Relationship Strategies During the K-1 Visa Process

[janet3 1,170]

I filed the k1 at the beginning of February. I have yet to receive the NOA2.....and I am not a patient person  I feel just a little bit of your pain......I cannot imagine years apart.....I went Algiers a couple of weeks ago to see my fiance and am having a difficult time being without him...

What works for me is to not concentrate on the logistics of the visa process and live more like we are apart and going to be reunited soon.....so my fiance and I are currently discussing whether or not we truly need a 75 inch TV in the bedroom  (absolutely not)........ but it helps me to think that being together is right around the corner and to focus on the details.....

Seriously. Who needs a 75 inch TV?  

[Stevephoto 230]

20 hours ago, Petulc said:

Hello David,

 

What worked best for us, was to stop comparing our timeline to other's.

 

This is EXCELLENT advice...Timeline watching can drive you NUTS! Every case is different. Some are amazingly fast and some drag on forever. The latter does not mean that there is a problem. Patience, with the system and with each other is key. I visited Joan 4 times in the Philippines in one year (2X before petitioning and 2X during the WAIT). We actually got lucky and I was there when she had her interview. We communicated every day through email. Every now and then she was able to get to an internet cafe and we could video chat. I was not easy and there were times when we both felt like giving up (because of the self-created doubts with the long time frame, not because of any doubts about us), but we just kept reassuring ourselves and kept counting the time to my next visit and planning our time together. Fast forward 4 years and we are happily married and Joan is a new US Citizen! Patience is the key. Good luck.

[TriloByte 1,818]

4 minutes ago, Stevephoto said:

This is EXCELLENT advice...Timeline watching can drive you NUTS! Every case is different. Some are amazingly fast and some drag on forever. The latter does not mean that there is a problem. Patience, with the system and with each other is key. I visited Joan 4 times in the Philippines in one year (2X before petitioning and 2X during the WAIT). We actually got lucky and I was there when she had her interview. We communicated every day through email. Every now and then she was able to get to an internet cafe and we could video chat. I was not easy and there were times when we both felt like giving up (because of the self-created doubts with the long time frame, not because of any doubts about us), but we just kept reassuring ourselves and kept counting the time to my next visit and planning our time together. Fast forward 4 years and we are happily married and Joan is a new US Citizen! Patience is the key. Good luck.

 

Thank you and congrats on the marriage!

[Stevephoto 230]

2 minutes ago, dbmathis said:

Thank you and congrats on the marriage!

Hang in there! We will all be sending you the congrats soon enough!

[TriloByte 1,818]

32 minutes ago, Stevephoto said:

Hang in there! We will all be sending you the congrats soon enough!

Thanks. Your photos are GREAT, BTW. 

[Ontarkie 14,444]

~~Moved to Off Topic, from K1 P&P - As the topic is not about the K1 process itself, but how to spend the distance apart and staying connected.~~

Edited April 10, 2017 by Ontarkie

[yuna628 9,712]

4 hours ago, Jens79 said:

LDR for 10 years..!? That's.... impressive, to say the least. And then "a couple of years" apart? What are you guys made of? I know that we are very fortunate to be able to see each other as often as my wife and I are, but your wait really puts it in perspective. It must have felt pretty good when you were done with that period of your life, I guess?

I look at it this way... My great grandparents were the first in my family to do the LDR thing way back in the 1800s... thousands of miles away and I still have no idea how they met, or how she raised her kids alone without their father (as he petitioned for her to come.. and she did via Elis Island eventually) and my grandmother too, watched her husband go off to war not knowing if he'd come back alive during WWII. If they could make it back in those times, without the assistance of modern tech I reckon being apart these days is relatively small in the scheme of things. But yeah, it was a very long time for us, and we were friends for longer than even that. We were young back then, and financially things were difficult for constant trips, and he wanted finish his education before deciding where we'd live. That all pretty much was decided for us when immigration laws in his country changed. So we took a few extra years to save up and then applied. If you love someone and are patiently committed to each other then anything is possible. Sometimes it felt hopeless, sometimes it felt like it was never going to happen but we're both stubbornly determined. My husband would say if you accept that being apart is merely temporary and if you love that person without a doubt, nothing is ever too hard to endure.. and heck, things can get rough, we've both had personal losses and issues along the way (he says nothing ever comes easy that's worth doing you know?).

2 hours ago, dbmathis said:

Goodness, a few years apart? I am sorry that you had to deal with that. I hope you don't mind me asking why it took years for the process? I think the entire K-1 process for us is expected to be about 6 months from start to finish (or at least we hope).

 

It's so interesting to hear other's perspective on this. We do much of the exact same things. We hit that play button on the movies together, listen to music albums at the same time, make little movies of our day and share them, etc :).

 

Today has been an extremely rough day for us though. We both have slipped into depression and were hard on each other. :(. We just said goodbye to each other for a while a few days ago after one of the 3-month visits. 

Even though it took a long time for us to start the process, the years spent not being able to see each other more regularly were spent doing things that have benefited him significantly in his new life in America education and job market wise. A few years ago K1s for many took well over a year to complete (as in just finally getting to interview stage or even just getting past the NOA2 stage). Thanks to efforts of some good folks here, the former President tweaked some stuff to ease things up a little. A lot of those waiting didn't receive the benefit, but those cases since that point have. I remember the days of having to say goodbye to one another.. crying for weeks, feeling like everything was bleak.. and the only thing that can really heal that is time and acceptance that it's going to be okay and if you've started the K1 process, only temporary. London isn't a hard embassy to get through. We were just reminiscing tonight, that games really played a big part of passing time and was good therapy for us.

[glmg21 330]

Hi @dbmathis..some advice that has helped me while I wait.

 

Just simply doing some planning is a great way to pass the time. It could be as complex as pricing up and planning your wedding as @yuna628 mentioned, or as simple as putting together a list of DIY projects, admin, household items, and tasks that you need/want to do/have after you've moved. It might even be filling out a calendar of the next 18 months outlining where you hope to be and perhaps any trips you might want to take. If you know you're having a wedding, you could also start researching venues and caterers together, to get an idea of what you might want to do and how much it will cost you, etc. Planning a wedding doesn't necessarily have to mean committing to a date!

 

Whatever it is though, planning will give you a sense of perspective, act as a great way to spend purposeful time talking to each other, and get you excited for what lies ahead. The wait won't feel as endless if you have a clearer idea of what's on the horizon. Above all though, planning also just helps you period, given how much there is to do as someone who moves to the USA on a K1.  The more prepared you both are, the less stressful the process will be as you move through it.