Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 4)

[*JG* 2]

I wish it wasn't so late and you guys were here. I need to vent, cry, scream, or something! The tears are flowin and won't fricken stop. Things have not been good between the SO and I. I broke up with him (or at least tried to but he wasn't haven that) on Halloween and was trying to lie to myself that I was at peace with my decision but as I now see I'm not. We've talked alot and its only making my decision harder. UGHHHH! I just don't know. I know I love him but I got scared, I saw some red flags and decided to bail before I could get hurt. I started to question his intentions (not really because of anything he did but because of stories I've heard and fear) and pull away from him which only made things worse between us because he thought I had another man. There was one night that I had gone over to my girlfriends house with a few other girls (mind you I NEVER go out) and he got angry and told me to go home, well I wasn't gonna take that so I went off and told him he wasn't my father, blah, blah, blah, and how I never tell him that when he goes out. I always tell him to have a good time and call me when he reaches home. I wish relationships were simple. I have so many trust issues from my last relationship that I see myself treating him badly for things another man did. I was single for a year before we met and I really thought I had resolved my issues. HIm being far away sucks even though I've been using my time to be with friends and my kids. I'm stressed out at home raising 2 kids on my own, things are really tough financially right now. The high phone bills and thought of all the $ we'll spend on the visa proccess have me stressed out. His birthday just passed and I completely blew him off, and all because I couldn't give him anything for his birthday. And like he told me if I would have just spoke to him he could have understood. He's only asked for things a few times and I've explained each and every time how hard things are for me financially. I don't want to lose him if his love is for real and I know no one can give me that guarantee that only time will tell. I'll just continue to pray and hopefully follow the correct path. Okay thank for listening while I put all our business out there (boy he'd kill me if he saw this) but.... I know you guys are great and will give me honest feedback wether its what I want to hear or not! u guys!!!!

I'm glad you get comfort here....

I must admit I think you've made the right decision, the tough part being sticking with it.

I see you say 'he only asked for things a few times'.

That would be a BANNER sized flag...

In my experience, the only men who ask for things aren't genuine. Most Jamaican men I know would cut of their right hand before asking for things.

That includes hinting they want things.

I don't know your situation, but based on that statement, I honestly think you've already made the right choice.

I beg to differ about your feeling that "the only men who ask for things aren't genuine" comment. If that becomes the main gist of the relationship then yes I would say he isn't in the relationship for the correct reason....BUT....I don't think it is fair to make that blanket of a statement when there are so many more peices to the puzzle that we aren't aware of. Bottom line.....take your time..be on JA time...no worries....everything will come out if there is anything to come out!

Yah, I would agree with you Jamerican on this.

[Yaads 0]

Good Morning!

I wish it wasn't so late and you guys were here. I need to vent, cry, scream, or something! The tears are flowin and won't fricken stop. Things have not been good between the SO and I. I broke up with him (or at least tried to but he wasn't haven that) on Halloween and was trying to lie to myself that I was at peace with my decision but as I now see I'm not. We've talked alot and its only making my decision harder. UGHHHH! I just don't know. I know I love him but I got scared, I saw some red flags and decided to bail before I could get hurt. I started to question his intentions (not really because of anything he did but because of stories I've heard and fear) and pull away from him which only made things worse between us because he thought I had another man. There was one night that I had gone over to my girlfriends house with a few other girls (mind you I NEVER go out) and he got angry and told me to go home, well I wasn't gonna take that so I went off and told him he wasn't my father, blah, blah, blah, and how I never tell him that when he goes out. I always tell him to have a good time and call me when he reaches home. I wish relationships were simple. I have so many trust issues from my last relationship that I see myself treating him badly for things another man did. I was single for a year before we met and I really thought I had resolved my issues. HIm being far away sucks even though I've been using my time to be with friends and my kids. I'm stressed out at home raising 2 kids on my own, things are really tough financially right now. The high phone bills and thought of all the $ we'll spend on the visa proccess have me stressed out. His birthday just passed and I completely blew him off, and all because I couldn't give him anything for his birthday. And like he told me if I would have just spoke to him he could have understood. He's only asked for things a few times and I've explained each and every time how hard things are for me financially. I don't want to lose him if his love is for real and I know no one can give me that guarantee that only time will tell. I'll just continue to pray and hopefully follow the correct path. Okay thank for listening while I put all our business out there (boy he'd kill me if he saw this) but.... I know you guys are great and will give me honest feedback wether its what I want to hear or not! u guys!!!!

(((BIG HUGS)))

Sorry you are going through such a rough time

[rhondapayter 0]

Hey Rhonda,

So, your almost there huh? When's your due date? Maybe we can git another Saggi baby out of the thread!! I'm hoping Jonesie's likkle guy can stay put at least til Friday! To make him an official Saggitarius (? it's my sign, but I can never spell it correctly ) Hang in there Chica...Baby soon come!!

P.S. Yuh should try 'washing the Baby head' regularly in a few weeks!! (when you are in the 2 week safe zone)That should give you a jump start!

My official due date is December 16 - one day after Jonesie's! This Sunday I'll be at 37 weeks - that's considered full term as far as my doctors concerned.

at "washing the baby's head"!! Hubby will like that part of the pregnancy

[rhondapayter 0]

If you HONESTLY want baby out, massage the webbing between your thumb and finger, and also the groove on the inside of your foot just above the fleshy part of your heel.....Can't say that's DEFINITELY why I went into labour, but it was the night before

Yeah, the girl who does my massages said the same thing. She's going to try to work on those areas next time I go (Dec. 3) if I haven't gone into labor yet. I've been spoiling myself with one each month these last few months of pregnancy

[JaEnglishGirl 34]

I beg to differ about your feeling that "the only men who ask for things aren't genuine" comment. If that becomes the main gist of the relationship then yes I would say he isn't in the relationship for the correct reason....BUT....I don't think it is fair to make that blanket of a statement when there are so many more peices to the puzzle that we aren't aware of. Bottom line.....take your time..be on JA time...no worries....everything will come out if there is anything to come out!

Hope you don't take this the wrong way, but have you ever been in a relationship with a GENUINE Jamaican guy??

Jomo, JA Tam, Kimmy, SBJ, I have a question.

Did your husbands ask you for stuff when they were in Jamaica?

[rhondapayter 0]

I know I love him but I got scared, I saw some red flags and decided to bail before I could get hurt. I started to question his intentions (not really because of anything he did but because of stories I've heard and fear) and pull away from him which only made things worse between us because he thought I had another man.

I had many doubts back in the dating stage of our relationship too. It's very difficult to carry-on a long distance relationship no matter how strong you are. I had also had bad relationships in my past and had been cheated on, so I was really, really paranoid (still am sometimes ). However, when I really thought about it, I could not imagine my life without Tony in it. He was the first person I wanted to call when I had good news. The first person I wanted to call when I needed a shoulder to cry on. The first person to call when I wanted advice or to share something funny, or to ###### about work, or poke fun at a co-worker.... The point is, I couldn't imagine my life without him in it. I decided I had to go through with the Visa process or I would wonder for the rest of my life "what if"? Was he really "the one" and I blew him off just because he lived so far away or I was scared? What's the worst thing that can happen? We won't be compatible and we'll part ways. I even booked him a round trip ticket sending him back to Jamaica on day #91 in case I decided after 90 days that it just wouldn't work That was like my security blanket that saved my sanity a few times when I had doubts. Like a 90 day trial run. Needless to day, we got married after about 65 days and he never used his return ticket! Yes, the first year was very rough, but I'm so happy we worked through things and we're still together almost 3 years later.

I hope this helps you figure things out It's just my personal journey.

[rhondapayter 0]

Do I trust Ken 100%...no...but I tell him that and he knows that I have a ton of prior baggage, but I pray with time, I'll get there. But I do trust him more than I have trusted any man.

That sounds just like me

[*JG* 2]

I beg to differ about your feeling that "the only men who ask for things aren't genuine" comment. If that becomes the main gist of the relationship then yes I would say he isn't in the relationship for the correct reason....BUT....I don't think it is fair to make that blanket of a statement when there are so many more peices to the puzzle that we aren't aware of. Bottom line.....take your time..be on JA time...no worries....everything will come out if there is anything to come out!

Hope you don't take this the wrong way, but have you ever been in a relationship with a GENUINE Jamaican guy??

Jomo, JA Tam, Kimmy, SBJ, I have a question.

Did your husbands ask you for stuff when they were in Jamaica?

Yes, a few times. And most of it was for the family. Which is why I agreed with her post. Because of my own experiences.

[rhondapayter 0]

I see you say 'he only asked for things a few times'.

That would be a BANNER sized flag...

In my experience, the only men who ask for things aren't genuine. Most Jamaican men I know would cut of their right hand before asking for things.

That includes hinting they want things.

I don't know your situation, but based on that statement, I honestly think you've already made the right choice.

I'm going to agree to DISAGREE with you on this one. I think it all depends on the situation. He could be asking for something that's hard to come by in JA. Or asking for some help with the Visa process (money for passport, etc.). Or even asking for something special for his birthday. You never know.

[JaEnglishGirl 34]

I'm going to agree to DISAGREE with you on this one. I think it all depends on the situation. He could be asking for something that's hard to come by in JA. Or asking for some help with the Visa process (money for passport, etc.). Or even asking for something special for his birthday. You never know.

For family doesn't count in my book.....

Again, neither does stuff that's essential, ie money for the visa process....

Something special for his birthday?? Hell no!!

Unless I said 'What would you like for your birthday?'

But IN MY OPINION, if it's like "I need money for rent", "Can you send me some Nikes", I'd lay money on the relationship being based on what he can get.

[*JG* 2]

I see you say 'he only asked for things a few times'.

That would be a BANNER sized flag...

In my experience, the only men who ask for things aren't genuine. Most Jamaican men I know would cut of their right hand before asking for things.

That includes hinting they want things.

I don't know your situation, but based on that statement, I honestly think you've already made the right choice.

I'm going to agree to DISAGREE with you on this one. I think it all depends on the situation. He could be asking for something that's hard to come by in JA. Or asking for some help with the Visa process (money for passport, etc.). Or even asking for something special for his birthday. You never know.

Visa process paperwork was a valid reasons. Sometimes utilities are shut off and need to be back on.

Depends on the situation is a good description.

Now, computers, the latest styles in clothing, new phones, Timberlands...........those are not valid reasons in my book and would raise my red flag.

[*JG* 2]

I'm going to agree to DISAGREE with you on this one. I think it all depends on the situation. He could be asking for something that's hard to come by in JA. Or asking for some help with the Visa process (money for passport, etc.). Or even asking for something special for his birthday. You never know.

For family doesn't count in my book.....

Again, neither does stuff that's essential, ie money for the visa process....

Something special for his birthday?? Hell no!!

Unless I said 'What would you like for your birthday?'

But IN MY OPINION, if it's like "I need money for rent", "Can you send me some Nikes", I'd lay money on the relationship being based on what he can get.

Oh, yes, family does count.....I once knew a guy that would talk to you and then put his mom on the phone to cry about needing money for the "stove she was renting", taxi fare to get to her Sangster job from Duncans, long skirts....everything under the sun. If he allows his mom to attempt to play you, he's a user as well.

[Yaads 0]

I'm going to agree to DISAGREE with you on this one. I think it all depends on the situation. He could be asking for something that's hard to come by in JA. Or asking for some help with the Visa process (money for passport, etc.). Or even asking for something special for his birthday. You never know.

For family doesn't count in my book.....

Again, neither does stuff that's essential, ie money for the visa process....

Something special for his birthday?? Hell no!!

Unless I said 'What would you like for your birthday?'

But IN MY OPINION, if it's like "I need money for rent", "Can you send me some Nikes", I'd lay money on the relationship being based on what he can get.

I agree with that. There is a big difference in helping with money for the visa process and "I want a new camera phone or pair of Timberlands" I would be very concerned if I was always being asked for stuff.

There is a big difference between wants and needs.

Edited November 20, 2007 by Yardiewife

[brownnskinn 0]

Good Morning!

Sorry you are going through such a rough time

Ditto

[SupportOAFJF 0]

No English hubby never asked for anything..I would offer something and he was still hesitant to accept..so that's why I agree