40 years older than Nigerian spouse.

[AbigailOo 8]

I think at this point I've heard it all. Of course I don't expect him to be with me when I get old & frail. 

 

I need responses that don't suggest I'm a vulnerable woman who's being duped and has no idea what she's getting into. 

[EandH0904 1,184]

Just now, AbigailOo said:

I think at this point I've heard it all. Of course I don't expect him to be with me when I get old & frail. 

But if you love someone and marry them you SHOULD expect them to be with you until you die. It's in sickness and health to death do us part, right? If you don't expect him to stick with you why would you want to marry him? 

[Georgia16 2,858]

1 minute ago, AbigailOo said:

I think at this point I've heard it all. Of course I don't expect him to be with me when I get old & frail. 

 

I need responses that don't suggest I'm a vulnerable woman who's being duped and has no idea what she's getting into. 

Yes you can get married while he is here now and adjust his status. You will get an interview so be prepared for a hard interview with a lot of questions.

 

If he does not wish to do that you next best option would be to do a CR-1 visa. You get married and then you send an application for spouse visa it will take about a year to get (maybe more with AP) and he will have to wait in his homecountry while that is processing.

[Hopeful diva 99]

6 hours ago, AbigailOo said:

I'm a 62 yo African American woman. I met him December last year after he had gotten here October on a visiting visa. We met at the local bar and have been inseparable since then, literally inseparable as we spoke everyday since we met. He has a thing for older women and I look half my age, he told me it's not culturally acceptable back in Nigeria, even borderline taboo. Anyway, when in Rome lol. He's really mature for his age, even more than me, unfortunately even more than my sons who are older than him. Quiet, calm and somehow still the funniest person . He's really the only person I've felt this kind of connection with. My family immediately loved him. He has a Bachelor's while I have an associate's and is from a pretty well to do family. He just bought a car that he plans to ship to Nigeria, he rarely ever lets me pick the bill. We really do love each other and we're both home bodies. In summary, it's a perfect match. And whenever we're together alone it's like nothing else matters. He also doesn't want kids, in fact he hates them. He's very westernized and is a sharp contrast from a couple Nigerians I dated. I'm trying to convince him to marry me and stay back here because according to him even if we elope in Nigeria our affair will have to be quiet, due to the culture, it's almost like being gay and hiding. He also doesn't want to file for adjustment because, in his words, "I'm too young and Nigerian". We really do love each other and I want him to stay back, our marriage would be as bona fide as it gets. Do we have a chance if we file to adjust status? I've not seen a lot of good comments on age difference. We can get a half hearted consent from his parents and he already has my family's approval. We also don't have a problem commingling finances. 

He's probably using you to get his papers/gc. Be careful!! Why wouldn't a young man want kids? An African man for that matter? The truth is that when he's done marrying you and getting his papers, he will go back home to marry a young girl who will start him a family and eventually come back to divorce you. Your  situation is not new to anyone and a lot of foreign men do this. Uscis is aware of this fraud. So it will probably be hard for you two to adjust status. 

Do not rush, take more time to get to know him. 

[sparkles_ 456]

Did you see that vasectomy paperwork in English? Or was it his native lanaguage and he just showed you a medical looking document that could be for tonsillectomy for all you know. Did you verify it on your own in any way or with the help of a non biased Nigerian?

 

I need anothet Nigerian to sound off, because I don't think vasectomy is common at all in country. He could be feeding you that lie to make it more believable that he won't drop you and want kids because he supposedly can't have them. Same for hating kids. I highly doubt that. African culture is very family and child oriented. 

 

You know there is a saying about things of this nature that are too good to be true. When you hear hoof beats, don't think of a zebra. Meaning 99.9% of the time it's just a regular horse. 

 

And unless you you have been around immigrant communities for a long time and maybe speak his language, you actually don't have any idea what you're getting into fully. You can't even understand what he says on the phone to his family....you know what he tells you. 

Edited March 18, 2017 by sparkles_

[AbigailOo 8]

6 minutes ago, sparkles_ said:

Did you see that vasectomy paperwork in English? Or was it his native lanaguage and he just showed you a medical looking document that could be for tonsillectomy for all you know. Did you verify it on your own in any way or with the help of a non biased Nigerian?

 

I need anothet Nigerian to sound off, because I don't think vasectomy is common at all in country. He could be feeding you that lie to make it more believable that he won't drop you and want kids because he supposedly can't have them. Same for hating kids. I highly doubt that. African cultural is very family and child oriented. 

 

You know there is a saying about things of this nature that are too good to be true. When you hear hoof beats, don't think of a zebra. Meaning 99.9% of the time it's just a regular horse. 

 

And unless you you have been around immigrant communities for a long time and maybe speak his language, you actually don't have any idea what you're getting into fully. You can't even understand what he says on the phone to his family....you know what he tells you. 

He got the vasectomy in the states. He never speaks in his native tongue whenever I'm around out of respect. Please, stop profiling.

 

Everytime someone tries to discredit him I only see more reason to trust him. Not everybody goes with the grain of culture and I may have just met the 0.01%. 

[sparkles_ 456]

7 minutes ago, AbigailOo said:

He got the vasectomy in the states. He never speaks in his native tongue whenever I'm around out of respect. Please, stop profiling.

 

Everytime someone tries to discredit him I only see more reason to trust him. Not everybody goes with the grain of culture and I may have just met the 0.01%. 

With all due respect, stop fitting the profile then. You have no room to come here and holler about being profiled when for all intents and purposes this fits the bill for a scam marriage. I am advising you with common sense, to verify the USA medical document with the clinic he had the vasectomy done at or the physician who did it. Money can buy good fakes. Now if you catch attitude rather than go check it's ok. USCIS will check if you make it that far.

 

Side note, I'm a healthcare worker. In many and most states sterilization procedures won't be done on a person under 21 who has no kids. He is 22. Again, think of the odds.  

 

You come here wanting our advice. And I'm giving you solid advice to verify and never take someone's word in this situation. If it's real you will verify things and it will be all good. You may have met the .01% but the gambling odds aren't in your favor and typically uscis realizes this too. 

Edited March 18, 2017 by sparkles_

[NYCruiser 423]

3 hours ago, EricTasha said:

One thing, if your fiance prefers to go back to Nigeria instead to marry and adjust his status in US, maybe he is telling you the truth he loves you. If he wanted the green card only, he would marry you and stay as he can read in English and knows, the immigration process inside US is more secure than applying from Nigeria. He is not asking you for money, it's another good sign. I wouldn't judge all Nigerian people by the stories we read online, everybody is different. 

 

Also, not only Nigeria or Morocco people divorce after getting the green card, so many other countries do it, it's a mixed marriage, different culture and the people the same age, same race but from different countries may have much more differences than you and this Nigerian man.

 

It's true, the age difference is big, we have 30 years difference and we were approved relatively easy in Lagos for K1 visa. Only one thing I would be worry, in Nigerian culture the man needs to have children, at least one, you marrying him can't give him children, I don't know how true is he had a vasectomy but even in this case in a few years if you are still together, think about the possibility to adopt.

 

Anyway, you both love each other, go for it! Any marriage is a lottery, enjoy your time now and do what you believe is good for you both. I wouldn't be afraid of divorce once he gets his green card, young people the same age divorce even faster. So many immigration marriages end in divorce, all countries, not only Nigeria

Tasha 

A vasectomy can be reversed. He is 22 years old? Yes, so that is not an issue. African culture is about children!! period...they don't care how they are going to feed and clothe them...just have CHILDREN!! Think about that.

 

Now, I do know in same sex marriages, there are age differences in age. I know of two 81 year olds with 24 and 30 year old spouses..but then they cannot have children....adopting or surrogate true.

[KULtoATL 1,551]

@AbigailOo we may not know you but we mean well. All previous posters are just cautioning you given the prevailing immigration fraud/scam involving young Nigerian men. And yes, anyone from other countries may commit the same fraud/scam but these people are only talking about situations similar to yours for an apple to apple comparison.

 

If you think the community is not answering your question and that we are simply biased, perhaps you'll get the more appropriate and professional advice from an immigration attorney. However, @Georgia16 have given a brief and fair answer to your question.

 

You may have heard @neilsqueen saying it before but let me reiterate her message, guard your heart, dear lady. I wish you all the best. 

[sparkles_ 456]

2 minutes ago, NYCruiser said:

A vasectomy can be reversed. He is 22 years old? Yes, so that is not an issue. African culture is about children!! period...they don't care how they are going to feed and clothe them...just have CHILDREN!! Think about that.

 

Now, I do know in same sex marriages, there are age differences in age. I know of two 81 year olds with 24 and 30 year old spouses..but then they cannot have children....adopting or surrogate true.

Of course a reversal is an option. My point I was making is that I've never met any man from the African continent who has had a vasectomy and no kids. From what I heard it was not just a no but a hell no never type thing. I'm sure it could happen but it seems rare. 

Edited March 18, 2017 by sparkles_

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

  Take your time, let him go home and come back.  While he is gone read the book  I do not come to you by chance  . It is a good read on the dark side of scams,   Read a couple of other, such as When things fall apart.   You need to understand the culture.  Dating a person or a string of people doesn't teach the mind set that a person grew up with.  No matter how American he plays what a person is raised like stays with them forever.  Ask him to host you there for a couple of months.  Have you ever attended a tribe convention here. 

   By the way for people fussing about the medical report , English is the official language of Nigeria so the report should be in English.  There is a huge fake document market but that exists in any 3rd world country.

[zilchfox 296]

Hrm... I'm not going to bother repeating what the other users have said over and over.

 

With that said, even without the age gap, country of origin, etc., you met in December, that's 3 months ago, and already you want to get married to this guy. Think about that for a moment.

 

Good luck with everything.

[AbigailOo 8]

This is exhausting. Firstly it was the vasectomy is fake then it can be reversed. African men are allowed to be gay and even dress like women but not wanting kids is impossible. 

 

Then it was he won't stay with you when you're frail and I said I didn't expect him to, then it was "how could you not expect him to?"

 

He he had an abusive father and his mom stayed in the marriage because of the kids. His aunts also went through the experience. He really just want to travel the world and acquire wealth with little responsibility. Kids hinder that. Please let's put the hes african so he must want kids narrative to rest. There's more to life. 

[zilchfox 296]

I did, all I simply stated is you've known each other for 3 months, and already you two wish to get married. Isn't that kinda fast? Even if it wasn't for immigration intent, that's an unusually fast decision.

 

Edit: Stick with the relationship longer before you go through with filing. Ultimately in the end it's entirely up to you to file, and I think you've been given all the advice you need to decide. The ball is in your court.

Edited March 18, 2017 by zilchfox

[sparkles_ 456]

5 minutes ago, AbigailOo said:

This is exhausting. Firstly it was the vasectomy is fake then it can be reversed. African men are allowed to be gay and even dress like women but not wanting kids is impossible. 

 

Then it was he won't stay with you when you're frail and I said I didn't expect him to, then it was "how could you not expect him to?"

 

He he had an abusive father and his mom stayed in the marriage because of the kids. His aunts also went through the experience. He really just want to travel the world and acquire wealth with little responsibility. Kids hinder that. Please let's put the hes african so he must want kids narrative to rest. There's more to life. 

Maybe because marriage is til death do us part....not til one gets very old and we part. A wife is a responsibility, you know, especially an aging wife who could incur health problems (I am not wishing this on you in any way). If he wants to be a world roamer then don't marry him, and just be a common law wife and roam the world with him since he could only leave America for 90 days a year if he ever did get a green card. 

Edited March 18, 2017 by sparkles_