Should my girlfriend say the purpose is to visit her "boyfriend" or "friends"

[skaratso 84]

32 minutes ago, Michael Lombardi said:

A few things. First my girlfriend is an adult but still pretty young in her early twenties and still lives with her family, and doesn't have a standard job, just a paid internship. Second, money is tight in her family and she wants to help out. Third, her family refused to let her pay for something that was really expensive that she felt she should have paid for, so she doesn't mind when they take money as it kind of evens things out. I know it's a mess but she's agreed to let me be in charge of the money over here, and I keep a tight ship with a monthly budget I'm determined to teach her good finances, but while she still lives with her family I know I can't count on her finances too much.

Fair enough. Just the way you said that her family takes the money out sounded odd. If I still lived with my parents and I wanted to help out with the household finances I don't know that I would give my family access to my bank account. That's the part that made her parents sound a little controlling to me.

 

My own fiancee is 15 years younger than me (I look about 5-7 years younger than I am) and still lives with her mother, and her mother wasn't willing to let her come and meet me in person for the first time even though at that point we'd known each other for 6 years. So, I offered to go up to where she lives for the first meeting instead. Her mother was ok with that provided that she "chaperoned" us whenever we were together. I kind of felt the chaperoning part was unreasonable, but I went to Canada to visit her anyway. Upon meeting me her mother decided I'm not an axe murderer and promptly stated that she trusted me and left us to do whatever we wanted, alone, except for insisting that she take the two of us out to dinner one night. Later on my fiancee told me that her mother was impressed that I still actually went and visited despite her attempts to scare me away and that those actions told her that 1) my intentions were pure and 2) we were both serious about wanting to meet and potentially begin a long distance international relationship. So, from that aspect I can understand her parents' concerns about her going to meet you.

 

However, I don't think your offer to pay her way here will carry much weight with the consular officers or even the border agents at the port of entry. Just before we got engaged my fiancee wanted to come to the US for an extended period of time to see if we could live together and not get sick of each other before we took the big step of one of us moving to a different country to marry. I had read horror stories about people trying that and being turned away at the border for not demonstrating enough ties to their home country and also not having enough funds to support themselves while here. Everything I read said that the border agents didn't care if someone else paid for the person, if they didn't personally have enough to support themselves at the time they arrived they could be turned away (even if the tourist visa was granted). Even if your girlfriend gets the visa she may still get turned away for lack of funds in her own accounts. So you might wish to send her some money ahead of time before she comes, if at all possible. And make sure she has documentation from the bank showing how much money she has in the account. When my fiancee came here for her extended stay the border agent absolutely wanted to see the bank statement.

 

I wish your girlfriend luck for her upcoming visa interview. And I hope she gets to come visit you and that you both have a great time together.

[Michael Lombardi 9]

Thanks for your advice skaratso! We'll make sure she has at least $800 in her account before visiting, if she doesn't have enough I'll send her more. Do you think that's enough? I know the letter might not carry much weight, honestly I was most concerned about if someone saw the transfers of money I made to her account and thought something fraudulent was going on that they could ban her from the country for.

 

Age wise she's 8 1/2 years younger than me, there are definitely familiar things in what you are saying. Her parents made me visit her first, which I did in December. I think they liked me, though they feel like I'm a bit hopeless since she took care of me during my visit Culturally the men over there are supposed to be very manly while I'm a total nerd and was freaked out and half asleep the whole time. My girlfriend likes that I'm a nerd though At this point her parents aren't concerned about her visiting, at least not that I've heard yet. I'm sure they'll get more concerned when it gets close. Her parents are definitely controlling and I've had to work around that. Culturally, the father's decision goes and you have no say. However, my mom that I'm still very close to was just as controlling when I was her age so I'm understanding of it. Also she breaks out of their control when it's needed.

 

Thanks for your advice!

 

[Jwanaandbutsi 0]

Did she get the visa?

I hope she did

[Michael Lombardi 9]

Hi! Yes she did get the visa! She'll be here Friday! And she got a 10 year multiple visit visa too! Sorry for updating a bit late, I've been dealing with a family issue the last couple weeks that has been distracting me.

 

So she did tell me that she opened up the interview with that she was going to visit friends despite what I told her (Which is true, she's visiting me and my mom and wants to meet my friends too). They then of course immediately asked who I was since they had documents that mentioned me, and she truthfully told them that I was her boyfriend. From what she said, it sounded like the roughest part was actually a misunderstanding she had to clear up involving the travel agency who filed on her behalf naming some submission file in a way that confused the immigration officer. She said at one point, the immigration officer just got up and walked away and she figured she had been rejected, but then they came back and told her she got the visa. She also told me that when she got there, she watched a whole family in front of her get rejected so she was spooked by that too. But in the end she got it!

[Moriah Ivy 0]

Congratulations! My boyfriend applies in the morning, I'm so nervous!

[Michael Lombardi 9]

So my girlfriend got into the US just fine and she's currently on her way back to South Africa after an amazing three weeks. I miss her already!