interview denied because the lady was tired and missunderstood my custody dicree

[ziggyzaazaa 14]

I am getting alot of advice to go and marry him and get a spousal visa. Going forward, Since our visa was denied based on the officers accusations that I am a scammer and a liar. does that result in a lifetime ban? 

[Boiler 45,551]

I assume most of are assuming that may be something that was over exaggerated in the re telling.

 

Certainly would be a ban for a beneficiary, but you are not.

[USC1961 251]

2 hours ago, ziggyzaazaa said:

I am getting alot of advice to go and marry him and get a spousal visa. Going forward, Since our visa was denied based on the officers accusations that I am a scammer and a liar. does that result in a lifetime ban? 

It would surely put a damper on any future plans with your current fiance.  However I don't believe that really happened.   it also seems you still haven't gotten a straight answer from your fiance about why he got thrown out of the embassy.  His story that they were calling you a liar and a scammer seems very suspicious to me.  And reading through your posts indicates you haven't even considered the possibility that your fiance could be the reason you were denied here.  My intent is not to start an argument here or pick on you, far from it. Could the fact that you were living with your ex BF for 17 years put some doubt in the mind of the CO?  Possibly, but its a very big stretch to call that scamming or lying.  Most likely it was only a small factor (if at all) in the final decision.  This leads me to believe there are other factors in play here.

 

The biggest red flag here is how convenient his story sounds about the whole event.  He saves the day by defending you after the CO labeled you as a "scammer and a liar. "  In a great act of chivalry he then gets escorted out of the building by security.  I'm sorry this sounds too good to be true.          

Edited March 4, 2017 by Cruise77

[ziggyzaazaa 14]

20 minutes ago, Cruise77 said:

It would surely put a damper on any future plans with your current fiance.  However I don't believe that really happened.   it also seems you still haven't gotten a straight answer from your fiance about why he got thrown out of the embassy.  His story that they were calling you a liar and a scammer seems very suspicious to me.  And reading through your posts indicates you haven't even considered the possibility that your fiance could be the reason you were denied here.  My intent is not to start an argument here or pick on you, far from it. Could the fact that you were living with your ex BF for 17 years put some doubt in the mind of the CO?  Possibly, but its a very big stretch to call that scamming or lying.  Most likely it was only a small factor (if at all) in the final decision.  This leads me to believe there are other factors in play here.

 

The biggest red flag here is how convenient his story sounds about the whole event.  He saves the day by defending you after the CO labeled you as a "scammer and a liar. "  In a great act of chivalry he then gets escorted out of the building by security.  I'm sorry this sounds too good to be true.          

 I trust my fiancee more than any officer that has the power of ruining people's lives with the stroke of a pen without taking the time to really read my file through. The woman seriously acted like that and I dont have a single doubt otherwise. Of course I am not going to question my fiancee, we do everything together in this entire process. we both even learned it on our own together. You are wrong in telling me I need to consider he is the culprit of the issue. He hides nothing from me. You know for sure when you have true love and a trusting commited relationship from.both sides. We have been through too much to be able to even go there. When I originally posted I was quite upset. After getting my thoughts together my fiancee and I were able to have more conversations about what really happened. when he was telling me he was very upset too at fist so all i could hear was him ranting upset.  he said that woman did 40 interviews herself that morning and he was the last one. she saw the loads of paperwork I sent with him and told him herself she was tired. she was tending to another person still and told him to write a statement how we met which matched my I29F Application.  she hardly paid any attention to him and she grabbed it from him told him that he didnt meet me the date we met but he was able to show her the first emails with the date.  she started asking the normal questions.  then she saw my custody decree and instantly got on her computer to do  a search if i was married why she was complaining of my marriage history to him. She jumped to conclusion and instantly told him i was scamming and lying to him and i was divorced. she actually tried to convince my fiancee to believe her and not me.   This is just too much detail for me to make up and I do refuse to agree with your statement. simply put she shrugged him off and walked away while he was pleading to her that it wasn't true in any way and I was never married or divorced He tried to show her documents to prove but she refused to take or look at anything else. her decision was quick and she didn't give him a chance. 

[Kevin&Kanyanat 172]

Please try and see it from an impartial stand point. 

I have no dog in this fight one way or the other. 

I am extremely well versed in interviewing and interrogation as well as deceptive practices. 

Trusting your fiance is very important so I'm glad you have that. With that said we must always determine the person with whom we've given that trust to is worthy of it. I'm not saying he isn't.  I'm just saying we need to insure our significant other is worthy. 

I empathize with what you're feeling. 

The statement about not trusting the CO who has the power to ruin someone's life With a pen stroke is not a very objective statement. 

I don't believe for a moment their desire is to ruin people's lives.   I am also unaware of rampant scamming of USC to bring a fiance over from Nigeria. 

If you weren't there you don't truly know how the woman acted. You only know what you're being told and that opinion can be skewed by the teller. Is your fiance telling the truth? Is he just so upset that's how he remembers it happening? Is there some ulterior motive for him relaying the chain of events that way?

I am concerned you are unwilling to even question your fiance. A reasonable person would have no problem fielding questions like that. Blind faith is a terrible thing.  

You made the statement their was too much detail for it to be made up. Ask him again. Word something differently. See if there are any variations. 

Was the lady tired?  It's possible. Was she rude?  Hey that's possible too. But you said  didn't give him a chance. That factually is incorrect. She did. She refused the visa. Not approving it doesn't equate to not giving him a chance. Being upset with the outcome doesn't mean someone wasn't given a fair shake. 

The CO's know there job and what's normal for the region they work. Anything outside of those norms will certainly raise a red flag. 

I emplore you to tread cautiously going forward. You've invested a lot of time and heart into this. And if you've supported him financially you've invested a lot of money as well. That puts you in a vulnerable position.  No one wants to think their relationship wasn't all they thought it was. Fear of abandonment and rejection as well as fear that you've been played sometimes are so strong a person would rather remain oblivious to the reality of a situation. 

Im not saying that's you're given situation. 

I am saying from the surface and based on my training and experience I see a lot of warning signs. 

Ultimately. You're going to decide the route you want to go. And you're responsible for the outcome be that good or bad as a result. No one here is trying to hurt you. Just think about everything. Before you decide. I mean there are a lot of simple tests you could perform to help you but if you're unwilling to do so I'm afraid we can kinda see the writing on the wall. 

[Boiler 45,551]

5 minutes ago, EricTasha said:

your posting is all WRONG!

The OP came to ask how to fix her situation, not to study her relationship and trust. Now it's a hard time for this couple, they need to be more together than ever for to make it happen and you try to plant seeds of doubt.

You assume too much about her fiance, the person you don't know at all but she does know him

Tasha

They spent 6 days together in Dubai.

[MeAlone 161]

5 minutes ago, Boiler said:

They spent 6 days together in Dubai.

Yes, but none of us spent even 1 day with him, we don't know him, she does and she is adult enough

Tasha

Edited March 4, 2017 by EricTasha

[Boiler 45,551]

Nature of relationships etc, well not really an issue directly for VJ, you can do what you want to and this is not an Agony Aunt page.

 

The thing that matters from an Immigration perspective is whether the Consulate consider this relationship as valid for immigration purposes.

 

They obviously do not and I am not sure anybody here thinks the Consulate were wrong in their conclusion. I for one would have been extremely surprised if a visa had been issued, I did see the OP's earlier posts, do not think I commented, but thought that seemed a very long shot based on what had been shared.

 

To address these Immigration concerns will also likely have a likely side benefit of dealing with other factors mentioned recently.

[Ash.1101 1,756]

One thing that people seem to forget is that the visa wouldn't exist without the relationship.

The relationship IS the most important part of K-1 and CR-1/IR-1 visas because it's the RELATIONSHIP that allows the fiance/spouse to come into the country.

The problem is, is the relationship put down on paper is SIGNIFICANTLY greater than how you feel about the relationship inside your heart when it comes to immigration.



At the end of the day, MOST people here look at things through the eyes of the CO. They see red flags, they question the relationship because if we all just said "Okay well since you love each other that sounds like enough!" and call it a day and then no one will ever understand why they were denied. If saying I love them was enough then no one would get denied.

LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH FOR USCIS. I can not stress this enough. Anyone feeling the feeling of love or anything of that nature with nothing else to signify a strong relationship in the form of paper proof has little to no case. 

You -have- to fit into their cookie cutter mold of love, what they think love looks like on paper. I've told people this before who have been married that don't commingle anything and then don't get why USCIS thinks they're just in it for the GC. It's because the cookie cutter mold of a marriage, has them commingling, and if they commingle nothing, they end up looking shady. They can wave their arms all they want about how they're legit and love each other but waving arms does nothing.


If the the normal for your embassy is:

Having at least a month or more of total facetime
Meeting the parents
Being of the same religion
Met more than once
Age difference small, within child bearing age for the culture for the woman
Been to the country of the person they want to marry


And you don't do any of that or don't do say 85% of the things they want, there shouldn't be a surprise that you are denied, because on PAPER it doesn't look like your relationship is real. Your heart can tell you it's as real as your children sitting next to you or the wind outside, but they don't care about what's in your heart if there is almost nothing on paper to back it up.



While I hate saying it, love isn't enough. If you're not willing to work on the relationship to make sure there's enough paper proof to back up your love, then you're not willing to get past USCIS imo. I know it sounds harsh but the constant yelling of we're in love we're in love doesn't help anyone, not even yourself and it doesn't convince anyone here that your fiance should have been approved, because yes, you totally could be in love and that's great and amazing, but it's not enough. Your paper love is weak, your emotional love is strong, again the latter doesn't matter much.


Even if you get married, you still need to increase your paper relationship proof, marriage doesn't negate what they're looking for in the K-1.


So just to clarify, everyone here could agree you're very much in love. But if you don't have the proof USCIS is looking for (NOT the proof you think would be good enough) then you're just beating a dead horse.

Edited March 4, 2017 by Ash.1101

[MeAlone 161]

21 minutes ago, Kosi Wahala said:

As for the visa...It's not just about presenting a pretty story to the consulate. It's about presenting the true story of a real and bonafide relationship. 

Yet a good easy to read presentation the way they like the documents helps a lot. Genuine story overloaded and all mix up, makes the embassy people tired, confused and doubting

Tasha

[Lemonslice 4,859]

59 minutes ago, Ash.1101 said:

One thing that people seem to forget is that the visa wouldn't exist without the relationship.

The relationship IS the most important part of K-1 and CR-1/IR-1 visas because it's the RELATIONSHIP that allows the fiance/spouse to come into the country.

The problem is, is the relationship put down on paper is SIGNIFICANTLY greater than how you feel about the relationship inside your heart when it comes to immigration.



At the end of the day, MOST people here look at things through the eyes of the CO. They see red flags, they question the relationship because if we all just said "Okay well since you love each other that sounds like enough!" and call it a day and then no one will ever understand why they were denied. If saying I love them was enough then no one would get denied.

LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH FOR USCIS. I can not stress this enough. Anyone feeling the feeling of love or anything of that nature with nothing else to signify a strong relationship in the form of paper proof has little to no case. 

You -have- to fit into their cookie cutter mold of love, what they think love looks like on paper. I've told people this before who have been married that don't commingle anything and then don't get why USCIS thinks they're just in it for the GC. It's because the cookie cutter mold of a marriage, has them commingling, and if they commingle nothing, they end up looking shady. They can wave their arms all they want about how they're legit and love each other but waving arms does nothing.


If the the normal for your embassy is:

Having at least a month or more of total facetime
Meeting the parents
Being of the same religion
Met more than once
Age difference small, within child bearing age for the culture for the woman
Been to the country of the person they want to marry


And you don't do any of that or don't do say 85% of the things they want, there shouldn't be a surprise that you are denied, because on PAPER it doesn't look like your relationship is real. Your heart can tell you it's as real as your children sitting next to you or the wind outside, but they don't care about what's in your heart if there is almost nothing on paper to back it up.



While I hate saying it, love isn't enough. If you're not willing to work on the relationship to make sure there's enough paper proof to back up your love, then you're not willing to get past USCIS imo. I know it sounds harsh but the constant yelling of we're in love we're in love doesn't help anyone, not even yourself and it doesn't convince anyone here that your fiance should have been approved, because yes, you totally could be in love and that's great and amazing, but it's not enough. Your paper love is weak, your emotional love is strong, again the latter doesn't matter much.


Even if you get married, you still need to increase your paper relationship proof, marriage doesn't negate what they're looking for in the K-1.


So just to clarify, everyone here could agree you're very much in love. But if you don't have the proof USCIS is looking for (NOT the proof you think would be good enough) then you're just beating a dead horse.

I can't remember love even being a requirement.  Valid relationship threshold might be more than being online chat partners though.

[Boiler 45,551]

Just now, Lemonslice said:

I can't remember love even being a requirement.  Valid relationship threshold might be more than being online chat partners though.

Love is not a requirement.

[OlayemiLoray 172]

@Kosi Wahala your comment was spot on!! Everything you have said about the Yoruba men and their culture is everything and more..It was important that I met my husband's family because he wasn't having it...That meant traveling outside of Lagos to go to Osogbo and Ibadan to meet both grandmothers, siblings, aunts, uncles, and cousins...Family is indeed everything to the Yoruba culture..Didn't get to meet my mother-in-law because she doesn't reside in Nigeria, but we definitely have lots of communication whether by phone or any other chat medium as I do with my other in-laws...Met my Father-in-law who resides in Ondo State, so there was lots of traveling going on..I say this because as Kosi Wahala stated, family is everything to the Yoruba culture and my husband made sure I was to meet his family and close friends while there..As far as you saying Lagos not being the safest place to visit is furthest from the truth..Lagos is a metropolitan city with lots to do and definitely has security in tact..Both times I have gone, I never had a reason to fear anything or anyone....Some of the nicest people that will make you feel right at home...Please take the given advice from the people who have gone through this process..I am new to it all and still learning..Don't give up or give in..If you love this man, get to the bottom of the issue and straighten it out...Wishing you lots of luck and blessings!!

[Ash.1101 1,756]

43 minutes ago, Lemonslice said:

I can't remember love even being a requirement.  Valid relationship threshold might be more than being online chat partners though.

 

42 minutes ago, Boiler said:

Love is not a requirement.

Ya'll are 100% right. For some reason I assume there's usually always love, cause of marriage and such, but yeah, at the end of the day it's not even a requirement.

[OlayemiLoray 172]

@Kosi Wahala bless you...I, like you wasn't worried about the traveling, but much more of the condition of the roads and the other crazy drivers..My husband laughed at me the whole time...Going back in 5 months and looking forward to it... 

 

Again to the OP, take the advice given to you...Go ahead and marry this man and try for the Spousal visa...The outcome will probably be different and you will be on here thanking everyone for their helpful advice...No one is here to bash you or hurt your feelings...All this advice is in love and to help you to proceed on to the next step...Good luck and praying for you...