Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 4)

[girliegirl 0]

Hi guys, I have lurked for awhile and have always appreciated everyone's viewpoint even when things got heated. I never joined in though, because my journey was over before it began. However, classychic's questions have prompted me to ask about something that has always bothered me greatly. I know no one can tell me for sure what another person is thinking, but I would be curious to hear your thoughts.

What would you say about a jamaican guy who for all intents and purposes is showing lots of red flags and the classic signs of my being used -- all the asking for stuff and money and excuses for why he needed stuff, and yet he has a tattoo of your name? Isn't that taking it a little too far if it is just a game? yet the little white lies never stopped no matter how many promises were made. Sometimes the tattoo felt like emotional blackmail -- like he thought he could get away with whatever he wanted as long as he had that to "prove" his love was real. I just can't imagine why he would do such a thing if he didn't feel something and yet he just wouldn't change his ways...

[Captain Ewok 1,872]

Hi all-

I am trying to speed up some things on the server and when threads get this long they can stress things a little behind the scenes. When possible can someone recreate this thread (put a link to the new thread in this thread please) and PM me? I will close this thread and new posts will go in the other.

Thanks for the help!

Oh yeah I will pin the new thread and keep this one pinned for a short while as well .

[JaEnglishGirl 34]

Hi guys, I have lurked for awhile and have always appreciated everyone's viewpoint even when things got heated. I never joined in though, because my journey was over before it began. However, classychic's questions have prompted me to ask about something that has always bothered me greatly. I know no one can tell me for sure what another person is thinking, but I would be curious to hear your thoughts.

What would you say about a jamaican guy who for all intents and purposes is showing lots of red flags and the classic signs of my being used -- all the asking for stuff and money and excuses for why he needed stuff, and yet he has a tattoo of your name? Isn't that taking it a little too far if it is just a game? yet the little white lies never stopped no matter how many promises were made. Sometimes the tattoo felt like emotional blackmail -- like he thought he could get away with whatever he wanted as long as he had that to "prove" his love was real. I just can't imagine why he would do such a thing if he didn't feel something and yet he just wouldn't change his ways...

Welcome

Sorry to hear about your too short journey.

I agree with your gut feeling that he did what he felt he needed to do to 'prove' and then took advantage of that.

Ie, how could you break with someone who got your name tattoed on them. It must have taken a lot to come to that decision, but I am glad you were able to and were strong enough...

As for why he would do it, depending on the situation, what WOULDN'T someone do who thinks this is the only way out for them?

The chance for a life that they could never have in Jamaica...all for the price of a tattoo...Who wouldn't?

[*JG* 2]

Hi guys, I have lurked for awhile and have always appreciated everyone's viewpoint even when things got heated. I never joined in though, because my journey was over before it began. However, classychic's questions have prompted me to ask about something that has always bothered me greatly. I know no one can tell me for sure what another person is thinking, but I would be curious to hear your thoughts.

What would you say about a jamaican guy who for all intents and purposes is showing lots of red flags and the classic signs of my being used -- all the asking for stuff and money and excuses for why he needed stuff, and yet he has a tattoo of your name? Isn't that taking it a little too far if it is just a game? yet the little white lies never stopped no matter how many promises were made. Sometimes the tattoo felt like emotional blackmail -- like he thought he could get away with whatever he wanted as long as he had that to "prove" his love was real. I just can't imagine why he would do such a thing if he didn't feel something and yet he just wouldn't change his ways...

Welcome

Sorry to hear about your too short journey.

I agree with your gut feeling that he did what he felt he needed to do to 'prove' and then took advantage of that.

Ie, how could you break with someone who got your name tattoed on them. It must have taken a lot to come to that decision, but I am glad you were able to and were strong enough...

As for why he would do it, depending on the situation, what WOULDN'T someone do who thinks this is the only way out for them?

The chance for a life that they could never have in Jamaica...all for the price of a tattoo...Who wouldn't?

Yes, my sentiments exactly.

Hi all-

I am trying to speed up some things on the server and when threads get this long they can stress things a little behind the scenes. When possible can someone recreate this thread (put a link to the new thread in this thread please) and PM me? I will close this thread and new posts will go in the other.

Thanks for the help!

Oh yeah I will pin the new thread and keep this one pinned for a short while as well .

W...........A.............I...........T.............We bet on reaching page 700 before you did this!

[SupportOAFJF 0]

Hi guys, I have lurked for awhile and have always appreciated everyone's viewpoint even when things got heated. I never joined in though, because my journey was over before it began. However, classychic's questions have prompted me to ask about something that has always bothered me greatly. I know no one can tell me for sure what another person is thinking, but I would be curious to hear your thoughts.

What would you say about a jamaican guy who for all intents and purposes is showing lots of red flags and the classic signs of my being used -- all the asking for stuff and money and excuses for why he needed stuff, and yet he has a tattoo of your name? Isn't that taking it a little too far if it is just a game? yet the little white lies never stopped no matter how many promises were made. Sometimes the tattoo felt like emotional blackmail -- like he thought he could get away with whatever he wanted as long as he had that to "prove" his love was real. I just can't imagine why he would do such a thing if he didn't feel something and yet he just wouldn't change his ways...

hey there,

welcome....U know I don't know what to really say. Some ppl just cannot stop being creatures of their environment I believe. Some ppl will do wrong until the consequence is big enough to stop. For example..I have a friend who is madly inlove with his sons mom whom he intends on marrying, but yet he CANNOT or WILL not stop cheating..I wonder if he can control it and this behavior I see in his father, brother and some of his other relatives and friends. There is no real way to prove anything, there is no manual for long distant relationships much less local ones..none of them is a guarantee..so u HAVE TO put on ur own looking glasses and make UR decision...

Kimmy

[Yaads 0]

Hi all-

I am trying to speed up some things on the server and when threads get this long they can stress things a little behind the scenes. When possible can someone recreate this thread (put a link to the new thread in this thread please) and PM me? I will close this thread and new posts will go in the other.

Thanks for the help!

Oh yeah I will pin the new thread and keep this one pinned for a short while as well .

W...........A.............I...........T.............We bet on reaching page 700 before you did this!

We are so close...we have to get there

Edited November 20, 2007 by Yardiewife

[SupportOAFJF 0]

Hi all-

I am trying to speed up some things on the server and when threads get this long they can stress things a little behind the scenes. When possible can someone recreate this thread (put a link to the new thread in this thread please) and PM me? I will close this thread and new posts will go in the other.

Thanks for the help!

Oh yeah I will pin the new thread and keep this one pinned for a short while as well .

W...........A.............I...........T.............We bet on reaching page 700 before you did this!

We are so close...we have to get there

I'm ready lets do it

[Yaads 0]

Hi guys, I have lurked for awhile and have always appreciated everyone's viewpoint even when things got heated. I never joined in though, because my journey was over before it began. However, classychic's questions have prompted me to ask about something that has always bothered me greatly. I know no one can tell me for sure what another person is thinking, but I would be curious to hear your thoughts.

What would you say about a jamaican guy who for all intents and purposes is showing lots of red flags and the classic signs of my being used -- all the asking for stuff and money and excuses for why he needed stuff, and yet he has a tattoo of your name? Isn't that taking it a little too far if it is just a game? yet the little white lies never stopped no matter how many promises were made. Sometimes the tattoo felt like emotional blackmail -- like he thought he could get away with whatever he wanted as long as he had that to "prove" his love was real. I just can't imagine why he would do such a thing if he didn't feel something and yet he just wouldn't change his ways...

Welcome

Sorry to hear about your too short journey.

I agree with your gut feeling that he did what he felt he needed to do to 'prove' and then took advantage of that.

Ie, how could you break with someone who got your name tattoed on them. It must have taken a lot to come to that decision, but I am glad you were able to and were strong enough...

As for why he would do it, depending on the situation, what WOULDN'T someone do who thinks this is the only way out for them?

The chance for a life that they could never have in Jamaica...all for the price of a tattoo...Who wouldn't?

I agree. Sorry that your journey didn't end the way you might have hoped Some people (not just JA guys) will do ANYTHING to get to the states...anything. Lie, cheat, beg, borrow and steal. Getting a tattoo IMO was a definite way to try to keep you with him. Your example of "emotional blackmail" was right on. That is how I would have seen it as well. Some people go as far as getting married and having kids to get a greencard and ticket to America and when they get citizenship they are gone. So a tattoo is small in comparison.

[Yaads 0]

So who is gonna start the new thread?

[Shemmy 4]

A wise woman I know, with a Jamaican husband, had this to say on the subject.........

I was pretty much cautious in the beginning -- you know, all the stories you hear. I was not sure that our relationship was for real -- UNTIL -- his sister asked me for money to buy some land. He called me ahead of time and told me what was going on so I wouldn't be surprised and I was ready for her. It was at that moment that I knew he was 100% "for real."

He NEVER asked for things......I did bring him jeans, shorts & a pair of Tims.....that was MY CHOICE. And I would always leave him cash when I would leave. I don't think I could have lived with myself if I didn't do that.

He had a stinkin' job at the resort. He didn't make tips -- he did landscaping. He lived good but not great -- one room -- with a hot plate. Indoor plumbing -- but down the hall. I kinda felt awkward going on about my life with all my "luxuries" knowing that he couldn't even get a Guiness with his friends on Friday night because he had to pay his electric bill. For heaven sake -- this was the man that I was planning to live the rest of my life with.....why would it be wrong to send him something?!? BUT -- I had a lot of people who thought that was all he wanted from me and thought he was gonna dump me the first chance he got to get more $$$$ from someone else.

Yeah, I did it. I never felt like he was taking advantage -- and no, it didn't make him less of a man.

Nothing wrong with helping the one you love out. In fact, what kind of person are you if you DIDN'T and you were able to.

But the alarm bells ring when every day he needs money for this and that and has no problem taking it from you.Or he's smart and doesn't ask, but manages to let you know that he needs this and that.

Or you're coming down and his requests swamp you.

Or he wants a particular brand of phone or shoes.

Or he can't manage to pay his bills, how the hell did he support himself BEFORE he met you?

I know exactly what ur saying and I still agree

I agree as well. Damien never asked me for anything. Of course, if I could I would bring him gifts whenever I visited him in JA...nothing wrong with that. He never expected anything.

He always tells me that "I live by no woman".

[*JG* 2]

So who is gonna start the new thread?

I don't exactly know how to link them or I would.

Can you?

[Yaads 0]

I can try...

I think I know how it gets done

[*JG* 2]

I just hope we don't crash the whole site trying to get to page 700

[Yaads 0]

Ok I started it at this link...Part 5 of the Yardie thread!

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=97038

We just won't tell Ewok til we reach 700 pages

Edited November 20, 2007 by Yardiewife

[Yaads 0]

Ok now you all just stopped chatting...we will never reach 700 this way