You are Pinay ... What do you do in this marriage?

[SoCalMark 49]

Fil-Am marriage I know has been together for six years, they have two small girls together. They are both in their 30's so the age difference isn't a problem. They have been arguing for the last couple years over pretty much everything and he is a cheap miser when it comes to money for his wife and the kids. She has an issue with being violent during those arguments and has had the police to their house for it. The pinay wife gets pregnant and in her last trimester this kano decides he wants a relationship with another pinay and sneaks a trip to visit his new Filipina girlfriend in the Philippines. In the meantime the wife gives birth to a third daughter. Husband refuses to leave the other pinay and pretty much wants his cake and to eat it too. He takes a second trip to see the mistress without his wife knowing. Oh, and the pinay in the Philippines knows he has a wife.

If you are the Filipina and you have no job, no family here and no income --- do you cut your loses and leave him or do you just let him have the mistress? She could go back to Philippines too if she wanted to but she doesn't want to leave the kids. What is your prospective as a Filipina on this?

[Ben&Zian 4,398]

Just common sense says she needs to divorce and cut her losses since he does not seem to be invested anymore. No point in dragging it out.... Where she decides to be is up to her.

[geowrian 22,337]

I can't speak for anybody else, but if I was in that situation then I would cut the losses. There's no point remaining in a marriage where there's no trust, let alone abuse and cheating.

[MXcompadre 75]

Consider having your friend document each date specific incident of domestic spousal abuse, then search for a pro-bono lawyer to assist her in preparing her divorce case and filing with an equitable alimony or lump-sum cash settlement divorce.    

[caliliving 606]

tbh maybe she has a good life with him? does he have a well paying job?  if she is financially dependent on him this is a hard decision.  does he want to marry the other mistress and bring her here instead?

i know this is the unpopular opinion, but lots of men do have mistresses on the side.  if her life is good with him and if she left him she has no job in the usa, no support i think this is a hard decision. 

truthfully, if her life is much better here with him maybe i would just put up with it lol 

[geowrian 22,337]

5 minutes ago, caliliving said:

tbh maybe she has a good life with him? does he have a well paying job?  if she is financially dependent on him this is a hard decision.  does he want to marry the other mistress and bring her here instead?

i know this is the unpopular opinion, but lots of men do have mistresses on the side.  if her life is good with him and if she left him she has no job in the usa, no support i think this is a hard decision. 

truthfully, if her life is much better here with him maybe i would just put up with it lol 

Nobody should ever put up with violence.

[caliliving 606]

1 minute ago, geowrian said:

Nobody should ever put up with violence.

i agree! but there are always 2 sides to every story and this is a third person account.. so i am not sure we even know what is really going on? 

[Hank_ 9,174]

56 minutes ago, geowrian said:

Nobody should ever put up with violence.

 

Agreed..  SHE is the violent one.    (according to the story.)

[MsCompE 50]

8 hours ago, SoCalMark said:

If you are the Filipina and you have no job, no family here and no income --- do you cut your loses and leave him or do you just let him have the mistress? She could go back to Philippines too if she wanted to but she doesn't want to leave the kids. What is your prospective as a Filipina on this?

Filipinos are known for it's close family ties. If she has to leave U.S., she wont ever leave without her kids. Single mom of 3 is crazy hard in Philippines. It will be difficult for her to place food on the table for them. Additionally, kids from single parents are known to have suffered from bullying. The least a mom would wanna do for her kids is to see them suffer. If she gets divorced and stay here with her kids, atleast she is entitled to some single mom rights. She is entitled for child support too. and wait... If she isnt a citizen yet, her former husband is still entitled to support him right (form i-864 Affidavit of Support)?  

 

Adultery is a crime on some state. Plus, Infidelity is a form of emotional abuse. (lawyer time)

 

About the no job. no family. no income. statement. Job and income are related so.

No job. She can find one. People from the third world are not picky in terms of jobs. We are used to it.

No family. Her kids are her family now. She herself is a mom and no longer a suckling kid that needs her mom.

No income. How many here in America does not have a stable income but still managed to live? The child support can pay off some bills.

 

Well that's my perspective. I could be wrong

[MsCompE 50]

To add on, if they divorced, she could be granted alimony. If they acquired the house during the marriage, she could be granted half the value of the house. If she has a good lawyer and she can prove that her violence was a result of a long-term emotional abuse, then she had a good case. Who knows, the judge may even grant her the entire house.

 

What she needs to do now, is gather all documents, gather all proofs before filing a divorce. She has rights even as an unemployed wife during divorce. 

 

If that's my situation and I don't have kids, then I don't mind going back to Philippines. But having kids, it's a complete different story. 

[Greenbaum 12,259]

She needs a family lawyer who can sort through all of this, giving her the best options.

[minions2 24]

I am going to divorce him and get child support and alimony

[Greenbaum 12,259]

On 2/14/2017 at 1:52 PM, minions2 said:

I am going to divorce him and get child support and alimony

Though your answer is very simplistic and will get to the outcome it's not necessary the best path. BTW I agree with your logic but the path of getting there is the difficult part especially if you want to rake this guy over the coals. 

 

She would want him to divorce her so in the future if she wants to remarry she can. Second is the income. He's bound to her and the US Government for 10 years. Then it's about what she wants to do, stay in USA or return to the Philippines.  So many factors she needs to consider and as little or no knowledge about therefore a good attorney would help her out and she could get him to pay for her lawyer.

 

Thanks for your insight.