Suicide note?

[sparkles_ 456]

Don't send her away, you need to sit with her now and find an in patient treatment therapeutic place or at best intensive out patient therapy for her. After she gets on track with regaining her mental health then consider sending her for a vacation. Tell her you love her and that you will handle finding her a therapist and mean it. Get someone who is not just a licensed clinical psychologist but a psychiatrist because that is the only one who can write a perhaps much needed prescription. 

 

Being mentally not into having sex for a short time is ok. People get stressed, work can suck, etc, and if her behavior has been wild as you say, that can also put a person off of any sexual feelings. But us women (mostly) tend to take it as the man doesn't want us anymore....

 

Moving along, a person who is severely depressed can't put effort into anything even basic daily functions at times. It's not she won't, she literally can't, the chemical called seratonin in your brain gets so low that it is almost impossible to bring back to par on your own without help and medication. 

 

If money is an issue, know that mental health practitioners realize the gravity of the situations people can be in and many offer sliding scale discounts. (Please don't take that last part the wrong way)

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

  If you snore there is a chin strap you can buy very cheap and wear that keeps your mouth closed and that will stop most of it.

 You wife needs immediate evaluation.  Even if she truly isn't going to self harm, the fact she has voiced it means you MUST do something.  Most likely they will give her some drugs that will help calm her mind so things can be worked out.  DO not ignore this.   I went through terrible periods as a young woman recovering from years of being molested as a child.  It is serious stuff

[Ash.1101 1,756]

I know that people are saying that he needs to work it out with her.


But what if he's part of the depression?  Just an idea, seeing as he sleeps on the couch and he's not mentally into sex anymore. She could feel very neglected by him and by the time he DOES start showing her attention she may think it's all for the wrong reasons. Being in a relationship that you don't want to be in but feel like your trapped in is an AWFUL feeling.

Also, did the OP ask where the bruises came from? While it may be shocking, I think anyone would ask where their spouse got bruise marks all over their legs and arms.




You're saying that she's not putting effort into driving and that "Our" life would be easier if she did. But she's not putting effort in because she's depressed and she probably doesn't care too much for what would make her or your life easier because she no longer wants to even be alive. You need to look at things from her very sad eyes, NOTHING in the world matters to her right now. 


Did you confront her about the message? 


Worry about her, then worry about your marriage, THEN worry about yourself. 


Do NOT "send her back to Russia" even if you call it a vacation. If she feels she's not wanted there, and then you send her off, do you really think that's going to make her more wanted? 


I dunno, something doesn't seem right with all this, there seems more to it than just her depression, or there's more wrong in your relationship that may have lead to a depression than we know.. I snore, kick, and take up 90% of the bed by nearly pushing my husband off. I don't think he's EVER considered sleeping on the sofa. 

[f f 725]

1 hour ago, Marco&Bettina said:

That's not going to help her. She needs support from her SPOUSE!

this is support. you are putting her life ahead of your well being and your marriage. if she has an underlying mental health issue such as adhd and she is given antidepressants they can have the opposite effect and she can get major depression. as other have said she needs support from you but you also need support since you can not do this alone. the 5150 is if you think her life is in imminent danger. I do have first hand experience with this and it will not be cured with a single pill or fixed with a few sessions at the therapist. it will be with both of you for a long time and you need to find ways to manage the issues.

 

good luck

[Marco&Bettina 502]

8 minutes ago, Ash.1101 said:

I know that people are saying that he needs to work it out with her.


But what if he's part of the depression?  Just an idea, seeing as he sleeps on the couch and he's not mentally into sex anymore. She could feel very neglected by him and by the time he DOES start showing her attention she may think it's all for the wrong reasons. Being in a relationship that you don't want to be in but feel like your trapped in is an AWFUL feeling.

Also, did the OP ask where the bruises came from? While it may be shocking, I think anyone would ask where their spouse got bruise marks all over their legs and arms.




You're saying that she's not putting effort into driving and that "Our" life would be easier if she did. But she's not putting effort in because she's depressed and she probably doesn't care too much for what would make her or your life easier because she no longer wants to even be alive. You need to look at things from her very sad eyes, NOTHING in the world matters to her right now. 


Did you confront her about the message? 


Worry about her, then worry about your marriage, THEN worry about yourself. 


Do NOT "send her back to Russia" even if you call it a vacation. If she feels she's not wanted there, and then you send her off, do you really think that's going to make her more wanted? 


I dunno, something doesn't seem right with all this, there seems more to it than just her depression, or there's more wrong in your relationship that may have lead to a depression than we know.. I snore, kick, and take up 90% of the bed by nearly pushing my husband off. I don't think he's EVER considered sleeping on the sofa. 

I was basically saying he's part of the depression because of said behaviors. Only if he stops all that stuff and makes some changes can she pull out of it. I'm never of the opinion that seeking medical experts or psychiatrists or whatever will make a difference. Behavioral changes are the only way. Show a good faith gesture to his wife. Prove to her that he wants her. She will slowly improve then.

[Ash.1101 1,756]

1 hour ago, Igsy said:

 

Honestly, i think she needs to consider moving back to Russia until her depression gets better. I've talked to her (it's even in her message). One thing I did not mention is that her grandfather (father figure) was diagnosed with cancer. I care about her and support her but I can't just be home like her.

 

 

I don't think I've ever seen anyone basically say "We should just send the depressed person away, I'm sure they'll get better?"

The OP is way in over his head. If my spouse was -this- depressed there would be NO WAY I would think about sending them away.

[Ash.1101 1,756]

6 minutes ago, Marco&Bettina said:

I was basically saying he's part of the depression because of said behaviors. Only if he stops all that stuff and makes some changes can she pull out of it. I'm never of the opinion that seeking medical experts or psychiatrists or whatever will make a difference. Behavioral changes are the only way. Show a good faith gesture to his wife. Prove to her that he wants her. She will slowly improve then.

I agree. The OP may not see it, but there's a lot just in this post that can be taken as very selfish thinking.

The idea of her saying she can't go back, and twice so far he's thinking that she should just go back "until her depression gets better?". He clearly is in over his head or just incapable of understanding.

[Marco&Bettina 502]

2 minutes ago, Ash.1101 said:

I agree. The OP may not see it, but there's a lot just in this post that can be taken as very selfish thinking.

The idea of her saying she can't go back, and twice so far he's thinking that she should just go back "until her depression gets better?". He clearly is in over his head or just incapable of understanding.

Completely agree. If he goes to her and says "hey ummm I think you may need to go back, at least temporarily", that will completely destroy her. She's already on the verge of catastrophic failure. I actually feel horrible for his wife, inside like a sad almost teary thing and I don't get emotional easily. It's just that I know the feeling of isolation, feeling truly, totally alone, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Edited March 15, 2017 by Marco&Bettina

[JimJesDuma 472]

3 hours ago, Igsy said:

 

 

Last week we got into an argument because I haven't had sex with her (my mind isn't into it). And I went to sleep on the couch,

 

what in the hell do i do? I'm scared and thinking of sending her back to her country, at least for a vacation.

Let's start working on that perhaps.

 

Jim

[Igsy 15]

She gave herself the bruises by punching herself. It is really bad and frightening because I care about her and I don't know how she can be so careless. 

 

Thanks for for the help everyone. I am getting her a doctor , and a counselor for us. I know she gave yo her life by moving her but I didn't expect she would turn out like this.

 

and clearly shes depressed, I understand that, but I feel there is a misunderstanding. I want to send her to Russia to unwind. It would be good to visit her friends and family, and especially her grandfather. I'm not trying to divorce her or abandon her. I'm simply suggesting a vacation while she clears her mind.  It's better than having her feel "stuck" at home. If you're curious, she doesn't work, or drive.

 

im not even going to mention driving because I feel I could write an entire essay on that.

[Igsy 15]

13 minutes ago, JimJesDuma said:

Let's start working on that perhaps.

 

Jim

Oh yea.. sure. "Honey i saw your suicide note on your phone so let's bang and everything will be A-ok!"

[Auds 223]

22 minutes ago, Ash.1101 said:

I agree. The OP may not see it, but there's a lot just in this post that can be taken as very selfish thinking.

The idea of her saying she can't go back, and twice so far he's thinking that she should just go back "until her depression gets better?". He clearly is in over his head or just incapable of understanding.

For sure.  Far too many signs in his own message about a selfish spouse.

 

he is just not available for her.  Wants nothing to do with her problem

 

if only OP you understood- go up to her andvtell her you are sorry she feels trapped and ask her what you can improve.  Do not get defensive.  Tell her you love her and are there for her....

 

please see that you really are part of the problem.

[Unshakable Faith 493]

As a mental health personal professional, I strongly urge you to seek help for her immediately.   Talk to her about what you found and why you are concerned.  Marriage counseling is a great idea but she needs crisis intervention immediately. 

Thankfully, she is crying out for help instead of completely hiding it. The suicide note is a clear sign of intent.   Please take it as seriously as you would if you saw the means and method laid out on the bed.

 

I'll be praying for you both! 

[Marco&Bettina 502]

5 minutes ago, Igsy said:

She gave herself the bruises by punching herself. It is really bad and frightening because I care about her and I don't know how she can be so careless. 

 

Thanks for for the help everyone. I am getting her a doctor , and a counselor for us. I know she gave yo her life by moving her but I didn't expect she would turn out like this.

 

and clearly shes depressed, I understand that, but I feel there is a misunderstanding. I want to send her to Russia to unwind. It would be good to visit her friends and family, and especially her grandfather. I'm not trying to divorce her or abandon her. I'm simply suggesting a vacation while she clears her mind.  It's better than having her feel "stuck" at home. If you're curious, she doesn't work, or drive.

 

im not even going to mention driving because I feel I could write an entire essay on that.

I'm glad you're doing something. I can assure you that your wife also "didn't expect she would turn out like this." But maybe you can look at it from a different viewpoint. She, like all humans, had expectations. Those expectations, whatever they are, are not being fulfilled. So, now she is lashing out. It is a cry for help. You are her only ally here. Think about that.

[Sandra G. 5,049]

3 hours ago, f f said:

if you truly fear gör her life you can call 911 and tell them your wife is suicidal and they will come out do a field evaluation and if they deal her to be a threat to herself or others they can place her in a 5150 hold that will hold her for up to 72 hours so they can evaluate and medicate if needed.

 

good luck

 

This is the right advice.When someone is suicidal you don't  have time to set therapy you must call 911!period.