Withdrew I-864 support

[Hopeful diva 99]

Probability that she will be successful with vawa is unknown. Depends on who filed what first. If she beat you to it and had already filed vawa before you turned in evidence and withdrew your support.... Your side of the story May not matter anymore especially if she has proof of abuse and can prove that you two had a bonafide marriage ... Which are the two top things vawa officials look at 

[Almosthome 4]

6 hours ago, IcezMan_IcezLady said:

IFyou are so concerned about your spouse and are ready to forgive then why take extreme measures to hinder her immigration process.

You can't just use the legal system as a pawn for the "dynamics" of your relationship. It's like when people call police for DV and drop charges or fail to file charges and every time, there's an issue, they are dead sure they want nothing to do with the person.

No one can prevent you from been victimized but please stop using the system as your pawn. 

Being pulled in both directions was my dilemma.  You're right, however, I was afraid of the consequences of lying to officials that our marriage was rocksolid and we were both happy. I will not lie about those things.    

 

Lies have speed, But truth has endurance

[Almosthome 4]

52 minutes ago, Hopeful diva said:

Damage already done 

 I wouldn't say damage. I talked with the official today she read over my documents and said this is not fraud it's marital problems. So she said if we ever got back together we would have to refile. My wife didn't want to show anyways so no harm

[Almosthome 4]

50 minutes ago, Hopeful diva said:

Probability that she will be successful with vawa is unknown. Depends on who filed what first. If she beat you to it and had already filed vawa before you turned in evidence and withdrew your support.... Your side of the story May not matter anymore especially if she has proof of abuse and can prove that you two had a bonafide marriage ... Which are the two top things vawa officials look at 

 There is no proof of abuse  because there never was any abuse from  either of us. The judge dismissed both of her cases and ordered us to attend Marriage Counseling.   My wife became angry when I told her I wanted a divorce and this is when she retaliated.  

 

Lessons learned and I appreciate all the viewpoints from everybody here that has commented.

 

Only God knows our future and God knows I was a very good husband.  

 

 I did make a huge error by not coordinating marriage counseling from the onset of the first behavior issues that surfaced   

[Redheadguy03 505]

You submitted all this information against her. She was trying to bribe you and you're going to forgive her if things change? Just be careful, sounds pretty crazy to me. 

[Almosthome 4]

1 hour ago, Redheadguy03 said:

You submitted all this information against her. She was trying to bribe you and you're going to forgive her if things change? Just be careful, sounds pretty crazy to me. 

Thanks for you insight.  Yes, I know it sounds crazy.  I won't air all the dirty laundry here, but my gut and God tells me to give her the benefit of the doubt.  Time is on our side.  I'm not in a rush to move on as most would do.  Aside from some social behavior issues (we didn't discuss with a counselor) I wasn't aware of prior to marriage during a two year court ship, she is a wonderful woman.  I'm 62, and willing to give our marriage a second chance.  If she is not thinking reconcile, she will still get her green card.  In the end, only God knows our future.  I forgive her, and I know she forgives me, and "forgiveness" in is the most important aspect of life.  

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

1 hour ago, Almosthome said:

Thanks for you insight.  Yes, I know it sounds crazy.  I won't air all the dirty laundry here, but my gut and God tells me to give her the benefit of the doubt.  Time is on our side.  I'm not in a rush to move on as most would do.  Aside from some social behavior issues (we didn't discuss with a counselor) I wasn't aware of prior to marriage during a two year court ship, she is a wonderful woman.  I'm 62, and willing to give our marriage a second chance.  If she is not thinking reconcile, she will still get her green card.  In the end, only God knows our future.  I forgive her, and I know she forgives me, and "forgiveness" in is the most important aspect of life.  

How do you think she will get her green card if not with your affidavit of support ?

If she doesn't want to reconcile then she has no basis to adjust status, so she won't get the GC.
It is your decision to give your marriage a second chance or not but remember that forgiveness does not require you to

stick your hand in a snake hole a second time. You can forgive and love anyone from a distance.
Most people think that to forgive means they must jump back into the same relationship. Not so.
However you know her best so do what you think is right for your life.

[Ash.1101 1,756]

11 hours ago, Ebunoluwa said:

How do you think she will get her green card if not with your affidavit of support ?

If she doesn't want to reconcile then she has no basis to adjust status, so she won't get the GC.
It is your decision to give your marriage a second chance or not but remember that forgiveness does not require you to

stick your hand in a snake hole a second time. You can forgive and love anyone from a distance.
Most people think that to forgive means they must jump back into the same relationship. Not so.
However you know her best so do what you think is right for your life.

Yeah. I'm not even sure if she'll even get a GC at this point. Her missing her own interview, him showing up with damning information and then coming back later and withdrawing all of it? All of that points to her not getting her GC, Even if for some reason she gets a second chance with USCIS, it's probably more likely than not that they'll look at those events and just believe none of it's real. There are no "Oh I take it back!" when it comes to USCIS.

Actions have consequences, some are more harsh than others.


I agree with the forgiveness part. I've forgiven my ex for the things he's done, but I'd never get back with him. My forgiveness comes in the form of being a civil person to him for the sake of my child. Would I ever talk to him again if we didn't have a child together? No, probably not. I did the divorce, the papers, everything, I made it so he pays the minimum child support even if I could get almost 200$ from it, and I make sure he sees his daughter every weekend. I go out of my way to make sure we at least have a civil friendship, I've taken him places to help him pay bills, I've driven him to our daughters events because he doesn't have a car. I don't have to do any of this, but I know our relationship wasn't meant to be and I'm not going to punish someone because we had a toxic relationship for 5 years, when your angry at someone, sometimes it actually is the better move to help them, for both your sakes.

Edited April 1, 2017 by Ash.1101

[Almosthome 4]

12 hours ago, Ebunoluwa said:

How do you think she will get her green card if not with your affidavit of support ?

If she doesn't want to reconcile then she has no basis to adjust status, so she won't get the GC.
It is your decision to give your marriage a second chance or not but remember that forgiveness does not require you to

stick your hand in a snake hole a second time. You can forgive and love anyone from a distance.
Most people think that to forgive means they must jump back into the same relationship. Not so.
However you know her best so do what you think is right for your life.

Thank you for your comments.  My counselor said, maybe it's time I took off the rose colored glasses.  

[Almosthome 4]

38 minutes ago, Ash.1101 said:

Yeah. I'm not even sure if she'll even get a GC at this point. Her missing her own interview, him showing up with damning information and then coming back later and withdrawing all of it? All of that points to her not getting her GC, Even if for some reason she gets a second chance with USCIS, it's probably more likely than not that they'll look at those events and just believe none of it's real. There are no "Oh I take it back!" when it comes to USCIS.

Actions have consequences, some are more harsh than others.


I agree with the forgiveness part. I've forgiven my ex for the things he's done, but I'd never get back with him. My forgiveness comes in the form of being a civil person to him for the sake of my child. Would I ever talk to him again if we didn't have a child together? No, probably not. I did the divorce, the papers, everything, I made it so he pays the minimum child support even if I could get almost 200$ from it, and I make sure he sees his daughter every weekend. I go out of my way to make sure we at least have a civil friendship, I've taken him places to help him pay bills, I've driven him to our daughters events because he doesn't have a car. I don't have to do any of this, but I know our relationship wasn't meant to be and I'm not going to punish someone because we had a toxic relationship for 5 years, when your angry at someone, sometimes it actually is the better move to help them, for both your sakes.

Thanks for you insight and recommendations.  I've learned a lot from this experience.  If I go down the Immigrant lane again, I'll be much more careful.