40 years older than Nigerian spouse.

[MeAlone 161]

8 minutes ago, RogJac said:

Ma'am, my advise would be to WAIT him out. He is here in the US as a visitor, he can visit anytime for up to 6 months as a visitor, continue to enjoy his company and love as you so stated BUT do not make the mistake to marry. My sister who is younger than me, married a Nigerian about 10 years younger, after the CG arrived, he was gone. The stories about these guys are REAL. 

Stories ... so are the same stories about Philippino, Russian and many other countries stories, many women or men (I guess much more women) from other countries even claim abuse, some the fake one and divorce very fast. Any USC is exposed to this but we all hope it won't happen. It's life, we all try and no marriage is easy even if it is the girl or guy next door

Tasha

[MeAlone 161]

4 minutes ago, Lemonslice said:

His actions and words should have meaning to you. He expressed his desire to go back home. Why aren't you listening? 

 

I'm not doubting you're having a good time together, but as an outsider it seems that you're not in it for the same thing.

 

 

 

and it shows he is NOT after the green card

Tasha

[MacUK 983]

Nobody here knows either of you so nobody here can say for a fact that he loves you or doesn't love you.

All anyone can say is that, from experience, it is uncommon and many a USC has been left devastated at the end of it. Be it young men with older women or young women with older men.

Maybe you're one of the rare lucky cases where love is indifferent to age.

 

There are people in the world who will say and do anything to get their greencard.

 

 

One thing you could do would be to suggest to him that you would much prefer to live in his home country, ask him to look in to what has to be done to allow you permanent residency there.

If love and being with you is his primary concern then there'd be no problem. If he refuses to consider it then maybe you should think about his motives.

[Roel 7,192]

5 minutes ago, EricTasha said:

and it shows he is NOT after the green card

Tasha

Ever heard of people lying in order to get what they want? 

[MeAlone 161]

1 minute ago, Roel said:

Ever heard of people lying in order to get what they want? 

Yes. But it doesn't mean only Nigerians lie. I mentioned about the marriage to the girl / guy the next door

Tasha

[RogJac 15]

9 minutes ago, EricTasha said:

Yes. But it doesn't mean only Nigerians lie. I mentioned about the marriage to the girl / guy the next door

Tasha

Tasha you are correct anyone can lie, however, the motive and benefits are huge in this case. Again, I am not one to cast a stone unto any one. All I am saying to the 62 year old lady-- Ma'am, no need to rush into marriage with a 22 year old guy. As you stated he has the ability to visit and I am assuming so can you. ENJOY ENJOY ENJOY and WAIT OUT. Best I can offer in my humble opinion.

ROGER OUT!! 

[MeAlone 161]

9 minutes ago, RogJac said:

Tasha you are correct anyone can lie, however, the motive and benefits are huge in this case. Again, I am not one to cast a stone unto any one. All I am saying to the 62 year old lady-- Ma'am, no need to rush into marriage with a 22 year old guy. As you stated he has the ability to visit and I am assuming so can you. ENJOY ENJOY ENJOY and WAIT OUT. Best I can offer in my humble opinion.

ROGER OUT!! 

You are right and maybe you are not. The lady is 62 years old and she has the right to do whatever she believes it's OK with her or both, maybe she even wants to be married and be happy for 1-2 years, doesn't matter. I am more concerned about the 22 years old man, it's true, Nigerian men are much more mature and the men life expectancy in Nigeria I guess is around 50s, they mature fast yet he is still 22 years old, it will be totally normal in a few years for him to grow up and to think different than he is now.

 

But who knows, what is it in their hearts? Any older and mature immigrant in US first years are babies, not knowing how the life is here and all immigrants change after living a couple of years here.

 

So not you, not me, not any USC is safe from divorce once the green card arrives

Tasha

Edited March 18, 2017 by EricTasha

[Sunnyland 639]

Perhaps the OP should move to Nigeria with him for a year or 2. If he really loves her he will agree. I doubt he will care where they live as long as they are together, right? 

[MeAlone 161]

2 minutes ago, Sunnyland said:

Perhaps the OP should move to Nigeria with him for a year or 2. If he really loves her he will agree. I doubt he will care where they live as long as they are together, right? 

You would be surprised how happy are Nigerian men to move back and to bring his wife, specially a foreign wife, they are very proud people and love their country. She will ask and he will say let's go. The question is if she will be happy to live there? it's different and not easy for an American woman there, we all are spoiled here with lots of comfort

Tasha

[neilsqueen 433]

1 hour ago, RogJac said:

Tasha you are correct anyone can lie, however, the motive and benefits are huge in this case. Again, I am not one to cast a stone unto any one. All I am saying to the 62 year old lady-- Ma'am, no need to rush into marriage with a 22 year old guy. As you stated he has the ability to visit and I am assuming so can you. ENJOY ENJOY ENJOY and WAIT OUT. Best I can offer in my humble opinion.

ROGER OUT!! 

Best advise!!!  There is absolutely no reason to rush this.  If this is true love, slow down and smell the roses.  There is no need to marry immediately.  Go stay with him for an extended vacation.  Meet his family.  Embrace his culture.  When we take our rose colored glasses off at the end of the day, life and marriage takes work.  Give yourself the deserved time to test the waters of this relationship.  Five months is not a lot of time to be true to yourself in this sense.  This is the high, euphoric stage of any relationship, regardless of age. 

 

Please, take a step back.  Listen to the advise given here.  We have seen over and over situations like yours that have had disastrous endings.  Your case may be completely different.  This may truly be the love of your life, however, you do not have to rush it at this point.  Count the cost before making any permanent decisions.  We here are like family and we do not want to see you hurt.  We all know what it is like to be in love and know that love at times clouds our judgement.  

 

Wishing you all the best in your decision.  Ultimately, it is up to you what you determine is the best course.  I believe that you have a little doubt in the back of your mind because you reached out to your Visa Journey family.  Go with your gut!!  We as women, no offense to the men, were given instincts that we must listen to.  Take care of your heart sweetie!  It's a precious thing.

[piff 46]

I won't ever believe it! Like seriously!? Try a little trick - offer him to live in his country and ask what paperwork needs to be filled out. No offense, but you are probably the same age not as his mom but as his grandmother. 

[AmyWrites 593]

I used to work in immigration.... odds are this will not end well for you OP.

[AbigailOo 8]

i think the problem here is how Nigerians are profiled. There's someone even suggesting his vasectomy might be fake, I've seen the documentation. He prefers for us to move back and rather not stay here but somehow he must still be scamming me for the green card. He even bought a car for himself to ship home as an elaborate scam. I understand all the concerns and I'm grateful but barely anyone even answered my original question, but at this point anything he seems to do or not do points at him deceiving me. I don't really care about meeting his family, young people get married have a big wedding, meet the family, have children and still get divorced after a few years, all the ceremony don't really solidify the relationship. I've done all that and got abused in the marriage. We have the same worldview and just want to be together. I have a lot of family and friends who have met him, they've briefed me on the emotional aspects. Didn't really expect anything of that sort from you guys who have neither seen either of us or know our life patters. Was expecting legal/immigration advice. Whats wild is I initiated most part of our relationship and the whole immigration thing but HE's the one being accused of immigration fraud. Wild. 

 

I really hope immigration officers arent prejudiced. 

[Maxheadspace 48]

I know this dialogue is how it's tied to the visa process, but step back and look at it from the normal relationship perspective.  When you're 72 he'll be 32.  When your 82 he'll be 42.

 

My brother once dated a woman 20 years younger and she adored him.  My advice to him was, "enjoy it for as long as it lasts, because one day she will come to you and tell you she wants to be with friends her own age."  Like a prophecy, after seven years she said exactly that to him and dropped him.

 

And then there's another age-old scenario which suggests he is already taken and is just enjoying a companion while he is away. 

 

Of course the visa fraud thing is still there, too!  But people in love or lust will only find reasons why it's real, regardless of the weight of evidence to the contrary.

 

In the end, do what makes you happy, but do so with your eyes wide open.

Edited March 18, 2017 by Maxheadspace
spelling

[AbigailOo 8]

6 minutes ago, AmyWrites said:

I used to work in immigration.... odds are this will not end well for you OP.

Uh oh. How?