Cheating & Deleting VJ Account

[Alex+R 0]

I'm so sorry about this... the problem with forgiving something as hard to forgive as cheating is that then the precedent is set in your relationship that cheating is forgivable. I just wouldn't want to set myself up for a future with that suspicion at 19. I would run while I was angry enough to do it.

[homesick_american 1]

In defense of the bi-polar people...I don't know this fellow and I offer no relationship advice.

I have known bi-polar people who were completely impossible to live with, but one of my dearest friends is also bi-polar. She is very good about taking her medication and has no problems with impulse control; she manages her illness extremely well and she is someone I would trust to look after my own children...if I had any. They're not ALL BAD PEOPLE.

[almaty 19]

In defense of the bi-polar people...I don't know this fellow and I offer no relationship advice.

I have known bi-polar people who were completely impossible to live with, but one of my dearest friends is also bi-polar. She is very good about taking her medication and has no problems with impulse control; she manages her illness extremely well and she is someone I would trust to look after my own children...if I had any. They're not ALL BAD PEOPLE.

never bad people at all..i never like generalizations..better is, out of control people sometimes who exhibit poor impulse control..

and on meds..most live very productive lives...with no issues at all..

[Bobkatz 0]

This happened one time with us - he was emailing someone else and the word 'love' came into it. We had been in a relationship for months online. It was the worst hurt I ever felt and I was so angry I cannot put it into words. I gave him hell, he cried, apologised and swore it was nothing really. I decided to give him another chance because I truly loved him & believed he loved me.

That was 6 years ago and now we have been married happily for 4 years - so my advice would be give him another chance but make it clear like I did - this is it or else.

Edited April 11, 2007 by Bobkatz

[homesick_american 1]

In defense of the bi-polar people...I don't know this fellow and I offer no relationship advice.

I have known bi-polar people who were completely impossible to live with, but one of my dearest friends is also bi-polar. She is very good about taking her medication and has no problems with impulse control; she manages her illness extremely well and she is someone I would trust to look after my own children...if I had any. They're not ALL BAD PEOPLE.

never bad people at all..i never like generalizations..better is, out of control people sometimes who exhibit poor impulse control..

and on meds..most live very productive lives...with no issues at all..

Most of them are fine, yes. I just don't like it when people say all bi-polar people are crazy and incapable of having a mature, loving relationship. It just isn't true.

[Caladan 19]

I don't think anyone was seriously committed to the guy not being capable of having a loving relationship just because he's bipolar. But there's a couple reasons why this guy seems to be bad news. First, he's not regularly on his medication and only is interested in doing so now to keep Skylark around. That's not someone who has his bipolar disorder under control.

Second, it's a lot of emotional baggage to deal with at a long distance at a young age. There's already been a fidelity problem. That trust will be hard to rebuild. To that we're going to add a responsibility to help him stay on his meds, and while it does have a sort of Romeo and Juliet doomed love aesthetic about it, I really can't see it going anywhere good.

Maybe the guy is responsible and wonderful on his meds, but he's not now, and that's a lot to take on faith in an online relationship at age 19.

[homesick_american 1]

I don't think anyone was seriously committed to the guy not being capable of having a loving relationship just because he's bipolar. But there's a couple reasons why this guy seems to be bad news. First, he's not regularly on his medication and only is interested in doing so now to keep Skylark around. That's not someone who has his bipolar disorder under control.

On the other hand, he's a kid who has just found out he has a serious disease that he'll have for the rest of his life. It's hard for some people to take. Some of the bi-polars that I know that are well-adjusted in their 30s were wrecks in their early 20s.

Second, it's a lot of emotional baggage to deal with at a long distance at a young age. There's already been a fidelity problem. That trust will be hard to rebuild. To that we're going to add a responsibility to help him stay on his meds, and while it does have a sort of Romeo and Juliet doomed love aesthetic about it, I really can't see it going anywhere good.

Maybe the guy is responsible and wonderful on his meds, but he's not now, and that's a lot to take on faith in an online relationship at age 19.

Well, yes...it is. But I'm not going to tell the OP what to do; I don't know her and I don't know her man. I just wanted to clarify for the others that not everyone who is bi-polar is incapable of a loving relationship or holding down a job.

[Caladan 19]

I was under the impression he hadn't just found out. But you're right about bipolar disorder generally. This guy might grow up to be a wonderful man, responsible, holding down a high-powered career, all of that; but it's not where he is now, unfortunately.

[raymaga 25]

I am sorry you are hurting right now and hope you can get past the hurt and move ahead with your life.

I have known a few bi-polar people and agree that your life is not going to be easy living with your boyfriend. I know you can't generalize, but it is a very well-known fact that bi-polar disease is a very difficult one to keep under control and most find it difficult to stay on their meds and frequently go back and forth with taking their meds and not taking their meds.

I also worry about your very young ages. My daughter is 19 years old, and is as mature as any 19-year-old, but she is definitely not ready for a lifetime commitment with anyone. There are so many things for young people to do before they get married and settle down. These things are difficult to accomplish once you are already commited to someone.

I would seriously reconsider any serious relationship at this point in your life, but especially in another country, and with someone who is bi-polar and already proven he's not ready for a lifetime commitment.

Edited April 11, 2007 by raymaga

[Fandango 1,439]

I think ending a serious relationship is very hard and should only be done when you know in your heart that you're 'done'. You have a lot of different perspectives and advice here, OP, but the only thing you should be listening to is your heart and your brain. Everyone has his/her own idea of what the 'dealbreakers' are...what are yours? That's the only thing that matters here.

I'm not going to tell you to go or to stay...only you know what you want and what you're willing to accept. I wish you luck and hope that it works out the way you want.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

So my fella cheated on me. Not physically, but dating, cybering and telling another girl he loves her etc.

I feel so embarrassed now about this account and being on here and all the things I planned and....

....God, how do I delete my account? I'm so embarrassed..

I live in Orlando and I will spy on the little creep for you hahahhahah

Hey how did you catch him anyway?

[Nancy2015 2]

Yes, exactly. Him and I met online. Things have progressed since last night and I he has spent all night apologising, crying, apologising more, telling me he didn't know why he did it. That it didn't mean anything. He hasn't tried to justify it (which is good) and has promised me the world if I give him a second chance.

I honestly don't know what to do....

Dump his ####### and move on. Honestly, this sort of teenage angst problem is not the solid foundation of a marriage. It would be different if you were just considering moving into his flat, but we're talking about you moving from your home country to marry this person, which should be *forever*. From your profile I see that you're 19 years old. My advice, live your life for a bit before settling down. You'll thank me for it 10 years down the line.

I second that.

Dump him. Once a cheater - always a cheater. Don't waste your time on him.