What should he expect when adjusting?

[TexasHeartsIndia 371]

My fiance and I are in the process of applying for the K1. One of the things I love about him is that he is extremely optimistic. Nothing about this whole process worries him! However, I am the realist (he says borderline pessimist haha) and realize that there will be challenges ahead. He is from India, currently living in Delhi, but has never traveled to the US.

 

What are some things that will be challenging when he arrives? Culture? Language? His English is incredible (better than mine) but there are things that I know he will have a hard time understanding. Anything else?

 

I've seen a few posts about how to help the adjustment - but other than those initial, practical things can I do to help him, i.e. emotional adjustments?

 

Thanks everyone!

[Ermin&Zijada 141]

I think the fact that he knows english is going to make the transition a lot easier. My fiance does not speak english and has also never been to America. 

 

My plan is to have at least a month solely devoted to spending time with him, showing him around the city, taking trips to nearby towns, etc. to get him comfortable before I go back to school/work. That is of course if our visa is approved over the summer and I am aware most people do not have that much time to devote to assimilation. I would suggest still just making an effort to spend as much time exploring together. I also facetime wherever I go somewhere now saying things like "look at your soon to be new home" just so it will feel at least somewhat familiar once he does get here. 

 

I am also mentally preparing myself for the flood of emotion he will feel leaving his family and the home that is all he has ever know. With that, all I can suggest is patience and possibly taking on the "optimist" role if he is not feeling himself for a while. 

 

Best of luck on your journey! 

[TexasHeartsIndia 371]

We are hoping that he can arrive in October or November. I won't have a lot of time off right away, but I will have two weeks off for Christmas break, which is right after we hope to have our wedding. I have also been making little videos for him, like when I'm driving, around the apartment, etc.

 

I think it also helps that he's older (40) and has been away from his family and where he grew up for almost 20 years. But I don't think he realizes just HOW different America is! I've been to India once and I'll be going again in a few weeks so I have some idea of the differences he'll notice.

 

I agree that patience will be key... for both of us!

[Cryssiekins 976]

I came from Canada to the US (where my husband is from) and even though I didn't have an issue with language, there are still many little things that differ from Canada, which I still am adjusting to, but even with all that, the hardest part is missing family and friends.  It's quite difficult bc I am unable to work or travel yet and my husband is working crazy hours to support us so I spend alot of time alone.  

 

For me, I find little things to do to occupy my mind (I like arts and crafts).  Having a hobby helps to pass time.  And when he is off work, my husband makes efforts to make sure we go out and do things - even just a drive for an adventure in a state park.  

 

I also go out and explore the surroundings (weather permitting) so that this now feels like my home.  

 

It does get easier, but the USC spouse will be leaned on a lot for support.  

 

Language and culture barriers will make that more difficult, but not insurmountable.  If there are courses offered through an app or something, that might help with the language.  Being immersed in it living here, he should be able to assimilate easier with your support. 

 

Best wishes for a quick and smooth K1 journey!

[sunisshining 2]

My husband took to the United States like fish to water and he never lived on his own nor did he drive. However, he had traveled to London, NYC, and Lagos for business. Plus, he visited me for 2 weeks in my city. He didn't homesick and has been here sunce July 3, 2016. 

He got a great job in about a month. I taught him how to drive then he paid for one formal lesson. He got his DL pretty fast then bought a brand new car by September. 

I think we're both lucky that he assimilated so well because I have read some worrisome stories on here. 

[TexasHeartsIndia 371]

2 hours ago, sunisshining said:

My husband took to the United States like fish to water and he never lived on his own nor did he drive. However, he had traveled to London, NYC, and Lagos for business. Plus, he visited me for 2 weeks in my city. He didn't homesick and has been here sunce July 3, 2016. 

He got a great job in about a month. I taught him how to drive then he paid for one formal lesson. He got his DL pretty fast then bought a brand new car by September. 

I think we're both lucky that he assimilated so well because I have read some worrisome stories on here. 

That's wonderful! In which city do you live?

 

I wish he had been able to visit but we were worried that a tourist visa wouldn't go through. Plus he hasn't told his company that he is engaged to American or that he plans to move here for fear that they may let him go earlier than they should. With the K1 visa, he will have to wait for the work authorization clearance before applying - which I hear takes a few months.

[millefleur 5,046]

Not to be the harbinger of doom but he might have to get used to a little bit of racism every now and then.  One of my best friends in Oregon is married to an American man of Indian descent who is quite dark, and despite being a born and bred American, he gets selected at the airport for additional screenings constantly, people look at him weird and suspiciously just because of his skin color, in general strangers tend to feel ill at east around him from time to time. He usually laughs it off but from time to time it still irks him. Totally understandable.

 

However, he has a good job and friends and a really successful life overall. So, there's not need to have a major concern but just understanding that some unsavory people out there might be judgemental for such a superficial reason as skin color. Since your husband seems like a very optimistic and confident guy, hopefully stuff like this won't get him down!

[sunisshining 2]

My husband took to the United States like fish to water and he never lived on his own nor did he drive. However, he had traveled to London, NYC, and Lagos for business. Plus, he visited me for 2 weeks in my city. He didn't homesick and has been here sunce July 3, 2016. 

He got a great job in about a month. I taught him how to drive then he paid for one formal lesson. He got his DL pretty fast then bought a brand new car by September. 

I think we're both lucky that he assimilated so well because I have read some worrisome stories on here. 

 

My husband hasn't experienced any racism SO FAR. But we are in a big Texas city with a noticeable South Asian population. 

[EmilyW 1,434]

We are part Indian and we've had no issues here in Charlotte.  It could be a regional thing perhaps.

[apalachidoremi 10]

On ‎2‎/‎14‎/‎2017 at 9:41 PM, TexasHeartsIndia said:

My fiance and I are in the process of applying for the K1. One of the things I love about him is that he is extremely optimistic. Nothing about this whole process worries him! However, I am the realist (he says borderline pessimist haha) and realize that there will be challenges ahead. He is from India, currently living in Delhi, but has never traveled to the US.

 

What are some things that will be challenging when he arrives? Culture? Language? His English is incredible (better than mine) but there are things that I know he will have a hard time understanding. Anything else?

 

I've seen a few posts about how to help the adjustment - but other than those initial, practical things can I do to help him, i.e. emotional adjustments?

 

Thanks everyone!

I share your fiancé's optimism and I can relate to what you are experiencing now.. Having been in the US on multiple instances I thought I had a good understanding of what it was like to be here, but being here-"living" is very much different from a vacation. Waiting is a popular word with the K1, and even if I was totally psyched before coming here actually being in the moment is still different, so there might be times where he will draw his strength from you-

[LauraDP 10]

I am an English speaker (from Scotland) so the language barrier was not an issue.  That said, there are items of vocabulary, phrases, and idioms that I can't always summon up in time for conversation.  Almost four years in and I still say "boot" for the trunk of the car, for instance.  It sounds like your fiance is pretty fluent in English so he likely won't experience any major obstacles with language.

I think that for me what helped was just throwing myself into things.  I had no choice but to do so as we have four kids and my husband often has to work out of state.  I was, therefore, solo parenting just a week after arriving so I had to be doing things like driving and shopping and all that sort of everyday stuff.  Once you have those sorts of daily routines, it becomes easier to feel settled.

For me, the hardest thing was - and is - dealing with the fact that a lot of my adult experience has been reset to zero because it is not relevant here and things are done differently.  I remember feeling very upset the first time I had to post a parcel and realised I did not automatically know how to do it, had to ask for assistance, and had no clue even roughly how much it cost.  It was such a small and petty thing but it really gave me an emotional wobble.  But, again, just pushing myself to do these everyday things got me used to the way things are done here.