40 years older than Nigerian spouse.

[Boiler 45,930]

Just now, QueenComley said:

For wanting a subway sandwich?

 

Yep!

[USAMorocco 143]

5 minutes ago, controlla said:

Yeah. Lets keep bashing Nigerians who happen to be one of the most highly educated and successful immigrants in the US. Yeah...lets profile them as scammers and green card frauds.

 I don't think anyone is bashing Nigerians.  It's no secret that Nigeria is a high fraud country like most middle eastern, North African, and African countries.  Just so happens she said he is Nigerian.  Would you like people to refer to him as something else? 

[controlla 104]

3 minutes ago, Boiler said:

Let us also be realistic, I remember many years ago seeing a well respected Immigration Lawyer saying that there were 4 categories as far as Consulates were concerned regarding fraud:

 

Low

 

Medium

 

High

 

Lagos

Lets keep being realistic. I've seen number of UK people on here looking for ways to stay after their "marriages" failed.

[KierenHby 899]

8 minutes ago, controlla said:

Yeah. Lets keep bashing Nigerians who happen to be one of the most highly educated and successful immigrants in the US. Yeah...lets profile them as scammers and green card frauds.

Most Nigerians are nice. Including ones in my inbox nice enough to want to send me a $5.4million ATM card as soon as I pay the retrieval fee. 

 

Jokes aside, whatever-nationality immigrants with a 40-yr age difference will attract scrutiny. 

Edited March 18, 2017 by KierenHby

[Michael2017 368]

16 minutes ago, controlla said:

Still doesn't change the fact that most here in the US are more educated and successful than you are.

I don't know in which film you life. In my whole life in Europe, I have never seen a single Nigerian doing any kind of high leveled job. Without being negative to anyone, but here in Europe most Nigerians are cleaners and work in similar jobs. Having an African degree means nothing. I worked in Africa, North Africa and Middle East. I would hire someone who graduated a US or EU high school any day of the week before hireing someone with a Master's degree from a Nigerian University. Those educations are just not comparable to western educations. Sorry but someone must bring you back to earth. Nigerians are not very successful in the Western World, who ever told you this story must do fact checking. In fact, Nigerians are well known for fraud and crime. Of course, no one should generalize, but you generalize about Nigerians being so successful... 

Edited March 18, 2017 by Michael2017

[Myprincess 6]

Ma'am,

am afraid he might be older than 22, as you said you also look younger than your age. Am also from west Africa, being 22 and very rich on your own merit  is rare or unless you inherite it from your parents. Most people at his age will either be in their parents care or has just started life on their own. 

Time will tell if the love is real or fake

 

[Lemonslice 4,951]

Vasectomies are relatively cheap (can get them around here for under a $1,000)  - much cheaper than being a baby daddy... 

[Kosi Wahala 153]

5 hours ago, sparkles_ said:

Did you see that vasectomy paperwork in English? Or was it his native lanaguage and he just showed you a medical looking document that could be for tonsillectomy for all you know. Did you verify it on your own in any way or with the help of a non biased Nigerian?

 

I need anothet Nigerian to sound off, because I don't think vasectomy is common at all in country. He could be feeding you that lie to make it more believable that he won't drop you and want kids because he supposedly can't have them. Same for hating kids. I highly doubt that. African culture is very family and child oriented. 

I just asked my Nigerian husband, and he has never even heard of a vasectomy, until just now.  ?

[controlla 104]

My advice to OP......your Nigerian guy clearly says he's not interested in adjusting. Don't try to file AOS or convince him to. Reasons: age difference + he MAY be sweet talking you or playing psychological games. When he's ready to head back to Lagos, say your goodbyes and enjoy the memories of the times you shared together.

Edited March 18, 2017 by controlla

[Penguin_ie 5,996]

***** Many posts removed for TOS violations (bickering, personal attacks) as well as quoting same and off topic posting. Further administrative action taken on one member. Post with constructive advice for the Op or do not post. ******

[QueenComley 295]

1 hour ago, EricTasha said:

He is saying it now, we are considering to move to his country. Before he lived in Ghana, I was visiting him in Ghana and was invited to live there with him many times

Tasha

So what is stopping you from moving to Ghana? I understand your loyalty to you husband. But facts are facts. A 40 year age gap is huge. This man is 8 years older than my daughter. The thought of my daughter contemplating marrying someone 40 years older than her in 8 years time, quite frankly repulses me as a mother. Aside from the fact he is from a high fraud country I am simply addressing the age difference , regardless of culture or upbringing.

Edited March 18, 2017 by QueenComley

[geowrian 22,338]

There are many, many wonderful Nigerians that immigrate to the US after finding their love. However, there are far, far more cases of people trying to commit fraud. Your case is full of red flags, which will make adjusting legal status extremely difficult. Is it possible this is a legitimate relationship from both sides? Sure. But until you address and overcome those red flags, immigration is unlikely to be successful. Many of us have seen so many horror stories on VJ...we don't want to see yours be one of them. Fix the flags, then worry about immigrating. If he wants to return home at the end of his visit, then let him.

• The age difference + gender combination is an issue. It's not a disqualifier, but USCIS will look at how your situation fits in his local culture, which is extremely unusual. It's not proof of fraud, but it does set a much higher bar for him to prove that he is marrying for love. It's not USCIS who has to prove fraud....he has to prove it's not fraud. The burden of proof is on the one seeking the immigration benefit. If that is not proven to their satisfaction, then they will reject the adjustment of status.
• The short period of knowing him prior to marriage will be considered. Get to know him longer to address this.
• The fact that he comes from a high fraud country will be taken into consideration.
• The fact that you have not met his family will be taken into consideration. That is unusual in local culture. Get to know his family. If during the interview you say " I don't really care about meeting his family" (your exact quote!), imagine what their response will be.

My suggestion is to not rush things and make the whole process harder in the end (denial + deportation will make this much harder). Spend more time with him. Visit him. Meet his family. There is no reason to push forward with AOS in a case that has a low chance of success.

Edited March 18, 2017 by geowrian

[Kosi Wahala 153]

16 hours ago, AbigailOo said:

I'm a 62 yo African American woman. I met him December last year after he had gotten here October on a visiting visa. We met at the local bar and have been inseparable since then, literally inseparable as we spoke everyday since we met. He has a thing for older women and I look half my age, he told me it's not culturally acceptable back in Nigeria, even borderline taboo. Anyway, when in Rome lol. He's really mature for his age, even more than me, unfortunately even more than my sons who are older than him. Quiet, calm and somehow still the funniest person . He's really the only person I've felt this kind of connection with. My family immediately loved him. He has a Bachelor's while I have an associate's and is from a pretty well to do family. He just bought a car that he plans to ship to Nigeria, he rarely ever lets me pick the bill. We really do love each other and we're both home bodies. In summary, it's a perfect match. And whenever we're together alone it's like nothing else matters. He also doesn't want kids, in fact he hates them. He's very westernized and is a sharp contrast from a couple Nigerians I dated. I'm trying to convince him to marry me and stay back here because according to him even if we elope in Nigeria our affair will have to be quiet, due to the culture, it's almost like being gay and hiding. He also doesn't want to file for adjustment because, in his words, "I'm too young and Nigerian". We really do love each other and I want him to stay back, our marriage would be as bona fide as it gets. Do we have a chance if we file to adjust status? I've not seen a lot of good comments on age difference. We can get a half hearted consent from his parents and he already has my family's approval. We also don't have a problem commingling finances. 

First of all...I love your name. I am an Abigail, as well.

As I read through your original post, I pick up on a few things, and I have a few questions...

It seems as though you are the one who wants to marry, and he is lukewarm - if even that - to the idea. You are trying to convince him to stay, and he does not seem interested. 

What brought him to the United States, in the first place? Who wrote the invitation to facilitate his tourist visa? What part of Nigeria is he from? To which tribe does he belong? What does he do for a living there? What about his family? You say they are affluent - what do they do? What do you know about his culture, other than what he has told you? Have you ever been to Nigeria? 

You mention that he has a "thing" for older women? Does this mean that you are not the first? Just how many older women has he been involved with, and where? Were they Nigerian women, or foreigners?  

 

[dwheels76 5,468]

My biggest concern is you haven't been to Nigeria. You need to go, be with his people, family, friends.

Age gap plays many different factors. Him being in his early 20's is more an issue than you being 40 years older.

 

I am 26 years older than my husband. My daughter is 6 years older than my husband. So what. I went to Nigeria and lived with him during the process. You guys playing house do you have anything in each others names, bank accounts, credit cards, memberships, car insurance, etc.

 

Another thing why are you so pursuing him and want to force someone who just seems to want to flow and handle his business. Seems very to the point him saying do you just want someone because you are lonely. hmmmmm.  Remember "The MAN that findeth a wife, fineth a good thing." Let it happen.

 

No CO on earth will believe a 20 something year old man that comes from a culture of "you must have children to continue your legacy" doesn't want kids. Sure maybe not like them but that's not why they have kids, like has nothing to do with it. But they do love their children and take care of them well well.

 

I think your case is very weak at best if you filed for adjustment of status. If you do decide to file after marriage (I-130, you going to Nigeria you will have the time of your life) he should leave the US (still visit you and you visit him) and he has interview in Lagos.

[Everlast 49]

16 hours ago, AbigailOo said:

I'm a 62 yo African American woman. I met him December last year after he had gotten here October on a visiting visa. We met at the local bar and have been inseparable since then, literally inseparable as we spoke everyday since we met. He has a thing for older women and I look half my age, he told me it's not culturally acceptable back in Nigeria, even borderline taboo. Anyway, when in Rome lol. He's really mature for his age, even more than me, unfortunately even more than my sons who are older than him. Quiet, calm and somehow still the funniest person . He's really the only person I've felt this kind of connection with. My family immediately loved him. He has a Bachelor's while I have an associate's and is from a pretty well to do family. He just bought a car that he plans to ship to Nigeria, he rarely ever lets me pick the bill. We really do love each other and we're both home bodies. In summary, it's a perfect match. And whenever we're together alone it's like nothing else matters. He also doesn't want kids, in fact he hates them. He's very westernized and is a sharp contrast from a couple Nigerians I dated. I'm trying to convince him to marry me and stay back here because according to him even if we elope in Nigeria our affair will have to be quiet, due to the culture, it's almost like being gay and hiding. He also doesn't want to file for adjustment because, in his words, "I'm too young and Nigerian". We really do love each other and I want him to stay back, our marriage would be as bona fide as it gets. Do we have a chance if we file to adjust status? I've not seen a lot of good comments on age difference. We can get a half hearted consent from his parents and he already has my family's approval. We also don't have a problem commingling finances. 

I say follow your heart! Suddenly we are all pros in the affairs of the heart.