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SoCalMark

You are Pinay ... What do you do in this marriage?

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Fil-Am marriage I know has been together for six years, they have two small girls together. They are both in their 30's so the age difference isn't a problem. They have been arguing for the last couple years over pretty much everything and he is a cheap miser when it comes to money for his wife and the kids. She has an issue with being violent during those arguments and has had the police to their house for it. The pinay wife gets pregnant and in her last trimester this kano decides he wants a relationship with another pinay and sneaks a trip to visit his new Filipina girlfriend in the Philippines. In the meantime the wife gives birth to a third daughter. Husband refuses to leave the other pinay and pretty much wants his cake and to eat it too. He takes a second trip to see the mistress without his wife knowing. Oh, and the pinay in the Philippines knows he has a wife.


If you are the Filipina and you have no job, no family here and no income --- do you cut your loses and leave him or do you just let him have the mistress? She could go back to Philippines too if she wanted to but she doesn't want to leave the kids. What is your prospective as a Filipina on this?

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Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Philippines
Timeline

Just common sense says she needs to divorce and cut her losses since he does not seem to be invested anymore. No point in dragging it out.... Where she decides to be is up to her.

08/15/2014 : Met Online

06/30/2016 : I-129F Packet Sent

11/08/2016 : Interview - APPROVED!

11/23/2016 : POE - Dallas, Texas

From sending of I-129F petiton to POE - 146 days.

 

02/03/2017 - Married 

02/24/2017 - AOS packet sent

06/01/2017 - EAD/AP Combo Card Received in mail

12/06/2017 - I-485 Approved

12/14/2017 - Green Card Received in mail - No Interview

 

   

brickleberry GIF they see me rolling college football GIF by ESPN  

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I can't speak for anybody else, but if I was in that situation then I would cut the losses. There's no point remaining in a marriage where there's no trust, let alone abuse and cheating.

Timelines:

ROC:

Spoiler

7/27/20: Sent forms to Dallas lockbox, 7/30/20: Received by USCIS, 8/10 NOA1 electronic notification received, 8/1/ NOA1 hard copy received

AOS:

Spoiler

AOS (I-485 + I-131 + I-765):

9/25/17: sent forms to Chicago, 9/27/17: received by USCIS, 10/4/17: NOA1 electronic notification received, 10/10/17: NOA1 hard copy received. Social Security card being issued in married name (3rd attempt!)

10/14/17: Biometrics appointment notice received, 10/25/17: Biometrics

1/2/18: EAD + AP approved (no website update), 1/5/18: EAD + AP mailed, 1/8/18: EAD + AP approval notice hardcopies received, 1/10/18: EAD + AP received

9/5/18: Interview scheduled notice, 10/17/18: Interview

10/24/18: Green card produced notice, 10/25/18: Formal approval, 10/31/18: Green card received

K-1:

Spoiler

I-129F

12/1/16: sent, 12/14/16: NOA1 hard copy received, 3/10/17: RFE (IMB verification), 3/22/17: RFE response received

3/24/17: Approved! , 3/30/17: NOA2 hard copy received

 

NVC

4/6/2017: Received, 4/12/2017: Sent to Riyadh embassy, 4/16/2017: Case received at Riyadh embassy, 4/21/2017: Request case transfer to Manila, approved 4/24/2017

 

K-1

5/1/2017: Case received by Manila (1 week embassy transfer??? Lucky~)

7/13/2017: Interview: APPROVED!!!

7/19/2017: Visa in hand

8/15/2017: POE

 

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Mexico
Timeline

Consider having your friend document each date specific incident of domestic spousal abuse, then search for a pro-bono lawyer to assist her in preparing her divorce case and filing with an equitable alimony or lump-sum cash settlement divorce.    

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Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Canada
Timeline

tbh maybe she has a good life with him? does he have a well paying job?  if she is financially dependent on him this is a hard decision.  does he want to marry the other mistress and bring her here instead?

i know this is the unpopular opinion, but lots of men do have mistresses on the side.  if her life is good with him and if she left him she has no job in the usa, no support i think this is a hard decision. 

truthfully, if her life is much better here with him maybe i would just put up with it lol 

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5 minutes ago, caliliving said:

tbh maybe she has a good life with him? does he have a well paying job?  if she is financially dependent on him this is a hard decision.  does he want to marry the other mistress and bring her here instead?

i know this is the unpopular opinion, but lots of men do have mistresses on the side.  if her life is good with him and if she left him she has no job in the usa, no support i think this is a hard decision. 

truthfully, if her life is much better here with him maybe i would just put up with it lol 

Nobody should ever put up with violence.

Timelines:

ROC:

Spoiler

7/27/20: Sent forms to Dallas lockbox, 7/30/20: Received by USCIS, 8/10 NOA1 electronic notification received, 8/1/ NOA1 hard copy received

AOS:

Spoiler

AOS (I-485 + I-131 + I-765):

9/25/17: sent forms to Chicago, 9/27/17: received by USCIS, 10/4/17: NOA1 electronic notification received, 10/10/17: NOA1 hard copy received. Social Security card being issued in married name (3rd attempt!)

10/14/17: Biometrics appointment notice received, 10/25/17: Biometrics

1/2/18: EAD + AP approved (no website update), 1/5/18: EAD + AP mailed, 1/8/18: EAD + AP approval notice hardcopies received, 1/10/18: EAD + AP received

9/5/18: Interview scheduled notice, 10/17/18: Interview

10/24/18: Green card produced notice, 10/25/18: Formal approval, 10/31/18: Green card received

K-1:

Spoiler

I-129F

12/1/16: sent, 12/14/16: NOA1 hard copy received, 3/10/17: RFE (IMB verification), 3/22/17: RFE response received

3/24/17: Approved! , 3/30/17: NOA2 hard copy received

 

NVC

4/6/2017: Received, 4/12/2017: Sent to Riyadh embassy, 4/16/2017: Case received at Riyadh embassy, 4/21/2017: Request case transfer to Manila, approved 4/24/2017

 

K-1

5/1/2017: Case received by Manila (1 week embassy transfer??? Lucky~)

7/13/2017: Interview: APPROVED!!!

7/19/2017: Visa in hand

8/15/2017: POE

 

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Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Canada
Timeline
1 minute ago, geowrian said:

Nobody should ever put up with violence.

i agree! but there are always 2 sides to every story and this is a third person account.. so i am not sure we even know what is really going on? 

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Filed: Other Country: Philippines
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56 minutes ago, geowrian said:

Nobody should ever put up with violence.

 

Agreed..  SHE is the violent one.  ;)  (according to the story.)

Hank

"Chance Favors The Prepared Mind"

 

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“LET’S GO BRANDON!”

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Filed: AOS (pnd) Country: Philippines
Timeline
8 hours ago, SoCalMark said:

If you are the Filipina and you have no job, no family here and no income --- do you cut your loses and leave him or do you just let him have the mistress? She could go back to Philippines too if she wanted to but she doesn't want to leave the kids. What is your prospective as a Filipina on this?

Filipinos are known for it's close family ties. If she has to leave U.S., she wont ever leave without her kids. Single mom of 3 is crazy hard in Philippines. It will be difficult for her to place food on the table for them. Additionally, kids from single parents are known to have suffered from bullying. The least a mom would wanna do for her kids is to see them suffer. If she gets divorced and stay here with her kids, atleast she is entitled to some single mom rights. She is entitled for child support too. and wait... If she isnt a citizen yet, her former husband is still entitled to support him right (form i-864 Affidavit of Support)?  

 

Adultery is a crime on some state. Plus, Infidelity is a form of emotional abuse. (lawyer time)

 

About the no job. no family. no income. statement. Job and income are related so.

No job. She can find one. People from the third world are not picky in terms of jobs. We are used to it.

No family. Her kids are her family now. She herself is a mom and no longer a suckling kid that needs her mom.

No income. How many here in America does not have a stable income but still managed to live? The child support can pay off some bills.

 

Well that's my perspective. I could be wrong :)

Previous U.S. Visa/Trips
03-10-2014 : B1 issued date
03-24-2015 : B1/B2 issued date
02-26-2016 : Visited my aunt in Corpus Christi
02-27-2016 : Meet Ryan and he asked me out 
03-30-2016 : He proposed before I left U.S.
04-01-2016 : I left U.S. I wish I had enough days to marry him.
But, I have a very important business meeting to physically attend in Cebu on 04/04. I also have a business trip due in Japan for May 2016. 
Circumstances lead me to K-1. 
K1 - Journey
Spoiler

 

04-22-2016 : Sent I-129F Packet
07-20-2016 : Received NOA2
08-01-2016 : NVC Case # assigned
08-25-2016 : Interview Date and APPROVED!!! 
09-03-2016 : VOH
AOS - Journey
Spoiler

12-14-2016 : POE

12-30-2016 : Wedding Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
01-20-2017 : Sent I-485, I-765, I-131 Packet
01-24-2017 : NOA1 Received Date
02-03-2017 : Received NOA1 Hard Copy
02-04-2017 : Received Biometrics Appointment Scheduled on 02/17
02-08-2017 : Completed Biometrics
04-22-2017 : EAD Update - Card in Production
04-27-2017 : Received EAD & AP Approval Notice
05-01-2017 : Received EAD & AP Combo Card
05-01-2017 : Received EAD & AP Combo Card
11-17-2017 : I-485 Approved Date
11-25-2017 : I-485 Approved Notice Received
11-27-2017 : GC Received at the mailbox. No text/email notification. USCIS Case Status is still at "Fingerprint Fee Received" 
 
 
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Filed: AOS (pnd) Country: Philippines
Timeline

To add on, if they divorced, she could be granted alimony. If they acquired the house during the marriage, she could be granted half the value of the house. If she has a good lawyer and she can prove that her violence was a result of a long-term emotional abuse, then she had a good case. Who knows, the judge may even grant her the entire house. :)

 

What she needs to do now, is gather all documents, gather all proofs before filing a divorce. She has rights even as an unemployed wife during divorce. 

 

If that's my situation and I don't have kids, then I don't mind going back to Philippines. But having kids, it's a complete different story. 

Previous U.S. Visa/Trips
03-10-2014 : B1 issued date
03-24-2015 : B1/B2 issued date
02-26-2016 : Visited my aunt in Corpus Christi
02-27-2016 : Meet Ryan and he asked me out 
03-30-2016 : He proposed before I left U.S.
04-01-2016 : I left U.S. I wish I had enough days to marry him.
But, I have a very important business meeting to physically attend in Cebu on 04/04. I also have a business trip due in Japan for May 2016. 
Circumstances lead me to K-1. 
K1 - Journey
Spoiler

 

04-22-2016 : Sent I-129F Packet
07-20-2016 : Received NOA2
08-01-2016 : NVC Case # assigned
08-25-2016 : Interview Date and APPROVED!!! 
09-03-2016 : VOH
AOS - Journey
Spoiler

12-14-2016 : POE

12-30-2016 : Wedding Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
01-20-2017 : Sent I-485, I-765, I-131 Packet
01-24-2017 : NOA1 Received Date
02-03-2017 : Received NOA1 Hard Copy
02-04-2017 : Received Biometrics Appointment Scheduled on 02/17
02-08-2017 : Completed Biometrics
04-22-2017 : EAD Update - Card in Production
04-27-2017 : Received EAD & AP Approval Notice
05-01-2017 : Received EAD & AP Combo Card
05-01-2017 : Received EAD & AP Combo Card
11-17-2017 : I-485 Approved Date
11-25-2017 : I-485 Approved Notice Received
11-27-2017 : GC Received at the mailbox. No text/email notification. USCIS Case Status is still at "Fingerprint Fee Received" 
 
 
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She needs a family lawyer who can sort through all of this, giving her the best options.

Spoiler

Adjustment of Status

AOS March 5, 2014 Submitted AOS with EAD/AP package to Chicago USICS

Delivered March 8, 2014 AOS packaged delivered to USCIS drop box

Accepted March 19, 2014 Text message with receipt numbers

Biometrics April 16, 2014 Biometrics completed

EAD May 23, 2014 Employment Authorization Document approved and went to card production

TD May 23, 2014 Travel Document approved and went for card production

Receipt EAD/AP May 30, 2014 Received combo card EAD/AP

Green Card Approved July 11, 2014 Approved, no interview. Went to card production.

Green Card received July 17, 2014 GC received without interview

Removal of Conditions

Mailed I-751 Dec 16, 2015 Submitted ROC (removal of conditions)

Received Dec 18, 2015 USPS notification of successful delivery

Check Cashed Dec 21, 2015 Check was cashed

NOA-1 Issued Dec 21, 2015 NOA-1 for ROC issued

NOA-1 Issued Dec 26, 2015 NOA-1 Received

Biometrics Appt. Jan 29, 2016 Biometrics Appointment Scheduled [Completed]

 

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On 2/14/2017 at 1:52 PM, minions2 said:

I am going to divorce him and get child support and alimony

Though your answer is very simplistic and will get to the outcome it's not necessary the best path. BTW I agree with your logic but the path of getting there is the difficult part especially if you want to rake this guy over the coals. 

 

She would want him to divorce her so in the future if she wants to remarry she can. Second is the income. He's bound to her and the US Government for 10 years. Then it's about what she wants to do, stay in USA or return to the Philippines.  So many factors she needs to consider and as little or no knowledge about therefore a good attorney would help her out and she could get him to pay for her lawyer.

 

Thanks for your insight. ;)

Spoiler

Adjustment of Status

AOS March 5, 2014 Submitted AOS with EAD/AP package to Chicago USICS

Delivered March 8, 2014 AOS packaged delivered to USCIS drop box

Accepted March 19, 2014 Text message with receipt numbers

Biometrics April 16, 2014 Biometrics completed

EAD May 23, 2014 Employment Authorization Document approved and went to card production

TD May 23, 2014 Travel Document approved and went for card production

Receipt EAD/AP May 30, 2014 Received combo card EAD/AP

Green Card Approved July 11, 2014 Approved, no interview. Went to card production.

Green Card received July 17, 2014 GC received without interview

Removal of Conditions

Mailed I-751 Dec 16, 2015 Submitted ROC (removal of conditions)

Received Dec 18, 2015 USPS notification of successful delivery

Check Cashed Dec 21, 2015 Check was cashed

NOA-1 Issued Dec 21, 2015 NOA-1 for ROC issued

NOA-1 Issued Dec 26, 2015 NOA-1 Received

Biometrics Appt. Jan 29, 2016 Biometrics Appointment Scheduled [Completed]

 

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