Suicide note?

[Ash.1101 1,756]

11 minutes ago, Igsy said:

I did not think her depression is a sickness, because honestly what does she have to worry about? I support her financially and we're the same age. I feel like she's my daughter more than a wife. 

 

 

This is the same logic that people use when they don't understand why someone like Robin Williams killed himself. "He had money, he was famous, how could he possibly be sad?". 


I hope you talk to her therapist to understand what depression actually is. You could have EVERYTHING you wanted in the world and still not be happy, people telling you how easy you have it only makes you feel even more worthless. This isn't a thing that is cured by having more things, or changing circumstances. She could have always suffered with depression or another mental issue. Some people can go to therapy and come out okay without medication. Some people need medication to balance their chemicals, if it's a chemical imbalance there is no telling her to feel better or to go on a vacation or buy her something pretty. She may need medication to find out if that will help her.

But start with therapy first and PLEASE understand what depression is, Every post you've made has again said something that again shows everyone here you have no idea what you're dealing with. Best of luck in the future, and remember, she could have everything in the world and more, and still feel this way without the proper help.

[vmedia 12]

While reading this I couldn't help think of myself allowing my previous marriage to implode while sitting back and doing nothing.  Like watching a slow-motion train-wreck.  I was the guy that slept apart from her because she failed me in some way.  It continued for years and years while we both moved apart emotionally.  We had kids together but I felt like marriage was a huge mistake and actually thought about SC.  

 

Now looking back on it - I realize how much I contributed to the unhappy situation I was in - the one that caused me to withdraw from her and stay withdrawn.  I was too immature to accept some of the blame for our dysfunction.  I was too proud to admit my actions contributed to her feelings.  I wanted more from her but did nothing to foster a good relationship or repair the damage done.

 

I'm assuming u married for love and were sincere when you started this journey.  So my advice is simply this:  drop everything.  Nothing is more important than her.  Job, money, house.  I mean it, nothing.  Suck it up and make her #1 again.  If that means you have to swallow your pride and be #2 that's just fine.  She needs you now more than ever.  You still have her.  You're really lucky and blessed you found that note.   And she's lucky to have a guy that cares enough to do more than I did.

 

Good luck to both of you and update us please.

 

 

[Jawaree 718]

Its very important to get to know a person also some family & friends of theirs.

this young lady may have suffered depression all her life & she thought the US

& a husband would fix it, get her into therapy asap, of course if she'll go, there's

a cry for attention there, just put off having kids for now, see if she will assimilate

with local Russian group in your area so she can socialize. Please do yourself

a favor & speak to a professional, members of her family, a pastor maybe,

you do not want this woman turns up dead or missing and you becoming the.

.suspect. If theraphy fails & her depression continues let her have the vacation

home & file for a divorce.

 

PS: ask yourself are you spending enough time with her (you work & go to school)

the sexual dept bto at times you have to come off that my minds not into it, ladies

dont like feeling rejected & lonely.

Edited March 16, 2017 by Jawaree

[Cathi 5,769]

8 hours ago, Igsy said:

She gave herself the bruises by punching herself. It is really bad and frightening because I care about her and I don't know how she can be so careless. 

 

Thanks for for the help everyone. I am getting her a doctor , and a counselor for us. I know she gave yo her life by moving her but I didn't expect she would turn out like this.

 

and clearly shes depressed, I understand that, but I feel there is a misunderstanding. I want to send her to Russia to unwind. It would be good to visit her friends and family, and especially her grandfather. I'm not trying to divorce her or abandon her. I'm simply suggesting a vacation while she clears her mind.  It's better than having her feel "stuck" at home. If you're curious, she doesn't work, or drive.

 

im not even going to mention driving because I feel I could write an entire essay on that.

Careless? She isn't being careless, she is DEPRESSED and SUICIDAL!!!

I'm going to be very blunt- the fact that you think that hurting herself on purpose careless is naive and cold and the fact that you want to send her home thinking she will magically get better, is reckless. You wife literally wants to kill herself, hurting herself is a cry for help and she will still be suicidal in her home country, she needs help yesterday. I know all of this from experience, my 19 year old son attempted suicide 3 weeks ago. The very first thing I did was have him admitted to the hospital and now he is in intensive outpatient therapy. Even with all of the help he has had he is still very depressed, he literally has days that he never gets out of bed, he can barely function. You need to be there for her every single moment that you can, encouraging her, comforting her and understanding the fact that if she could stop felling sad, depressed and suicidal-she would. People don't just all of a sudden snap out of it because of a change of scenery. It is a long road to recovery and there will be many ups and downs, goods days and bad, her emotions can and will change hour to hour and even minute to minute. You need to understand that if she truly wants to kill herself she will and if you do not do something right now to find her help, you may find her dead. Suicide and suicidal thoughts and feelings are not something to take lightly, her life literally depends on what you do from this moment forward to help her. That is the reality of the situation, like it or not. Please get her help before it's too late.

[Unshakable Faith 493]

5 minutes ago, mimolicious said:

Careless? She isn't being careless, she is DEPRESSED and SUICIDAL!!!

I'm going to be very blunt- the fact that you think that hurting herself on purpose careless is naive and cold and the fact that you want to send her home thinking she will magically get better, is reckless. You wife literally wants to kill herself, hurting herself is a cry for help and she will still be suicidal in her home country, she needs help yesterday. I know all of this from experience, my 19 year old son attempted suicide 3 weeks ago. The very first thing I did was have him admitted to the hospital and now he is in intensive outpatient therapy. Even with all of the help he has had he is still very depressed, he literally has days that he never gets out of bed, he can barely function. You need to be there for her every single moment that you can, encouraging her, comforting her and understanding the fact that if she could stop felling sad, depressed and suicidal-she would. People don't just all of a sudden snap out of it because of a change of scenery. It is a long road to recovery and there will be many ups and downs, goods days and bad, her emotions can and will change hour to hour and even minute to minute. You need to understand that if she truly wants to kill herself she will and if you do not do something right now to find her help, you may find her dead. Suicide and suicidal thoughts and feelings are not something to take lightly, her life literally depends on what you do from this moment forward to help her. That is the reality of the situation, like it or not. Please get her help before it's too late.

I am so sorry to hear this.   I'll be praying for your son and your family!  Thank you for getting him help, too many people take their lives everyday because people don't take these situations seriously. 

 

If I could like your response a million times, I would!  Very true words! 

[Villanelle 4,122]

11 minutes ago, FN&KO said:

I am so sorry to hear this.   I'll be praying for your son and your family!  Thank you for getting him help, too many people take their lives everyday because people don't take these situations seriously. 

 

If I could like your response a million times, I would!  Very true words! 

You took the words right out of my mouth...

 

Sending lots of positive thoughts and love to mimis family.

[Igsy 15]

Mimilicious, I'm sorry to hear about your son. I hope he feels better, but I'd like to say something about people with depression and suicide.

 

ive been depressed before. Sure , I didn't have suicidal thoughts but when my wife injured herself , it was extremely selfish, careless and awful. Carless because if she's thinking about taking her life , and if she was successful  (god forbid) she's choosing on taking the easy way out - leaving me with all of our problems (physically and mentally). And by hurting herself - what stops her from calling 911 and claiming that I abused her?

 

spousal abuse claims are very serious. I could be charged with a felony and one thing I learned from my friends/family is that women are good liars. When I saw what my wife had done to herself, I'm sorry but I felt sick to my stomach.

 

as I said , we will get treatment and I'm sorry about your son , I hope he gets better but nobody should take the blame for someone else that takes their life. 

 

If if someone goes for treatment and they are not doing it for THEMSELVES, most of the time they will FAIL. 

 

Again , a big thank you to the VJ community. I will fight for my marriage. We will get help.

[Mary Lou 681]

18 minutes ago, Igsy said:

Mimilicious, I'm sorry to hear about your son. I hope he feels better, but I'd like to say something about people with depression and suicide.

 

ive been depressed before. Sure , I didn't have suicidal thoughts but when my wife injured herself , it was extremely selfish, careless and awful. Carless because if she's thinking about taking her life , and if she was successful  (god forbid) she's choosing on taking the easy way out - leaving me with all of our problems (physically and mentally). And by hurting herself - what stops her from calling 911 and claiming that I abused her?

 

spousal abuse claims are very serious. I could be charged with a felony and one thing I learned from my friends/family is that women are good liars. When I saw what my wife had done to herself, I'm sorry but I felt sick to my stomach.

 

as I said , we will get treatment and I'm sorry about your son , I hope he gets better but nobody should take the blame for someone else that takes their life. 

 

If if someone goes for treatment and they are not doing it for THEMSELVES, most of the time they will FAIL. 

 

Again , a big thank you to the VJ community. I will fight for my marriage. We will get help.

I'm sorry, but you don't have a flipping clue about REAL depression. What your wife did wasn't being selfish, careless or awful in the sense you see it. Easy way out?????? Wow, you need to be in therapy as much as your wife does, you need to understand she may have had these thoughts when she was still in her country. Add to the mix, moving to a new country, living with someone, who at most you only spend a few weeks or a month with at a time. Adjustment doesn't come immediately, of course she isnt sure what she wants to do because she's depressed. I'm glad you are saying you will get help for the both of you, but your thought process right now is you are more worried about false claims against you for abuse or how women are good liars? 

I have to stop here before im banned, but i suffer from depression, didn't leave my house for 3 months, couldnt face people, go grocery shopping, i also thought about suicide. So, was i being careless, selfish and awful??? NO i wasn't, i needed help , I thank  god for my doctor and therapists for helping me live a full life again.

Do your wife a favor, support her, try and understand her, it's not all about you and how you feel.

Good luck

[JE57 239]

1 hour ago, Igsy said:

Mimilicious, I'm sorry to hear about your son. I hope he feels better, but I'd like to say something about people with depression and suicide.

 

ive been depressed before. Sure , I didn't have suicidal thoughts but when my wife injured herself , it was extremely selfish, careless and awful. Carless because if she's thinking about taking her life , and if she was successful  (god forbid) she's choosing on taking the easy way out - leaving me with all of our problems (physically and mentally). And by hurting herself - what stops her from calling 911 and claiming that I abused her?

 

spousal abuse claims are very serious. I could be charged with a felony and one thing I learned from my friends/family is that women are good liars. When I saw what my wife had done to herself, I'm sorry but I felt sick to my stomach.

 

as I said , we will get treatment and I'm sorry about your son , I hope he gets better but nobody should take the blame for someone else that takes their life. 

 

If if someone goes for treatment and they are not doing it for THEMSELVES, most of the time they will FAIL. 

 

Again , a big thank you to the VJ community. I will fight for my marriage. We will get help.

I am very pleased that you came here to ask for help and that most people here are trying to help.   I think you are dealing with a person with CLINICAL DEPRESSION although no one other than a medical professional can tell for sure.   CLINICAL DEPRESSION is very different than feeling sad (depressed) about a situation..  Imagine how you would feel if something truly horrible happened to you, for example if you were falsely accused of a horrible crime and had to face trial.. You would be potentially depressed about it.  Now imagine feeling that way and having no idea WHY you feel that way..  You look at your life, all is wonderful,  in your wife's case she has a husband who clearly cares about her, she doesn't have to work and likely by the standards of her home country is probably really well off.   But she still feels bottom of the barrel.   Ask her what would make her stop being depressed and she may tell you what she THINKS will do it.  She is likely mentally searching desperately for a reason she feels this way and is likely feeling guilty about being depressed when her life is so good.   I'm further guessing that she's likely been clinically depressed her whole life.  This is not a condition that ever really goes away.. it's just treated or justified.  My guess is in Russia she was also depressed but was able to blame it on her life circumstances in Russia and reasoned with herself that once she got to the USA with her loving husband that she'd no longer have a reason to be depressed.  In fact, the excitement and the anxiety of the move/change was perhaps sufficient to keep the depression at bay for awhile.   But the underlying condition was still there.   You might check to see if she was athletically active in Russia and ceased to be so in the USA.  If that's the case strenuous exercise on a regular basis sometimes works as a treatment for depression and if she changed those habits then that could be a possible explanation.      The other think about clinical depression is that it is insidious in that often times it will act almost like a beast fighting any attempt to change the status quo,  So getting a job, no she won't likely be able to do that as the depression will make her self sabotage.   Not everyone believes depression is an actual illness.  For those of us afflicted it is VERY real and we know falling victim to it, failing to manage it properly, failing to recognize what it is can be life threatening.   Robin Williams,  Bless his Soul is a good example.  We assume he had every reason in the world to be happy but in the end depression killed him.  

I wish you the best of luck with this... She and you CAN lead a happy and fulfilling life but she needs you right now and from your posts I read that you recognize this and are trying to do the best thing for her.   Talk with people, read up on Clinical depression and continue to seek out professional support.    God Bless you and you wife.

[Cathi 5,769]

3 hours ago, Igsy said:

Mimilicious, I'm sorry to hear about your son. I hope he feels better, but I'd like to say something about people with depression and suicide.

 

ive been depressed before. Sure , I didn't have suicidal thoughts but when my wife injured herself , it was extremely selfish, careless and awful. Carless because if she's thinking about taking her life , and if she was successful  (god forbid) she's choosing on taking the easy way out - leaving me with all of our problems (physically and mentally). And by hurting herself - what stops her from calling 911 and claiming that I abused her?

 

spousal abuse claims are very serious. I could be charged with a felony and one thing I learned from my friends/family is that women are good liars. When I saw what my wife had done to herself, I'm sorry but I felt sick to my stomach.

 

as I said , we will get treatment and I'm sorry about your son , I hope he gets better but nobody should take the blame for someone else that takes their life. 

 

If if someone goes for treatment and they are not doing it for THEMSELVES, most of the time they will FAIL. 

 

Again , a big thank you to the VJ community. I will fight for my marriage. We will get help.

I've been depressed, too. I know exactly how it feels, that is why I can empathize with and understand my son so well and with your wife. You are VERY wrong in saying and thinking that a suicidal person is selfish, merely taking the easy way out. Someone who wants to kill them self wants their pain to be gone and they will do anything to make that pain go away, anything. It isn't about easy or selfish. Period. They are so depressed they cannot get out of their own head, their thinking is skewed. It isn't selfish to want their pain to be gone, it just isn't. If your reasoning in saying they are selfish because of the pain and devastation they leave behind, they literally cannot and do not have reasoning skills when they are in so deep, they have tunnel vision. 

The night my son tried to kill himself he had a great day, nothing seemed to be wrong-the next thing I knew he was on the edge of a bridge over the river within seconds of jumping off. Had I not gone downstairs to get a glass of water I never would have known he left the house and he would be dead. It was not something he thought of ahead of time, in fact he told us after the fact that he had never thought about suicide in his life until the very moment he walked out of the house and walked down to the river. He said the feeling just suddenly came upon him. He didn't have the time to think about who he would leave behind, this all happened within minutes. Luckily for us he took his phone with him and I was able to track him with GPS within a certain distance and luckily when my other son went out in his car looking for him, he found his brother and luckily when 911 was called the police were there within 2 minutes. Luck was on his side that night and I am not particularly a religious person, but I believe a higher power was looking out for my son that night.

 

I've shared a little more than I should have but I think you need to understand that suicidal thoughts are serious, and if you truly think someone wanting to die to make their pain go away is selfish I suggest you get some counseling of your own in order to understand how a suicidal person thinks or you will never be able to help your wife. In my opinion, you're the selfish one for wanting to ship her home in hopes that a mere change in scenery is going to magically make her depression go away. Depression doesn't work that way. It just doesn't. Sorry if what I say sounds harsh but I am never one to mince words, I'd rather say things truthfully than attempt to sugar coat them in order to make someone feel better.

[Thesmiths2016 117]

I think you're on the right track with getting help, but in order for it not to come across as just "Trying to fix her" please consider a few additional things.
Firstly, intimacy.  You may not be in the mood but be close to your wife.  Even just cuddling her, spending time with her, kissing her like you mean it.  For females, touch is a big part of feeling loved. 
Secondly, its great that you want to give her a chance to go and see family, but is it possible for you to go with her?  Going on that trip to support her as her husband would mean so much more to her than you can imagine.  
Be her husband who loved her, married her, and wanted to be with her.  No counselling will "fix" things if she still feels like you're just someone living in the same house rather than her husband.  Believe me, I have been there and fortunately we spoke about it and it's all good now.  Support her, do those little things to show you care, and be there for her.  Thank you for coming on here and asking for advice, and please realise that by accidentally finding that note you have been blessed with a chance to make things right before its too late.  All the best, I'll be praying for you.

[Auds 223]

OP you have no idea what nonsense you are on about!  You clearly have never experienced real depression!

 

can you please read what people have written here.

 

[MeAlone 161]

We can't and we shouldn't diagnose his wife in the forum, online one side story. We don't know, even her husband doesn't know what's going on in her mind. She could be very sick and act irrationally and she could be a very manipulative person, some manipulative people even are very clever manipulating the medical opinion about depression.

 

In one thing I agree, OP, please, call emergency services and maybe, before calling, explain to your wife she can be locked up at the hospital for evaluation and her personal record won't be good to find a good job, to take care of the kids and to work in certain jobs as well maybe even to obtain the drivers license. If she is a very manipulative person, she will stop her erratic behavior as she will understand it's not good for her own life, even for the divorce you would have the advantage. If she is really sick, she will get your help and professional help no matter what and maybe it's a good idea to get the treatment in her country as here, in US, the mental illness history is not good for the future

Tasha

[MeAlone 161]

Ah, also, please ask her family members or herself if she has the suicidal history or depression treatment history in her country. Usually in her country people like her behave normal as they know, they can be lock up in a very strong medical mental institution but coming to the western countries, they also know here are human right, everybody is caring and polite, so they just stop controlling themselves and try to manipulate the people around them. If this is the case, ask her and yourself, why she can control herself and be normal in her home country and why this misbehaving in US?

[trudi 1,317]

I'm gobsmacked at some of the responses, suicidal thoughts and intent is not 'misbehaving'

 

It is a clear indication of how unhappy she is, I doubt that she wants to feel this way and a bunch of strangers suggesting that she has no right to her feelings is ludicrous - she is clearly deeply unhappy and no one has the right to judge the validity of her feelings.

 

OP please get her the help and support she needs and to everyone who is sitting in judgement I sincerely hope that if you or anyone you love ever  feels so desperate they contemplate taking their own life they find compassion and support not condemnation.