Dealing with a very spiteful ex whilst my ROC date is looming. Should I find a lawyer?

[plinkabob 7]

Hey everyone,

 

My ex husband and I were married in November 2014 and lived in Chicago together for two years. Without going to in too much detail, we separated in November 2016 and consequently divorced soon after.

 

He is now being very spiteful and is accusing me of marrying him for a green card (completely untrue) and has told me that he has called USCIS to report me. 

 

I left our home in Chicago and moved to Nashville in quite a hurry and he is refusing to let me come back to collect anything that I left behind. Unfortunately all of the bills in both our names and anything official that links us in that way, is there. I have plenty of evidence as far as anniversary cards, wedding invitations from others, little notes we would send each other and things like that (I'm very sentimental) but I am worried that I may be rejected.

 

Also, I have had a read through some of the topics on here and have seen that I will have to file on my own. This is a relief, as I have had to block my ex in order to stop getting his abusive messages and the idea of asking him to do anything towards this is quite scary to me. I just have no idea how to go about this. I would love to get some recommendations for an immigration lawyer as there are so many and a lot of them will charge you hundreds of dollars just for a consultation. Do you think I should hire a lawyer or will I be able to do this on my own?

 

Also, on another note, I would like to buy a house here in Nashville and am a little worried about my visa status. Am I going to have to wait until I have my conditions removed? It's all so very confusing and seeming to all happen at once. 

 

Any advice or just a link to a similar story would be so very appreciated.

 

Thank you so much in advance.

 

Stay happy!

[mindthegap 2,590]

Won't be the first bitter spouse to make such accusations, and certainly won't be the last. USCIS have heard it all before, and unless it is true, you shouldn't worry too much.

 

Speak to the cops in the first instance with regards to you being allowed access, especially if the place is in both of your names - simply so you can collect stuff. If no joy, then a lawyer to deal with that - rather than an immigration lawyer - would be my first port of call.

Your divorce lawyer really should have dealt with this before the divorce was finalised!

 

 

With regards to filing, yes, you file by yourself with a divorce waiver. For a simple waiver case, it is relatively simple and can be done without a lawyer - plenty of advice online but that is for you to decide. Joint filings or divorce waivers are subject to the same level of bona-fide-ness proof, which is why I referenced that first.

Do you have any evidence of him refusing to provide you with documents, your stuff etc, or trying to use your immigration status against you? If so, that can classed classed as abuse. and the abuse waiver may be a further option for you to consider.

[bolin786 21]

You are definitely in a difficult situation.  Your only way to win is to be able to proof that at no time there was an intention to deceive the government and that while it lasted, your marriage was a bona fide marriage.  The documentation you have will have some weight.  Can you prove commingling of funds and property?  This as you know is the most important thing.  USCIS knows that divorces can be very problematics and they know of some people being are  very vindictive so they surely will take this into account.

[bolin786 21]

Mind the gap surely has a point.  If you can prove spousal abuse, you enter into a completely different category with multiple protections and will surely win your case.

[plinkabob 7]

Oh wow. I had no idea that was a thing. When we broke up it was all amicable so I had no idea that he would deny access to me. He kept all the furniture and the things we had bought together, simply because I couldn't fit much in my car. The house was never in our name, though I do know the landlord. I don't really want to get him involved though. The only thing that worries me is the joint utility bills as that is a more concrete bit of evidence than a few love letters and birthday cards. I have kept ALL of our conversations, including the really nasty ones as i figured I could just show that he is being a very bitter man. I have no plans to return to Chicago to retrieve these things. Perhaps I can call the utility people and ask for copies? I am no longer on the account though so I may no be able to.

 

 

[bolin786 21]

Again agree with mind the gap.  Do not spend money in a lawyer that will surely rip you.  There are some decent lawyers, but most of them like to take advantage.  If everything fails, then go to a lawyer after asking for references.

 

[plinkabob 7]

Yeah, I'm hoping that someone on here will have a rock star lawyer who is fair and not just a paper pusher. I'm sure there is many out there  Just have to find them.

[Private One 44]

9 minutes ago, plinkabob said:

Oh wow. I had no idea that was a thing. When we broke up it was all amicable so I had no idea that he would deny access to me. He kept all the furniture and the things we had bought together, simply because I couldn't fit much in my car. The house was never in our name, though I do know the landlord. I don't really want to get him involved though. The only thing that worries me is the joint utility bills as that is a more concrete bit of evidence than a few love letters and birthday cards. I have kept ALL of our conversations, including the really nasty ones as i figured I could just show that he is being a very bitter man. I have no plans to return to Chicago to retrieve these things. Perhaps I can call the utility people and ask for copies? I am no longer on the account though so I may no be able to.

 

 

I sympathize with anyone who had a genuine marriage that fell apart like others do but have to put up with vengeful claims such as the one you're going through.

 

I'm putting in my 2 cents and it's not sugar coated. The burden of proof will be on you and from what I'm reading it seems like you have a very weak case. 

 

You said: "When we broke up it was all amicable so I had no idea that he would deny access to me"

That indicates abuse was not a factor. If there was some kind of abuse, it doesn't sound like you have the evidence to back it up (police records etc.)

 

You said: "Unfortunately all of the bills in both our names and anything official that links us in that way, is there. I have plenty of evidence as far as anniversary cards, wedding invitations from others..."

 

That's not good. 2 years of marriage usually produces a lot more than that. I'm not saying your marriage was a sham but the burden of proof is on you and you have very weak evidence. What about tax returns? What about health insurance, life insurance? You mentioned a car. Wasn't it in both your names (insurance, registration etc)? Doesn't sound like you have kids together. You have to find a way to produce a lot more evidence if you are to be successful at removing your conditions.

 

Good Luck!

[plinkabob 7]

I said I have records of his abusive messages. We rarely got physical and I never had to call the police. There are more forms of abuse than just physical and as I'm sure you know, relationships have their ups and downs, we just happened to be on speaking terms when we decided to end it. 

 

When i mentioned the bills in our name, this includes our joint medical insurance and all the other things that were in both our names. I'm sorry if that was not clear. I think I have the receipt from our car and i have one joint tax return that i managed to get him to send me. This is why i am freaking out because, as you say, "the burden of proof is on me" and i have no idea how to go about getting it back without having to speak to him again. 

 

If you would like me to send you a PM with the last few weeks of messages from my ex just so you can see exactly why i do not want to see him again, then I will. I'm sure you would understand. 

 

[Private One 44]

7 minutes ago, plinkabob said:

I said I have records of his abusive messages. We rarely got physical and I never had to call the police. There are more forms of abuse than just physical and as I'm sure you know, relationships have their ups and downs, we just happened to be on speaking terms when we decided to end it. 

 

When i mentioned the bills in our name, this includes our joint medical insurance and all the other things that were in both our names. I'm sorry if that was not clear. I think I have the receipt from our car and i have one joint tax return that i managed to get him to send me. This is why i am freaking out because, as you say, "the burden of proof is on me" and i have no idea how to go about getting it back without having to speak to him again. 

 

If you would like me to send you a PM with the last few weeks of messages from my ex just so you can see exactly why i do not want to see him again, then I will. I'm sure you would understand. 

 

I'm happy to hear that you have stronger evidence. Insurance and tax returns carries some weight. You don't have to depend on your ex for tax records. You can get that from the IRS yourself.

 

Get everything you can that would support the your good faith marriage. Sworn affidavits from friends, local officials etc will be a good idea in your case. If you have the evidence, you have a good chance.

Edited March 22, 2017 by Private One

[Villanelle 4,122]

38 minutes ago, plinkabob said:

I said I have records of his abusive messages. We rarely got physical and I never had to call the police. There are more forms of abuse than just physical and as I'm sure you know, relationships have their ups and downs, we just happened to be on speaking terms when we decided to end it. 

 

When i mentioned the bills in our name, this includes our joint medical insurance and all the other things that were in both our names. I'm sorry if that was not clear. I think I have the receipt from our car and i have one joint tax return that i managed to get him to send me. This is why i am freaking out because, as you say, "the burden of proof is on me" and i have no idea how to go about getting it back without having to speak to him again. 

 

If you would like me to send you a PM with the last few weeks of messages from my ex just so you can see exactly why i do not want to see him again, then I will. I'm sure you would understand. 

 

 

You dont need to PM anyone anything. You do not have to justify your thought process or behaviors to anyone except yourself. 

 

Honestly, I dont think you need a lawyer. And as stated, you can begin the process yourself and then if things start heading south- you get the lawyer. Besides, I think you are probably in better shape then you realize.It wasnt very clear in your original post that you have no knowledge of this type of stuff in the US. So when you said "I dont have X Y Z" people took it literally that you dont have it because it doesnt exist. But the truth is it does exist- you just think cause its not in your possession, you cant get it. 

You can get any copy of ANYTHING that you were ever on the account of, responsible for, and many times even just included in. So I would suggest looking over the ROC forum and making a list of common items people send. (pay attention to topics about evidence sent with a divorce waiver.) Go over each item and see if it 1-ever applied to you (like a kids birth certificate wouldnt, but a joint credit card would) and then 2- IF it applies and you do not know how to go about getting it- post here and ask.  Youll find most places you just contact directly.

 

You can get copies of your joint tax return from the IRS> (transcripts). Plenty of topics on VJ about how to do that. Cant find them? Ask here.

 

Were you on the previous lease? You can get a statement from the landlord or copy of said lease. If you werent on the lease does your divorce paperwork state you guys lived jointly at X address for X amount of time? If so, that counts as proof of joint residence. You divorce decree is one of the most important pieces you have. Its a legal document certifying certain facts. It breaks apart your finances- showing you did in fact have joint finances. 

[plinkabob 7]

Damara! You angel. I was beginning to feel defeated. 

 

I wasn't on the lease as it was a verbal tenancy with a friend of his, but we did live together for the entirety of the marriage. 

 

So if I were to call the bank (for example) and ask for a copy of a past joint statement to be sent to me, that would work? If so that is amazing. I have plenty to show that we were connected in every aspect of our lives. I just thought that once they were gone physically, they were gone forever. 

 

I will start making calls.

 

Also, you seem to know a lot so you may know this, I just read this on the I-751 instruction sheet. "Filing with a request that the joint filing requirement be waived or individually filed. You may file Form I-751 without your spouse if they are deceased, you are divorced, or you and/or your conditional resident child were battered or subjected to extreme cruelty. You may file this petition at any time after you are granted conditional resident status and before you are removed from the United States.". Do you know if that just means people who are divorced due to battery? Or is this something I should call and ask USCIS about. It would be great to get a head start on the process but I wouldn't like to have my petition returned.

 

Thank you so much for your help

 

 

[Private One 44]

5 minutes ago, Damara said:

 

You dont need to PM anyone anything. You do not have to justify your thought process or behaviors to anyone except yourself. 

 

Honestly, I dont think you need a lawyer. And as stated, you can begin the process yourself and then if things start heading south- you get the lawyer. Besides, I think you are probably in better shape then you realize.It wasnt very clear in your original post that you have no knowledge of this type of stuff in the US. So when you said "I dont have X Y Z" people took it literally that you dont have it because it doesnt exist. But the truth is it does exist- you just think cause its not in your possession, you cant get it. 

You can get any copy of ANYTHING that you were ever on the account of, responsible for, and many times even just included in. So I would suggest looking over the ROC forum and making a list of common items people send. (pay attention to topics about evidence sent with a divorce waiver.) Go over each item and see if it 1-ever applied to you (like a kids birth certificate wouldnt, but a joint credit card would) and then 2- IF it applies and you do not know how to go about getting it- post here and ask.  Youll find most places you just contact directly.

 

You can get copies of your joint tax return from the IRS> (transcripts). Plenty of topics on VJ about how to do that. Cant find them? Ask here.

 

Were you on the previous lease? You can get a statement from the landlord or copy of said lease. If you werent on the lease does your divorce paperwork state you guys lived jointly at X address for X amount of time? If so, that counts as proof of joint residence. You divorce decree is one of the most important pieces you have. Its a legal document certifying certain facts. It breaks apart your finances- showing you did in fact have joint finances. 

Damara made some great points. I agree with most of what was said. I did not state that in my reply but you really don't need to prove a thing to anyone here, especially when it involves sharing a very private mater. We're here to support you and not interrogate you. 

 

The only thing I do not agree on (from what Damara said) is the need for an attorney. Filing ROC with a waiver can get tricky. You're almost guaranteed an interview among other things. If you can afford one I would suggest you consult with an attorney. There may be free or low cost help available in your area. If you can't afford an attorney at the moment you should proceed without one but with the intentions of retaining one for the interview.

[plinkabob 7]

I think I may just do that. I was quoted $1,200.00 a while ago, on top of all the filing fees. I have no idea if that sounds right or not. I'll ask around for more quotes. Some places won't even give you a quote unless you pay hundreds for a consultation  

[Private One 44]

1 minute ago, plinkabob said:

I think I may just do that. I was quoted $1,200.00 a while ago, on top of all the filing fees. I have no idea if that sounds right or not. I'll ask around for more quotes. Some places won't even give you a quote unless you pay hundreds for a consultation  

If only you were in NYC. I know a great attorney who was recommended to me by an old friend. I used her services the first time I filed for AOS. She was very helpful. My case was futile but she helped and refused to take my money.

 

I did not use an attorney when I refiled for AOS 8 years later and I almost end up regretting it...Long story. 

 

Looking around. Get references...please don't get burned.