday you both show up and you go "first" and tell your reasons why you need the order to continue (how long they remain intact for again depends on jurisdiction. You seem to be under the impression its going to be for 1 year, it could be longer). So you tell your side and then she tells her version. The judge can ask questions. Both of you are entitled to an attny. Either you or she can ask at that temp hearing for more time to get an attny IF one side shows up with one and the other side doesnt. You can probably even ask for more time to get an attny if neither of you show up with one. In those cases the temp order will be extended another week or so to give you the time you need.

 

You can get an attny most likely from your local pro-bono legal aid group. Restraining order proceedings are given priority when you contact a legal aid group and I believe in most states you can get an attny at no cost for the process of obtaining one regardless of your income. The reason is they (the attnys) can be paid from a court fund... You know how when someone commits a crime they pay a variety of fees and court costs? One of the fines goes to a money pool for victims of crime to use for attny costs for restraining orders. 

 

You should also look into (google) crime compensation funds. They can reimburse you for time lost from work, damaged property etc. Again, region specific. 

 

Anyway, in answer to your above question which I simply answered "No", you seem to be thinking this is a bigger deal to the court then it actually is. To the courts these DV offenses are almost as mundane as processing traffic fines sadly. There is NO big investigation. There is no CSI! lol. Perhaps if she gets a high paid attny they can file motions for things like computer drives- but if something like that was to happen her attny would have to file a motion. The prosecutor would be able to respond as to why they shouldnt be able to have your hard drive. The judge would have to approve the request for you to give over your harddrive. Nothing would be "deleted" from it. It would be an inconvenience of not having it while the court does. But the court is not going to order your hard drive examined for a minor DV case. 

 

The above is my honest opinion. If it makes you feel better- get an external drive and back things up, but its not going to be needed.

[Villanelle 4,122]

Also I googled InterAct. They are an advocate group. They can send someone with you to court for "emotional support" purposes. The person would be an advocate, not an attny. Perhaps having someone there with you for the DV case would help? 

 

They can also put you in contact with an attny for the restraining order, as well as help you with victims compensation paperwork (crime fund)

[TheResistance 6]

3 minutes ago, Damara said:

Also I googled InterAct. They are an advocate group. They can send someone with you to court for "emotional support" purposes. The person would be an advocate, not an attny. Perhaps having someone there with you for the DV case would help? 

 

They can also put you in contact with an attny for the restraining order, as well as help you with victims compensation paperwork (crime fund)

I appreciate this info. Yes, I can not hire anyone. I did file paperwork at InterAct about possibly an attorney for I think Monday. I can call them back tomorrow and maybe see about those advocates. I could use one. I got no one else really who can go, and I will be a mess when I see her and I need someone to hold me back.To be my guide.

I am scared. I am heartbroken.

[Villanelle 4,122]

I understand. Thats why I said to remember its not up to you to decide punishment. All you have to do is tell the truth. What happened is what happened. If there are consequences for her- then there are. Its not up to you to decide if she is "guilty" or "innocent"/ All you do is tell the honest truth about what happened. You are not responsible for what happened or what happens next. 

[TheResistance 6]

Not sure if it was answered and I missed it, but for the time being am I supposed to report this issue to anyone else (USCIS or some other immigration place) like an address change (well, at least that she not living here right now) or no?

[Villanelle 4,122]

You are only responsible for YOU. So when you say report what happened to anybody...happened to who? not you. Her.  Address change? for her? no. If it was yours- yeah. 

 

I also suggest you find a therapist. Reading your posts its clear you are a victim of abuse. If you have insurance it is going to be covered with a small co-pay 5-35$. If you cant afford it there are resources to find low cost or free services. Most of this info is in the VAWA threads directed to immigrants but theres no reason you cant use the services as well as a USC. 

[Mary Lou 681]

2 hours ago, Damara said:

You are only responsible for YOU. So when you say report what happened to anybody...happened to who? not you. Her.  Address change? for her? no. If it was yours- yeah. 

 

I also suggest you find a therapist. Reading your posts its clear you are a victim of abuse. If you have insurance it is going to be covered with a small co-pay 5-35$. If you cant afford it there are resources to find low cost or free services. Most of this info is in the VAWA threads directed to immigrants but theres no reason you cant use the services as well as a USC. 

Also he can look into EAP for a therapist. Usually 8 visits are covered for free. That would be a start for him.

[TheResistance 6]

My insurance does not cover a thing for stuff like that. However, when I have a car again and these court things are done, I do plan to go to some groups or something for this. Truthfully, I can not handle these emotions.

Tomorrow is the court hearing for her arrest. I do not know if I am supposed to bring anything. I have been trying to find answers. I do not know about what to bring Monday either.

My pastor did speak to her. This is how it went:

 

I did talk with her on Monday.  She seemed humble and stated that
all she wants is to move on with her life.  Two possible scenarios are
moving to Virginia to live with her former employer's family, or to return
to her family in the Philippines. She seemed remorseful for her actions, but
said she can no longer continue to live as things were.   However, I am
unclear of the way the immigration issue will play out.  Not sure if it is
possible for her to get a new sponsor and remain in the US.....

 

Is it possible? I will not stop her, especially if she is up north, but I am not going to pay for her in the future if she not my wife. This person in Virginia used to live in Singapore as a US Embassy something or whatever. Has money and power. I met them too last Thanksgiving. Treated us to lunch at Cracker Barrel.

Now tomorrow, as far as I know they are going to force her those classes on battering, but maybe her attorney assigned to her has other plans.

[Ontarkie 14,237]

I don't think you know what it means to have no contact with her. Having your pastor talk to her and relay things back to you is contact. Stop it now, do not talk to her or anyone else that talks to her for you. 

 

She has no way to adjust her status, she goes home or stay illegal. 

 

Of course she is remorseful she just found out she has no legal way to stay in the US. She is a master at manipulation and your pastor is just another person for her to manipulate. 

 

Stop second guessing yourself, you called the police on an abusive person and now she pays the cost of her actions. Her actions caused this not yours.

 

You show up in court and tell the truth plain and simple.  Ignore what is going on in her life now, she is trying to suck you back in and your falling for it. 

 

 

[Boiler 45,585]

Cracker Barrel?

[TheResistance 6]

36 minutes ago, Boiler said:

Cracker Barrel?

A franchised Southern themed restaurant and country store around the country.

https://www.crackerbarrel.com/

[Transborderwife 4,666]

12 hours ago, TheResistance said:

My insurance does not cover a thing for stuff like that. However, when I have a car again and these court things are done, I do plan to go to some groups or something for this. Truthfully, I can not handle these emotions.

Tomorrow is the court hearing for her arrest. I do not know if I am supposed to bring anything. I have been trying to find answers. I do not know about what to bring Monday either.

My pastor did speak to her. This is how it went:

 

I did talk with her on Monday.  She seemed humble and stated that
all she wants is to move on with her life.  Two possible scenarios are
moving to Virginia to live with her former employer's family, or to return
to her family in the Philippines. She seemed remorseful for her actions, but
said she can no longer continue to live as things were.   However, I am
unclear of the way the immigration issue will play out.  Not sure if it is
possible for her to get a new sponsor and remain in the US.....

 

Is it possible? I will not stop her, especially if she is up north, but I am not going to pay for her in the future if she not my wife. This person in Virginia used to live in Singapore as a US Embassy something or whatever. Has money and power. I met them too last Thanksgiving. Treated us to lunch at Cracker Barrel.

Now tomorrow, as far as I know they are going to force her those classes on battering, but maybe her attorney assigned to her has other plans.

Be careful this can be interpreted as third party contact 

[sparkles_ 456]

You're in NC. Stop having contact with her before YOU get in trouble as well, which will happen because of the DV/no contact laws and how they are enforced like crazy here. You're violating that order and North Carolina will go hard with either party they find out violates it, even the abused person to make a point. I've seen it happen a few times. She can use this against you in NC as stalking and harassment if she wanted to.....

 

My advice, if you know the name of the person in VA, get the address ASAP be it from her or google or even paying 50$ to a PI. You will want to inform USCIS where she is. I would personally offer to pay her ticket back home and drive her to the airport or have someone trusted do so. Pull your i864 after you find out what is going on in court. I would make an infopass after that and do it in person.

 

I know DV court is rough stuff, and you mentioned you don't really have anyone to go with you, I'm hoping you have the strength to get through the court date and stand firm on having done the proper thing. Don't hesitate to reach out to all local DV groups because DV is not a women's only club, they will assist anyone however they are just majority familiar with abused female situations. I'm in NC and have some experience with similar, you may PM if you like.

Edited May 4, 2017 by sparkles_