Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 4)

[Shemmy 4]

Hey Shemonya, have you guys ever been to the Jerk Pit in College Park ?? We went there today....it was AWESOME!!! It's only about 25 min from our place. We met up with one of my clients out that way today and it was right around the corner. Thank god it's not closer, we'd go broke !!!

Nope but I heard it was good. There's a Jerk Hill somewhere in that area too.

[JaEnglishGirl 34]

I am so sorry things are not working out. What the heck is wrong with these men??? How quickly they forget where they come from! I am here for you....

Could you clarify this??

[JaEnglishGirl 34]

well ladies i think the end has finally come....mike won't change his ways and when we were fighting this morning he asked me if i was going to call immigration to cancel his AOS and i said i thought about it...he said wow i see it clearly i better start acting right so i can get my green card....and i just let him go at that because that is all i needed to hear to basically confirm what i have been thinking for a month....not sure where to go from here or what i am going to do but it really sucks....

JAX best of luck to you!!

Nanygirl, I am really sorry to hear how this has panned out....You deserve so much more....I applaud the fact you stayed calm, because if I was in your situation, he would be on the street in two seconds flat......The say women's intuition is never wrong.....

[JaEnglishGirl 34]

Hey Everyone,

I have decided to delete my VJ account today due to some issues from another thread. I strongly believe that some people on this site are very disrespectful and take pleasure in making others feel stupid. This is supposed to be an informational site and no one should feel stupid or be-littled (sp?) in any way. It really upsets me the way posts are being replied to and even when I first joined VJ, I was a little shocked at the way my posts were being answered. I don't like being disrespected, nor do I like to watch others being disrespected. I clearly indicated this in the thread "Do You Treat People The Same As Online" (Off Topic Form) and apparently someone took my comments as well as others as threatening.

So I hope everyone has the speediest approvals, I hope all marriages work out, I hope all babies are born healthy (hopefully we are all carrying one) and if you are pregnant I hope you wear a bikini on the beach because our big bellies are adorable! Maybe I will catch you all in JA someday. If do you want to get in touch with me, my email is: jlenoir2003@yahoo.com or lenoirjb@alverno.edu. I check my emails daily. Thanks for all the support, you guys were very helpful.

Mrs. Jones

Just sent you email.

I've just gone and read the thread, and I don't actually think Captain Ewok was referencing YOU, think it was the other person 'I adore' or whatever their name was.

[rhondapayter 0]

I feel 'ya on more paperwork. Damien's GC expires April 2008.....ours took so long due to the security clearance process. I believe there's a few people between us...maybe Jamie or Julie....can't remember.

Good morning VJ family.

Yeah, you've got some time still Tony's expires August 2007.

[rhondapayter 0]

Isn't there an alien number on the NOA2? I thought so, but maybe I'm wrong.

Yes, I think there is. Good thinking

[rhondapayter 0]

So...he said that he came to America with so many expectations of how "foreign" was.....primarily based on what he heard or saw through television....even though I had gone over things a million times with him before he arrived, he says that once he arrived, he finally realized that everything was so different.....poverty to some degree was actually worse in America....our econony requires them to work three times harder than they ever worked back in Jamaica, everything is "on-hold" waiting for our crazy government to push the approved button......as a man, he felt helpless and unable to provide, eveything in the house was "mine" and he did not feel anything was "his home", he was homesick, missed his kids, missed his family, he was starting his life all over in a place where he knows nobody but me and has very little to offer me. This can make any man feel worthless and depressed...they kill their free time by doing studid stuff on the internet, sleeping, eating and basically being depressed while we go on and live our life as usual.....

Yes Very well stated Kim. I've said it over and over again - the FIRST year is the absolute worst. Once they can get a job and start driving and regain some of their independance, it does get better. You really do have to pick your battles.

Just last weekend I woke up and our entire front lawn was all tore up It looked like someone had chopped up the grass into small clumps and just left them lying there. It turns out, Tony took it upon himself to decide that we needed a new front lawn So he chopped up all the grass. Now, he never even bothered to ask me about any of this. I started to get mad and then he said, It's my house too right??? I shut right up. We've fought way too many times because I feel the need to make all the decisions around the house. He used to do landscaping so he can lay the new sod by himself. It will only cost us whatever the sod costs. No labor costs. So I just shook my head and left it alone

[EBONY_SEAN 1]

Hey VJ Family!!!

I hope all the mommies to be feeling are begininng to feel a little better today

Jax best wishes with your interview tomorrow

To the rest of the Yardies.... Wha gwaan??

Thanks Sonshyne How is your Jamaican adjusting to life in the U.S.? What are his first impressions?

He is doing ok... He likes it here, it think I'm more worried about the adjustment then he is...he cut the lawn on Sunday with no shoes on when he finshed, his feet were soooo green

that is great news at least he keeping busy.

[EBONY_SEAN 1]

well ladies i think the end has finally come....mike won't change his ways and when we were fighting this morning he asked me if i was going to call immigration to cancel his AOS and i said i thought about it...he said wow i see it clearly i better start acting right so i can get my green card....and i just let him go at that because that is all i needed to hear to basically confirm what i have been thinking for a month....not sure where to go from here or what i am going to do but it really sucks....

JAX best of luck to you!!

dammit i hate reading this kid of post. all we do and then they got the nerve to just be deceiving. does it really die that fast? hang in there girl we praying..

[rhondapayter 0]

Jax

Where are you girl?? Don't leave us hanging!!!

[EBONY_SEAN 1]

jlvr....You might consider rescheduling your trip next month to the actually date of interview. It is far better to actually attend the interview. In our case, they asked me most of the questions. Plus, the nerves are so crazy that he really need you at the interview to support him. Just my opinion.......

Shauna-Call me girl......I think the adjustment for many of these men is really hard and they begin to act up . Duane and I had a LONGGGGG talk last night...(considering the fact that we are both stressed about me possibly being pregnant) and he gave me a wonderful view into how he is actually feeling....so let me summarize for everyone so that each of us can learn something (especially for those of you that are in the stages of K-1 still:

So...he said that he came to America with so many expectations of how "foreign" was.....primarily based on what he heard or saw through television....even though I had gone over things a million times with him before he arrived, he says that once he arrived, he finally realized that everything was so different.....poverty to some degree was actually worse in America....our econony requires them to work three times harder than they ever worked back in Jamaica, everything is "on-hold" waiting for our crazy government to push the approved button......as a man, he felt helpless and unable to provide, eveything in the house was "mine" and he did not feel anything was "his home", he was homesick, missed his kids, missed his family, he was starting his life all over in a place where he knows nobody but me and has very little to offer me. This can make any man feel worthless and depressed...they kill their free time by doing studid stuff on the internet, sleeping, eating and basically being depressed while we go on and live our life as usual.....

Sooo....now after 10 months of being in this Country, he has finally started to understand my point of view. Our marriage is the main focus, making money to provide for us as a family and trying to save for all the good things like vacations, "new toys" and having good Christian values. He said that it has taken him months to finally get it....He realizes that the adjustment for both of us has been hard and he has acted extremely selfish at times because he only saw the impact that everything was having on him and NOT me........For the most part, we ALL would be kidding ourselves to think that these men did not see any opportunity in coming to America. There is more opportunity here than in Jamaica but for most of them.....this was not their primary goal or reason for coming...They did fall in love with us and most of these men truly do LOVE us and...they really want it to work out. They just do not know how to make it work in the beginning and it takes an incredibly amount of time, patience and energy......Now. some of you may not have had any of these adjustment problems and I admire you....I KNOW for a fact that Duane loves me to death and we have had some really tough times with this adjustment....this is HARD WORK......

So Miss Shauna.......ONLY YOU know how Mike truly feels about you and maybe you need to step back and really get in touch with those feelings. If you think this can be saved, hang tough......it does get better with time.....Duane has really worked hard to adjust and I would have kicked myself in the butt if I let him leave 4 months ago when I packed his SH.....ITTTT....So...hang in there girl.....

Kim..............EVERYTHING you had said is RIGHT ON THE MONEY, at least in "my/our" experience !!!!! Craig was bee-atching today about not having a job, not having money, not feeling like a man because HE can't help and WAA-LAA a call came in from a temp agency for him to work tomorrow and then another came in to start working at a hotel on Tuesday!!!! Craig does now (finally) help out around the house with dishes, laundry and making the bed.....it's a start.

I know that Craig loves me as well, we are both very much commited to each other. We "get into it" differently now. Those women days are gone and he FINALLY realizes that STUPID S**T will NOT get him anywhere but BACK to Jamaica. He did it ONLY for "the money"....whatever. His priorities have TOTALLY changed, for the better. Our relationship and the relationship he has with my son is SOOO much better.

Craig has been...this month will be 11 months !

Hey Shemonya, have you guys ever been to the Jerk Pit in College Park ?? We went there today....it was AWESOME!!! It's only about 25 min from our place. We met up with one of my clients out that way today and it was right around the corner. Thank god it's not closer, we'd go broke !!!

Shauna..........girl, I'm here for ya. He just needs a good ole butt -whoopin !!!

hey this is a suggestion....have any of who are having some marriagee problems ever thought about letting one man speak to another like maybe the guy who was felling messed up in the beginning with adjusting can speak to the one who is struggling now.

[JaEnglishGirl 34]

hey this is a suggestion....have any of who are having some marriagee problems ever thought about letting one man speak to another like maybe the guy who was felling messed up in the beginning with adjusting can speak to the one who is struggling now.

Sound like a good idea, but some men hate their 'business' being discussed outside!!

But might be an idea maybe to say to him 'oh I know this other couple where the guy is from Jamaica, why don't you call him and ask him for tips on living abroad?'

[darlene 0]

I am so sorry things are not working out. What the heck is wrong with these men??? How quickly they forget where they come from! I am here for you....

Could you clarify this??

What is it that you do not understand this statement?

[Sonshyne 2]

well ladies i think the end has finally come....mike won't change his ways and when we were fighting this morning he asked me if i was going to call immigration to cancel his AOS and i said i thought about it...he said wow i see it clearly i better start acting right so i can get my green card....and i just let him go at that because that is all i needed to hear to basically confirm what i have been thinking for a month....not sure where to go from here or what i am going to do but it really sucks....

JAX best of luck to you!!

Sorry to hear this

[Shemmy 4]

I am so sorry things are not working out. What the heck is wrong with these men??? How quickly they forget where they come from! I am here for you....

Could you clarify this??

I was wondering the same thing....