interview denied because the lady was tired and missunderstood my custody dicree

[QueenComley 295]

7 hours ago, MacUK said:

I'm curious about the references to the CO being a white lady, is the OP implying that this had anything to do with the outcome?

We will only ever know one side of the story but I struggle to understand what the skin colour of the interviewing officer has to do with it.

I though the same thing when I read this thread... I was waiting for someone to remark on this. Glad I wasn't the only one to find this really odd.

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

7 hours ago, MacUK said:

I'm curious about the references to the CO being a white lady, is the OP implying that this had anything to do with the outcome?

We will only ever know one side of the story but I struggle to understand what the skin colour of the interviewing officer has to do with it.

  Sometimes it is just a means of identifying one CO over another.  For some reasons I rarely see names of CO's  When we went through Lagos there were 3 CO's  that did most of the immigrant interviews  An older white man that seemed to approve most, and Asian woman that denied everyone she could and a black woman that was somewhere in the middle. 

[LionessDeon 2,060]

2 minutes ago, NigeriaorBust said:

  Sometimes it is just a means of identifying one CO over another.  For some reasons I rarely see names of CO's  When we went through Lagos there were 3 CO's  that did most of the immigrant interviews  An older white man that seemed to approve most, and Asian woman that denied everyone she could and a black woman that was somewhere in the middle. 

I thought I made a comment with a similar thought, but it didn't post.  I agree sometimes it is used to describe particular IOs

[Boiler 45,525]

3 minutes ago, NigeriaorBust said:

  Sometimes it is just a means of identifying one CO over another.  For some reasons I rarely see names of CO's  When we went through Lagos there were 3 CO's  that did most of the immigrant interviews  An older white man that seemed to approve most, and Asian woman that denied everyone she could and a black woman that was somewhere in the middle. 

In this case seems not.

 

[ziggyzaazaa 14]

9 minutes ago, QueenComley said:

I though the same thing when I read this thread... I was waiting for someone to remark on this. Glad I wasn't the only one to find this really odd.

I will quote it accordingly, when I was explaining what happened in the interview I was explaining the outcome in the words my fiancee personally spoke to me as his significant other, My intention was to stay truest to his account in how he explained it to me. He told me the color of her hair and her nationality because of course, as his wife to be, I am curious for simply the reason of wanting to understand more about who was interviewing my fiance and I want to know EVERYTHING that happaned as if I was there. Im in Alaska and he is in Nigeria, so communicating things from a far is all I have to go on. Nothing more, nothing less. There was no reference of anything to imply I was making a racial expression of opinion. 

 

Thank you for your post. 

 

[ziggyzaazaa 14]

Here is what the woman  gave my fiancee, pretty blank form, but with the words recommend revocation. I also have a question, If I were to get an affidavit from my ex (kids biological father) notarized from a bank today with both of our legal signatures and a copy of his drivers licence saying we were never married or divorced and that a custody order was in place due to his absence of two years, do you think If we turn that in, it may turn around their decision? My fiancee did say himself that she the woman did say I was a liar and I was completely scamming him and she tried to convince him of the fact that I was divorced in the year 2015, the same time of the Custody Decree approval. Never true. I was never married or divorced, She completely went on that assumption and told my fiance those specific things and that I divorced on 2015. 

 

 

Edited March 3, 2017 by ziggyzaazaa
adding

[Boiler 45,525]

That would be the normal documentation.

[sparkles_ 456]

I didn't read other comments. I don't know if you can re open the K1 or what.

 

But what I do know, is you can use vitalcheck online and submit/pay for looking up any marriage records under your name/DOB/SSN, and this site is linked to the govt records of whatever state you specify. When they don't find any, they will send you a document saying search yielded no results for the state of Alaska. Same for divorce records. Perhaps this is going to help you as long as you have only lived in AK since becoming an adult.

Edited March 3, 2017 by sparkles_

[f f 725]

not exactly true. at least in california you can get confidential marriage licenses which you either have to go to the county office in person or by mailing a notarized statement showing you are who you say you are. and only you, your spouse or a court order are able to get it.

 

it really is a pain trying to prove something does not exist.

Edited March 3, 2017 by f f

[LionessDeon 2,060]

Doubtful.  Anyone can saying anything and sign their name to it.  If the IO thought you were a liar and scammer its doubtful she would accept anything than a government document.

 I really think you had quite a few red flags that it was not just one thing that provoked this decision.  Have you contacted the embassy or congressman yet?   Every day that goes by is crucial.

Edited March 3, 2017 by LionessDeon

[ziggyzaazaa 14]

So I have emailed the embassy and both of my senators. I really hope i will be able to get this turned around quick, I really tried my best. I will let you know how it goes once I have a response. I also found out that my fiancee did not have a crazy out lash at the officer as well. I misunderstood him. He said that he did defend me when she called me a scammer and a liar and he wouldn't agree with her words and spoke his mind, the security was watching him as if he was waiting for him to react but my fiancee ended up walking out pretty upset but he held his composure. I almost kicked his but all the way from Alaska too when i heard his first account  But all is well  it seems. 

 

Wish me luck!!

Edited March 3, 2017 by ziggyzaazaa
adding

[KierenHby 899]

You're likely to get a stock response from the Lagos embassy once the petition is closed. Senators might be more helpful. 

[MeAlone 161]

3 hours ago, ziggyzaazaa said:

Here is what the woman  gave my fiancee, pretty blank form, but with the words recommend revocation. I also have a question, If I were to get an affidavit from my ex (kids biological father) notarized from a bank today with both of our legal signatures and a copy of his drivers licence saying we were never married or divorced and that a custody order was in place due to his absence of two years, do you think If we turn that in, it may turn around their decision? My fiancee did say himself that she the woman did say I was a liar and I was completely scamming him and she tried to convince him of the fact that I was divorced in the year 2015, the same time of the Custody Decree approval. Never true. I was never married or divorced, She completely went on that assumption and told my fiance those specific things and that I divorced on 2015. 

 

 

This document doesn't say a cause of revocation. Ask senators and do it by email too saying, please, specify the cause or the motif for this suggestion to revocation.

Of course, it's not good your fiance got upset but what is it done, it's done. Time to move forward

Lots of hugs and good luck to you both!

Tasha

Edited March 3, 2017 by EricTasha

[f f 725]

don't forget your congressional representative.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

14 hours ago, Kosi Wahala said:

Well, I really wish the OP would reply to me. I just noticed her fiancé's name "Ayomi" - he's a Yoruba man. This causes me to scratch my head a bit more...why the meet-up in Dubai? Yorubaland is about as safe as you can get in all of Nigeria. To visit there, with your fiancé...that would be, as my profile name states, ko si wahala.

I am going to go out on a limb here - I dare to say that of all the people replying to the OP, I have the longest history of direct knowledge of Nigeria. Again, I have known my husband (also a Yoruba man) for 18 years. I lived over there for 7 years. It is really, really unusual for a woman to not have met her Yoruba man's family. Family is EVERYTHING to a Yoruba. I will also tell you that the CO's in Lagos are very familiar with Nigerian tribes and their culture - I can tell you that the red flags were flying full staff, when the CO learned that you had not been to Nigeria, nor had any meeting with a Yoruba man's family. 

Within the first hour, of meeting my (now) husband, I had my future mother-in-law's phone number. By the second hour, he had called down two of his junior brothers, so I could meet them in person. By the next day, I had spoken to all six of his siblings. By the day after that, I had met his uncle - a former Speaker of the House of Assembly. If you were to look at my WhatsApp chat and call logs, you would see that - every single day - all of us speak to each other for long periods of time...all of us, not just my husband and I. Family is EVERYTHING. 

For your fiancé to lose his cool, so far as to be escorted out of the consulate - that should have your radar scanning at full power. Yoruba men aren't known to display such temper - unless, a nerve has suffered a direct hit - and even at that, this display of anger should be cause for great concern. It is not normal to get that angry. Your custody order isn't the thing that sparked the outburst. That CO knew exactly what she was looking at. My 11 year old was born out of wedlock. I included my custody order with my I-130 - because it goes right along with the affidavit I had to swear out at the High Court in Akure, to prove that I was never married to my son's biological father, and that I was free to marry. That affidavit is attached to the front of my custody order. 

If you would respond to my post, I'd like to ask this - was your fiancé asked why you had not ever visited him in Nigeria? Also, from what part of Yorubaland is he from? Ni o ti kẹkọọ lati sọrọ Yorùbá? Has he expressed a desire to have a traditional wedding, even at a later date? 

I am, certainly, not doubting that you love this man - but there are so many things that cause me to have questions. You only have one chance to get this right, and you owe it to yourself to do so. If you aren't willing to do it for yourself, then your biggest obligation is to your young child. 

 

I do not get why some people still try to use tribalism as fact pointers to human behavior and put people in a box that

if A happens B must follow. Though tribal customs have a very general impact, we as humans are very diverse and not all

fit this "thus says the custom of this or that tribe" book. I don't see what where he lives or what tribe

he is has anything to do with this issue. He went to Dubai. She said she did not want to travel to Nigeria. She should have
to satisfy the CO but that does not make him a scammer or evasive, it was her choice. There is no wahala.

She does chat with family. Though for visa purposes it is important as even the outdated filed manuals still dictate how a

Nigerian man is supposed to act to be legit, it is their yard stick. There are

way too many modern Nigerian men who could care less to have the whole family involved from day one and if they
are they can be all scammers as much as one who does not have the whole family chatting up a fiance.
Every couple has their individual preferences and in time it will naturally happen. I would feel totally weird if from early
in the relationship the whole family would urge me to chat with them, especially from the first hour/day as you stated.
Siblings, parents, uncles....oh heck no.That to me would be a red flag.

Carried over from Colonial days there persists this idea that people feel compelled to put all Nigerians nicely
sorted out into categories and state if you live there you are and do this, if you are of this tribe then you belong there and do that.
This is just not true for all Nigerians or should I say the African man.
Customs being customs, some abide by it and some do not.

Why do westerners always try to stereotype Africans and place them into a box of a certain custom.

It is for the OP to decide what the relationship means to her and all she wants to know is how to proceed.
No offense but I just wanted to voice my thoughts on this from my past experience of being immersed in the African culture
for many years and to me it is a disservice to categorize all Nigerians as thinking the same way about family, a fiance/wife
and all that comes with it.