Relationship Strategies During the K-1 Visa Process

[TriloByte 1,818]

Hi All,

 

I have been reading on this forum for about a year now as an unregistered user, while my fiancée and I go through the K-1 process. Our petition has been at the CSC since January 30th, 2017. We still have some waiting ahead of us it seems.

 

We met in March or 2016 and because she is in the UK, we convinced the border control to let her in on ETSA for two 3 months visits in the last year. So we have lived together in the US for 6 months already.

 

With that being said, Google Hangouts, etc just doesn't cut it anymore. We are glad to have the technology when she is in the UK, but yeah, you get the idea.

 

I registered on here to seek out relationship strategies from the vets while the USCIS does their thing. I'm interested in hearing how others managed throughout the process.

 

Best Regards

 

David

Edited April 9, 2017 by dbmathis

[Leafsfan 54]

For my wife and I, the hardest part of the journey and our relationship was the time between filing and approval. It's lots of paperwork and even more impatient waiting while it goes through the system and you don't know how much longer it will be. The good news though, is working towards her eventual interview is 100x better then random visits for a few months.

[Petulc 28]

Hello David,

 

What worked best for us, was to stop comparing our timeline to other's. We've kept ourselves busy doing what we won't be able to do once we are together (I won't be able to see my friends, or visit the places I like once I live there), and he won't be able to have his "man time" as much as he does now.

Hope you don't have to wait too much longer. 

 

Good luck!

 

[David&Femke 91]

We play video games together for us that is how we met. We keep finding new games to play.
Another thing that we do is a lot of skype calls, and a thing we do on skype is we both stream the same movie or tv show, and watch it togeher wile were on skype.
And take lots of vacations together planning a vacation gives you something to look forward to, sounds like you have not visited her place yet, that might be nice to see where she comes from before your K1 comes trough and you will be able to bring some of her things with you back to the US.

[TriloByte 1,818]

Great feedback so far. Thanks!

 

The video game idea was a good one. We are into video games too and have played several adventure games from start to finish :).

 

Sometimes when we get really down, we put a little perspective on it. We hear stories of old war veterans who got separated from their partners for years back when there was no internet. We realize that this in no way invalidates how we feel, but it does make us thankful that it's not as bad as it could be.

 

Something else we do is to call each other up on Hangouts and fall asleep listening to each other breathing.

 

 

Edited April 9, 2017 by dbmathis

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

The visa process took us 5 years. Besides visits we skyped daily, played a online game, talked on the free app viber.

When we were all talked out we just had the cam on while cooking, cleaning, sleeping and we ate our meals together

often, me brunch and he dinner due to the time difference.
Real life visits are the best of course.

[Jens79 64]

My wife and I have instead of spending 2-3 months together, chosen to see each other every 6-8th week. We both have jobs that we want to maintain and that's why we chose to marry first and apply for the CR1 visa instead, so that I can continue working in Sweden, save up a buffert and then be able to start working from day one in the US, when I move there. I also have a very understandable boss who let me spread out the vacation days over the year, which helps a lot.

If I somehow were able to stay for three months, then it would be a crazy long time until I saw her next time, which I have no idea how I would be able to deal with. 6-8 weeks is hard enough. We basically alternate shorter visits, usually one week + the two weekends, and try to combine it with national holidays here or in the US to stretch the days as far as possible. Sure, it will be a lot of flying but seeing each other more often trumps anything. And I've never had a hard time with immigration in the US when making short visits, even if I visit four times a year. We're close to two years of doing this now and we've seen each other 7-8 times per year.

We also try to throw in a vacation, like an extend weekend whenever we meet. Last time she visited, we met in Lisbon and we then went to Sweden together, where I unfortunately had to work during the weekdays. (And so does she when I visit.) Last time I visited we made a visit to San Fransisco, (she lives in NYC) since she had a conference there to attend and then spent the weekend with her parents, who lives there.

If you're a little creative when booking flights you can get an extra destination more or less for free. Not all airlines are still sticking with the old and strange policy to charge 2-3 times as much for a one-way than for a return-ticket. It makes no sense, but it's still a common practice. But in the case with Lisbon, my wife booked a one-way to Lisbon + a one way to Copenhagen with TAP, and then another one way with Norwegian (totally different airlines, not the same alliance or anything), because those airlines allow that. So throwing in a weekend is definitely something nice to look forward to. That really helps.

Other than that we Skype on a regular basis. Usually a couple of hours on Sundays and an hour in the middle of the week. And we send each other a message each night about how our day has been or whatever we feel like. 

But yes, it is hard sometimes. I try to make the most out of my current life, by spending time with my friends, that I will not be able to do as much after I've moved and of course dealing with all the practical matters of moving to another country. That keeps me busy.

[yuna628 9,712]

Our strategy was the same as it always was after doing the LDR thing for 10 years or so. Patience, visits back and forth when we could, keep ourselves busy, and spend the rest of our time busy together. You have to first acknowledge that the wait is going to be tiring and stressful, and that it's natural to have moments of sadness... but you look to the future that once it's all over you'll be together soon. When we weren't chatting, skyping, webcams, calling, and writing old fashioned letters, etc... we were always pretty heavy gamers both PC and console so these are common activities we both enjoy and it's easy to share them together. MMOs, Minecraft, FPS, all sorts... but we'd also do other things like watch movies together. Pop in the same movie and press play at the same time while skyping works well. If you want to really get geeky weird creative you can Skype board games and chess too. During the whole K1 process we planned our wedding, and though it's not something I'd recommend to anyone to do, it kept us somewhat occupied. Your K1 wait will not be as long as it used to be for many of us.

 

BTW, we once went a couple of years without physically seeing each other with visits. Not that it was something we wanted of course, but because trips are expensive and finances needed to be saved. When we could he'd visit once or twice a year, and sometimes if we had enough money saved we'd do back-to-back visits together in both countries. We actually found that spending more physical time together made it harder to say goodbye... and no doubt you'll know what I mean there. Encourage each other and spend as much online time as you can, but don't become too bogged down in the loss of each other (however temporary it is) because the depression can be too heavy for some.

[Jens79 64]

LDR for 10 years..!? That's.... impressive, to say the least. And then "a couple of years" apart? What are you guys made of? I know that we are very fortunate to be able to see each other as often as my wife and I are, but your wait really puts it in perspective. It must have felt pretty good when you were done with that period of your life, I guess?

[Phoenix314 9]

I can't even begin to imagine that... More than 6-8 weeks apart at a time and we're already so sad/exhausted from it.

[TBoneTX 46,068]

You can read this for some overall perspective:

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/410945-k-1-journey-completed/

 

[TriloByte 1,818]

Goodness, a few years apart? I am sorry that you had to deal with that. I hope you don't mind me asking why it took years for the process? I think the entire K-1 process for us is expected to be about 6 months from start to finish (or at least we hope).

 

It's so interesting to hear other's perspective on this. We do much of the exact same things. We hit that play button on the movies together, listen to music albums at the same time, make little movies of our day and share them, etc :).

 

Today has been an extremely rough day for us though. We both have slipped into depression and were hard on each other. :(. We just said goodbye to each other for a while a few days ago after one of the 3-month visits. 

Edited April 9, 2017 by dbmathis

[pajobra 1,395]

My fiance and I play online games, chat on skype everyday with webcams and we watch movies and tv shows on netflix and just do a countdown to press play. That helps a lot. We have chosen to not visit again until I move down there due to saving up for things financially. We know its going to be hard but everyday is another day closer. Also having VJ helps so much.  I love chatting with everyone here.

[TriloByte 1,818]

8 minutes ago, pajobra said:

My fiance and I play online games, chat on skype everyday with webcams and we watch movies and tv shows on netflix and just do a countdown to press play. That helps a lot. We have chosen to not visit again until I move down there due to saving up for things financially. We know its going to be hard but everyday is another day closer. Also having VJ helps so much.  I love chatting with everyone here.

 

Same on finances and not seeing each other again until she moves. We have everything crossed that it all goes well. Hope all goes well for you both too.

[JFH 12,191]

15 minutes ago, dbmathis said:

Goodness, a few years apart? I am sorry that you had to deal with that. I hope you don't mind me asking why it took years for the process? I think the entire K-1 process for us is about 6 months from start to finish.

A few years back the K-1 process took well over a year. 

 

Our strategy was was similar to what has been mentioned before. Multiple short visits every 6 or 8 weeks. My husband has a lifetime ban on the U.K. so I had to do all the traveling. Fortunately, working for an airline has its perks! What kept me going was keeping busy. Sounds like your girlfriend doesn't have a permanent job if she can spend 6 months in a year overseas. Having a job with goals and plans gave me something to take my mind of it. And the next visit was never too far away. 

 

Our vida process was 2 years long from applying for a visa for the U.K. for my husband (our first choice was to live in the U.K.) which was denied to my arrival here on my IR-1 last December. 

 

I always used to tell myself that if people managed to get through the war not knowing if their husband was dead or alive, then I could get through this. At least I could speak to my husband every day. 

Edited April 9, 2017 by JFH