40 years older than Nigerian spouse.

[Everlast 49]

Can this thread be closed before it heads downhill, OP has gotten enough advice.

[Kosi Wahala 153]

1 minute ago, Everlast said:

Can this thread be closed before it heads downhill, OP has gotten enough advice.

I would actually like for the OP to respond to the questions in my last post. She has received advice that is all over the place - many without anyone asking any clarifying questions. 

[geowrian 22,337]

5 minutes ago, Everlast said:

I say follow your heart! Suddenly we are all pros in the affairs of the heart.

This is about immigration. Following your heart doesn't get you a visa or green card. I don't mean to be cold, but following your heart without knowing (or caring) about the consequences can be disastrous, especially when it comes to immigration.

[Ryan H 3,818]

***Several more bickering posts, posts that aired details of private communication, and posts quoting removed.  Do not rehash or Administrative Action will be taken.***

 

~~~Thread moved from Progress Reports to main AOS/Work, Student, & Tourist Visas forum~~~

[myheart0628 30]

Hi, 

As the wife of an West African man I am appalled at the profiling I am seeing in this thread. Yes it is common to see situations where a Nigerian man has scammed an American woman. But that does not mean that all Nigerian men are like that. You people are acting like it isn't common to see European marriage scammers and Asian marriage scammers. We all know about mail order brides and all of the other things going on in immigration. With that being said your age difference really puts you in a difficult position. The best thing would be to include more lengthy visit and to try to live together. You guys do not have enough history to combat your red flags. Also if you do suspect marriage fraud from him make sure you are taken care of legally. Such as your assets, it may be best to look into a prenup if you are really that suspicious. American men use women just the same so ,you would want to take precautions regardless of nationality. Good luck on whatever you decide to do. 

[Kosi Wahala 153]

9 minutes ago, myheart0628 said:

Hi, 

As the wife of an West African man I am appalled at the profiling I am seeing in this thread. Yes it is common to see situations where a Nigerian man has scammed an American woman. But that does not mean that all Nigerian men are like that. You people are acting like it isn't common to see European marriage scammers and Asian marriage scammers. We all know about mail order brides and all of the other things going on in immigration. With that being said your age difference really puts you in a difficult position. The best thing would be to include more lengthy visit and to try to live together. You guys do not have enough history to combat your red flags. Also if you do suspect marriage fraud from him make sure you are taken care of legally. Such as your assets, it may be best to look into a prenup if you are really that suspicious. American men use women just the same so ,you would want to take precautions regardless of nationality. Good luck on whatever you decide to do. 

I don't even see this as a case of possible marriage fraud. The OP is trying to convince him to marry her, and from what she writes, it seems that he just wants to go home. 

As for the comments about marriage fraud and Nigeria - that is because the Department of State has determined that they have seen a high rate of fraudulent marriages come from Nigeria than many other places in the world. That is why the DoS has classified Nigeria a high fraud country, for immigration purposes. I do not think that anyone implied that all Nigerian's are like that, but the statistics show that there have been a higher than baseline instance of marriage fraud cases associated with Nigerian immigrants. 

[myheart0628 30]

I don't know why it wouldn't let me add to my 

28 minutes ago, myheart0628 said:

Hi, 

As the wife of an West African man I am appalled at the profiling I am seeing in this thread. Yes it is common to see situations where a Nigerian man has scammed an American woman. But that does not mean that all Nigerian men are like that. You people are acting like it isn't common to see European marriage scammers and Asian marriage scammers. We all know about mail order brides and all of the other things going on in immigration. With that being said your age difference really puts you in a difficult position. The best thing would be to include more lengthy visit and to try to live together. You guys do not have enough history to combat your red flags. Also if you do suspect marriage fraud from him make sure you are taken care of legally. Such as your assets, it may be best to look into a prenup if you are really that suspicious. American men use women just the same so ,you would want to take precautions regardless of nationality. Good luck on whatever you decide to do. 

@AbigailOo I don't know why it wouldn't let me edit my original post to add to it. But you could also try moving to Ghana. It is a very beautiful country and much easier to adjust to than Nigeria. There are also many local support groups that cater to AA expats and mixed families. There is a great website that you can use to look at different things such as legitimate housing and jobs but I forgot what it was called. It is operated by expats in Ghana.Also if you were to go through with the application and it was denied it would further scrutinize any other applications such as spouse visas and tourist visas to the U.S. because it shows an intent to immigrate. It is very hard to get tourist visas in West Africa and it would basically give them a reason just to flat out deny you without further looking into your applications. 

Edited March 19, 2017 by myheart0628

[Atlanta789 9]

So he came as a tourist and then decided to get a vasectomy in the midst of his touring schedule??? He's the first tourist I've heard about who randomly decided to get a medical procedure like that. It's quite odd in my opinion but it may not be in Nigeria.

 

i think you should take it slow. There's no reason to rush anything. If he's as rich as he claims then he can afford to visit you (or pay for you to visit him) while the relationship develops.

 

You're very  blessed to have an open minded family that has accepted him. Not many sons would accept their 62yr old mothers boyfriend who happened to be 22yrs old and from an 3rd world country notorious for immigration fraud.

 

I wish you luck but please take it slow. Marry in haste repent at leisure!

[f f 725]

just get a really good prenuptial done to protect yourself and family in case things go bad. you can put a clause in there that the conditions become void after being happily married for so many years. this way he knows he can not marry adjust then get your stuff in a divorce.

 

best of luck and take It slow

[MeAlone 161]

2 hours ago, Everlast said:

 

 

2 hours ago, Everlast said:

I say follow your heart! Suddenly we are all pros in the affairs of the heart.

Abigail, this topic starter asked me to publish her post, for some reason she couldn't publish it. Here it is:

 

"Thanks to everyone who has offered some sort of objective response to my post. I'd hope the rest of you aren't so prejudiced, which is all it seems to be,  being Nigerian there's nothing he seems to be able to do right. If he was poor the narrative would be he's using me for economic gains, he's affluent and even that is a source of triviality, like every African is poor. Him getting a tourist visa from Lagos even makes you guys skeptic. If he came on to me it would be he's just preying on you, but it's the otherwise and it's him manipulating me. First his vasectomy was fake then it could be reversed. Then his education was African and "worthless", someone with a Bachelor's in Economics who has helped me with sound financial planning already, with results. Nobody here knows how I look but there's no way in hell he could love me for me. Also, no African man under the sun doesn't want kids, as you've guys have interviewed all of them. Everything that sets him apart from the stereotype young African (which is why we're even seeing each other in the first place) has been a basis for skepticism. Someone even said he's lying about his age, when I've seen his passport.  I even have access to his phone. I understand you're all looking out for a sister, but thanks. I'm aware of the red flags, but I'm here to find out how to OVERCOME them and not have my relationship questioned. Different strokes. Please don't bother to respond if you can't contribute. As you can see, there's a barrage of negativity already. 

 

 

KosiWahala, he was invited by his aunt to visit. His family has a very good travel record in Europe and UAE  and his aunt's family is worth close $500k. He says that's probably why he was given barely being interviewed  as it's rare in the Lagos embassy. His great-grandpa was one of the first archbishops in the country and grandparents were involved in the government. He works in a Pension Fund as an Investment Officer, fresh out of college. He has a trust fund for his post grad. Has a progressive family, one openly gay uncle and a few aunts who aren't married (rare in Nigeria according to him). I've seen proof of all this. Would appreciate if this isn't another basis of falsehood. 

 

P.S: if you're not going to use this to give advice on overcoming red flags, please don't bother. God bless xx"

Edited March 19, 2017 by EricTasha

[MeAlone 161]

1 hour ago, myheart0628 said:

 

@AbigailOo I don't know why it wouldn't let me edit my original post to add to it. But you could also try moving to Ghana. It is a very beautiful country and much easier to adjust to than Nigeria. There are also many local support groups that cater to AA expats and mixed families. There is a great website that you can use to look at different things such as legitimate housing and jobs but I forgot what it was called. It is operated by expats in Ghana.Also if you were to go through with the application and it was denied it would further scrutinize any other applications such as spouse visas and tourist visas to the U.S. because it shows an intent to immigrate. It is very hard to get tourist visas in West Africa and it would basically give them a reason just to flat out deny you without further looking into your applications. 

Yes, Ghana is nice, I stayed there and visited it several times my fiance / husband, now we both are thinking maybe to go to live in Nigeria for to be close to his family and his 2 kids being raised Nigerians family values, not deciding yet though

Tasha

[Kosi Wahala 153]

10 minutes ago, EricTasha said:

 

KosiWahala, he was invited by his aunt to visit. His family has a very good travel record in Europe and UAE  and his aunt's family is worth close $500k. He says that's probably why he was given barely being interviewed  as it's rare in the Lagos embassy. His great-grandpa was one of the first archbishops in the country and grandparents were involved in the government. He works in a Pension Fund as an Investment Officer, fresh out of college. He has a trust fund for his post grad. Has a progressive family, one openly gay uncle and a few aunts who aren't married (rare in Nigeria according to him). I've seen proof of all this. Would appreciate if this isn't another basis of falsehood. 

 

Wow! Great-grandpa the archbishop! So, he is obviously Anglican - a good guess might be that he is from Yorubaland. I don't know any one from the Anglican Church, but I do know a Catholic bishop and archbishop there. How were his grandparents involved in the government? I ask because my husband's family has a history of government service. My uncle-in-law, who helped raise my husband after my husband's father died, was Speaker of the House, among other things. I wouldn't be surprised if my uncle-in-law knows his family. That would be cool. 

As for his "openly gay" uncle - it's not only rare in Nigeria, it's illegal. I don't think I'd be posting that sort of thing online. 

[OlayemiLoray 172]

 We are all aware that Nigerian is high fraud country, but is it necessary to get a daily reminder..Every country has their issues and no country is better than the other..OP asked for advice and she has been warned, must this continue?

Edited March 19, 2017 by Loray Thomas

[OlayemiLoray 172]

@Michael2017 well come to Houston, Texas and you will see a lot of successful Nigerians...Maybe not where you are from, but they are here in the great old U.S. of A.....

[Jawaree 718]

I am never one to be negative so please pardon me...but this boy is just

enjoying himself , have studied all the western arguments to fill a womans

ears, their custom te man WANT kids, and the parents want g/kids. It behooves

me why a visitor would want to buy & ship a car when there's also thoughts to

adjust. Why are you forcing this kid to marry you? Nothings wrong with your

fling as 2 grown ppl however  when you are 70 yrs, he;ll be just  turning 30 yrs

Please wake up from this fantasy, he's chasing a GC & being very diplomatic,

so he can walk away in the end blaming you for forcing him to stay in the US

instead of buying his car & leaving. I am not ragging on you sis just stating

the fact, as to the embassy in Nigeria or uscis period there's almost zero percent

possiblity they'd believe this relationship....juat have fun then let hom go home